'Jonty reckons there's a trick to it,' said Ken.

'To what?' snorted Clive, '- emptying the oil box?'

'Emptying the oil box,' Ken confirmed. 'Jonty says he'll do it. Reckons there's a way.'

'Not possible,' Clive retorted. 'How? Whoever does the job is going to get the lot all over them. No escaping it. Remember what happened with Ted?'

'Hoo-hoo! Don't I just!' Ken laughed. 'That was a sight!', and he called out: 'Here, Annie! Remember Ted and the oil box?'

'She can't hear you in the galley,' Clive said.

'I can't hear you through here,' Annie squawked.

'We're talking about Ted!' Ken bawled. 'With the oil box!'

'On the class 47,' Clive barked, before growling, 'Bloody thing.'

'The time he tried to empty it,' Ken shouted. 'Remember, Annie?'

'Tried?' Clive sniffed, '- he succeeded. He emptied it all right. Just that he emptied it all over himself.'

'Ah, here she is,' announced Ken.

'Did you say you wanted pickle in it?' Annie asked.

'I did,' Ken said, '- please. And you got one of them rocky roads for afters?'

'All gone, I'm afraid,' said Annie.

'What!' gasped Ken. 'You're joking.'

'Kelly needed them for the refreshment room,' Annie explained. 'They had a rush.'

'I heard,' Clive muttered.

Annie continued: 'They were even out of scones by eleven-thirty, can you believe, so Kelly came through and said could she have our cakes.'

'So no rocky roads for us then,' grumbled Ken.

'No rocky roads for you,' Annie asserted, '- Or the parkin.'

'No parkin either!' Ken blustered. 'That's what I give up my Saturdays for! Only reason I'm here.'

Annie whispered: 'Between you and me and the gate-post, I think she under-caters, Kelly. I've said it before - she could plan a lot better.' (And then at usual volume) 'Mind you, it's good though - getting all these customers, especially on a day like this.'

'Chris told me there were just three empty seats on the twelve ten,' Clive said.

'Even the eleven ten went out nearly full, Brian told me.' Ken added. 'He said normally they'd have thought about putting on a relief.'

'Except we can't run a special right now, can we?' Clive tutted. 'What with the class 47 out of commission.'

'The what?' Annie asked.

'The diesel engine,' Ken explained.

'Oh, you mean the diesel,' Annie huffed. 'I hate that thing. We're meant to be a steam railway. That's why people come.'

'Should never have paid good money,' Clive grumbled. 'What was the committee thinking? Pig in a poke.'

'Been trouble from the start, hasn't it?' Ken sighed. 'Honestly.'

'Should never have bought it in the first place,' Clive repeated. 'Not from another heritage railway - and especially not from our rivals.'

'I agree with you there, Clive,' Annie soothed. 'People don't want to sit behind a diesel with all those fumes. What kind of a day out is that? We're the "steam experience", aren't we? Isn't that supposed to be our slogan?'

'Ooh, they saw us coming - didn't they - The C and BT,' Ken puffed. 'They knew it was a dud. Wanted rid of it. And us mugs bought it off them with an oil box needing emptying every five minutes.'

'That was their bodge, you realise,' Clive sniped. 'It wouldn't have been in that configuration when it was newly built.'

'I'm aware of that,' Ken slipped in. 'How long ago was it we last had to sluice out that ruddy box?'

'Not more than six weeks,' Clive huffed.

'Yes, Annie,' Ken said, '- 'that's what we was saying just now. Remember when Ted tried to empty the oil box under the diesel? You was a bit tickled at the time, I think.'

'Oh!' Annie gasped. 'It was terrible, wasn't it? Awful! But you couldn't stop yourself laughing.'

'Hadn't ever seen you laugh so much, Annie,' Ken remarked.

'What did he look like?' Annie giggled. 'Covered in it, wasn't he? I mean, poor Ted - it had soaked right through. In his hair and everywhere. Can't have been nice.'

