I originally posted this elsewhere under the name Y2Gunge, although those are now gone.

Reposting here as it'll probably last a bit longer.

Everyone's a loser S01E01

The TV show started with a strange introduction, full of question marks foods and god awful wacky music. The title of the show Everyone's a loser flashed up at the end of the intro and then the scene changed to show an empty stage in front of a studio audience. The audience started clapping and cheering as a perky host with blue hair bounced onto the stage wearing a simple white tank top and blue jeans combination.
"Hello and welcome to a brand-new gameshow Everyone's a Loser and I'm your Host Heidi McHostface, with a name like that lucky I got a job as a TV host isn't it? Well it's not really a coincidence as I had to legally change my name as part of the contact for presenting this show. If you're thinking the producers can't be that mean, then you're in for a surprise tonight!"
"I have 4 lovely ladies to play this game tonight, all of who will be losers to varying extent, but they'll at least get some consolation prizes, how else do you think we got them to play?"
"4th place gets £500. 3rd place gets £1,000 and a trip to Paris, 2nd gets £2,000 and a trip to Prague with 3 friends (maybe they'll choose the other girls tonight, I don't think they'll want to take me), all booze paid for. And finally, our grand winner gets £10,000 plus an all-expenses paid cruise around the world, but let me tell you, they will have to earn it!!"
"Now here come our girls Scarlett, Candy, Lola and Stephanie! Give them all a massive round of applause" 4 very nervous looking girls walked on stage, all wearing smart work clothes, a shirt and a skirt waving at the audience. The audience clapped and cheered!
"You can all see for yourself how beautiful the girls are so I won't describe them, but for those watching in black and white Scarlett has red hair, Candy has blonde hair, Lola has brown hair and Stephanie has Black hair."
"Now it's time to go to our first round" exclaimed Heidi and the title of the first round popped up on screen.

Round 1 The Baked bean bath of doom
"Now the rules for all these games are simple." Heidi informed the studio audience and those watching at home. "Each round one of the girls is eliminated and must go through a very messy forfeit for losing. In this round the girl who loses will have to endure a baked bean bath but a reminder, they will walk away with £500!"
"Now we don't want the girls get cold feet, so we've strapped them in" explained Heidi. Indeed all 4 girls were sat in separate baths with their arms handcuffed to the handles and their legs strapped in at their ankles. They could move about a bit but not too much.
"We've got quite a lot of beans today, 5 buckets filled to the brim with horrible baked beans for each of the girls, and because I didn't want to feel left out, 5 for me. That's 25 buckets for those at home,. Quick Math!" explained Heidi.
"Now the question we asked our girls before was how many beans are in an average rin of baked beans? The furthest away is of course the loser of this round!"
"Now Scarlett guessed 400, Candy went for 600, Lola went with 350 and Stephanie went for 500."
"The correct answer is" Heidi paused "According to what I googled this morning" Heidi paused again to build tension "465!" Heidi paused once more as the girls were all frantically doing the Maths in their head. "I'll stop you right there, Candy has lost".
Candy looked very nervous, realising she had lost. Stagehands came on and released the restraints and handcuffs on the other girls. Lola rubbed her wrists as she climbed out of her bath.
"Do you like baked beans Candy?" asked Heidi
"Not really, no!" said Candy sadly.
"Then you're really not going to like this!" taunted Heidi. "Right, because this is a new game show and you're new to this I'm going to show you how to do it" said Heidi gesturing to the other girls as she picked up the first bucket. She held it over Candy's head for what seemed like an eternity to Cabdy then slowly poured it over head, face and hair. Candy wriggled around in her bath trying to get away, but she was locked in and secured. "See how I did that?" Heidi said to the other girls "once again" she picked up another bucket and did the same thing again, Candy shook in frustration and shook her head as the beans went over. 2 buckets down and she didn't know how she'd manage 23 more.
"How is it Candy?" Heidi asked.
"Well I think it's--" Candy started until Heidi evilly unleashed another bucket on her head, Candy got a mouthful of beans as she did this. Candy did not make this mistake again. Heidi tried asking Candy a couple of times how she was doing but didn't get a response for her final 3 buckets.
"Right who wants to go next?" Heidi asked the other three girls. None of them wanted to inflict more punishment on poor Candy. "If you don't do it then Candy doesn't get her 4thplace prize! 500 big ones!" This worried Candy immensely. "How do you like that Candy?"
