I originally posted this elsewhere under the name Y2Gunge, although those are now gone.

Reposting here as it'll probably last a bit longer.

Everyone's a Loser S01E03

The intro video came onto the screen showing highlights of the previous 2 episodes and playing the very catchy theme tune (trust me on this, you'd be humming it right now). When this was done the camera panned over the studio audience of about 50 people and then the show proper began, introduced by the hostess with the mostest on the stage.
"Hello everyone and welcome to the Goolitzer award nominated show Everyone's a loser! The messiest, grossest, and meanest gameshow around! I am your host Heidi McHostface!" the always lively and bouncy host bounded across the stage encouraging the audience to clap and cheer as she did so. This episode she had purple hair and was wearing a white tank top and knee length skirt.

Round 0 Audience participation
"Before we bring on the girls who are playing this evening, I'm afraid we've got some bad news or good news depending on your outlook." started Heidi. "We've been accused of false advertising as the show is called Everyone's a loser, however there's some people who are getting away without losing. Can you guess who they are?" There was no response from the audience.
"That's right! You lot! The audience!" As she said this there was a large nervous gasp and the audience members started to look around at themselves.
"So, we're going to give you a chance to join in the fun. First, you may remember when applying to be in the audience for the show that we asked you what the worst thing you could think of to be gunged with. Well you may not have noticed, but underneath your seat there is a bucket with it's lid on absolutely full of that." Explained Heidi. The audience started fidgeting around and looking under their seats. Sure enough, there were buckets under each one full of something, although no one risked taking the lid off to check inside.
"The game is going to be pretty easy. I'm going to ask some true or false questions. If you get it right then congratulations, you through for this round and stay clean. However, if you get it wrong then you must carry on and answer another question. This will keep on going until we just have two people answering questions. When that happens, I'm going to invite them both down to join me on stage with their buckets and they will be strapped into these two chairs here."
With that two chairs rose from underneath the stage with spotlights on them. Both chairs had straps for the arms and legs to keep whoever was in them in place.
"I'll then ask both of the lucky people one last question" continued Heidi "whoever is furthest off will get their bucket poured all over them by me. After that they will get the bucket of the person who just escaped poured over them by that person and then the rest of you who managed to get a question right can come up one by one and pour your buckets of horribleness all over one unfortunate audience member." She finished explaining. "You should probably make sure that it's not you!"
The audience members started chatting amongst themselves, none of them wanted to be the unlucky person strapped into the chair having 50 buckets of grossness poured over them.
"Right enough chit chat" yelled Heidi "Let us begin. I will start you off with an easy one. True or false? The name of this show is Everyone's a Loser?". Some incidental music played as a 60 second count down appeared on screen. The audience members had remotes on their seats to say whether they thought it was true or false.
When the 60 seconds was up the screen flashed up: 48 right 2 wrong.
"Seriously! I thought we would get a few more rounds out of it then that. Anyone would think we were struggling to come up with true-false questions" Heidi said, crossly "Well let's have the two of you down here and bring your buckets."
Stage hands went into the audience and found the two incorrect players and brought them onto the stage along with the buckets from under their seats.
"So, what's your name and what's in your bucket?" Heidi asked the first player, a tall brunette girl in a white top and floral skirt.
"My name is Lisa, um I have a big bucket of baked beans here". She nervously raised the heavy bucket as she did this.
"What happened Lisa, how on Earth did you get that one wrong?"
"I knew it I just got the buttons mixed up."
"Of course of course!" responded Heidi "Now onto our second contestant. Same questions!" she said to the other girl, a petite blonde girl wearing a short sleeve shirt and trouser combination.
"Hello, my name is Trish. In my bucket I went for curry sauce because that looked really gross when you covered that poor girl with it last episode."
"Ah yes, I miss Pam" reminisced Heidi.
"I was watching what everyone else was doing and must have forgotten to press my button."
"Yes, not answering counts as a wrong answer" explained the host.
With the introductions out of the way both Lisa and Trish were strapped into their respective chairs and they looked very nervous indeed.
"Ok let's see who comes closet to this one." Said Heidi "according to what Google search results tell me, when was toilet paper invented?"
"1800" Guessed Lisa.
"1750?" Tried Trish.
"The correct answer is." Heidi paused for dramatic effect "1857!"