'He was proper cross, wasn't he?' Ken added, '- that's what made it so funny.'

'The language!' Annie exclaimed. 'Never heard the like.'

'Well,' Clive observed, '- at least we got some showers out of it. I was speaking to Darren about the class 47 - and to Brian - and I said to them, look, it's a straight choice ...'

'You told us at the time, Clive,' Ken said.

'- Either we say farewell to another hundred grand and refit the underside completely,' Clive continued, '- or we pay out fifteen hundred to put in a couple of showers in our mess block - because one of us is going to get used engine oil all over them each time the overfill box fills up.'

'Some poor bugger,' Ken said, 'Good on Jonty for offering.'

'He's going to do it then, is he?' Clive enquired.

'Him and another,' said Ken. 'Reckons it'll be easier with two.'

'Can't see how,' Clive sniffed. 'Even in the pit.'

'No, no, no,' Ken interrupted. 'That's half the problem. Brian won't allow it to be done over the inspection pit. Said if the stuff drops in you could never pump it back out.'

'He's got a point there,' Clive conceded.

'You know what he can get like,' Ken muttered. 'He was all: "I'm not having that as long I'm Chief Operating Officer" '.

Annie whispered: 'He's a bit high-and-mighty sometimes - Brian - isn't he?'

'So where does he want it emptied then?' Clive enquired.

'There's no cause for it,' Annie continued. 'I mean, we're supposed to be equals here. We're all volunteers, aren't we?'

'Onto the sand-trap,' Ken replied.

'Apart from Darren, of course,' Annie added.

'The sand-trap!' Clive exploded.

'And Pam,' said Annie.

'So, Jonty thinks he'll squeeze both himself and another under the 47 in the sand-trap?' Clive said. 'Crazy. And I bet Annie doesn't want to see Jonty with oil all over his face - do you now, Annie?'

'Stop it, you,' said Annie.

Clive added: 'Wouldn't like those handsome features spoiled, eh?'

'You'll get a clump in a minute, Clive,' Annie threatened, '- if you're not careful.'

'What's all this?' Ken asked.

'I once made the mistake ...' Annie started.

'It'd upset you seeing Mr Heart-Throb get all messy, wouldn't it?' Clive wheedled, before yelping, 'Ow!'

'Don't be soft,' said Annie. 'It was only a tea-towel.'

'What's all this?' Ken asked again.

'I once made the mistake,' Annie repeated, '- of saying Jonty was nice looking. Well, anyone can see that, can't they? And ever since, Clive here has been teasing me.'

'I wouldn't,' said Clive, '- if you didn't blush each time he came by.'

'I'm ignoring you, Clive,' said Annie. 'What age do you think he is?'

'Who?' said Ken, 'Jonty?'

'Jonty,' said Annie.

'About thirty,' Ken suggested.

'Well, there you are,' Annie exclaimed. 'I'm old enough to be his mum. Not likely to go around making a fool of myself, am I? Plus he's married.'

'Married?' Ken queried. 'Jonty?'

'Yes,' Annie said. 'Remember? He brought her to the Christmas do. Moira, I think.'

'So, who's going to be the other one to crawl under the class 47 with Jonty?' Clive enquired. 'Fancy it, Annie? Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me.'

'And through here's our mess-room,' said Chris. 'Hullo, everyone. Hi there, hi there.'

'Hullo, Chris,' said Ken.

'Hello, Chris dear,' said Annie, '- Oh. Who's this you've got with you?'

'Yes,' said Chris, '- Let me introduce you to everybody. Everyone - this is Reece. He's just started.'

'Hello Reece,' said Annie, '- nice to meet you. Welcome to the society.'

'That's Annie,' Chris said. 'She'll do you some lunch if you ask her nicely.'

'Is this your first day with us?' asked Annie.

'And these two old-timers ...' Chris began.

'Watch it!' joked Ken.

'- Are Ken and Clive,' Chris said.

'Hullo there, son,' said Ken.

'Pleased to make your acquaintance, Reece,' said Clive.

