Kellie's Big Day: The Conclusion
Or Countdown to Clutch Part 7

Hi, everyone! Darcie here! Who else would it be? Well I am going to get all the way through Kellie's wedding story so we can move on to Clutch with this installment even if it kills me! So you're going to have no reason at the end for me to have to take off my dress and get pied topless. Then again. I may think of one between now and then! Anyway, let's get back to the reception. Kellie and Johnny had just left us in stitches with their slapstick routine to remove her garter and let us all see her red boy short panties.

Someone I didn't know snatched the garter. Well, at least Pete caught mine, even if he had to swim for it.

As I mention everyone, I'll recap what she was wearing. Ok, just the ladies. I know no one cares about the guys' costumes. Just remember they complimented ours.

Ok, I'll start with Ashley. I'll throw Pete in too because what's Robin without Batman?




Well in our case, both of them were going to be our masters of ceremonies. The D.J. introduced them.

Ladies and gentlemen, Batman and Robin have something important for you to hear!

Good evening, citizens! Pete said. He was really hamming it up. What a far cry from that shy guy Ashley brought home! The Boy Wonder and I have come here tonight because we heard that this poor couple has no funds to spend on their honeymoon.

The D.J. was in on it with us and led everyone in a collective, Awww!

Fear not, citizens of the Dallas/Fort Worth greater metropolitan area, for Robin and I have a plan to raise the funds they require. Please direct your attention to the folding doors which will open presently. What a ham!

The doors to the other half of the banquet hall rolled back to reveal our little surprise. There were two stations.

The first was an extra large, good old Easy Dunker model dunk tank, but also with the extra large target option. The second was a booth with a stool in it. Next to it were carts filled to overflowing with pies and lots of five-gallon buckets. A ladder was next to the booth and on top of the booth was a funnel.


Ashley said, The game is simple. We're asking for volunteers for the first phase. The dunk tank will be first and as you can see it is five balls for ten dollars, a bucket of fifteen for twenty dollars, or if you have deep pockets and not much athletic ability, for fifty dollars you can just punch the target with your hand. All of the money will go to fund Johnny and Kellie's honeymoon. However if we run out of volunteers before we reach our goal, our beautiful bride must take a turn as the victim.

Volunteer, Boy Wonder, Pete corrected.

People were beginning to laugh, especially Kellie who was turning red. Well she wanted irreverence.

We've been informed that the bride's party has already volunteered, Pete said.

Ashley chimed in, So that means our first victim

Volunteer, Pete corrected again.

Ashley forged on: is none other than

Wait for it

Darcie Sutton!



We'd planned it all out that we'd use the order we entered the chapel as the order of how we'd volunteer, but you better believe Ashley was loving being able to announce that I was going to be the first one up there. We love each other like no two sisters ever could, but that doesn't mean we still don't like seeing the other one as the butt of the joke!

To make a good show, I appeared reluctant as a I got up, but I was really looking forward to this. My goal was to get as many volunteers from the guests as possible to keep the targets fresh. The girls and I would show how much fun it was up there and hopefully lots more would chip in.

As I crossed the floor, Pete announced, All volunteers' significant others will be offered the first chance to play the game before the line is open to the public.

That was my idea. Call me crazy, (everybody does anyway), but I love the feeling of flirting with Jim from the hot seat knowing that one of his throws is going to be the first one to deep six me. It's that submissive streak I have and it's just not the same if I'm already wet. I'm not alone because the stoogettes all tell me the same thing about their guys.

Anyway I made it to the tank amidst laughter, cheers, hoots, whistles and cat calls. Many sounded slurred, but I'd had my share of adult beverages by this point myself. If they were drunk, then good. It meant they'd spend more money trying to dunk me.

Yes, Jim and I drink sometimes to the point of being silly in front of the kids. We don't get falling down drunk and we don't offer them any and we never, ever do it if we're someplace where we have to worry about driving.

I climbed the ladder and had one foot on the platform next to the seat when clattering across the floor got my attention. I looked up to see Bailey rushing over to the tank to snickers and awww's from the rest of the guests. She stopped at the base of the ladder.

Mom, can I do this with you? Bailey asked. I'm part of the wedding party.

The only thing I could think of at the time was, What did your dad say?

I didn't ask him.

I looked over at the blue-eyed Yankee and he was sitting there rolling his eyes and chuckling. So here was my dilemma: Like I'd indicated in the last chapter, I wasn't figuring on the girls wanting to be part of this. I can't for the life of me understand why now that I think about it, but at the time we just were figuring on adults wanting to play. Paula was going to run the kids upstairs to change them out of the Disney costumes that you don't-want to-know-how-much-they-cost. The princess boutique dresses are not your run-of-the-mill Disney Halloween costume. They were hand wash, line dry, no chlorine bleach and if simply getting it wet didn't ruin Bailey's dress, then her wanting to be part of anything after the dunk tank definitely would. We were planning on all of their dresses being their trick-or-treat costumes later that week. A lot of parents would have thought of the price tag and just told her no, she couldn't ruin her dress. A lot of others would have said something like, This is just for grown-ups. We'll go to the water park after you've changed. Some would have simply said, No without an explanation.

I smiled down at her expectant face and said, Be careful on that ladder sweetie. It may be slick, and offered a hand up.

Now I explained why I can't say no to this little girl during our vacation story when she got me to play that wet and messy game with her that ruined my brand new sundress. She's not my favorite; we just have a special relationship. I'm Mom to all three of them now, but Paula and Carly knew Sarah a lot better before they all lost her. The others know that I'm a little young to be their mother and that's why we have that big sister who gets into trouble with them thing that works for us. Bailey could have actually been my natural child without raising too many eyebrows. Of course I would have been nineteen, but this is the South. I simply love her to death. I filed away the thought that this expensive costume was going to be ruined in the don't worry about it file. Then again, maybe if I had more regard for my expensive clothingbut where's the fun in that?

