Darcie's Messy Rebound

It's Darcie again, your friendly, neighborhood flirt! As promised I'm back to tell you another tale from my past. In case I've lost you, I'm going to pick up after we got back from the big mud volleyball tournament during spring my senior year in college. Let me preface the story by saying being a fun-loving girl and getting dumped by a guy who never appreciated it sort of makes you want to show him what he's missing and might make you let some people get away with things that they wouldn't normally get away with! You all should know by now that I am totally devoted to my new fiancand if we ever meet, you better never try some of this stuff with me!

Let's see. The control freak had just dumped me via a text for getting mud on his clothes at a MUD VOLLEYBALL GAME! (I'm really not bitter about this anymore. I just like pointing out how stupid that sounds.) Kurt had called me saying that I and any friends I wanted to invite could come back on Sunday and play in the mud at the Commons because the equipment wasn't coming back to fill in the mud pits until Monday. I had accepted and told Beth and some of my other sisters who really seemed to have a lot of fun in the mud on Saturday and we were all excited.

I was getting dressed to go play in the mud again Sunday. The clothes I wore Saturday were hung over my desk chair to dry. I had fully intended to wear them again, but as I stood there in my jersey shorts and tank top I'd worn to breakfast, the wheels began to turn. The control freak, (okay I'll use his name) Luke didn't want me anymore because of who I really was. Now I wasn't passionately in love with the guy, but it did hurt. He didn't like the fact that I sometimes messed up my clothes. He thought it was childish. If this relationship was going out, it was gonna go out with a bang.

I grabbed the wrecked clothes from the day before and dropped them in the garbage. I opened up my drawers and closet. Nothing was off the table. If I was going to get muddy, I was gonna get MUDDY! The first thing I spotted in the drawer was that damned bikini that Luke made me buy. I nearly tossed it in the trash, but instead I put it in the box of his stuff that he asked me to leave at our house desk. I put a note in there too telling him if he had second thoughts that I would be helping clean up the commons area and he could find me there. That was really so he could see what he was missing. If he really wanted me back, he was going to have to get used to me being a little bit different. I doubted he'd make the change, and I had a little show to put on for him if he wouldn't.

The day before, I'd worn my rattiest panties that I normally wore under my workout clothes and which had holes all around the waistband, with an old white sports bra. Today I put on a dark blue lacey thong and matching Wonderbra. The day before I'd worn an old, worn pair of cut-offs that had several holes in the butt. They'd been concealed by the too-large guys' muscle shirt that Brad had given me and I'd often worn as a nightshirt. Today I put on a pink denim mini-skirt and a yellow camisole tank top that fully concealed neither the top of my Wonderbra, nor its straps. I very nearly put on a pair of black patent leather stiletto heels, but I stopped short of destroying a pair of $70.00 shoes in the mud and instead opted for my flip-flops.

Beth texted me and told me she was ready to go. We were going to Steven's frat house to meet up with him and walk over together. I picked up the box of Luke's stuff and went to Beth's room. She looked me up and down when she answered the door. She wasn't wearing the exact same outfit as yesterday either, but hers looked a lot more like it than mine did.

You do know where we're going and what we're doing, right? she asked.

You bet I do, I replied, and I'm going to let that little prick see exactly what kind of a party girl he's missing out on!

O-o-o-o-kay, Beth dragged out, rolling her eyes. How do you know he's even going to be there? I'm sure he didn't get invited and wouldn't come if he did.

I'm leaving him a note telling him where I'll be if he's had second thoughts, I explained, but he's going to need to make some changes. Now of course I've since learned that you really can't make someone change to suit you. That's why I'm glad I waited until someone so compatible came along, but at this point, I just wasn't aware.

They're your clothes, Beth said and we headed downstairs.

I left the box at the desk. We went out the back door into the rain that was falling. We'd be drenched long before we got there. Little did we know


Want to swim for it? I asked jokingly as we neared the retention pond. Beth just looked at me, but had she not taken it as a joke and said yes, I would have been sliding down the muddy slope in an instant.

We walked around the muddy pond and started up the sidewalk. It had rained all night and all morning, a warm Texas rain just like the day before. The street was still flooded out. Now we either had a couple of stalkers or you have to believe in amazing coincidences. The moment we were walking next to the broadest, deepest part of the flooded street where the water lapped over the sidewalk, I heard a familiar engine roar and a familiar horn. All I could do was brace myself as the Chevy Blazer split the flood, instantly drenching every square inch of the two of us and covering us in a coating of brown mud and road grit. I couldn't help it. I doubled over again laughing. I'd think it was funny no matter how many times they got us.

Robert's friend pulled over and they both looked back at us. They were just as drenched and muddy as we were. The day before they just had their windows down. Today they had taken off the removable top that usually covered the Blazer's back seat and rear bed and removed the sun roof too. I don't know how wet they were before they did that, but the water had also shot over the top of their truck and rained in on them through the sun roof. They laughed along with me. Beth seemed pissed, but only for a second.

Don't you two assholes get tired of doing that? she asked.

No, ma'am! Robert's friend driving replied. We hoped we'd find some girls walking along there. We were just lucky it was you two again!

Beth shook her head but started to laugh. She really is nearly as good a sport about this kind of silliness as I am. It's why we were best friends. We still are. I chat with her on Facebook all the time. Steven's favorite thing to do is throw her in their pool and she confesses to often getting as muddy as her little boy when she plays with him.

You two goin' back to the mud field? Robert asked.

I put my arms out to each side to gesture to my appearance. I had really wanted to ruin this outfit with a dive into the mud, but a drenching from a monster truck would have to do. If we weren't we may as well now, I answered.

Well we'd offer you girls a ride, but we know now that you have boyfriends, Robert said.

I remembered the offer to go to the quarry yesterday that an hour later I would have taken. Well technically, as of yesterday, I don't anymore. Is that offer still good?