'Reece has just begun at college. That's right, isn't it, Reece?' Chris said. 'Mechanical Engineering, yes?'

'Ooh,' Ken inhaled, '- he'll be showing us what to do then soon, won't he?'

'Just been taking Reece round the workshops,' Chris explained.

'Oh, that's nice,' Annie purred. 'You'll have a lovely time with us. We're a jolly lot on The Wetlingworth and Metsley. Aren't we, Ken?'

'We are,' said Ken.

'One happy family,' Annie beamed. 'Everyone gets on. There's no sniping or backbiting here - not like some places.' She dropped her voice: 'I've heard it's a snake-pit at The C and BT.'

'Annie's talking about our rivals ...' Chris explained.

'Who sold us that rotten 47,' griped Clive.

'- The preserved line nearest to us,' Chris clarified, '- down the road in Bawlborough.'

'The Cockingham and Bawlborough Town Railway,' Ken added, '- to give it its' full title.'

'Would you like a sandwich, Reece?' Annie offered. 'I can do you ham, or cheese, or cheese and ham, or cheese and pickle ...'

'Rip off,' said Ken.

'- Or tuna,' said Annie.

'Six-and-a-half miles,' complained Ken.

'Tuna,' said Reece.

'That's all they run,' Ken sniffed.

'Anything to drink?' asked Annie. 'Tea?'

'And they charge thirteen pounds sixty-five one-way,' Ken griped.

'Okay,' said Reece.

'Sit down then and I'll bring it to you,' said Annie.

'I ask you,' Ken huffed.

'Uh ... thanks,' said Reece.

'Okay, Reece I'll head back,' said Chris. 'Once you've finished, come and join me in the wheel-lathe shop. You know where I mean, don't you? Good. Take your time, though. No hurry. Stay and have a natter. Jonty!'

'Hi there, Chris,' said Jonty, '- you off? Bye then. Hi everybody!'

'Annie!' Clive shouted. 'Jonty's arrived!'

'I can't hear you through here,' Annie screeched.

'Thought you might like to know,' Clive bawled.

'Oh,' exclaimed Jonty. '- we haven't met, have we? Just started, have you? Great. Well done - we need more volunteers. I'm Jonty. And sorry, your name is ...?'

'Uh ... Reece,' said Reece.

'Reece,' Jonty repeated. 'Welcome to The W and M, Reece. I saw you earlier across the yard with Chris, but - apologies - couldn't come and say hello because I was up to my elbows in creosote.'

'You don't want to get mixed up with this one,' warned Ken, '- or he'll have you under the class 47 emptying the oil box.'

'Well now!' beamed Jonty. 'There's an idea! I'm still looking for a helper. Interested in giving me a hand?'

'Uh ...' said Reece.

'Hang on, hang on, hang about,' Ken grumbled. 'I was only joking. Can't expect the poor lad to do a thing like that on his first day.'

'No, I'm not planning on doing it today, Ken,' Jonty said. 'It's going to take Brian all afternoon to work out how to shunt the loco back and forth to get it over the sand-trap. Don't tell him I said that, anybody. No, no, Reece and I will do it tomorrow. Are you coming here tomorrow, Reece?'

'Uh ' said Reece. 'Could do. Maybe.'

'There,' said Jonty. 'Great. I needed a fit young chap for the job.'

'You'd better explain to Reece here what it's going to entail,' Clive complained. 'That's only fair.'

'Oh, it won't be too bad,' said Jonty. 'But yes, there is a chance you could get a bit mucky.'

'A bit!' roared Clive.

'You don't mind that?' asked Jonty.

'Erm ...' said Reece.

'He means ten times muckier than he is right now,' said Clive. 'Look at him! See the state of your overalls! And what have you been creosoting anyway?'

'Sleepers,' Jonty answered. 'Some of us tackle the big jobs, you know, Clive. We're not all fiddling around with a stipple brush and maulstick.'

