Darcie's Wet Wedding

First a quick show of hands: How many of you guys knew something like this was bound to happen? One, two, three, fourAll of you huh? Well why didn't you tell me? I'm just kidding really. What I am about to tell you is a story of a day that I wouldn't change one second of even if someone handed me Aladdin's lamp and the genie offered me three wishes.

Anyway, they say that getting rained on on your wedding day is good luck. If that's true, then Jim and I are going to have a happy, happy marriage, both live to a ripe old age and be blessed with many children.

Now guys, I seriously didn't plan this. It all started back when Jim and I were trying to decide where to have the wedding. We wanted to pay for it ourselves since Jim really wasn't just starting out and Mom and Dad had already given us the land to build our home on knowing that I really wanted to have my kids grow up the way I did. (Yes, we did plan on at least one or two more, but I already considered Paula, Carly and Bailey my girls and adoption papers were already being drawn up. I know Off track already!) After conferring with a wedding planner, we decided that outdoors was our best bet. Jim and I were going over parks and plazas when it hit me That clearing by the creek were we watched the sun come up after Jim proposed to me! I couldn't think of a more romantic location to get married.

Of course it wasn't our property and it was a fine place to go swimming, but it needed a lot of work. We went to Mom and Dad's neighbors and they offered to let us use it for free if we cleaned and trimmed it up and left any plants that we put in. What a lucky break!

Mom and Dad suggested that we go ahead and have the reception in their backyard. What said Texas wedding more than a big barbecue?

With a June wedding date, every weekend in May, Jim and I spent working out at the clearing, mowing, clearing brush, planting beds of wildflowers, getting really dirty, throwing each other in the creek, but with the help of the girls and some of our friends on occasion, we got it looking great, even if we did allow ourselves some playtime out there.

Our wedding planner insisted that we have a backup indoor venue so I also had reserved our church with the understanding that if they had another need for the room before the wedding, I'd have to give it up. About ten days before, they called me for just that reason and asked if I wanted to keep the sanctuary and get charged for it, or did I want my deposit back. I looked at the long range forecast and let it go. There was only a ten percent chance of rain at that point. The weather forecasters in Texas always leave a ten percent chance in the forecast to cover themselves in case any thunderstorms pop up in the afternoon. However as the day got closer, ten percent became twenty and twenty became thirty until they finally settled on sixty percent two days before. I missed that forecast because I was busy providing the entertainment for Jim's bachelor party (See Darcie's Big Surprise Part 2).

On Saturday, I was awakened to the sound of falling rain.

Oh no! I said to myself. I drove out to Mom and Dad's and the sun looked like it was trying to peak out. By the time I was ushered into the bathroom by Mom, Beth, Ashley and a bevy of bridesmaid's it was shining. The only bad thing was that the humidity was awful.

It was clouding up again by the time the horse and carriage picked me up to take me out to the clearing. We'd rented a couple of vans and put Brad and Jacob, who were acting as ushers, to work shuttling guests out to the clearing. Our wedding planner was there passing out umbrellas and/or ponchos to whoever wanted them. Side note: Ladies always get a good wedding planner. I can give you Ella's number.

The carriage was supposed to be open, but the top was up with the threatening rain. It began to lightly sprinkle as Dad and I rode out.

Don't worry, Darcie, Dad reassured me. This is going to be a beautiful wedding and will go off without a hitch.

I was nervous enough without the thought of a downpour in the middle of the ceremony but I put on a brave face.

Do you want a poncho or umbrella? Ella, our wedding planner, asked me when I got out of the carriage.

I'm not wearing a poncho over my gown, I stated. Let me take a second to describe it. It was strapless, pure white, almost silver, and went to the ground with a short train. I went with simple since this was an outdoor afternoon wedding. My bridesmaids' all wore fuchsia spaghetti-strap gowns. Keeping with the semi-formal afternoon theme, Jim, Dad and all the rest of the guys wore gray tux pants, white tux shirts and gray and white pin stripe vests.

I also don't want an umbrella in the pictures coming down the aisle, I said. A little rain won't hurt us going that far. Have umbrellas down by the front.

I don't blame you about the pictures, Ella said. We already had the umbrellas down there ready for you.

I did give one exception. We made sure that Lizzy, my flower girl, (Brad's daughter; keep up!) had a poncho on going down the aisle. Same thing for Little Brad who Jim asked to be his ring bearer. We figured the kids didn't need to try to juggle umbrellas and carry things.

Ashley was my fourth bridesmaid. Jim asked her boyfriend Pete to be his fourth groomsman, primarily since he didn't know a lot of people here and Ashley and Pete were both at that age where they were really wrapped up into each other. (She's finally eighteen now guys, so if I slip up and tell you more about what she's doing than normal, I won't get arrested!) Steven escorted Darla from work. Two of Jim's friends from work, Dean and Terry, escorted two of my old friends from college, Margret and Brenda, respectively and finally Jim's cousin Chuck took Beth down the aisle, followed by the kids. It was sort of funny watching them stop and each open an umbrella when they got there.

Then it was my turn. Dad walked me down with my knees shaking. Jim stood there under his umbrella grinning at me from ear to ear, the most handsome Yankee anyone ever saw. (I really need to quit calling him that. He's becoming quite the Texan, but I think I'll milk it just a little longer. He seems to like it.)

Dad pulled back my veil, kissed me and handed me off to my true love. Beth handed me an open umbrella and we did a juggling act as I handed her my bouquet. Exchanging rings was going to be interesting.