"Please one of you pour beans on me, I don't want to have to go through this for nothing!" pleaded Candy. Reluctantly Stephanie grabbed a couple of buckets and started pouring over Candy's legs and body. She did it quite fast to get it out of the way.
"Next!" barked Heidi "And this time I want slower and over the head, or else!"
The next one to grab her 5 buckets was Scarlett. Her buckets were a bit slower and all over Candys head. Candy had long since scrunched up her eyes so she couldn't see the buckets coming and let out a small squeal as each one went over her. Her clothes were now absolutely saturated, and her hair had gone bright orange with beans slowly dripping down all over her body.
Lola was the last of the contestants to pour her 5 buckets, she did them at about the same pace as Scarlett and said "I'm sorry" as she poured each one over Candy's once blonde hair which was now also stuck to the side of her head.
"I think I've got my sums wrong as there are still 5 buckets left Candy! These literally have your name them!" said Heidi "Now I could stop now, and you'd walk away with nothing or would you like me to finish the job?"
"Finish the job" sighed Candy dejectedly.
Heidi poured the last buckets of beans over Candy's head. She did it as slowly as possible and even scooped out beans with her hands to make sure they all came out and patted Candy on the head with them and wuped them into her face.
By the time the 25th bucket went over Candy she was truly a bit miserable. The bath was getting quite full as well.
"Well didn't Candy take that well?!" yelled Heidi to the audience and cheers went up. "But because she is a loser I think she should have to think about what she's done and sit in her bath for the rest of the show!" Candy shook her head furiously, but cheers went up again. "Sorry Candy, the mob has spoken!" Candy was left in the bath, clothes and hair completely soaked in bean juice and smelling. The heat of the studio lights did not help the smell at all but at least kept everything warm. Her eyes and face were at least wiped so she could see what was going on.

Round 2 Breakfast round
"Welcome to round 2 everyone, as you can see, we've got our girls in place!" The three girls who had made it to round 2 were strapped to St. Andrew's crosses, giant X's if you haven't seen them before. They were secured by the wrist and the ankles. They were not going anywhere once more.
"You saw how bad the punishment was for losing the first round was, I think this round's punishment is worse". The camera quickly flashed over to Candy, still in her bean bath looking glum, she flashed some thumbs down signs at the camera.
"Does that make you ladies nervous?" she asked. Stephanie and Lola shook their heads, but Scarlett said definitely "No!" "Oooh, some spunk, I like that!" replied Heidi!
"So, this rounds question, which I asked separately to the girls round the back: What number in the UK singles charts did the classic 1999 Billie Piper song Honey to the B get to?"
"Lola said it was a number one, Stephanie though it was number 4 and Scarlett went with 2."
"Sadly, it only got to number three which means that Lola has lost this round!"
Lola couldn't believe her misfortune. The other girls were released from their shackles.
"Right, once again we've got 25 buckets of fun!" and with that Heidi grabbed the first bucket of honey and started pouring it over Lola's lovely brown hair. It was thick and heavy and sticky. Heidi signalled for the other two girls to come over and they worked together to completely coat Lola who could do nothing but wriggle about a bit, which was quite tiring with the weight of all the honey, her hair was becoming especially heavy. Her face was also covered, her eyes felt like they were stuck together. The girls made sure her arms and legs were all covered too, not a spot on Lola was missed.
Once they had run out of buckets oh honey it was time for the rice krispies. The girls poured the cereal over Lola and threw it at her and it stuck to the honey all over her body, there was not an inch of her that didn't have honey and rice krispies on it
"What do you think Candy? Was that worse than yours?" Heidi asked Candy, who of course was still trapped in her Bath.
"No, I think mine was worse!" said Candy. "Can I get out now?"
"Of course, you can't! With that Heidi moved over to Candy's bath and grabbed a bucket. She filled the bucket with beans from the bottom of the bath.
"What are you doing?" Asked Candy, struggling against her restraints but she knew what was coming as Heidi tipped the bucket over her head.
"Ah! I hate you!" she shouted. "No you don't" replied Heidi. After a few moments Heidi wiped the beans from Candy's face and eyes so she could get a good view of the next round.
"Well at least you'll have company now!" said Heidi. Lola, still strapped into the cross and coated in honey and rice krispies which were starting to set slightly and make her very uncomfortable was wheeled over and placed next to Candy's bath. "You can discuss what you've won, don't forget about your winnings, it makes this all worth it!". Both girls silently seethed at Heidi. A stage hand wiped Lola's face so she could also now tell what was going on.

The final round hot dawg!