Lisa let out a rather large cheer as she realised she'd escaped. She was let out of her chair and stood by Heidi's side with her bucket at the ready. Trish looked absolutely mortified as she realised she was going to have to sit there and take 50 buckets of people's worst fears.
"Brace yourself there Trish, you're going to be there a while!" Heidi of course started it off by picking up and slowly pouring Trish's bucket of curry sauce over her blonde hair, quickly changing the colour as it did so. The sauce then flowed over her face and down her front. Trish closed her eyes and mouth as tightly as she could and tried jiggling against the straps but she was locked in tightly.
"How was that?" asked Heidi
"That was so horrible. It tastes and smells awful!" replied Trish shaking her head to try and get some of it of her.
"Well only 49 buckets to go." Said Heidi "Lisa you're up."
Lisa picked up her bucket and held it there for a couple of seconds before slowly pouring it over Trish's head. Trish scrunched up her face as the beans slowly went down it and then onto her body. The beans got caught in the curry sauce as they went, and the bean juice mixed up with the sauce as well. Once again there was nothing Trish could do about it. When Lisa had finished pouring she shook the bucket to make sure every last bean was out. Trish tried shaking her head again but that didn't do much and her matted locks just went into her face.
"Well Lisa you're a natural." Said Heidi. "Now it's not just us that's going to have fun today. Now it's your turn audience. Let's see what you've got! Please grab your buckets and form an orderly queue."
With that the audience got out from their seats and started towards the stage carrying their buckets. One by one all 48 audience members got a chance to pour a bucket over the squirming Trish, each one glad that it was not them. The number of different things that people were afraid of having poured over them was varied and Trish was completely covered in all of it.
There were several more buckets of beans, a couple more of the curry sauce. A few people went with mustard and one or two with porridge. There was fish sauce and several soups (mushroom, peas and so on). Ketchup, mushy peas, Thousand Island dressing, BBQ and Brown sauce and nacho cheese also made appearances and a couple of the audience seemed to have been worried about getting covered in syrup.
Most people went over the head but a one or two of the audience took off Trish's shoes and filled them up with mulch before putting them back on her feet. The mess oozed out as they did so.
The worst part of it was that Trish quickly couldn't tell what was going on. She had her eyes firmly shut and had lost count of the number of buckets she'd taken so she didn't know how long she had to go. Each time there was a slightly longer gap between buckets than normal she thought she'd finished then another new revolting bucket would take her by surprise.
When the last member of the audience had been up Trish was just a blob resting in her chair. No inch of her missed being covered in something. The camera panned up and down her a couple of times. The end took her by surprise and after a few minutes with no bucket asked "Is that it? Is it over now?"
Heidi came up and wiped her face so she could see and was able to open her eyes.
"How was that Trish?" she asked the blob
"Really bad, I thought it would never end. It feels so heavy on me and I smell so gross."
"Indeed, you do. I need a clothes peg." As Heidi was saying this the audience was getting back into their seats. "I'm going to be nice and let you out of there so you can get showered off."
"Oh thank you"
"But before I do that, I really need to make sure you've learnt your lesson. What's the name of the show?" asked Heidi
"Everyone's a loser!" responded Trish
"Glad you've got it now." Said Heidi. "And we really mean that this week!"
With that mess started to drop from the ceiling onto the audience. There were squeals as it hit people on the head and they realised that it was the same thing that they had in their buckets and had just recently poured over poor Trish. No one in the audience was spared and they all got a good covering.
"No showers for you lot however! You're just going to have to sit there for the rest of the show. Now who wants to meet this week's contestants?" asked Heidi to a distinctly unenthusiastic response.
"I don't really care what you lot think, you stink anyway. Let us have them come on" said Heidi, as she did so 4 girls walked across the stage. All of them were wearing form fitting fairly short dresses.
"First in the red dress with blonde hair we have Sandra" as Heidi said this Sandra waved at the audience.
"Then we have Kirsty with the red hair and blue dress" Kirsty also have a wave.
"With black hair and a little black dress we have Gemma" Gemma blew a kiss at the audience after giving them a spin and a wave. This marked her down as an audience favourite. The audience seemed to be getting a bit more into it again.