'I'm re-touching the crest on the Pullman,' Clive sniffed. 'Important work.'

'There's your tea, Reece,' said Annie, 'Your sandwich is coming. Oh! Hello Jonty.'

'Oh! Hello Jonty,' Clive mimicked, and then: 'Ow!'

'It won't be just a tea-towel next time, Clive,' Annie warned.

'Hullo again, Annie,' Jonty beamed. 'Did you manage to save me some of that rocky road?'

'Annie?' growled Ken, '- I do hope there's not been any favouritism.'


--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---


'Reece!' Jonty called. 'Reece? It's me.'

'Oh,' Reece said. 'Hi.'

'Want a lift?' Jonty asked.

'No, I'm fine,' Reece said.

'It's raining,' Jonty remarked.

'It's okay,' said Reece.

'You'll get soaked,' Jonty observed.

'My bus ...' Reece began.

'Where do you need to get to?' Jonty enquired.

'- Be here soon,' Reece said.

'Are you going into town?' Jonty asked.

'Near,' said Reece.

'When's your bus?' Jonty said.

'Uh ... thirteen minutes past,' Reece replied.

'I can get you home before then,' Jonty said. 'Where is it you're going?'

'I'm on The Atlee Estate,' Reece said.

'Well, I go right past the end of Bevan Drive if that's any good to you,' Jonty said. 'It's pouring. Do yourself a favour - hop in. Alright? Good. Get you there in no time. Oh, just sling those on the back seat. Anywhere'll do. Sorry about the mess. Find the seatbelt? Well done. Oh thanks, mate. There's a surprise - chap's let me out. Do you mind the music?'

'Uh ... it's okay,' said Reece. 'My mum likes this station.'

'Now that makes me feel ancient,' Jonty said. 'And how old's your mum?'

'Thirty-nine,' Reece replied.

'Huh,' Jonty sighed, '- that's only seven years older than me. Oh God. So then, Reece, tell me - how was your first day on the railway?'

'Oh, uh ...' said Reece.

'Good?' asked Jonty.

'Yeah,' said Reece.

'Enjoy it?' asked Jonty.

'Yeah,' said Reece.

'Good,' said Jonty. 'Listen, I don't mean to bounce you into doing this business with the oil box if you don't fancy it. Are you coming along tomorrow?'

'I can do,' said Reece.

'You want to?' asked Jonty.

'Uh, yeah,' said Reece.

'Yeah? enquired Jonty.

'Yeah,' Reece said.

'Good,' Jonty affirmed. 'And you want to help me out with this dirty job?'

'Emptying the oil box?' asked Reece.

'Emptying the oil box,' Jonty confirmed.

'Uh, yeah,' Reece said.

'Great,' Jonty said. 'Only you realise we're gonna get pretty filthy, don't you? I'll try not to get the stuff over us, but there's no way we'll be able to keep completely clean. Will you mind that?'

'No,' said Reece.

'I expect we'll both need a shower afterwards,' Jonty warned. 'So yes - remember to bring a towel with you tomorrow.'

'Okay,' said Reece.

'We'll find you a pair of overalls,' Jonty explained. 'But don't wear any of your own clothes - they'll be ruined. We can change in the mess room. Best just to have your pants on underneath and nothing else. And not your pulling pants either. They're bound to get oil on them somehow. I mean it - don't put on the underpants you wear to impress your girlfriend.'

'I haven't got a girlfriend,' Reece said.

'Wouldn't worry about it,' Jonty shrugged. 'It's not compulsory. Seriously - bring a spare pair in case.'

'Okay,' said Reece.

'And a towel,' Jonty asserted.

'Yep,' said Reece.

'Well, there we are,' Jonty exclaimed, '- Bevan Drive. If you like, I can pick you up here tomorrow morning. Save you waiting for the bus. Yeah?'

'Oh,' said Reece. 'All right then.'

'Eight-thirty?' Jonty suggested. 'That too early?'