"Now as you may have noticed we're a bit evil on this show the overall winner will actually get it the worst. They will get all the messes that all the other girls have had to endure and maybe a little more! Now you're smart so you're also thinking that we don't know what all the girls have had to endure yet, what will our 2nd place have to go through? Two words human hot dog. Well that's three words, but anyway, let's bring back the girls!"
The two remaining girls were brought back onto the stage, they were secured to chairs that could be mechanically moved around the studio. They were tied on by the waist, wrists and ankles. Once again there was no escape!
"Right final question. What year were hot dogs invented?" Heidi started "Stephanie guessed 1860, Scarlett guessed 1880. The correct answer is. according to Wikipedia..1871, which means the first winner of Everyone's a Loser is Scarlett! It also means Stephanie is about to become a human hot dog!"
Stephanie couldn't believe how close she'd come!
Scarlett let out a loud shout of triumph! "Don't worry Scarlett, you won't be cheering soon. First, we'll give you another sample of what you've got to go through. Stay there and watch this." Heidi said.
A giant bottle of ketchup came down from the ceiling and placed itself above Stephanie's head.
"No, no, no!" chanted Stephanie, to herself. She was looking nervously up at the nozzle of the bottle.
"Right everyone! Let's have a countdown!" Heidi shouted to the audience and they began together:
10
9
8
7
6
And with that the ketchup bottle sprang into action, taking Stephanie totally by surprise. As she was still looking up at the nozzle she took the first load straight in the face. The ketchup just kept flowing and flowing and she was completely covered in red. As she was strapped into her chair there was nothing she could do about it but rattle about a bit. Wave after wave of red covered her head until eventually the flow stopped. There was one final big drop of ketchup that landed on her head and then giant ketchup bottle was moved out of the way and replaced by an ominous looking giant mustard bottle.
Heidi wiped Stephanie's eyes. "How was that Steph? Don't worry, this time I promise not to start the next mess as you're talking."
"Pretty bad. I like ketchup though! It's the mustard that I'm not looking forward too."
"Yeah, I don't think that will be fun. Just think of all the free booze you'll be able to drink to repress the memory of this!" said Heidi. "However, may as well get it over with". Heidi moved away from Stephanie who shut her eyes tightly and the thick yellow liquid started flowing over her head. This took even longer than the ketchup because it was so thick, and Stephanie just kept opening and closing her mouth in despair. After what seemed like forever to her it stopped.
"One or five final things Steph" said Heidi, and with that stagehand produced five buckets of hot dog relish which she dumped on the squirming Stephanie.
"Hope you relished that experience!" The audience groaned!

The final final round.
"Right Scarlett, as our overall winner congratulations, but because everyone is a loser on this show, you've got to earn your prize: £10,000 and around the world cruise, which is a lot! Do you think it will be worth it?"
"To go through what those other have? I certainly hope so! I'm just going to my happy place, which is on that cruise!" Scarlett whooped!
"Well, first up its baked beans, like poor Candy" the camera went back to Candy and stage hands finally went over to her to release her. She finally climbed out of her bath looking very relieved. The stagehands guided her to stand on a mark. When she did, they left her there and there was a huge downpour of water which wiped away a lot of the beans and mess. She hadn't been expecting it so she was very shocked.
"That's it for you today Candy, I hope you enjoyed it and spend your £500 wisely" said Heidi. Candy went to sit down to the side of the stage watch Scarlett's final punishment.
" Actually no, Candy, I do have one final task for you!" said Heid, Candy looked petrified. "Don't worry. You worry too much. No because all the girls got to pour beans on you, I thought for a bit of revenge you could pour them on Scarlett. What do you say?"
"What's the catch?" asked Candy.
"No catch! I just need some help doing all these buckets" said Heidi pointing over to 20 buckets of beans that had been brought out for Scarlett.
With that Candy and Heidi took turns pouring the beans over Scarlett's head. At the start Scarlett was still happy from her win, but as bucket after bucket went over her head she was getting less and less sure that she'd won.
When the girls were done Scarlett looked like Candy had done earlier, a bean juice-soaked mess. Orange from top to bottom her red hair even more orange.
"There's another surprise for you Scarlett. You might not realise that we've put quite a bit of money into the set". With that Candy's still bean filled bath from earlier started moving.
"Oh wait, you can't see what's going on." Heidi quickly wiped Scarlett's eyes.
The bath moved around the side of the chair that Scarlett was strapped in and she watched it go behind the chair. She now couldn't see what was going on behind her, but the bath was starting to raise until it was it a position above Scarlett's head. She had an idea what was going to happen but as she couldn't see it the sudden down pour of a bath full of beans really took her by surprise. She let out a massive yelp and shook her head.