"And last but not least with nice brown hair and a sparkly number we have Rita!" Rita also blew a kiss at the audience and jumped up and down a bit, jiggling, while waving at the audience. The audience was now a bit split with allegiance.

Round 1 Human Chicken Wing
The title card came on the screen for the next game and the scene had changed. All 4 girls were tied to poles in the centre of the stage.
"Hello and welcome to round 1, where one of our lucky victims will become a human chicken wing." Explained Heidi. "As last time they'll also take home £1000. You can see that all 4 girls have their hands tied up behind the poles with ropes and we've wrapped ropes around them to make sure they're secured tightly to the poles. Also if you zoom the camera in a bit closer you'll be able to see that we've tied their hair around the poles as well so there's really no getting away." As the camera zoomed in on them some of the girls moved their heads, showing the limited range of movement that they had.
"Right you 4. Here's the question." She started "To the nearest million, how many Nintendo Switches have been sold around the world?"
"150 million?" Guessed Sandra
"Erm. 50 million" Tried Kirsty
"80 million?" Said Gemma
"149 million?" Rita finished with
"The correct answer is 42 million" Heidi informed the audience "For those of you that are bad at Maths that means that Sandra will be taking home the 4th place prize of £1000 and find out what a human chicken wing is. You look nervous Sandra?" she asked as the other three girls hand the ropes around them removed and their hair untied from the pole.
"You can certainly say that. I really have no idea what's going to happen to me!" Sandra responded nervously.
As she said this lot of stagehands came on carrying buckets. This took a while as the stagehands went back and brought out more buckets. Sandra's eyes got wider as each bucket came out and she looked more and more nervous.
"Well Sandra what that means is that like a chicken wing, you're going to get covered in a lot of BBQ sauce. These buckets all contain the lovely stuff. There must be about 50 buckets here."
Heidi picked up the first bucket and walked over to where Sandra was tied to her pole. Heidi was a bit shorter than Sandra but luckily there was some steps to the side of Sandra that she could go up and hold the bucket above her head. She then very slowly started to pour the dark red sauce all over the helpless Sandra who couldn't even more her head to get out of the way of the sauce as it was tied securely to the pole. Her lovely blonde hair very quickly turned dark red and the sauce flowed down her face and down her body as she let out a whimper.
"Come on girls, help me!" said the host, and with that the other 3 contestants picked up buckets and came over to Sandra. All 4 of them decided to throw the contents of the bucket straight at Sandra from a distance which completely coated the front of her body. Heidi had not got down from the steps yet and hadn't been expecting this, so she got a fair bit on her too.
"Hey watch it you lot, you'll pay for that later!" she threatened.
Heidi went over to get another bucket and once again poured it over poor Sandra's head. The 4 other girls did the same this time. This went on for quite a while and they alternated between pouring it over the wriggling girl and throwing it at her from a distance.
By the time they were finish Sandra was completely coated from head to toe in the sticky BBQ sauce.
"Right, that's the sauce out of the way. How does it feel Sandra?"
"Really sticky to be honest but not that bad" she replied "Smells pretty intense but at least it's a smell I like"
"Well now the feathers!" responded Heidi as Sandra let out a loud "Oh no!"
With that feathers came down from the ceiling and stuck to Sandra. This kept on going for about half a minute and when they were finished Sandra was well and truly covered in the, looking very much like a chicken.
"You look like such a chicken now Sandra. Can you give me a cluck?" asked Heidi
"Cluck! Cluck!" joked Sandra, moving her arms as much like a chicken as she could considering that she was still secured to the pole.
"Well done Sandra, you can stay there. Now onto the next round!

Round 2 Spinning Wheel human pizza
"Hello and welcome to the second round. Our girls are once again secured in place!" explained Heidi
The three remaining girls were strapped to circular boards by their arms and their legs. The camera zoomed in on the girls. Their hair had been put pulled from the side and the top of their heads into tails and secured to the board in several different places. Their heads looked like stars with several points and they were left with very little available movement.
"What you may not know is that these boards spin round!" said Heidi and with that she went up to Rita's board and gave it a spin. The board span around with the girl on it going with it and going all the way upside down and then round before stopping vertically at the top. It was basically the type of spinning wheel that was used in knife throwing.
"How are you feeling Rita?" asked Heidi?
"Dizzy, very dizzy!" She responded.