Just climb in! Robert's friend said.

What are you doing, Darcie? Beth asked me. The expression on her face said that I was crazy but I wonder if she wished she was free to come too.

Today I'm gonna live dangerously, Beth, I announced.

Well have fun, but be careful. I'll see you over there.

Hey, you comin'? We ain't got all day, ya' know! Robert yelled over the driving rain.

The rain was getting increasingly heavier. Here I come! I yelled back through it. I jumped off the curb and sloshed through the flooded street up to the back of the Blazer. I climbed up on the step bumper and right over the tailgate. The guys were making redneck calls the whole time sounding like the drunks in a Girls Gone Wild video. I hopped over the back seat from the bed and landed my ass right in a puddle of muddy water on the seat.

I'm Robert and this is Jared, Robert said.

I'm Darcie and that's Beth, I replied.

Dry enough for you back there? Jared asked. They were getting rained on through the missing sun roof, but I had no cover whatsoever. Not that I really cared. My goal today was to outdo my stupidity of yesterday.

Shut up and turn that Skynyrd back on! I yelled through the pouring rain. And Beth said she wants to get nailed again!

Whatever she wants, Jared said and whipped the Blazer around to race back up the street. Now I thought once Beth had figured out what I put them up to, that she'd probably run off. No, she did just what I would have done. When she saw Jared turn around again and make a run at the flood, she stepped right up to the curb and stood there doing the princess wave as we raced through the water and hid her under a muddy deluge. Of course I had room to talk. As Give Me Three Steps blasted from the stereo, a tidal wave of muddy water washed over the top of the Blazer. It got them inside good enough, but it literally plastered me. I was completely brown and looked like I had simply jumped out and rolled in the flooded street. I don't know who was laughing harder: Me at Beth, Beth at me or the guys at both of us.

We drove all over campus as Jared and Robert looked for puddles to splash pedestrians with, but mostly settled for getting me splashed in the back with mud and road grit time after time. I sat back there and begged for more. I danced in my seat to Sweet Home Alabama with my arms up over my head, making redneck girl noises and letting droplets of water and mud fly from my hair, all while getting drenched in the pouring rain.

So what happened to that boyfriend of yours? Robert finally asked.

This happened, I replied, gesturing to my wrecked appearance. He doesn't think I should act this way. Robert was eyeing how my cami-straps and bra straps didn't match up and how the thin yellow top revealed every detail of the bra under it. He looked down quickly, embarrassed at having been caught and I winked.

What? You shouldn't be fun? Jared asked.

Well it's too bad, 'cause I am fun! I replied.

You're sure that! he shot back.

Listen, I have a hunch that he might just show up here today. You guys want to help me show him what he's missing?

Just tell us what you want us to do, Robert replied.

I explained what I had in mind as we drove around campus. I was so hoping Luke would show up. Having help was going to blow his mind.

We needed some supplies for my idea so Jared stopped at a convenience store before going to the commons. Neither one of them wore a shirt, so I had to go in dripping water and mud. The clerk looked at me strangely, but with the mood I was in, I wanted as many people to see me totally wrecked as possible.

Jared pulled into the commons field and parked. I jumped over the back fender and landed in a big puddle in the grass. I saw Beth and Steven over by one of the pits that had been used for volleyball. The nets were gone and people were wrestling in them. They both looked like they'd just crawled out. They were covered head to toe in the dark gray, nearly black mud that I so loved being smeared in the day before. Time for the ultimate trashing.

Hey! Beth! I yelled and started to run, but I lost a wet flip-flop and tripped to fall face-first in the puddle I was standing in. Robert had just gotten out of the passenger side right next to me and saw the whole thing. I came up with grass in my mouth. He literally fell down laughing so hard and landed on his butt in the puddle next to me. He was in his filthy cut-off painters pants from yesterday and a pair of crappy looking Converse sneakers. Beth and Steven were doubled over too. Jared came around to see me lying in the puddle on my stomach, and laughed harder than all of them. It was still pouring rain. It was warm and it felt so good.

Robert helped me up and still giggling at my graceful entrance, we ran across the commons to Beth and Steven. We ran right past them and all three jumped into the former volleyball pit. The constant rain since yesterday had filled it with water and the constant churning of bodies had turned the water into nearly black soup. I landed on my feet and let them fly out from under me to go down on my butt with a huge splash. Jared and Robert splashed down on either side of me. I lay back and splattered the back of my head in the murk and then rolled over to make sure my front was fully covered.

What the hell took you so long? Beth called down into the pit. We walked and got here before you!

I knew this comment was going to cost me, but I'm an absolute glutton for punishment. I had to let these two drive me all around and show me off, I said. Otherwise no one would ever believe they got a real girl in their truck!

Robert scooped up a handful of the thick mud from the bottom of the pit. He shoved it into my hair and smeared it all over. Then I felt him putting pressure on the back of my head. I resisted just long enough to take a deep breath and then relaxed to let him shove my face under the soupy water and all the way down to the bottom to plant it in the thick mud. He held me there for a couple of seconds and rubbed my face around for good measure. I flailed my arms around struggling. Even under the soupy mud/water, I could hear everyone dying laughing at me. I was beginning to like these two guys, Robert especially.

He let me up and I raised up on my elbows. I still have the picture someone took with one of those single-use water-proof cameras. I had a silly grin on my face, my eyes clenched shut, mud dripping from my face and hair and EVERY single inch of me was dark, dark, (almost black) brown. I knew there was a big puddle right in front of the pit, so I blindly staggered out and carefully began to run until my feet hit water and I dropped onto my stomach to slide. It rinsed my face enough to see. I realized that when I entered the mud pit, I was wearing flip-flops, but now I was barefoot. Another quick jump in there should find them, right?