No one really wanted to sit down since the seats were all wet so most everyone remained standing after the pastor began the ceremony. For the happiest day of my life, things were starting out pretty miserable. I didn't get that wet coming down the aisle, but the humidity was terrible and the strapless bra under my gown was sticking to me as were my panties. I was starting to sweat and I'm sure my makeup was going to smudge. To top it off, the rain was beginning to pick up again. At least it wasn't lightning. I was starting to wonder how long I could manage to smile juggling the umbrella while I felt the rain beginning to hit the back of my dress. If Jim hadn't been there directly in front of me with the biggest smile on his face I'd ever seen, I just might have given up. I never, ever thought that a low maintenance girl like me would be close to a bridezilla moment.

Then it hit me! I was looking at the situation all wrong! In all of the happiest moments of my life, I was not dry, clean nor pristine in any way. Whether it was growing up out here and us kids throwing each other in the pond and creek, running ATV's through the muddy bog or rolling around in it, raising money for charity with car washes, dunk tanks or mud volleyball, standing by a curb and getting splashed over and over by a nerdy redneck and his buddy who would go on and help me get over a bad break up, a wonderful moment in time with that nerdy redneck after doing mud runs in an old truck, getting dunked over and over in the pool at the base of Turner Falls by a certain blue-eyed Yankee and deciding that somehow, some way, we were spending the rest of our lives together, standing under another waterfall with him later on a rainy night when he asked me to do just that, or any of the other silly, messy things we've done together since, I was either dirty, muddy, messy, soaking wet or a combination of above in ALL of them. I'm not supposed to be hiding under an umbrella! I'm supposed to be getting rained on! What we were here to do was the important thing and here I was fretting over a silly thing like getting wet! Well that was about to change.

Jim immediately knew that something was up. One of the reasons I knew that he was my one and only true love was that he was the only man I had ever known who could accurately read me through my expressions alone. He told me later that he knew things were about to get interesting when my smile went from looking like it was forced to the grin he loved seeing because it meant that we were about to have some real fun.

I knew what we both had to do. I gestured above my head at my umbrella and then above Jim at his. Then I gestured over my right shoulder and flipped my eyebrows at him.

Jim chuckled and shook his head. I knew that reaction well. It meant, I can't believe she's doing this, but here we go! I raised my eyebrows and nodded expectantly. Jim's smile turned into the same sly grin that I had. He silently mouthed the words, On three. One, two, three.

We both tossed our umbrellas over our shoulders and into the aisle. I immediately felt the rain begin to wreck the hairdo that we'd spent two hours putting up. I didn't care! Water ran over my bare shoulders and down into my gown. It was warm and felt pretty good, especially when it hit my strapless bra and began to soak it and unstick it from my skin. Let's face it. If given the choice between soaking wet and damp from sweat and humidity, soaking wet wins with most of us every time.

I couldn't see Mom and Dad's reaction, but Jim told me later that they both just shook their heads and laughed. I'd made a promise to Mom that there wouldn't be any shenanigans at the reception with the cake or anything. Beth and I had talked about maybe taking Jim and a photographer out to the pond and creek and doing a Trash the Dress session, but that wouldn't be for a couple of weeks. Mom said I could do whatever I wanted after the wedding.

The pastor was reading a scripture, juggling his bible and an umbrella when all of this was going on, so he didn't notice our little exchange at first until several gasps and a few chuckles from the crowd got his attention. He used to be our church's youth pastor and had known me well since I was a little girl. This didn't surprise him one bit. He simply paused to laugh and went right back to the ceremony.

As if to answer whether or not we'd done the right thing, the rain suddenly picked up. I watched Jim's outfit get totally soaked while he stood there smiling. I felt the hairdo come collapsing down onto my head and my makeup begin to run. I probably had raccoon eyes by now and my gown was completely drenched. Good thing I went with a simple dress. Some of the more elaborate ones would have weighed a ton this wet. Jim just stood there looking at me with those blue eyes. Of course soaked to the skin is one of his favorite ways to see me anyway.

I saw Chuck making gestures behind me and watched as all of the guys took their umbrellas down. Looked like none of the guys would get their damage deposits back on their tuxes. I also heard umbrellas coming down behind me. Jim made a gesture toward my parents and I turned long enough to see that they both had dropped theirs and Mom had lost the poncho. She shrugged, giggled and motioned for me to turn back around. By the way, she STILL looks hot when she's all wet.

Umbrellas continued to disappear in the crowd. I could only see Jim's side. I should point out that he had mostly extended family and local friends there. His parents had both passed away when he was in his twenties, (no wonder he seemed lonely when we met, parents and wife gone when he was still so young). The umbrellas didn't totally vanish from either side. There will always be a few holdouts when it comes to living in the moment. However for the majority who did say what the heck, getting soaked provided one advantage. They didn't need to worry about sitting on wet chairs anymore!

We gave our vows to each other that we'd written ourselves. Luckily we both memorized them. We'd never have been able to read anything on paper in that downpour. I was bawling when Jim gave his to me. We'd kept them secret and I didn't know that a man was capable of writing anything so beautiful. (Okay, I'm just kidding. Jim writes me beautiful poems and notes all the time. Everybody say, Awww.) Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! I was bawling, but you'd never know by looking at me. I was as drenched as if I'd simply jumped in the creek and my makeup was already streaking down my face like war paint. At least my sticky panties had come loose! Lucky Jim kept his hair short so it just dripped water down his face. Beth must have reached around and shoved my hair out of my face ten times. So much for my two-hour hairdo and one hour of makeup. Oh well, Jim was going to eventually get to mess up both anyway.