"That's what like to hear" began Heidi. "Right, onto this rounds question. It's a football one, who doesn't like football?" All girls shook their heads indicating that no, they did not like football.
"What was the attendance at the 2018 World Cup Final in Moscow?"
"100,000" guess Kirsty
Gemma went with "90,000"
Rita guessed "200,000"
"I can tell you that it's pause for dramatic effect" yes Heidi actually said pause for dramatic effect out loud "78,011! Which means that Rita was way out!"
With that the shackles pinning Kirsty and Gemma to their wheels sprang open and they jumped down off them. Rita watched them longingly as stage hands brought on a lot of buckets. There were about 30 each for Kirsty, Gemma and Heidi.
"You may be out of the contest tonight Rita but you'll take home £2,000. Before that happens though you've got to experience becoming a pizza. Right ladies, the first set of 10 buckets contains bread sauce!" announced Heidi "And don't worry, none of you will have to spin the board for Rita, there is a motor on it." With that Rita's board started to spin around and the girls started to launch the contents of their buckets at her. Rita let out a squeal which was a mistake as she got a big blog of sauce in her mouth when she did so. The girls did a great job and by the end of their ten buckets Rita was completely coated. The board came to a stop.
There was ominous music in the studio and the board came to life and moved into a horizontal position on the floor.
"Bet you didn't expect it to do that?" said Heidi as she span the board horizontally. "Took ages to set it up to do that."
The next set of ten buckets were full of tomato sauce. The board didn't spin very fast this time, so the girls were able to slowly pour the sauce on the squealing Rita and make sure she got a proper coating. When they had finished the board stopped spinning and Rita had turned from the white of the bread sauce to red.
The board went back up, hoisting Rita into a vertical position.
"Ok Rita, final set of buckets, which is of course Nacho Cheese!" Heidi lobbed the first bucket of Rita as she started spinning again. The three girls were really starting to get quite good at hitting Rita with the liquid cheese and much less missed her as she was spinning around. As the supply of buckets ran out, the board came to a stop. Rita was now yellow, the cheese slowly dripping down over her body.
"How does it feel to be a human pizza Rita?" asked Heidi
"hhhuuuurrrhhh" was the only thing that Rita could wimper.
"Don't worry, we'll clean you up soon!"

The final round Knickerbocker Glory
"Right, for our final challenge we're going to try something slightly different." Explained Heidi. "We're going to call this part the remessening. As you can see we've still got Sandra and Rita waiting around doing nothing." The camera cut from Sandra to Rita who were still covered in mess and tied to a pole and their board respectively.
"First of all we're going to make this even." With that Rita was released from her board and walked over to a pole next to Sandra. She was strapped against it again as Sandra was.
"Our two remaining contestants will first of all have to wash off our messy pups with buckets of water. When they are clean, they will hear a buzzer. They will then have to mess them up as best they can. Myself and a panel of independent adjudicators will be the judge of who has been re-messed up the best. Kirsty, you will be remessing Sandra, Gemma you will have a pizza Rita. Ladies are you ready?"
"Yes!" said Kirsty and Gemma
"No!" yelled Sandra and Rita
A buzzer sounded and Kirsty and Gemma started lobbing buckets of water.
Rita let out a loud scream "This waters freezing!"
"Yes, we made sure to chill it good and proper" said Heidi, winking to camera.
Kirsty and Gemma kept on throwing buckets It did not take long to clear both girls and the buzzers sounded to signify that it was time to start re-messing them. Both Sandra and Rita were shivering by the time they were clean.
With that it was time to mess them up again. Kirsty started throwing buckets at Sandra, however Gemma picked up some buckets and walked over to where Rita was tied to her pole.
Kirsty managed to hit Sandra with several buckets of custard. After that there were a few buckets of tomato sauce and some bbq sauce. She continued to throw a variety of different substances, with some of them splatting off Sandra and onto Rita.
Gemma was standing next to Rita and was slowly pouring her buckets over her head. There were a few buckets of baked beans followed by a bucket of soup. When she'd run out of buckets she went and got some more and continued. Gravy, Mustard and Ketchup were the next lot. She continued to do this, giving Rita breathers as she collected her buckets and then pouring them slowly but steadily over her.