--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---


'Get closer,' Jonty instructed. 'Get right up close. That's it - wriggle into the space beside me. Bit further further still, otherwise you won't be able to reach. Ooh! Careful. Watch your head. That hurt?'

'I'm okay,' Reece muttered.

'That was one of the batteries, that was,' Jonty explained. 'First time I crawled under one of these engines I couldn't believe how much stuff there was hanging down. Look at it! Like stalactites. I told you there'd only just be enough room for us to squeeze underneath. Are you cold? Sorry - I know it's not nice having to lie flat on your back on wet sand like this. Yay! It's coming right through my overalls already. I expect it is through yours.'

'Yep,' Reece shivered.

'Yeah,' said Jonty, '- it feels a bit weird just wearing your briefs underneath, but I promise you it's best if we get dirty. You'll see - we'll soon warm up. You're nearly there, I think. Just push yourself a couple of feet more. You'll need to have your head up right against mine. That's it. Hullo there, Reece. Well done! You made it. Only you look strange the wrong way round.'

'No,' said Reece. 'You're the wrong way round.'

'Ha!' Jonty laughed. 'We're both the wrong way round. Okay, let's see if we can do this. Let's prove Clive wrong. Did you hear him just now in the mess room? He said my plan was Heath-Robinson-ish. Cheek. I told him - you'll never have seen two baking trays put to better use. My only worry is how Kelly reacts when she sees they've gone missing from the refreshment room kitchen.'

'Will she go mad?' asked Reece.

'Uh yep,' Jonty replied, '- but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right - now then, like I said, my plan is that if you hold the tray with its edge against the driving wheel '

'Is this the driving wheel?' Reece asked.

'Yeah, to your left,' Jonty said. 'That bloody great round thing. So, pick up the tray. Good. Now if you can manage to hold it right up against that wheel, but slanting downwards and outwards over the rail, I reckon that when - if - I manage to prize open the bottom plate to the oil box, your tray is going to direct the oil to flow out into the other tray I've placed next to us in the six foot.'

'The six foot?' Reece queried.

'The gap between this set of the rails and the parallel ones,' Jonty explained. 'Think you'll be able to hold the tray up all the time?'

'Yeah,' Reece said. 'Hope so.'

'So do I,' said Jonty. 'Okay. If you're ready, I'll start unscrewing the plate beneath the oil box. Ready?'

'Uh, yeah,' said Reece.

'Here goes then,' Jonty sing-songed. '- the first screw. Ah yes, it's moving. You can't see what I'm doing from your angle, can you?'

'Not really,' said Reece.

'Lordy! It's weeping already,' Jonty exclaimed. 'Okay - that one's out. I'm loosening the second screw now. Ah, no! It's dripping all over me! Ah, bugger! It's hard to hold the plate - ah, bugger! - in place. Okay, Reece - oh flip, the oil's going everywhere! Get ready, cos I think as soon as I undo the third corner, it's going to be harder than I thought to stop it all coming out in a rush. Ah. Oh. Ugh. It's dripping right in my face. Get ready with the tray, Reece - I'm just unscrewing the third - Christ! - Oh! Flub! Flosh! Yuth! Thuth!'

'Eugh!' Reece shouted.

'Aye! Yuck!' Jonty howled.

'Agh! Oh no! Pffh! - ffht!' Reece spat.

'Have you got it all over you?' Jonty asked.

'Yeah,' Reece groaned. 'Agh. Oh!'

'Me too,' Jonty roared. 'It's bloody gone everywhere. Sorry. You alright?'

'Yeah,' Reece snickered. 'Yeah. It's cold though.'

'O Christ on a bike, it's still dripping out onto me! Stop! Stop, will you!' Jonty laughed. 'Where's it all gone apart from all over us? Did you manage to catch any of it in the tray?'

'A bit,' Reece panted. 'I think.'

'We'll have to clear out the sand-trap later, I expect,' Jonty said. 'Best we clean ourselves up first though. Can you see?'

'Just about,' Reece said. 'But it's all over my face.'