We exchanged rings. The water won't hurt this one either, I whispered. (See Darcie's Messy Holiday) It was at this point that Little Brad and Lizzy decided that they'd had enough of watching the adults have all the fun and took off their ponchos. I could hear Danielle laughing at both of them.

Just before Pastor Bob pronounced us husband and wife, he slipped his bible into a waterproof pouch and lowered his umbrella to stand in the rain with the rest of us. He made the pronouncement and told Jim to kiss his bride. Now we'd actually rehearsed a simple kiss, but Jim must have figured that all bets were off. He pulled me up close and kissed me hard in the pouring rain. I know it sounds silly, but I did a leg pop. People were laughing at us and we didn't care. When had we ever cared if people laughed as long as we were enjoying each other?

I was glad Pastor Bob even got into the spirit of things. He said, Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present a rather soggy Mr. and Mrs. James Sutton. What God has joined together, let not man, nor the elements, put asunder.

I was crying tears of joy and laughing at him at the same time. Now we were both facing the crowd and I could see everyone on my side. Robert and Debbie were right on the aisle in the third row. His button-down shirt had gone transparent. Debbie was wearing a spaghetti-strap dress, blue with irregular green stripes and water didn't drip; it was literally running in several streams from the hem line. Her blond hair was slicked down the back of her head looking like she had just climbed out of a swimming pool.

We proudly walked back up the aisle through the downpour. The wedding party followed us and we formed a very drenched receiving line. I got and gave a lot of wet hugs and kisses. It was so funny. Most of the small number of people who were still wearing ponchos acted like they were afraid to give us hugs. My Great Aunt Patty actually said, I don't want to get you wet. It was still pouring on us at the time.

I leaned back and put my arms out so that the rain was pounding on my chest and said, Little late for worrying about that now! I really wonder if some of them were just embarrassed because they were too afraid to let go and live in the moment.

Robert and Debbie came through and both of them threw their arms around me. Debbie gave Jim a big wet hug and a kiss on the cheek and Robert tried to shake his arm off.

I wished I'd had the guts to do something like this when we got married, Debbie said.

It was too cold to stand out in the rain like idiots when you got married, I said. We would have all froze!

Pastor Bob came through the line. He took both our hands and said, Do you know what I saw today? I saw a couple who'll face whatever happens in their lives, good or bad, with love, good humor and a positive outlook. That, guys, is the true key to happiness.

After the receiving line had ended, the video guy and the photographer came up to us. The video guy wanted to show me the spot where Jim and I threw our umbrellas away and how in sync we were to the point that they flipped away from us looking like a mirror image of each other and they both hit the ground at the same time. He eventually slowed it down and used it in the opening of the video he titled Darcie and Jim's Wedding in the Rain. It looks really cool. We put both the full speed and slow motion versions of the clip on You Tube.

The photographer asked me, Do you want to hold off on group pictures and see if you can possibly dry out your outfits? Then maybe we can do this when the sun is out and no one looks She trailed off trying to put it politely

like a total wreck? I finished for her to help her past her embarrassment.

Sure, she said with a laugh, that works.

Absolutely not, I told her. Holding my hands out and catching the pouring raindrops I said, This is what my wedding was like and this is what I want in the pictures. I don't want to hide a single detail! I looked at the rag tag gathering of the wedding party and asked, Any objections?

We all know you too well to think you'd want it any other way, Beth said.

For a second, Beth and I were back behind the house getting splashed over and over by Robert and Jared. Oh my gosh! Jared! I totally forgot he came! He was there with his wife whom I'd not met before. She wouldn't take off her poncho and she didn't let him take his off either. She really gave us all strange looks in the receiving line and they were some who left the reception early, (more on that later).

We took group pictures like any other wedding, pouring rain, soaking wet clothes, collapsed hairdos, raccoon eyes, war paint running down our faces and all. And I honestly don't think I could have smiled any bigger in any of them. I love living care free and looking like a total fool once in a while just comes with the package. A portrait-size blow up of the entire wedding party, lined up and looking like fugitives from the S.S. Minnow, will hang above our fireplace proudly when our house is finished.

The guests had all been shuttled back to Mom and Dad's by the time we were done with pictures. Brad and Jacob loaded up the rest of the party and left. We told the carriage driver to take the top down.

But you'll get rained on back there, he said. There are a lot of clueless people in this world, aren't there?

I think we're a bit past that now, Jim said.

Just like that crazy weekend back in college, rain was pouring on us in buckets now as we rode the carriage back to Mom and Dad's. By this point I was past that threshold of sanity. You know; I described it as clown mode in Darcie's Messy Idea. Once I start to look silly, I get addicted to it and can't stop.

Jim, I said, I wonder if Mom will still get mad at me if things get silly at the reception and my gown gets messed up,. I held my arms out to illustrate the obvious. It was ruined and we'd likely have to pay for all of the guys' outfits too. However there are some memories that are worth the price, and we hadn't even finished making this one yet.

What about your hair and your makeup? he said snickering.

You mean they're messed up? Oh my gosh! What's wrong with them? I mocked.

He pulled me up closer and said before he kissed me, You look absolutely perfect, Mrs. Sutton.

Hey, you want to make a really big entrance? I asked.

You lead, he replied.