This went on for several minutes and Kirsty managed to finish before Gemma. Gemma poured the last bucket of creamy mashed potatoes over a wriggling Rita.
"Well, well. What an exciting round." Said Heidi, "let's get you girls in position while the judges decide who did the best job." Kirsty and Gemma walked off stage to be prepared for the next round.
"How was that Rita?" she asked
"It's over?" said Rita shaking her head furiously to get rid of some of the slop on her head. "Yeah that was bad, probably a bit better than the spinning wheel though. Less dizzy."
"So, onto the final round which is The Everyone's a loser Knickerbocker Glory!"

The final final round
Both Kirsty and Gemma had leather straps going around them. The straps pinned their arms to their side and their legs together. The straps were hooked up to some wires which helped pick them up and lower them into giant plastic ice cream sundae glasses which went as high as the girls necks. They were also both bare foot, if you're into that sort of thing.
"Well after intense discussion by the judges, we have decided the person that got their loser the re-messiest and winner of Everyone's a loser episode 3 is..getting the £10,00 first prize.. Gemma! Who did a great job messing up Rita. The judges were particularly impressed with the care and evilness that Gemma showed."
With that Gemma was hoisted out of her glass and lowered to the floor.
"Kirsty, it's time to become a human knickerbocker glory." said Heidi. "You'll be taking home £3,000 as well but you've got to earn it."
A funnel lowered from the ceiling to directly above Kirsty's head. The ingredients started to flow over her. First was vanilla ice cream which turned her white and made her scream out in shock from the cold. Next came chocolate ice cream, turning her brown. She let out a whimper as this happened. Once that finished it was strawberry ice cream followed by some chocolate sauce. She moaned and shivered through both.
The ice cream and sauce were slowly filling up the glass with Kirsty inside it. The mixture was now up to just above her waist and from the outside the audience could see different layers of ice cream and sauce. Next came some more vanilla ice cream followed by some strawberry sauce. Then to shake things up came up layer of chopped nuts. This was followed up with some more chocolate sauce and then some more strawberry ice cream. A final layer of vanilla ice cream flowed down over Kirsty's head and the glass was now full up to her neck, with only her ice cream coated head sticking out of the top.
The nozzle was replaced by a slightly different one which squirted squirty cream. All the area around Kirsty's head was covered in squirted cream and then it was also squirted on her head making a big pile. Up next was a sprinkling of hundreds and thousands on top of the cream. A large cherry dropped down and landed on top of her head as the final touch.
Kirsty was left there for a couple of minutes while the camera panned around showing off the shows masterwork. After some minutes she was eventually hoisted out. As she did so you could see different stripes on her body when the sauces, nuts and ice creams had been.
"Well done Kirsty, and that means that we're onto Gemma's final prize." Began Heidi. A throne was brought on stage which Gemma was strapped into at the arms and the legs. She could move extraordinarily little.
"Let us begin of course as we usually do with the start. By start I mean the start of the night when you lot all poured your buckets on poor Trish." Heidi said pointing at the audience.
A hose leading to a nozzle descended from the rafters, and ended up over Gemma's head. The nozzle cycled through all the messes that people chose, depositing them one by one over Gemma's head. Like Trish's experience earlier it started with baked beans and then followed it up with curry sauce. Gemma scrunched up her face shook as the flow started over her face, but her shackles held her in tight.
This then continued through lots of different slimy foods again: mustard, syrup, mushy peas, custard and soup. After each one there was a short gap where Gemma shook her head wildly to get red of some of the excess muck before the next load started. With each one she shook, and she squealed to no avail.
As the nozzle cycled through different substances the audience started to chant along "11, 12, 13, 14, 15" As usually happens when large crowds try to count along together they got seriously out of time with each other. After 50 or 47 or 52 substances, depending on who you asked, the flow stopped with a final big dollop of ketchup on Gemma's head.
"I'm sure you haven't forgotten, but the next round was of course the human chicken wing where we turned Sandra into a clucking chicken." Narrated Heidi
With that the flow changed to BBQ sauce. This went on for quite a while clearing all the other muck off and completely coating Gemma. She could do nothing but open and close her mouth. At several points she licked her lips. After what seemed like hours for Gemma, but only about 5 minutes the flow stopped.