"Now from what I remember we made Candy sit in it for a while didn't we? Candy is that right?"
"You know it is!" snapped a still soaked Candy.
"So in order to be fair, Scarlett you're going sit in that mess for a while. Half an hour I think. I'm going to go get a coffee!"
Scarlett was left sitting there for half an hour in the beans as everyone went about their business. For the people at home the half an hour was sped up so it only seemed like a minute as the footage was sped up. Everyone zoomed past and people buzzed around getting selfies taken with Scarlett while she was still strapped in the chair soaking in beans, she could only sit there and fake a smile. Candy was finally able to go and get cleaned up. When Candy came back she sat at the side of the stage watching proceedings.
When the half an hour was up Heidi came back on the stage. "Right, next up it's honey and cereal." With that Lola was released from her cross. She was made to stand on a mark as Candy had been, this time she was sprayed with a water hose to clean her off. After most of the mess had come off her stagehands brought on more buckets of honey and cereal.
"I think you know what to do Lola!" Lola came over and grabbed a bucket of honey and poured it over Scarlett's head. Lola and Heidi took turns doing this until they were out of honey buckets. They then threw the buckets of rice krispies at Scarlett until she was covered in them too.
"Well at least Lola wasn't in a bath, so I'm not going to do that to you again!" Heidi said. "But once again, as Lola had to stay on her cross, I'm going to have to leave you there again to really go through what she went through!"
"Oh thanks for that! Wouldn't want to miss out" said Scarlett sarcastically, although the honey was so sticky that opening and closing her mouth to talk was pretty hard, the honey and cereal also made her hair and clothes much heavier.
Another half an hour went by. Yet again people milled around the stage and took selfies with the helpless Scarlett. Once again for the home viewing the footage was sped up. While this was going on Lola was able to go away and get fully cleaned up. She found her way back to the side of the stage and sat back next to Candy.
Heidi came back. "Right, Steph, time to release you!" Stephanie had also been strapped in as long as Scarlett had now, covered in mustard, ketchup and a bit of relish. As she got out of the chair, she tried to scrape some of it off, but Heidi stopped her doing that.
"We don't have time for that. You can clean up later."
This time the stagehands brought over a red hose and a yellow hose. Heidi took the yellow one and gave the red one to Stephanie.
"I think you all know what's going to happen next! Steph, you know what to do!" With that the hose fired up and began shooting mustard and ketchup at Scarlett. Heidi and Stephanie sprayed her face, her body and her arms and legs. Scarlett just had to take it and everytime she opened her mouth she'd receive a mouthful! At the end Scarlett was completely coated in mustard and ketchup. Stephanie was then handed a bucket of relish which she poured over Scarlett's head to finish the job. Stephanie was then free to go and sit on a stool at the side of the stage with Lola and Candy.
"And now you've taken all the punishments the other girls have, well done Scarlett! You've truly earned your round the world trip and money.. except, well you know it isn't over yet!" as Heidi finished the stage once again sprang into life, the floor parting to reveal a massive pool just in front of the seat that Scarlett was sat in. Scarlett couldn't really see what was going on and despite being covered in mess and strapped into a chair, her body language still showed how nervous she was.
"So to explain what's in this pool. It contains all the leftovers from tonight's programme. All the mess that has gone over the girls has gone through grates in the floor and it's then all gone along pipes and into this pool. So you can see there's a lot of beans, ketchup, mustard, honey and rice krispies. We also asked all the local restaurants to provide us with their leftovers and any food they couldn't use this week and they didn't disappoint so you've also got mashed potato, porridge, gravy, curries, lots of soup and sauces and even some horseradish sauce in there. Let me tell you it's absolutely disgusting and for those watching at home it really does smell." With that Heidi pinched her nose and waved her hand in front of her face, the international sign of something smelling.
"You're going to drop me in that?" Scarlett asked.
"Well kinda. Eventually. First, do you remember witch trials and witch dunking?" and as Heidi said that Scarlett's chair sprang into life and moved so it was suspended above the revolting mix.
"Ok we're going to do some dunks. Are you ready for this?"
"No! God no!" pleaded Scarlett
"Well tough, it's what the audience want! Is this what you want audience?" The audience cheered very loudly! "It's more than they deserve for having to put up with the smell in here!"