I knew he'd go along. So many men will let their women, who are fun girls like me, act silly, but stand back or sit on the sidelines. One of the reasons, among many, of why I love Jim so is that he doesn't let me act the fool by myself. Oh sure there was the bachelor party, but we ladies were the entertainment.

I told Jim what I wanted to do and then told the driver not to take us all the way to the reception but instead stop by the house under construction. We had to go by it before we drove past the pond.

We came out of the woods into Mom and Dad's back yard, or rather what is now our front yard. We started hearing cheering and clapping from the two big tents that were set up and from the people outside who figured there was no real reason to get out of the rain at this point.

Hey! You're at the wrong place! That bedroom isn't even finished! I heard Brad yell when we stopped by our house and the driver let us out. Jim snickered and we heard a lot of laughter and calls from the crowd, who was probably already drinking. This was going to be a Texas barbecue after all, rain notwithstanding.

Even before we'd gotten construction started on the house, Jim had put a floating dock out into the pond in our backyard like the one behind Mom and Dad's and bought a pedal boat. Luckily right now the boat was covered with a tarp or it might have been sunk. In the yard next to the dock was a small metal mini-barn for storing pool toys. We laughed at more cat calls sent our way when we both went into the barn. Laughter replaced the cat calls when we emerged with fun noodles and both went running down the dock. Jim and I ran off the end of the dock and plunged into the pond. Our friends and family laughed and cheered while we paddled our way out to the raft. Now mind you we were both still in our full wedding outfits including shoes! I'm glad I had the noodle. With that dress on, I might have drowned! We climbed up onto the raft and waved at everyone.

What're you doin' out there, Jim? Chuck yelled through cupped hands.

Just goin' for a swim, Jim yelled back. Good exercise!

We climbed up the ladder and rode together down the slide, still holding our noodles. Then we made our way to Mom and Dad's house after that. Everyone laughed and cheered when we walked up the sand.

Did you enjoy your swim? Beth said through her giggles.

Felt really good! I said. Wish I could do it again! (Famous last words!)

Jim swept me up and ran back into the water, me screaming all the way to make it look good, and dove under with me still in his arms. See why I can't get enough of him? He let me make it all the way out of the water the next time and we posed for pictures, kissing and dripping pond water. I am so glad it poured down rain on our wedding!

The reception/barbecue pretty much became a swim party after that. Anyone who was already wet, and few who weren't, ended up in the pond, either voluntarily or involuntarily, at some point. However most of the people who wouldn't take down their umbrellas or take off their ponchos simply waited for us to make our appearance, made their apologies and left. It might have had something to do with the fact that all of the seating was outside in the rain! (This incidentally left a lot of extra food and a lot of extra cake. More on that to come!)

Time to dunk the women! Brad yelled. The guys in the wedding party ganged up on the women, two against one, and one at a time carried them out into the pond and dunked them. Pete and Jim chased Ashley down first. She alternated between screaming and laughing until they waded out thigh deep with her and threw her in on the count of three. Brad and Darla's boyfriend Mike caught her and dumped her in. The bridesmaid's fuchsia dresses had long ago turned nearly red soaking wet. Next was Margret and then Brenda. Jim and Steven ran down Beth, who really didn't try very hard to get away. None of us did. We were still getting deluged by rain at this time anyway. Finally Jim and Chuck came for me. I'd already been in the pond twice so I let Chuck grab my ankles and threw out my arms for Jim to grab me under the shoulders.

They carried me down to the pond as I sung, A swimming we will go. A swimming we will go. Hi ho the merry-o, a swimming we will go! and threw me in.

My brothers chased down Danielle and Samantha next. Sam really seemed to be enjoying getting dragged into the water. She's really lightened up a lot. She was wearing a bright blue tank dress. She burst out laughing when getting dunked caused it to reveal every texture detail of her lacey bra. Being in water causes some clothes to stick tighter than simply getting wet! Of course Danielle put on an even better show. Her pastel sundress already gave away the details of her underwear. Getting dunked in it made it even worse.

Robert and Steven grabbed Debbie and dragged her down to the water. She was a truly good sport. They tossed her in and started to wade back out and she called them back to do it again! Would my wedding have been nearly this fun if the sun had stayed out and we all didn't get soaked in a downpour? I bet not! If you'd told me that morning that by this time today I'd be running around soaking wet in my gown getting in and out of the pond, I'd have told you you were nuts. Although I probably would have thought it sounded like fun!

Dad and Brad dragged Mom down and tossed her in. I met her slogging out of the pond, laughing her head off.

Giggling, I said, Mom, I guess this means that I don't have to worry about not acting silly in my gown anymore, huh?

Mom was laughing and pulling hair back out of her face. Her fuchsia gown hugged every curve of her body which could have passed for a woman's half her age. Of course I think I've mentioned that before. Honey, she began, you do whatever you want to and enjoy yourself. Just remember; your dad and I are getting copies of all the pictures and videos so if you embarrass yourself too much, we'll have the evidence for years.

Me? Embarrass myself? That wasn't possible.

Our photographer had taken so many candid pictures that she had to run to her car for another memory card. She'd luckily thought to bring a weather resistant camera. When she got back she asked me to gather up the bridesmaids and then asked us if we'd mind doing some funny shots like all of us diving off the dock and the raft together.

You just ask for what you want, I replied.

Jim pedaled her and the video guy out on the pedal boat and Beth, Ashley, Darla, Brenda, Margret and I lined up and dove into the pond from the dock. Holding onto noodles so we wouldn't sink in our dresses, we paddled out to the raft and went down the slide one after the other. Then Jim turned the pedal boat duties over to Jacob and all of the guys carried their counterparts running off the dock into the water, beginning with Pete and Ashley and ending with Jim and me.