Wrong! I immediately blinded myself again. I don't know why I thought this might work, maybe I just really, really wanted to look like a fool, but I tried to slide across the volleyball pit. The slide pits were dug with a zero-depth entry area and went deeper the farther you went. However the volleyball pits were dug out about one and a half feet all the way around and with all of the churning of the bottom, the gooey mud down there was about another six inches deep. I took off on a run again for the pit. My friends just got out of the way and let me do this. I don't blame them. Kurt was taking videos and had just walked up. He got the whole thing and it's funny as hell! At a dead run, I put one foot up onto the sandbags surrounding the pit, threw my arms out like Superman starting to fly and dove. Instead of sliding across though, when I got all the way down into the pit, I was going down more than forward. I ended up doing a muddy belly-flop and planting my face deep into the same glop that Robert held me down in. I made a terrific muddy splash that nailed everyone watching!

It wasn't just my little group laughing at me now. If you ever get to see the video, at about this point Kurt can barely hold the camera steady. Look it up on You Tube, I think it's called Dumbass Girl Tries to Fly Across Mud. I figured I may as well give them a grand finale as I pulled myself up to stand. I couldn't see anything, so I turned toward where most of the laughter was coming from, actually more sort of staggered around. I wobbled my whole body around like a fighter about to go down, and then collapsed backwards, spread eagle, into the slop.

I thought Beth was going to hurt herself she was laughing so hard. Steven decided she needed to join me and grabbed her arm. Now normally a girl will resist some, even if she realizes that Resistance is Futile (one for the trekkies out there) or better yet, if she simply wants to be thrown in, just to put on a good show. Beth was laughing so hard, she wasn't functional. Steven just yanked her around like a rag doll and shoved her over the side. I had managed to get my eyes open and even though I was loving every second of this, it was still good to see someone else take a face plant into the bottom of the mud pit. I never did find my flip-flops so I was barefoot for the rest of the day. Didn't bother me. Country girl, remember?

All five of us slid down the real mud-slides after that, but I still got a face full every time just like the day before. I had fun anyway. You aren't having fun in the mud unless to can taste it!

Kurt walked over to us again after we'd slid through the puddles in the grass to rinse off. Those and the relentless downpour were only baths since the showers and fire hoses we used on Saturday had been removed during the teardown. Aren't you a little over-dressed to play in the mud? he asked, eyeing what had been a pretty nice outfit earlier that day.

Why yes, yes I am, I replied. (Any Phineas and Ferb fans out there?)

Well I don't buy your clothes, he said. Wear whatever floats your boat.

Just then, who should I see coming from the other side of the commons with his umbrella but Luke? Jared, Robert, that's him. Get the stuff ready.

I lied during Darcie's Messy Idea. I said Luke never spoke to me again after I smeared mud on his clothes. He actually never spoke to me again after this, but who could blame him?

Hi, Darcie, he said flatly, eyeing my appearance. You said you were going to help clean up, but it looks like you just wanted to make an ass out of yourself again.

I figured telling you that was the only way to get you to come here and hash this out, I replied. And it's fun to make a complete ass out of yourself once in a while. If you weren't such a tight-ass, you'd know that,

'I guess I was wrong, he gloated. I thought what I did had shaken you enough and you'd grown up.

No, I was wrong, I replied, in ever thinking that an uptight guy like you would ever loosen up and appreciate a girl who you can dish it out to in droves and she'll keep coming back for more.

The supplies we'd stopped off for were paper plates. I said, I want a guy who's not afraid to do this to me... Jared shoved a paper plate full of the gooey muck from the bottom of the volleyball pit into the left side of my face. or this Robert shoved another plate full of the goo into the right side of my face. Luke stood there, stunned. Beth was quietly giggling. or this I continued. Steven shoved a plate of mud right into my face and rubbed it up over my head, smearing it well into my already muddy hair. I could only imagine Luke's reactions now that I was blinded again. I have to stop and admit to lying again, this time in Darcie Gets it Good. I said that I'd never been pied. Maybe that's true. Up until that point, I'd only been mud-pied, Anyway, I finished setting myself up for my slapstick routine by saying, or even this. Jared and Robert dumped a five-gallon bucket of the slimy, soupy mud from the volleyball pit out of a bucket that they had in the Blazer over my head.

You're fucking nuts, Darcie! Luke exclaimed.

While I spoke, Robert scooped up the cleanest water available, from the puddles in the grass, into the bucket. I may be fucking nuts, but I don't know what I ever saw in a boring, tight ass like you! Robert nailed me with the bucket of water and I was able to get my eyes open again. But let's not part on such a sour note. C'mon, give Darcie some huggies!

Now I really wasn't going to grab him. He was dressed in a button-down Oxford shirt and plaid Bermuda shorts. Even though I'd wrecked one of my best party outfits solely because I was pissed off at him, it didn't mean that I was going to trash him. Somewhere deep down I'd hoped that he'd loosen up and play with us, but that was a lost cause. I just lunged forward like I was going to give him another muddy hug. However despite my best efforts to be the biggest idiot of the day, he involuntarily took that title away from me. He back-pedaled away, slipped and fell backwards, spread eagle, into one of the big puddles. Now ninety percent of people out there, depending on how long it took them to get over the shock, would probably start to laugh eventually themselves. Not Luke. He cursed at all of us, turned trying to get up, and splattered flat on his face again in the water. I thought he was going to cry for a second before he stormed off the field.

Except for one time in the Student Union food court and when they called his name at commencement, that was the last time I ever saw him and he acted like he didn't even know me in the food court. His loss.

Well, I guess that's over for good, I said and then turning to Robert, I added, Now I can explore new possibilities.

I love my darling fiancand I have no regrets at all about how life worked out, but I have to admit that if our goals would have lined up, I would probably be married to Robert today. He wanted to eventually move to California when he graduated next year, and I really, really wanted my kids to experience the place and way I was brought up. We parted good friends eventually, but I'll get to that eventually. Our mismatched goals were the main reason I tried to keep our relationship from getting too serious You'll see I nearly succeeded.