'Are you able to squeeze your way out, without bashing your head?' Jonty asked. 'See if you can clamber over the rail - careful now. Well done. Keep going. You able to see where you're heading?'

'Not really,' said Reece. 'It's gone in my eyes.'

'In mine, too,' Jonty said. 'I've got a rag. I'll hand it to you once I've managed to ugh! haul myself - aye, aye, aye - out. Here I come. There. Here's the rag.'

'Thanks,' Reece said. 'That's better. Do you need it?'

'Please,' Jonty said.

'You're covered in it,' Reece laughed. 'All over.'

'We both are!' Jonty exclaimed. 'Just look at you!'

'I know!' Reece giggled. 'It's gone everywhere.'

'Oh, bugger it - and see what a mess we've made,' Jonty winced. 'But let's shower and change before we come back to tackle that. Oh flip, it's dripping off us with every bloody step. We really oughtn't to tread it into the mess-block. Look, it's still early - there's no-one around, thank goodness - I suggest we take off our dirty overalls here and hop into the shower quick. Okay?'

'Uh,' Reece hesitated. 'Erm '

'Nobody can see us right now,' Jonty observed. 'Strip down to your underwear like I'm doing. Quickly. No time to be shy.'

'All right then,' Reece muttered. 'Hooh! It's cold!'

'Yep, it's nippy this morning all right,' Jonty concurred. 'Don't worry. No-one can see us. The punters aren't in yet. And if they do, so what? They'll get a cheap thrill in with the price. Nearly there. I think we're going to get away with it. Oh. Except I've got oil all over my hands. Shouldn't touch the door handle. Yours any cleaner?'

'Little bit, perhaps,' said Reece.

'Can you open it?' Jonty instructed. 'Well done. Quick! The showers! Hot water! Soap! Please! Please let there be hot water! Sorry, Reece - I never thought we'd get this filthy.'

'It's okay,' said Reece. 'Uh ...?'

'Oh, just drop your underpants on top of where I've dropped mine,' Jonty suggested. 'Now then, wasn't I clever? How's this for forward planning? Not just the baking trays - I nicked a bottle of washing-up liquid from the refreshment room's kitchen, too. Left it here. It's the only stuff that'll get this oil off. Ooh, lovely - the water's hot. Turn yours to the right, I think. That's it. There. That's good, isn't it?'

'Yeah,' Reece gasped.

'Too hot?' Jonty checked.

'No, it's fine,' Reece said.

'Cup your hands,' Jonty commanded. 'I'll squeeze in some washing-up liquid. Enough? Yep, just rub it all over yourself and the oil will start to come off.'

'You promise?' asked Reece.

'I promise,' Jonty laughed. 'We won't send you back to college looking like you've been down a mine. Ooh - this hot water's nice, isn't it? I'll say this - these are decent showers. Don't worry, Reece - it is coming off - oh, except between your shoulder blades. You've not reached that bit. And on the back of your arms. It's always hard to see if you've got stuff there. And there's still some on the back of your legs as well. Want me to try and scrub those for you?'

'Yeah,' said Reece. 'Thanks.'

'That okay?' Jonty asked. 'Tell me if I'm rubbing too hard.'

'It's fine,' said Reece. 'Thanks.'

'Don't fret - it's rinsing off. I'll just rub in a bit more washing-up liquid.,' Jonty explained.

'Thanks, said Reece.

'Ooh, blimey,' Jonty gulped, '- did it get right inside your pants?'

'Yeah,' Reece exhaled.

'You've got quite a lot of oil down there,' Jonty observed. 'It's all round your ...'

'Yep,' Reece muttered.

'Oh,' Jonty remarked. 'Hullo. Now there's a thing. It looks like someone's enjoying this. Sorry shouldn't have drawn attention to it. No, no - don't be embarrassed. No need. Happens all the time at your age. I remember what I was like. Any provocation, and whoosh! - suddenly you're having to hide the lump in your trousers.'

'Ha!' Reece snickered.