Next Jim and I posed floating in inner tubes. Then Jim gave up his tube to Beth for pictures of us together. Little did we know that Jim and Steven had waded around behind us and ducked under the water to swim up and flip us off.

Have I mentioned yet how glad I was that it poured down rain on our wedding and soaked us?

Jim and I swam out to the raft again and rode the slide together. Then we climbed back on and jumped in together holding hands. Ashley swam out to us and she and I jumped in holding hands too with Jim sitting on the raft dangling his feet in the water.

Paula, Carly and Bailey wanted to get in on the fun. I thought a zany family picture was just the ticket. With the photographer and video guy out in the pedal boat, the girls stood in a line between us all holding hands and the five of us jumped off the dock together. It looked so cute because they were all wearing miniature versions of the bridesmaids' gowns. We did another one jumping off the raft and finally with all five of us floating in inner tubes.

Lot's of people were playing in the pond by now. All of the kids were. Since this had turned into a big swim party anyway, the caterer was just serving food as people wanted it instead of sitting everyone down to dinner. Eating in the rain wasn't easy, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

We gave up on the idea of having Chuck and Beth give us toasts. Instead of toasting us, Chuck and Beth took the bottles of Champaign that they were going to use, shook them up like crazy and sprayed them all over us. And don't think for a second that I cared. I was perfectly happy at this point with anyone who wanted to, playing trash the bride.

One of the tents that was set up was for the caterer, but the other was for the D.J. He started playing CD's. Jim, Beth, Ashley, Steven, Robert, Debbie and I had been playing in the water running off the side of that tent so I went running back out into the pouring rain and shouted, If you want to dance at my wedding, you gotta get wet!

Jim claimed me as his partner. The D.J. announced it was our first dance as husband and wife. Jim held me in his arms and I felt the warm rain falling on my head. Anything resembling my hairdo was a memory after our first jump into the pond and now my hair simply hung down my back. Rain fell on my bare shoulders and bosom and rolled into the top of my dress. I looked like an absolute wreck and my one and only gazed at me like he's never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. He was as bedraggled as I was, but all I saw was the most handsome man in existence.

I had my dance with Dad. We danced to My Girl in the rain drops. I'm sorry, sweetie, Dad said, I guess I fibbed about the wedding going off without a hitch.


No you didn't, Dad, I said. I definitely didn't plan on having a soaking wet gown or dancing in the rain, but I can't imagine it any other way now.

Don't you ever stop reminding Jim what a lucky guy he is, Dad said.

We both are, I said.

After Dad and I were finished, the D.J. called for the whole wedding party and all of the official dances. Finally he called the friends of the bride and groom. Robert led Debbie through the rain, which was letting up a little at this point, and took her in his arms to dance. That blue and green dress of hers left very little to the imagination soaking wet. In fact, there were a lot of ladies in the same situation. I guess when nearly everyone is showing off what they've got, no one seems to care.

Beth had provided the list of my favorite songs and wouldn't you know it? The D.J. picked that Alabama song they played at Beth and Steven's wedding: There's an Old Flame Burning in Your Eyes. I'd actually sort of avoided listening to it since the melancholy reaction I had to it then. (Remember; there was no Jim at that time.) Jim saw me smiling and watching Robert and Debbie hold each other in the rain. I was thinking about how good they looked together and how beautifully things had worked out for both of us.

There's no old flame burning in your eyes, is there? he asked. I knew he was only kidding.

In my best southern belle I replied, Why sir, you must know by now that the only flame that burns in my eyes is for a blue-eyed Yankee.

I love you, Mrs. Sutton, he said. I lay my head on his shoulder and felt the rain fall on me.

At the end of that song, we both found ourselves being abducted by Beth, Ashley, Brad, Steven, Danielle, Jacob and Samantha. They swept us up and carried us over to the dock while the rest of the guests cheered and hooted. They swung us in unison and threw us in on the count of three. I lost my train on that dunking. It's probably still on the bottom of the pond. We climbed out as they tried to run away and we chased them down the dock. Samantha was the unlucky one we caught. Jim threw her over his shoulder as she cried for help from Jacob.

You're on your own! he shouted back to her laughing.

Jim carried her down the dock while I followed him. That was my mistake. She was thrown over his right shoulder. Jim stopped at the end of the dock and grabbed me with his left hand and fell off the dock taking me with him. I probably could have gotten away if I'd wanted to, but what was the point? I was getting pretty good at treading water in my wedding gown!
Sammy's blue cotton tank dress once again hugged every curve of her body and revealed the texture of that lacey bra underneath. A year or so ago she would have died of embarrassment being seen like that. Today I could tell she honestly didn't care. I caught Jim taking a quick admiring glance as she climbed up the dock ladder in front of him. Her dress was really shiny soaking wet and I know he loves that look on me, so I cut him some slack. At least he didn't gawk at her!

If the bride and groom can pull themselves away from swimming for a while, it's time to cut the cake, the D.J. said.

Like I already mentioned, the people who refused to live in the moment and get all wet had all left by now. That left a surplus of cake.

Jim and Darcie will show everyone how they will always care for each other by feeding each other a piece of cake; we hope, the D.J. said.