Hey, get back to the story, will ya'? Robert somehow read my mind because he took my hand and knew exactly what I wanted to do. We took off holding hands on a dead run for the volleyball pit.

GO FOR IT, DARCIE! I heard Beth scream. We stepped up onto the sandbags, threw out our arms like Superman taking off and leapt forward to both belly-flop and plant our faces into the six-inch-deep mud under the soupy stuff in the pit. We tried to climb out, neither of us able to see, and only succeeded in knocking each other back in three times! I kept getting more and more mud in my mouth because I could not stop laughing and keep it shut. Finally Beth and Jared had to jump in to guide each one of us out and get us to where we could dive into the puddles in the grass and clean our faces.

We played, raided vending machines for lunch and then played in the mud some more. I idly asked Robert, Did you guys go out to the quarry to swim yesterday?

No, that was just a spur of the moment idea when we met you and Beth and you didn't get totally pissed off at us for splashing you.

We'd been standing out on McGinty and getting nailed by cars for at least a half hour before you saw us. You guys were just icing on the cake, I said.

I wished we had known that; we would have come by and nailed you nine or ten times then. He paused and added, Hey, you wanna go out there now?

Got no reason why I can't! I said.

I found Beth and Steven and told Beth that I was going to go to the quarry with the guys.

Well be careful out there, she said. They might think you're just taking them out there to get lucky.

I don't know. With the mood I'm in right now, they just might. I was kidding, but if they caught me in a weak moment Robert especially seemed to have an instinct for the way to treat me to help me get over the control freak.

Hey, you can't leave yet! Steven said. You still need to try to slide across the volleyball pit one more time. I bet if Beth dove with you, you'd make it this time!

Beth tried to run, but Steven grabbed her with a drawn out, NooooHoHo!

Everyone started chanting, Beth and Darcie, Beth and Darcie. I saw Beth's eye roll which meant she knew she was only delaying the inevitable.

Hey, Kurt! Jared yelled. Go over to the other side of the pit and video them coming at you.

Kurt got in position. Beth and I lined up and everyone else waited for our total humiliation by the mud pit. Steven started us off with, On your mark,; get set; GO! Beth and I sprinted for the mud pit, bounded over the sand bags and dove, only to belly flop with a loud splat and throw out a wall of mud that nearly got Kurt's camera. Beth and I lay there with our arms outstretched and our faces buried under the soup and several of the six inches of soft mud on the bottom. I shook my head in disgust, still mired in the muck. Even through what clogged my ears, I could hear them all laughing at us. I pulled my face out so I could laugh without drowning.

Beth and I struggled out of the pit, barely able to open our eyes more than a slit. Beth spied Steven, whose shirt was somewhat clean after sliding through the puddles in the grass and pulled me over to him. She wiped her face off in the front and I wiped mine off in the back. He just stood there saying, What the hell? but he made no attempt to stop us.

Except for my face, every inch of me, including inside my clothes and underwear, was covered with either the soupy mud or the thicker stuff from the bottom. I felt the rain washing some from my hair. It was getting hard again.

Guess I'd better rinse off before we leave, I said.

Robert grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me head toward the puddles. No, you don't, he said. You're going to be 'Darcie, The Mud Goddess'.

I didn't argue with him. The rain would rinse most of it off and if Jared wanted that much on the floor of his truck, why did I care. We all said goodbye and I climbed over the back tailgate like I'd gotten in before. I hadn't used the door yet. Robert handed me another mud pie as he got in. I faced our friends who weren't leaving and shoved the plate into my hair and rubbed it all around. If only we could act like this every day. I bet the world would be a much happier place.

I think I'm just going to move out here and lie in the mud all the time, I said to Robert and Jared as we pulled away. Once again, I was sitting in the pouring rain while they had a little more cover, but not much. The strangest looks we got were before the rain rinsed most of my mud away. We splashed a lady at a bus stop and really pissed her off, but of course I got just as nailed.

The quarry was about twenty-five miles out of town and Jared did his best to race through every puddle he saw. As a result, all three of us, mostly me, were covered with more mud, oil and road grit by the time Jared pulled off of the highway onto the dirt road back to the old quarry. Jared shifted into four-wheel-drive and headed in. The road was bumpy and really muddy after all the rain. Every once in a while, he would spin the tires and a little mud would splash onto me.

There was a big dip in the road just before we got to the quarry. The two-day rain had filled it with an unknown amount of brown, muddy water. If we made it through it, it meant we'd probably have the place to ourselves. Jared stopped and turned toward Robert and me. You wanna take it slow, or punch it? he asked.

Punch it! I answered. Robert laughed and nodded. Jared gunned it into the water. I watched as the front end disappeared and a wall washed over the hood and then the windshield. I braced myself and shut my eyes before the wall of muddy water washed over the top, soaked the guys through the windows and sun roof and then turned its sights in me. It seemed like it would never stop falling on me. I wiped my eyes when it did and I was completely brown once again.

Jared stopped and both of them looked back at me. They looked bad, but I looked ten times worse. I AM DARCIE, THE MUD GODDESS! I yelled. I felt my feet underwater and looked down to see the brown water swishing around the floorboards. Good thing this was far from a luxury SUV. The seats were vinyl and the carpeting was rubber.

Jared drove on to the quarry. The road was actually cut down to the water level so people could launch boats. That meant we luckily didn't need to jump in from the cliffs. I would have never made it in those days. (See Darcie Gets it Good). I jumped out over the tailgate and then opened it to let the water out which of course poured over my skirt. Like it was going to hurt anything now. My skirt was a dingy gray with a hint of pink and my top was a dingy gray with a hint of yellow except for where the sheer material let my blue bra shine right through which was a dingy gray with a hint of green.