"The first one is for poor Candy!" with that the chair went down and hit the mix with a big splat. Scarlett who was tied in could do nothing. She went right under the surface of the mix. She quickly came back out, completely covered from head to toe, nothing had been missed.
"Oh my god, that was terrible!"
"And for Lola!" Scarlett hadn't got her bearings back when the chair sprang into action and went back down into the slop. There was a couple of seconds pause while Scarlett was under and then once again she came back up.
"Please no more!" but that didn't stop Heidi from shouting "for Stephanie too!" and once again Scarlett was dipped.
She came back out of the mix once again with both her body and the chair absolutely dripping in it! Every inch of her was covered in the revolting mix.
"And last of all, for me!"
"Nooooo--!" This time the chair didn't spring forward. The restraints that had been keeping Scarlett secured sprang open, and after a brief pause where she looked shocked and then she was flung into the pool of muck. She went fully under!
After a few seconds she popped back up. As her hands were at last free she was finally able to wipe her eyes. She could stand up so that her head and shoulders were above the surface.
"Oh dear god, that was horrible, I'm just glad it's all over!" She was trying to wring some of the mess out of her hair. "It is over right?"
"Now girls I've got one final surprise" said Heidi. The three girls on their stools looked mortified and Scarlett slammed her hand on the pool yelling "for fucks sake!"
The final final final honestly round
There was no pause as Heidi carried on. "Don't worry, I think you'll actually like this one! Now you'll remember that this show is called Everyone's a loser not Everyone, but the host is a Loser. Sosigh. I have to get messy too and I'm going to need these ladies help to do it!" Heidi had known this was coming all evening and wasn't exactly looking forward to it.
"Now all you girls were tied up, so the producers think it's only fair that I am too!" With that yet another stage hand came on and wrapped Heidi's arms to her sides with cling film. She shook her head as this was being done to her and when complete, she kneeled down on her mark. Other stage hands brought on buckets for the girls. Heidi was now at the mercy of the girls that she'd tormented throughout the show.
"Now I might not be able to see through all this, so I've had to memorise what's going to happen to me, gulp!." Heidi explained. "Candy, you go first, there's three buckets of baked beans in that lot. I'm sure you don't want to do this though!"
"Oh yes I do, what was it you told us, over the head and slow?" with that Candy poured one bucket right over Heidi's head, she did the same with the second one, even slower than the first. For the third bucket she grabbed the back of Heidi's hair and pulled her head back so the beans went right in her face. When she was done, she let go of Heidi's hair.
"Thanks for that!" coughed Heidi "Now, I believe I have breakfast next"
Lola came over carrying two buckets of honey. She poured the first bucket over Heidi's head and after she'd done that Candy once again grabbed Heidi's hair so she could pour the second bucket into her face. They were both given a couple of buckets of rice krispies which they threw all over Heidi, sticking to the honey and the beans.
"Thanks ladies, now, it was hot dogs wasn't it?" Stephanie had been handed a couple of buckets, two were handed to Candy and two to Lola.
Lola did the first bucket over Heidi's head which was ketchup, Stephanie the second which was mustard and the third one was a bucket of relish from Candy. For their second bucket they poured all three over her at the same time. Heidi was now an absolute state, covered in mess from top to bottom, but she was a professional however, and sadly for her, could remember what had to come next.
"Right, now that's out of the way, girls can you fill an empty bucket each with what's in Scarlett's pool please?". Each of the 4 girls did, including Scarlett who had been helped to get out of the pool.
"Do you know what to do with them?". They certainly did, and all 4 buckets went over Heidi as well each girl taking it in turns and doing it very slowly. The girls laughed and gave each other high fives as they did so.
"Last but not least, I'm really afraid that I was told that I have to go in that pool!" There were cheers from the audience as Heidi said this. "Can you guide me to the edge please?" The girls helped Heidi, on her knees and still wrapped up in clingfilm to the edge of the pool. They got some muck on themselves while they were doing this, but didn't really care anymore.
"Well thanks for watching everyone at home, that was ------" and with that Heidi went splat into the pool. Candy had pushed her in face first!
The surface of the pool went still for a while before Heidi burst out, completely covered in the disgusting mix. She'd been speaking and had her mouth open when she'd gone in, so she had to spit some out before finishing.
"Everyone's a loser! See you next time, losers!" said Heidi, in completely the opposite direction to the main camera as she couldn't see and was afraid to open her eyes! As she looked around frantically to work out which direction was a camera a load of the mess went over her head again. The girls were filling up their buckets and tipping it all over her! These were the final shots as the show went off air for this episode!