We each cut one piece of cake from the bottom layer of our wedding cake, which had been protected by the caterer's tent. People all gathered around with cameras, expecting Jim's piece of cake to go anywhere but into my mouth. I fully expected the same thing. Jim grinned and sort of tossed the cake up and down before he maneuvered it into my mouth like I did for him.

All over the table were several single-layer round cakes that would be used to serve most of the guests. To recap, I was already a total wreck, as was Jim and nearly everyone else who was still there. My soaking wet gown, once a pristine silver white, now had the slightest tinge of green from spending so much time in the pond.

Awww, you should have splattered her! Brad yelled. I turned and stuck out my tongue at him with my fists on my hips.

You mean like this? Jim said and with a single motion snatched up one of the round cakes by the edge of the plate. I just had the chance to start to scream before he slapped it into my face. Bits of cake fell down my dress.

He held the plate in my face for a second. I just stood there looking disgusted with my hands still on my hips. I guess trash the bride was in full swing. Fine with me.

I heard different people yelling Yes! and Go for it! and Jim slid the plate up into my hair and rubbed it in well.

I heard my mom saying, Oh no! and laughing at the same time. Later when I saw the video I saw Jim pointing at my head to ask the crowd if I should get cake in my hair.

Cracking up, I wiped my face. Beth was right across the table from me. You're my Matron of Honor, Beth! I said. Are you just going to let him do that to me?

It's amazing how well best friends can read each other. Beth snatched up one of the other cakes and shoved it in my face saying, Yup!

The laughing was so loud at this point, I'm sure people were hurting themselves. Anyone who wouldn't have thought this was hilarious had already left. Actually anyone with a rod so far up their ass that they wouldn't have thought this was funny was someone who I didn't want at my party anyway. I thought it was funny and it was MY wedding. If I want to get cake shoved in my face I should be able to!

I grabbed one of the cakes and threatened Beth with it. She screamed and hid behind Steven. I shrugged and decked myself with it. I heard my mom literally scream.

Steven grabbed one of the round cakes, pulled Beth around from behind him and plastered her with it. All of the bridesmaids got it eventually.

Mom was laughing as hard as anyone, but she tried to put a stop to it. If you girls don't stop playing, there won't be any cake left for people to eat! Guess what Dad did! You only get one guess. Didn't Mom ever see The Three Stooges? You NEVER say things like that during a pie or a cake fight!

The last cake face was Jim. Since he started it all, Beth, Ashley and Darla held him while I shoved one in his face. Then we kissed and licked it off each other.

I noticed that Debbie was conspicuously missing and figured she'd run off to keep from getting caked. Turns out she remembered that there were still a few pies left down in the basement refrigerator from our little video shoot. She brought them up and put them on the table.

Here, we can play with these! she said. Famous last words as Robert was the first one to snatch one up and deck her with it. That's what she got for appearing with me as one of The Three Stoogettes. If Robert didn't already know that she didn't mind getting pied, he certainly did now! Brad and Jacob came up behind Danielle and Samantha and got them at the same time. Dannie and Sam each grabbed one but the guys ran out of the tent into the rain. The girls shrugged and stared at each other for a second. Then they slammed their pies into the other's face. Sam had definitely come a long way. I couldn't imagine her acting like this when I first met her.

Jim got me with the last one, (of course). He snuck up behind me and decked me good. Pie splattered out everywhere, with some landing on my dress. At least it was banana and not chocolate so it didn't stain too badly (like it really mattered now). And of course he slid the plate up into my hair. Make no mistake, though. I was having a blast. None of this was planned, but I wouldn't change a thing!

The cake was finally served for people to eat instead of hit each other with. Since it was still raining, most everyone huddled in the caterer's tent to eat. We were all soaked, but who wants soggy cake? Those of us who had taken cake and pie to the face didn't bother to wipe much off. I couldn't help but notice that even with all of our fooling around, we had a lot left over. It appeared that Mom over-estimated the crowd even if about a quarter of them hadn't left early because they couldn't get the rods out of their behinds long enough tosorry, they didn't think they'd enjoy the rainy day as much as the rest of us. Now, more than half the cake was leftover. There were a lot of the small cakes left and they hadn't even touched the main cake other than what Jim and I had cut for ourselves. Of course all we wanted was the little top to freeze and thaw out on our first anniversary.

Wow! Are you ever a mess! Jim exclaimed. I knew I was about to suffer some other humiliation. Hey, Brad! Give me a hand with her. We need to clean her up!

Brad went for my feet. I surrendered without a fight and threw my arms back so Jim could grab me under my arms. They carried me out of the tent through the spot where the most water was running off and headed for the dock. I heard Beth screaming and saw that Steven and Robert were close behind us carrying her.

She's pretty messy too! Steven shouted. We got down to the dock and the guys swung me into the pond in my wedding gown, yet again. Beth was next and we quickly swam out and blocked their way back to the house. We were those two silly sorority girls, daring a couple of rednecks to back up and splash them again.

I bet you he-men can't throw us out any farther than that! I said.

Yeah, my granny can toss people better than that! Beth jeered.

I saw the look on Robert's face. It was priceless. Boy, you two flirts never change! he shouted. But this wasn't for him at all. It was for Jim. We'd done plenty of silly things, but much of the time they were planned. I realized that this was the first time I'd ever had a chance with him to totally give myself over to the situation and take whatever he cared to dish out to me completely unplanned or in this case, dare him to dish it out even more!

Gentlemen, Jim said, I do believe that we've been called out.

We both surrendered when they came back to grab us and take us down the dock. After a couple of counts of three, we were swimming in our dresses again. It did get all of the pie and cake washed off our faces and out of our hair.