You're just a magnet for mud, aren't you, Robert said and gave me a little tickle above my waist. It was clear now who was my date and who was the wingman. That was okay, like I said; I was beginning to like Robert.

Well you guys made me the Mud Goddess, I replied.

Mud goddesses aren't made; they're born, he replied. The Blazer had thick mud stuck to it all over from our dive through the mud hole getting out here. Robert scooped up a handful. I knew what he was about to do. Other girls might have run away, but I stood my ground. He shoved it right into my face and rubbed it up into my hair that was full of mud from the day's activities anyway.

I thumped my chest like Tarzan and did my best impersonation of his yell.

And that is why you are the Mud Goddess, my dear, Robert said.

I'd been here many times. Everyone on campus knew about the quarry. It had been abandoned years before and the state had turned it into a fishing area, but everyone on campus knew it as a place to swim, (clothing sometimes optional), have bonfires and party. Like I mentioned earlier; it was a bit of a risk. Girls told stories about getting the old, put out or get out routine and having to walk home. I'd just been dumped by a guy who I thought I was doing a favor going out with in the first place because he needed a little fun in his life. Like I said before; if these guys caught me in a weak moment, I probably would not have walked home. In fact, I sort of volunteered Wait! We'll get to that eventually.

The rain had let up to a light drizzle, just enough to be annoying were we not already soaked and covered in mud. I could see the clouds breaking up finally and the sun peaking through out to the west. I was the first one in the water. There was a small dock next to the boat ramp and I went bounding down it. I knew the water was deep enough so I dove right in. It was a little chilly after all the rain, but I quickly got used to it. As much as I had loved getting nailed with the mud over and over that day, it was nice to be able to rinse it out of certain places with relatively clean water. (It was at least as clean as the pond back home!)

Jared cranked up some Charlie Daniels and he and Robert joined me in the lake.

This is a silly question, but as wet as you get the inside of that truck, how do you keep a stereo working? I asked. It was a silly thing that had bugged me all day.

Jared explained, Next to the tires and wheels, the stereo is probably the most valuable piece on that old thing. They make weather-proof car radios for mudders.

My curiosity satisfied, we started to play around. Now this was the first time I'd ever been a single girl on a date with two guys. I'd seen this match up before, usually in this situation at a lake or beach or some creek swimming hole. You've seen it too. The girl is usually accommodating to both of them, sometimes to the point of appearing slutty. I don't know what any of those other girls' excuses were, but this was a day that any boy around me might have gotten away with murder. They both dunked me over and over. They'd pick me up if we were in shallow water and throw me in. If I climbed onto the dock and one of them was already up there, he pushed me back in. They both tried to dump sand down my underwear, but remember I was wearing a skirt and a thong. There was no place for it to land! No matter what they did to me, I kept coming back for more, usually with no attempt to get revenge. You all know from past experience that that is sort of my personality anyway, but usually I had to get to know someone a bit before letting him relentlessly tease me. (Even Jim; remember our many talks in the evening that first week he stayed in the hotel.) Maybe it was the shock of suddenly not having a boyfriend anymore. Especially since he never treated me this way, and let's face it; I really LIKE being treated this way. There was a book that they made us read in Human Relations called The Five Love Languages. It was all about how each of us have one particular way to be treated that shows we're loved. I wanted to write to the author and tell him he missed teasing.

After a while, Robert suggested that we rest and Jared said he had a deck of cards in the glove compartment. We all climbed into the open back end of the Blazer and sat in a circle. Jared said, It's 'straight poker' Lady and Gentlemen.

Now I didn't know much about poker. I knew how most of the hands scored, but I knew in poker that there had to be stakes. I soon found out what they were.

I was the first one out of the first hand. Sorry, Robert said, first person out has to give up her shirt. Once again I was about to do something that for years I'd wonder whatever possessed me in that moment. I mocked a disgusted sigh and put my fists on my hips, but without saying anything else, pulled my top over my head and threw it onto the back seat.

They both looked at me like I was crazy. Well the jury has never come back on that, but that's beside the point. I was only kidding, Robert said.

Are we gonna play or are we gonna play? I asked. I decided to milk this so I purposely lost the next hand. I suppose the skirt comes off next? I asked as innocently as I could.

However you want to play! Jared replied. I stood up in the back and turned my back to them so when I dropped the skirt, they would immediately see I was wearing a thong. God, I hoped no one else driving something that could make it through that mud hole decided to come back here!

Shit! Robert exclaimed when my skirt dropped to the Blazer's bed. I bent over to pick it up, purposely sticking my ass in their direction.

Fuck! She really is crazy! Jared said.

I dropped my skirt on the back seat and sat back down as if everything was perfectly normal. Even with the gray tint from the ground in mud, my Wonderbra and thong still looked sexy. By the way, Jim's already heard this story so don't go running to tell him. He knows that were it not for me having a need to blow off steam after Luke, NONE of this would have happened. I've given him more than enough strip teases to make up for it.

They were both staring and it wasn't at my eyes. C'mon, c'mon. Are you gonna deal or not? I asked. I'm feeling really lucky this hand!

Jared dealt the cards and I ended up with a hand that I might have been able to win with standing pat; were I trying to win. Instead I threw in the good cards and kept the crap and lost again, just like I planned.

Robert nearly fell over when I went for the front closure on my bra. Damn! You guys are either cheating or you're just too good for me! I said and let my 34-DD's out into the sun that was just coming out as the rain clouds moved on. Jared fell back against the tailgate and they both began to make redneck noises when I stood up and let the bra fall from my shoulders and onto the back seat.

I played it for all it was worth. Looking down at both of them as I stood there with my hands on my hips, I said, I'm going back swimming again while I still have a shred of dignity!