"What was that like Gemma?" asked Heidi
"Yeah that was quite tasty actually!" she replied
"Glad to hear it. Bring on the feathers!" shouted Heidi. With that there was a deluge of feathers down onto Gemma which stuck to the BBQ sauce. "Right, after that we of course turned Rita into a human pizza. Ah Rita, she was such a great victim, I mean contestant."
Bread sauce now started flowing out of the nozzle. It was thick, heavy and lumpy and wiped away all the feathers. Gemma looked like a blob when this switched to pasta sauce over the top and turned her red. When that ran out it switched to a final coating of liquid cheese sauce and she was left very yellow indeed.
As the cheese sauce dripped off Gemma, Heidi started talking again. "Then after that of course, not too long ago, we turned Kirsty into a human knickerbocker glory."
The nozzle then started cycling through the ingredients of the glory. First was a lot of very cold vanilla ice cream over poor Gemma's head. Then came some strawberry ice cream and chocolate ice cream. This was followed up with strawberry sauce and syrup and the same with chocolate sauces and syrups. For the squirty cream Heidi was given a hose which she sprayed all over Kirsty. She then got a couple of buckets which contained hundreds and thousands and threw them at her. She pulled a cherry out of her pocket and delicately placed it on top of Gemma's head.
"Now it's time for you to go into 'the pit." As Heidi said that the lights dimmed and a spotlight focused on the area just in front of Gemma's throne. The floor opened up to reveal a pit, full to the brim with a disgusting mix of all the ingredients and leftovers from that nights show.
The throne whirred into life and moved over the pit. It then dipped itself into the mix including Gemma going all the way under. This happened three times, each times Kirsty coming out screaming and spitting out a bit of the mix that she had got into her mouth. Finally her shackles sprang open and she was tipped into the pit and went right underneath the surface. After a couple of seconds she resurfaced and wiped her faced.
She climbed out of the pit just as it was time for the final section of the show.

The final final final round honestly
"As you know, this show is called everyone is a loser. Including me." With that Heidi walked over to the spinning wheel which had been used for the pizza round earlier and was strapped in by some stage hands. As they did this a clean Trish reappeared and was given a hose to hold and aim at her. The wheel started spinning and the hose sprang into life.
All of the ingredients that had coated Trish earlier came out of the hose and sprayed a spinning Heidi. Trish had a great big grin on her face and she did this and Trish could do nothing but splutter as Trish's aim was good and she managed to spray most of the muck directly at her face.
The hose eventually stopped spraying and Trish handed over to Sandra. As Sandra took over spraying duties BBQ sauce erupted from its end. Heidi got a great coating before the hose eventually stopped spouting the sauce. When this happened feather came down, clinging to Heidi. The wheel stopped momentarily so people could get a look at what Heidi was like covered in sauce and feathers. She attempted a shake to remove some of the excess, but wasn't very successful.
The wheel sprang to life again and Rita stepped up for the next go at the hose. "I'm going to enjoy this she said." With that bread sauce came out of the end of the hose and started to coat Heidi. Rita walked towards the wheel to make sure she got as close as possible and followed the spinning Heidi round as the bread sauce turned to pasta sauce.
Finally, for Rita's bit nacho cheese came out of the end of the hose and she gave Heidi great coverage with this too.
Kirsty was next to take up the hose. Heidi screamed as she was hit with the first wave of vanilla ice cream. She was shivering as this turned into strawberry and chocolate ice cream. The sauces and syrups warmed her up a bit. Eventually the hose started squirting the squirty cream on her and by the she was coated and it was hard to tell where she was.
All of the girls were then given buckets of hundreds and thousands and nuts which they threw at Heidi. The nuts and hundreds and thousands stuck to the cream. Trish was given the honour of placing a cherry on top of Heidi's head.
Finally the wheel moved forward to be in front of the pit. The wheel pivoted forward with Heidi on it, holding her inches above the mess. It then lowered her into the disgusting mix. While she was still in the mess the wheel did one full spin before pulling her up and out. This happened three times to Heidi. Last but not least her shackles were opened, and she fell into the mix.
There was a brief pause while Heidi was under the surface before she sprang out of the mix, covered and dripping in slop.
"Well that was terrible" said Heidi waving at that camera. "and with that the end of the show!"
Credits rolled with all the very messy women waving at the camera.