Do me next! I heard Ashley shout. She and our girls, (I am not using the term Jim's girls anymore!) came running down the dock. Jim laughed and he and Brad swooped up Paula and Steven and Robert grabbed Ashley and tossed them in, followed closely by Carly and
Bailey.

What happened next can only be described as contagious clown mode. I said before that my ability to act silly is always close to the surface, for some it takes a little liquid courage and for others it just isn't there. That last group of people had huddled under their umbrellas and in their ponchos through the whole ceremony, (Don't they know that they aren't supposed to be prettier than the bride? Of course Jim will tell you that I was still the prettiest girl there!), and they were already long gone from the reception. Everyone else had been drinking all afternoon. As Beth and I sloshed out of the pond and up the sand, we saw EVERY woman and girl who was still there coming down to the dock and lining up to be tossed in the pond. Of course we got back in line ourselves, right in front of Ashley and the girls. Debbie had led the charge down to the dock. Danielle and Sam were also some of the first ones in line, the rest of my bridesmaids came running down and yes, even my mom got tossed several times. Jim, Brad, Steven and Robert eventually got tired and had to be relieved by other guys. We were wearing them out throwing all of us in! This section is one of the many favorite parts I have of our wedding video. The rain even stopped and the sun finally came out while we were playing Drench the Wenches!

Hey! the D.J. called after we'd held up the traditional festivities for at least forty-five minutes, if you all want to play in the water, why don't you go ahead and do the bouquet toss down there too?

That's a great idea! I said. I knew just how to do it, too. We asked how many of the single ladies wanted to play. There was of course Ashley, our girls, (Oh don't groan. When have to ever been to a wedding when they didn't let kids play for the bouquet and the garter?), Darla, Margret, a couple of Jim's cousins and a few of mine. Jim and I raided where we keep our pool toys and where Mom and Dad keep theirs and rounded up enough inner tubes to go along with what we'd had out earlier for pictures. We made the girls jump in and get up on a tube. Getting a big laugh, I put my bouquet in my teeth like a shark knife and dove off the dock. I swam out to the raft with a noodle and climbed up. I stood on the edge with my back to it and all of the single girls paddled out behind me. I threw the bouquet over my shoulder. I tried to make sure it didn't go to one particular person and instead aimed for the water since I was pretty sure it would float. You can guess the outcome: Women scrambling around trying to get it, knocking each other into the water. It was so funny! Ashley finally ended up with it and came out to the raft to be congratulated. We posed for pictures and then I shoved her off.

It's 'Garter Time', ladies and gentlemen, the D.J. announced. Darcie, are you coming back to land?

I shook my head No. If I had to swim out here for this, then Jim did too!

I guess you have to swim for it if you want that garter, Jim, the D.J. teased. Jim came down the dock and dove in. I sat down on the slide ladder when he climbed up on the raft. I was going to be glad to get rid of the garter. I'd held off taking my stockings off until we'd done this.

Getting single men to go after the garter is hard enough, but getting them to fight for it floating in inner tubes is a whole other challenge. Little Brad was the only volunteer at first, but after some teasing by girlfriends, Pete, Darla's date, whose name I can't for the life of me remember, Margret's boyfriend, Marshall and some more cousins from both sides paddled out. Jim exposed my leg, (Really exposed my leg! One of the photos shows my panties!), slid off the garter and stood like I did with his back to the water and flicked it off his finger.

There wasn't as much of a fight for it as for the bouquet. Isn't that how it always goes? However Pete finally fished it out and jumped in to swim out to the dock to shake Jim's hand. He must have thought that he might get lucky that night if he got it for Ashley. (I really don't want to know if he did or not! TMI!)

They were posing on the edge of the raft shaking hands when I rushed up and tried to shove both of them in. (Well they deserved it for as many times as they tossed all of the girls and women in earlier. Yeah, I know we all lined up for that.) Damn that quick little Yankee anyway! He wasn't fast enough to get out of the way, but when I rushed up and shoved them, he got his hand around my waist and pulled me in on top of him. Pete swam off, but Jim grabbed me and pulled me up close to him. If you look at our photographer's web site, the cover page for her Trash the Dress section shows a couple kissing holding onto a swim ladder attached to a raft. Guess who that is!

Want to make our exit now, sweetheart? Jim asked while he held me in the water. We really weren't leaving on our honeymoon until tomorrow, but Paula, Carly and Bailey were going to stay with Mom and Dad, or Grandma and Grandpa as they had been calling them since long before today, and Jim and I were going to camp out in our new house. It was walled on the outside and the roof was on, but there was no drywall up inside anywhere. We'd got permission from the contractor to camp in our master bedroom tonight. But first we had to suffer that final newlywed humiliation getting pelted with bird seed. Yes I know it's supposed to be rice, but rice is bad for birds.

We told Mom we were ready to go.

That's probably a good idea, she said. I bet everyone is about ready to get dried out by now.

I'm not so sure that if I'd taken a poll that I wouldn't have got different results. A lot of people told me later that they'd never enjoyed a wedding more in their lives. Many of them said that they'd been to weddings that had, or their weddings had had some little glitch that created either a bridezilla or even a groomzilla. They wished that they'd had the guts to just roll with whatever was wrong because maybe they'd have an even better memory. I know that any wedding we go to in the future is going to have to go a long way to beat mine!

Go wait in the tent and we'll get everyone lined up, Mom said.