'Yes,' Jonty said. 'And look '

'Yeah,' Reece nodded.

'- seems like it's having the same effect on me,' Jonty smirked.

'Yeah,' Reece smiled, 'I can see.'

'Uh ' Jonty ventured, '- Would you like me to ...?'

'Yes,' Reece said.

'- touch you?' Jonty asked.

'Yeah,' Reece breathed.

'Yes?' Jonty checked.

'Yeah,' Reece affirmed. 'I would.'

'Like this?' Jonty asked.

'Yeah,' Reece whispered.

'That good?' Jonty queried.

'Oh yeah,' Reece said.

'That how you like it?' Jonty asked.

'Yeah,' Reece murmured.

'Harder?' Jonty suggested. 'Faster?'

'That's ' Reece puffed, '- That's ...'

'Okay?' Jonty enquired.

'Oh God,' Reece panted.

'Yeah?' Jonty urged. 'Yeah? You want to? You about to ...?'

'Ah!' Reece groaned, '- Ah! - Oh!'

'Yes?' Jonty spurred, 'Yeah? You going to? I want you to. You nearly ...? Yes?! Now? Yes?! Yes?! Goodness - hello there, Clive.'

'Oufwah! Fwoah! Aw-whoah! Whoaf! Awsh!' Reece vocalised.

'What's the matter with him?' asked Clive.

'Water suddenly went cold,' Jonty said. 'These showers are cranky.'

'He's doubled up,' Clive observed. 'Is he okay?'

'Fuff, fawf, oh fwooh,' Reece spluttered.

'It was a shock,' Jonty explained.

'Are you sure he's alright?' Clive enquired.

'He's fine,' Jonty assured. 'Yes - look - he's nodding his head.'

'He's breathing very heavily,' Clive remarked.

'It was tough work, you know, back there,' Jonty said, '- emptying that chamber.'

'Yes, but you finished some while ago, didn't you?' Clive puzzled. 'Shouldn't still be out of breath now.'

'He'll be fine,' said Jonty.

'Ugh. Uff,' Reece snorted.

'Strange,' Clive remarked.

'I'll make certain he's okay,' Jonty stated.

'Well, it's good, that you've taken him in hand, Jonty,' Clive opined, and continued with: 'Anyhow, I'm sorry to intrude on you, gentlemen. The reason for bursting in is to let you know that Chris is about to shunt the 47 off the sand-trap, so maybe you'll want to return to clear up the little puddle you've left.'

'Will do, Clive,' Jonty breezed. 'Don't you worry. Reece and I will put on clean overalls and get straight out there.'

'Good,' said Clive, and then: 'Not very warm in here, is it? Could do with a heater. I'll raise it with the purchasing sub-committee, if you like. Do no harm to splash out.'

'Very true, Clive,' said Jonty. 'We all need to, every so often.'

'Cheerio,' said Clive.

'He's gone,' Jonty whispered.

'Oh fuck,' gasped Reece.


--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---


'I thought I was going to die,' Reece tittered.

'Just thinking about it's getting me randy again,' Jonty exclaimed. 'Look! See what you've done!'

'Ha!' Reece laughed.

'Erm ' Jonty began, '- You can feel it if you want. Go on. Put your hand there.'

'Uh ...' Reece hesitated.

'No, okay,' Jonty corrected. 'You're right. Better not while I'm driving.'

'I'd like to though,' Reece said.

'Yeah?' Jonty asked. 'Later?'

'Yep,' Reece said. And then: 'Did he see?'

'Dunno,' Jonty replied. 'Pretended he hadn't if he did. But what the eff was he doing walking in on us in the shower?'

'Yeah,' Reece sneered. 'Bit pervy, wasn't it?'

'And the rest,' Jonty added. 'Though I have to say, matey, you were making quite a song and dance of it.'

'Was I?' Reece shuddered. 'Sorry.'

'No need to apologise,' Jonty reassured. 'But you didn't half make a noise.'