I climbed over the back seat and went between the front bucket seats to exit on the passenger side. I stormed off toward the water and stopped about halfway. When I turned around they were both still sitting there with their mouths open like two mailboxes. They'd been teasing me all day, and don't get me wrong; I loved it and was asking for it. But I also need to dish it out once in a while. It took my total humiliation, but I finally got them! Putting my hands on my hips, I scolded, Are you two rednecks going to just sit there or are you coming with?

They finally decided that they weren't dreaming and jumped over the back of the Blazer to chase me down the dock and into the water. I honestly don't believe I did that. I know what possessed me though. I had so wanted to tease Luke that way. It's the way I'm wired. We'd been intimate a few times, and I won't complain, but he wasn't fun to be around. Was I planning to take off my clothes when I asked them if they still wanted to come swimming out here? Of course not! One thing just led to another.

I ran around in nothing but my thong until we were ready to leave. Luckily no one else showed up. They still grabbed me and threw me in and dunked me, but no one's hands went where they weren't supposed to.

When we were getting ready to go I asked, Did I just lose my clothes out here or do I have to ride home this way?

Robert lost it. I was batting my eyes and striking a sexy pose with my hand on the muddy, muddy truck fender. Stifling the laughter, he replied, No, you can put them back on.

I grabbed my clothes from the back seat and got dressed sans the Wonderbra. The sun had been out for a while. Hey, look! The sun's dried my clothes out. I won't have to ride home soaking wet!

Taking the obvious hint, Robert grabbed me and said. I can fix that in a jiffy. He threw me over his shoulder and ran for the dock. I screamed to make it look good and he jumped off. We splashed in together and came up sputtering and laughing. Our eyes met for just an instant and I had the urge to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. Either he wanted to be a gentleman or just missed it because he swam back for the dock and climbed out.

Well, my sheer, wet top didn't make nearly the impact that it usually would. Think maybe it was due to the fact that I'd been running around topless for over an hour? We piled in and Jared started to drive us back up the dirt, (now thoroughly mud) road to get out. We got to the big washed out area and he didn't give us a choice. He gunned the engine and Robert and I both let out redneck calls. We hit the muddy water and all got nailed as before: Them through the windows and sun roof and me full on. So much for getting somewhat rinsed off in the quarry. We must have been lucky the first time however. I felt the Blazer's engine sputter and we stalled about three-fourths of the way across.

Shit! Jared shouted.

Robert just laughed. I leaned forward, dripping mud from my hair once again and said, Some redneck you turned out to be! Can't even make it through a little mud puddle! We would have been in serious trouble if he hadn't been able to get it to start. It's a long walk back.

Jared tried a few times to get the engine to fire and after several expletives, he finally got it to go. Getting moving was another challenge. Even in low-range, the tires just spun.

One of these days I'm going to have to get a fucking winch, Jared said. I think you two may have to push.

Now I wasn't afraid of getting out and pushing. I'd taken plenty of mud baths helping get Brad's truck, the Gator or the ATV's unstuck, but I wanted to see if they had any chivalry in them. Real gentlemen would both do the pushing and let the lady drive.

She's right, Robert said. Let's get out.

I couldn't believe they went for that! Robert must really like me. But what did he have to lose? He had to get out either way!

With my shoes lost hours ago, I was going to have to drive barefoot. Luckily I'd driven Dad's old truck back to the creek barefoot lots of times and it was a stick. Jared's Blazer was an automatic. Piece of cake.

We tried rocking it first. Jared would push from the front when I was in reverse and Robert would push from the back when I was in drive. With the wheels spinning, I couldn't help but bury both of them in a thick coating of gooey mud the tires kicked up from the bottom of the puddle. We finally managed to get some forward momentum and Jared waded around to the back to help Robert push from there. I wish we'd had a camera crew following us around, (well except for the half-naked part), because the three of us had comedic timing good enough to put our adventures today on television. The Blazer's front wheels caught the more solid ground in front of me and it lurched out of the mud hole. This of course left Robert and Jared pushing against nothing and they both face-planted into the think soup I'd created by churning up the bottom of the puddle.

I pulled up about twenty feet, stopped and got out. Both of them were just getting to their feet. I couldn't help but laugh. You guys look simply marvelous! I yelled back to them.

Come over here and say that! Robert yelled back.

I'll do you one better! I shouted. I knew from the moment that they agreed to let me drive while they pushed that I was going to end up in that mud hole with them. What sort of Mud Goddess would I be if I didn't? Mimicking earlier today, I took off running. I could see them starting to laugh. I got to the edge and threw out my arms to dive, just like the volleyball pit, except it wasn't as much of a belly-flop. The Blazer had dug the hole out nearly waist-deep and I was able to go under and maintain some forward momentum. I came up right in front of them and managed to get my eyes open.

I said, 'You guys look simply marvelous,' I repeated, spitting mud from my mouth. We were all dark brown from top to bottom.

It was as if we never left the commons after that. Despite really needing to get back to campus, we dove into the hole, slid into it, floated in it and wrestled in it. It was during the wrestling that I felt how much both of them were enjoying playing in the mud with me.

Now what happened next and what happens a little later always gets edited out of the official story when I tell it, so you are bound to secrecy. I never did anything like this on a first date before, nor with more than one person and never, ever did again. Had I not just been dumped and really needing to have fun with a guy, it never would have happened today either. Out of breath, we all fell down sitting in the mud. It was nearly up to our chins when we sat. I was in the middle, Robert was on my right and Jared was on my left. I sat up and turned around to face them on my knees.

Guys, I've had a blast with both of you today. I want to do something for you. Just sit back and enjoy this, I told them. I went for Jared first. I reached under the mud and found his shorts. I unbuttoned and unzipped them and yanked them and his underwear down between his legs. He looked stunned. I took a quick pass to make sure he was as hard as he was when we were wrestling. He didn't say a word. I turned to Robert and did the same thing.

What is this? he asked as I ran my hand down his erection lubricated by the mud.