Jim and I stepped into the caterer's tent. I noticed two very strange things right off. The first was that the side flaps were down. The side flaps hadn't even been down when it was raining. We had all been showering in the rain run-off under the open sides earlier. Someone didn't want us to see what was going on outside. The second peculiar thing was that all of the leftover cakes, including the big one, that were here before Jim and the guys dragged Beth and me out to toss us in the pond, were nowhere to be found.

They sure cleaned up fast in here, didn't they? Jim said. I bet he was thinking the same thing I was thinking.

A little too fast if you ask me, I replied.

Think we're being set up, sweetheart?

I said, Oh I'd bet money on it. I hope you really like cake!

Mom stuck her head inside the tent and said, We're ready out here. Mom had to be in on it. And she was the one who originally made me promise that there would be no shenanigans at the reception. Of course spending the day at the wet wedding of the century can loosen anyone up and Mom really doesn't need much loosening. We're a lot alike.

I took Jim's arm and he escorted me over to the tent door. Boy, that gauntlet of rice throwers was really narrow and they all seemed to have one hand behind their backs.

Nice knowin' you, Darcie, he said with a chuckle. I giggled in response. We both knew what they had in mind for us.

May as well get it over with, I replied.

We stepped out the door with our heads held up, and both walked right into a cake splattering each of us in the face. The hoots and hollers began immediately. We just froze and took our medicine. They decked me over and over in the face and I got hit several times in my boobs and stomach and on down the dress. I couldn't see, but I assumed Jim was getting the same punishment. Someone plopped one on top of my head and smeared it around. I was giggling like an idiot.

Suddenly the barrage stopped. We both wiped our faces to look at each other and cracked up. There wasn't a spot on our heads, faces and the fronts of our bodies that wasn't covered in whipped cream icing and really, really fine white cake. Of course the cakes were all decorated with fuchsia icing flowers and now so was Jim's outfit and my gown. It was something to go with the barbecue sauce I'd spilled earlier I guess.

I attempted to look disgusted, but it's hard to look disgusted when you're giggling.

How'd you like your send off, dear? Mom said.

And you were the one who was afraid of 'shenanigans' at the reception, I said.

I stopped being afraid of those the moment you two dove in the pond, she replied.

You were supposed to throw rice, Jim said.

Oops, sorry, Mom said and everyone threw bundles of bird seed at us as if what Jim had said had been their cue! Why that sneaky little Yankee!

You were in on this! I screamed, playfully slugging Jim's arm. He stood there laughing and everyone else got another good laugh at my expense.

Yeah, but it was worth it to see you wearing all that cake, he chuckled.

I said to Mom, I hope you at least saved us our little cake topper.

I sure did, she replied. She couldn't help but laugh at the way the bird seed stuck to us covered in gooey icing, sort of a wedding day tar and feathering. It's in the freezer, but we still have this big bottom layer. What do you want us to do with that?

There was a setup if I ever heard one.

I whispered in Jim's ear. He'd set us up. He deserved to help me invite this last indignity.

We put our heads up together cheek-to-cheek and said in unison, Let us have it!

It took Mom, Beth and Steven to lift that big two-foot-wide piece up, but they wasted no time in plastering us with it, while the rag tag bunch of guests laughed, whistled and clapped. They got us so good!. They rubbed the cake plat up and down, thoroughly smearing us with white and pink icing from our hair down to our stomachs. Who's wedding gown couldn't use a little color anyway, right? When they finally dropped the plat, Jim grabbed me in his arms and gave me another hard, leg popper just like in the ceremony and smeared the cake and icing deep into my beyond help hair.

Beth's gown needed a little white to go with the wet fuchsia. We both grabbed her in a sandwich hug making sure to smear cake and icing, since we had PLENTY all over us, onto Beth's head, face, and dress. She screamed and cackled with laughter.

Jeeze! I exclaimed as I wiped cake and icing from anywhere I could. Jim and I licked a lot of it off each other's faces. It was good cake after all. The crowd sort of dispersed and left Beth there with Jim and me, trying to clean ourselves off. I saw our video guy chuckle as he packed away his equipment. He got some great stuff. Kellie, the photographer, came walking up to us. She had started out the day in a poncho, but had given in with the rest of us. In her soaked light blue French cut t-shirt, tan capri's and sandals, she was as drowned a rat as the rest of us.

Laughing at the sight of Jim, Beth and me still covered in wedding cake, she said, I have never seen such total disregard for a wedding party's outfits before in all of my life!

The four of us laughed for a second and then she added, I really mean that in a good way. Have you guys ever heard about 'Trash the Dress'?

I put out my arms and said, I think we pretty much lived it, don't you? As I'd said earlier, Beth and I had talked about doing a session after Jim and I got back from our honeymoon.

Yeah, and I got some great candid stuff from all of you that I'd like to put on my website. I'll give you a discount if you'll let me.

I said, With all of the digital cameras and video cameras that were here, this wedding is going to be the star of You Tube and Flikr for months, I replied. You can put whatever you want on your website.

Thanks, Darcie, she said. Like I mentioned, I've got great candid shots, but would you guys mind getting back in the pond and maybe getting a little messier for some posed shots? I'm all wet anyway; I'd love to get some underwater. I won't charge you any extra.

Jim and Beth both nodded yes. Just tell us what to do, I said.

Wow! This is really getting long! What say we save the trash the dress for Part 2? And for those of you who notice that sometimes my stories don't have any sex at all, remember; my wedding night is coming up!