'Sorry,' Reece muttered, '- it's just that ...'

'Just that ... what?' Jonty asked.

'It's just that nobody has ever done that to me before,' Reece said.

'Nobody?' Jonty exclaimed. 'Ever?'

'No,' Reece said.

'Oh, mate,' Jonty cried. 'So I was your first?'

'Yep,' Reece muttered.

'Oh, matey,' Jonty spluttered. 'I want to give you a hug. I want to give you a kiss.'

'I'd like that,' Reece said.

'That's good,' Jonty smiled, and then: 'Say this then - it was an adventurous way to start your sex life.'

'What do you mean?' Reece asked.

'With a threesome,' Jonty joked.

'Threesome?' Reece queried.

'Yeah,' Jonty said, '- you, me, and Clive.'

'Ah, don't!' Reece spat. 'That's horrible!'

'Only kidding,' Jonty soothed. 'I'm glad - I'm really glad - if you liked what we did.'

'I did,' Reece murmured. 'It was even better than my best fantasies.'

'Was it?' Jonty enquired. 'How come?'

'When I woke up this morning,' Reece explained, '- I was so excited. I kept thinking I'm going to get messy today. I'm going to get oil all over me, and there'll be no way to stop it, and I've got to do it because I said I'd do it. And no matter how dirty I get, no matter how thick and disgusting and smelly the used engine oil is, I'm just going to have to let it go all over me everywhere. And then I thought - wow, that must be how Josh and Splosh felt when they were doing Buzzbox - you know, Buzzbox, the children's programme that used to be on on Saturday mornings? Never see it? No? Josh and Splosh were like the presenters, but they were only young, and every week they'd end up throwing pies at one another or one of them would get paste inside his trousers or they'd end up in the slime tank. Like totally in all this green stuff, or they'd get the gunge-gun, and they'd have gunk right over their face or down their pants and they'd still have to keep on talking to the camera. And I'd watch it every Saturday, and sometimes my mum would come in and say, "you're getting a bit old for this, aren't you?", cos I was like thirteen or fourteen then, and I'd go, "oh, not really watching it, Mum," but actually I had to watch it every week just to see them get all messy. And I always wished I was them. So this morning I thought I must be feeling what they must have been feeling every time they woke up on the days they did Buzzbox and they knew they were going to end up gunged. Does that make sense? And then the other thing that got me excited ...'

'What was that?' Jonty prompted.

'- Was that I was going to be with you,' Reece said.

'Oh, matey,' Jonty smiled. 'Honestly?'

'True,' said Reece.

'Oh, mate,' Jonty said. 'It's turned out to be a decent day. Look - sunshine now. The woods round this way are beautiful, I always think. The hills. Lovely countryside. I just want to hold you, Reece. Can I?'

'Yes,' said Reece.

'There's a kind of lay-by not far,' Jonty suggested. 'It's on the B4368 - know the road I mean? - the slow way round to Wetlingworth.'

'Erm ' said Reece, '- I think I do.'

'It's the bit where the old road's been cut-off by a new stretch. No-one ever goes. Shall I drive us there?' Jonty asked.

'Yeah,' said Reece.

'Now?' asked Jonty.

'Yeah,' said Reece.

'Great,' said Jonty. 'Great. Ooh - put it louder, can you? I love this one.'

'You can't!' Reece winced.

'Oh-whoah-whoah - Nev-er-mind-the-storm-y-weath-er - Just-as-long-as-we're-to-geth-er,' Jonty sang along. 'I love it.'

'So does my mum,' said Reece.

'Don't you like it?' Jonty asked.

'No!' Reece howled. 'It's crap.'

'Oh-whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah,' Jonty bellowed. 'But it's got such a great hook.'

'Jonty?' Reece interrupted.

'Yes, mate?'

'Think it's the next one.'

'What, mate?'

'Coming up on the left.'

'Sorry, matey?'

'Yes,' said Reece. 'I'm sure, I'm certain. Yes, yes - this is where we turn.'