Don't tell me you've never had a hand job before, I said as I reached for Jared's with my other hand. Jared tensed up a little, but it didn't take long for them to relax and enjoy themselves like I told them. I began to giggle when it looked like it was becoming a competition of who could last longer. Robert finally gave in and let go. That allowed me to concentrate both hands on Jared and finish him off.

I leaned back and looked at both of them smiling at me. I expect to see two letters to Penthouse beginning with 'I'm a student at a large east Texas university,' I quipped.

I didn't know mud could take the place of KY Jelly, Robert finally said.

They pulled their shorts back up and we all got back in the Blazer as is, meaning the only white on us was our eyes and teeth. My hair felt like it weighed a hundred pounds.

We pulled out onto the highway and made for a self-serve drive-through car wash that was just up the road.

This won't get everything. I'll still have to wash it by hand inside and out, but this is a start, Jared said as he pulled up to the pay station.

He ordered a regular wash and underbody. Whatever you do, don't ask for hot wax, I joked. It was obvious he intended to take all of us through in the open truck.

He pulled forward onto the guide rail and as soon as the indicator had him shift into neutral, he and the Robert unbuckled their seat belts and jumped into the totally unprotected back seat with me. Where was that camera crew? We all cried, Oooohhhhh! in unison as the water hit the front of the truck and got closer and closer to us as we rolled forward. It blasted the front seats through the open windows and sun roof and finally got to us. It wasn't too hot or too cold. It was just right. It felt like getting blasted with the fire hose yesterday. We sat together and giggled as we were drenched for the umpteenth time today, but it really was getting a lot of the mud off of us.

Ooooo! Shampoo! I shouted as the soap began to fall. I really did use it to get a good start on washing my hair, which once I got back to the house and a real shower I'd probably be finishing up just in time to go to class tomorrow.

With the mud gone, my top was transparent once again. I probably should have put my bra back on since we were returning to civilization, but what the hell!

We rolled on through the rinse cycle and into the driers. Jared made for the front seat and Robert started to go with him.

I could use some company here, I said, grabbing his shorts and pulling him back into the middle of the back seat. He smiled at me and fastened the seatbelt.

The driers were fun. Good thing I wore shorter hair in those days. I didn't end up looking too much like I'd been in a hurricane.

We've got a spectator, Jared called back from the front. A kid was videoing us with his camera phone. I blew him a kiss as Jared pulled away.

I'll look for that on You Tube, sweetie! I called back to him waving. (It's there. Search for Dumbass Rednecks in Car Wash. By the way, why do all of the You Tube videos I'm in seem to have dumbass in the title?)

It was getting dark and we were starving. Like morons we didn't think to bring any food with us. There was a Taco Bell next to the car wash so we hit the drive through and ate in the parking lot to more weird stares.

Robert stayed in the back seat with me when we left the Taco Bell. We only had about twenty miles so I made the first move and started to rub his leg. He turned and took the hint and began to kiss me. Then we started to French kiss. My top was not so soaked anymore, but not so dry that my nipples were hidden either. Robert glanced down at them and snickered.

I rolled my eyes, bobbed my head back and forth and said, What the hell. You've seen them. You may as well feel them! By the way, this is the second part that never makes it into the official version of the story so mum's the word!

Robert first simply rubbed them outside my top. I giggled at him and gently guided his hand down and under the bottom of it. He found the rest of the way himself.

Hey! Cut that out! Jared said. He was laughing as he looked in the rearview mirror at us.

You're not the boss of me! I said back to him. He chuckled and went back to his driving.

After two or three miles of kissing and fondling, I said, Robbie, you certainly found second base. Want to try for third? He gave me one of those shocked smiles The kind that says, I don't believe this is happening! I'm not sure why he wouldn't after what I did to BOTH of them.

Robert slid his hand out of my top and up my skirt, riding along my inner thigh. I gasped. I would have made my thong wet myself if it weren't already. I raised up in the seat a little and he gently guided it down my legs. It landed in a puddle on the floor and I slipped one foot out of it so I could spread my legs easily. His fingers walked back up my inner thigh as we kissed, our tongues discovering each other's. I gasped again when he found the spot and gently, lovingly, massaged it. We passed a lot of cars during the next few miles. We sat up really high in the Blazer with its big mud tires and of course what we were doing was hidden by my skirt, but I wonder how many people might have figured it out.

I got Jared's attention in a hurry when I came. He must have not realized that Robert had left second base and stolen third. OH! SHIT! he cried when I began to moan with my head thrown back. Luke never gave me as much pleasure with his manhood. (I'm only going to compare this experience to Luke. My current sweetie, one true love and future hubby KNOWS what I like!)

Anyway, my thong was back in place by the time we were back on campus. Jared pulled up to drop me off on the flooded side of my sorority house just before the start of the big puddle. (Big surprise, huh?) Robert and I had been kissing most of the drive through campus, but he gave me one more goodnight kiss.

Jared was smiling back at me as Robert slid back up to the front seat. Don't worry. You get one too, you silly redneck, I told him and leaned forward and kissed him too.

Kneeling down between the seats, I said, Thanks, you two. You helped me get a lot of stuff out of my system. But I'd really appreciate it if a lot of what happened stays between us. Okay?

Both of them smiled and nodded. I would also like to see you both again, but you need to know: I did a lot of stuff today that I don't normally do right after meeting someone. It would take a lot more getting to know someone before I'd do those things again. Know what I mean?

Jared nodded. Robert said, We sure do, Darcie. Don't worry. No one will ever know.

I know. I trust you guys, I said. Somehow I just knew I could and they've never broken their promise, (at least to my knowledge).

I touched both of their cheeks one last time. I really DID appreciate them letting me let off steam with them. I turned and climbed over the back seat and was about to climb over the tailgate when I finally heard the question I was waiting for.

Hey, Darcie, Robert began, want us to 'Sock it to you' one more time?

You can't be a fun, accommodating girl without learning how to mock scold. With a big smile, I let out an exasperated huff, put my fists on my hips, bent forward slightly and said, What is it with you rednecks having the need to constantly splash pretty girls with mud?

Robert didn't miss a beat in answering: It must have something to do with the fact that the pretty girl acts like she likes it.

Well I am 'The Mud Goddess', I bantered right back. I climbed over the tailgate and walked past the truck to stand next to the deepest part of the puddle.

What are you waiting for? Sock it to me! I called.

They both let out a redneck call. Jared threw the Blazer in reverse and shot back up the street. When he came racing forward again, I took up a new look. With my side to the street, I stuck out my right thumb to hitchhike with my Wonderbra dangling from it. I reached across and pulled up my skirt with my left hand to expose all of my right leg and stuck it out toward the street. I giggled in anticipation. The pretty girl really did like this. Jared laid on the horn, split the puddle and soaked me down for the millionth time today. I turned to wave at them as they drove away, laughing my ass off. I enjoyed them nailing me with that muddy water more every time it happened, and it happened a few more times before the end of the semester!

Soaked and covered in mud again, I saw no reason why I shouldn't slide down the eroded spot into the muddy retention pond, except this time I got up the nerve to ride down head first three times.

I hosed myself down and wrung out what I could from my clothes. It was late and I was sore and would probably not like getting up in the morning, but it was so worth it. Beth had left me three frantic phone messages. I didn't carry it again today. So I called her and assured her everything was fine and that the guys didn't abduct me.

I got together with the guys a few days later and we gave the Blazer a really good washing, (and each other too!) Like I said before, Kurt asked me out a couple of times, but it was really Robert who had caught my eye. I would have dated Jared too if he'd asked me, but he must have been a really good friend and stayed out of Robert's way. Robert was a gentleman and of course never spoke of anything I asked him not to. He also had an instinct for knowing what behavior from that day he could repeat and what was taboo. I know because he pushed me in the muddy retention pond THREE TIMES before the end of the school year, twice by myself and once after a double date with Beth and Steven they threw us in together.

Jim really is my one true love, but if things had worked differently, Robert and I would be married today. I'm sure of it. He ended up getting offered a job that summer to begin in September in Silicon Valley, just where he wanted to end up. They were even going to pay for the rest of his degree if he transferred his credits out there. Imagine that: A nerdy redneck!

I had already graduated and had started my career when I found out. I knew it was curtains for our relationship, but we still had that summer to see each other. His family lived in Texarkana, so it was still an effort for us to get together even with him still in Texas.

He wanted to see me one more time, so I headed over there on Labor Day weekend, (Did THAT take some begging to get off. I work in a hotel, remember?) and met up with him and Jared to go to Louisiana Mud Fest. We made the runs in Jared's Blazer without the top and played in the mud all weekend just like old times. They pulled me through the pit on an inner tube and we spent all our time of our last weekend together our favorite way looking like pigs. I even entered the ladies' mud wrestling tournament. I didn't win, but it was a blast anyway. I just thought of something! This was actually the last time I got really muddy before jumping in the pond at home. Well my head's been spinning a lot. I just got engaged! So cut me some slack!


We sat on a blanket watching the fireworks on Sunday Night. I rested my head on his shoulder, thinking about how this would probably be our last evening together for a long time, if ever. Then it hit me. Of all the guys I'd ever dated, whether I was in my former progressive phase or not, Robbie (Only I was allowed to call him Robbie.) was the sweetest guy of all of them who hadn't been all the way. This trip was just supposed to be me having fun with him and Jared. Imagine the look on his face when out of the blue I leaned over and whispered in his ear, Wanna finally get that grand slam?

He looked at me with his mouth wide open. I just grinned back and blew him a kiss. It finally sunk in that I was serious. How can I turn down an offer from the Mud Goddess? he said grinning right back.

We'd both showered before the fireworks, so we could bypass the crowds there and I led him straight to my tent. Now folks, it really was a spur of the moment sort of thing. In all my life, I never neglected protection except this one time. My timing was pretty regular so we seemed to be safe. (Don't jump back to the last chapter and look for protection under the waterfall. I've been on the pill for months!) It just felt so right to simply give myself over to him completely, no barriers.

He stayed with me all night and woke up ready to go again. Now I figured we were already taking enough chances, so he got to learn that Darcie don't spit!

There isn't any surprise that came out of that night. I didn't get pregnant, but thinking about it later, had I, I would have given up my plans, married him and gone off to California where I would have gladly let him knock me up a couple more times at least. I even cracked myself up thinking about our redneck wedding picture, me in my white dress, complete with baby bump, Robbie next to me looking nervous, Mom doting over me and Dad next to her with his shotgun. Knowing their sense of humor, they probably would have gone for it. My parents really did like Robert and Mom even tried to tell me that it would be okay to follow him, but I really wanted my kids to grow up where I did.

Even though I didn't want it to get serious, it took me a while to get over Robert. But I guess it always works out because Jim entered my life just about the time I was ready to find someone again. And I found another someone who loves me for being me: That country girl who always swims in her clothes and isn't afraid to play in the mud or (thanks to him) get plastered with a hundred pies! We don't come along every day you know.

Oh, by the way, in case you were wondering whatever happened to Robert, we still keep in touch. He designs video games and has a blast doing it. There was a girl in his department with the prettiest Tennessee accent he'd ever heard, and she really seemed interested. It took him a while to get over things too, but as soon as he did, she swooped in and snatched him right up! Turns out she grew up swimming in the creek in Daisy Dukes and halters and her big brother took her to mud runs. And she LOVES getting the worst end of it when Robert teases her. (I wonder if she likes pie!) They're getting married next spring and I can't wait to take Jim along and go. Robert says he's going to bring her back next Labor Day for Louisiana Mud Fest. I wonder if I can talk Jim into buying an old full-size Chevy Blazer.