I helped her get situated. I put her right on the front of the bench and I sat behind her with my legs off to one side and crossed. Jim was standing there with his twenty-dollar bucket of balls ready to take his turn shaking his head and still chuckling.

Well you didn't stop her, I mouthed to him over her head. Then to Bailey, I said, Cross your legs like me. Look 'lady like', and flirt with Daddy, flutter your eyelashes like this. I showed her what I meant and we both sat there flirting with the number one guy in our lives.

It would appear that our first turn on the dunk tank will be a two-for-the-price-of-one turn, Pete said loudly enough for the whole room to hear. He was really enjoying this.

Now Jim always takes at least one throw to warm up and get his windage back so I figured his first one was nothing to worry about. It was low and right. I knew he'd sink both of us eventually, but if Bailey was going to be up here, she was going to help me make it as difficult for him as possible. Since I'd squared off against him just like this so many times before, I knew his routine. He always made eye contact just before he wound up.

When I say now, blow Daddy a kiss, I told Bailey. Jim started to take the ball back and I said, Now, and we both blew him a kiss at the same time. That made him laugh and made his second throw go high.

Hey! You're corrupting that little girl, Beth shouted at me.

Now Jim usually got mad and very determined if I was able to intimidate him, so I knew by his fourth try and more likely the third, we were going down, but our job was to be defiant. Tell Daddy he can't dunk us, I said when he took ball number three out of the bucket.

You can't dunk us, Dad, Bailey declared with a snarky attitude that she must have learned from some other five-foot-five, brunette, dressed-like-a-pirate stoogette.

We'll see, he replied with a nod and one raised eyebrow.

Get ready, I told her. I could tell from his expression that this was it.

I didn't even have to watch the ball. I just kept my eyes on him and watched it leave his hand and then counted the half second it took to travel before I heard the distinct sound of it hitting against the target instead of the back stop and the mechanism holding us up disengaging. Then we were both underwater. With Bailey in front of me, I sort of rolled backwards in my skimpy little costume and did the splits and probably flashed my blue boy shorts to anyone who could see through the bubbles we created.

It felt so good being wet. This was such a skimpy costume made of such a slick material, that I'd wondered about what it would feel like when it was soaked. It was dreamy.

Bailey is part fish and completely at home in water several feet over her head, but I wasn't sure how well she could manage with the long Cinderella dress on so I shot up and got to my feet as soon as possible. I needn't have worried. Even though the tank was over her head, my little Cinderella was treading water, dress, glass slippers and all. She even kept her tiara on, which is more than I could say for my hat. I retrieved it and made sure it was full of water before I tried to put it on and dumped it over me for a good laugh from the crowd. Always go the extra distance to put on a good show. If it's your job to be the stooge and let them laugh at you, make sure their sides are hurting when you're done.

You want to get out now? I offered Bailey.

No! Again! she insisted. That's my girl!

I helped Bailey onto the platform after I reset the seat and then climbed up on the half-step. I heard the laughter volume increase dramatically. I looked down and understood why. My skirt was out of the water when I was on the step and since I was turned away from the crowd, everyone could see my bright blue boy shorts through the white stripes in the soaked skirt. I snickered and slapped myself playfully on the ass. What else could I do? Then I paused to take a look at my top. It had a built in shelf bra, but I hadn't been too convinced about its holding power when wet and the laced up front being somewhat open made wearing a bra and not having it visible impossible. I was right about the shelf bra. The makers of this costume likely didn't figure that anyone would go swimming in it. They should have! Pirates work on the water! My nipples poked through just a tad, but the black material was nice and opaque.

I got up on the seat again behind Bailey. Now we were dripping and bedraggled and we looked ridiculous and I loved it! Daddy got us, I said.

Yeah!

Think he can do it again? I asked her.

Yeah, she said again.

Tell him it was beginner's luck, anyway, I urged.

Hey! Dad! Bailey shouted. That was beginner's luck!

Jim just snorted a defiant laugh. He wound up, pitched, CLANG, splash!

He got us again! a giggling Bailey said when both of our heads were above the surface.

Hey, you want to be funny next time, I asked as we were getting back up on the seat.

Yeah!

I said, Well, when we go under and whispered the rest of the instructions to her that I hoped she could remember.

Jim missed his next throw by what looked like inches, but we still razzed him about it. Then he contacted again and sent his girls for a swim. Bailey remembered and we both ducked down to the window on our knees, put our fists on our hips, puffed out our cheeks and scowled through the window. Mom got a great picture of it and it's my current Facebook picture.

Jim still had nine throws! Still up for this, Bailey? I asked when we surfaced and she was on the step.

Definitely! my little fish replied. This is fun!

Well let's see what Daddy's got left in him! I said and gave her a tickle.

We got back into position and sat there dripping. Jim was waiting with a ball tossing it up and down. I whispered into Bailey's ear and she loudly repeated what I'd said, We say your streak is over, Daddy! High and dry!

CLANG! See what a smart mouth gets you? Jim sunk us again. Bailey would squeal every time the seat gave out from under us and come up giggling. I saw her small amount of makeup starting to run and could only imagine what mine looked like. The crying earlier had likely already stretched its waterproof ability to the limits and now we were splashing down over and over.

Bailey thought baiting her dad again and having him dunk us each time was about the funniest thing she'd ever done. For his next throw, I told her just to watch me and do what I do. I folded my hands together and held them up beside my face and cocked my head over onto them and then fluttered my eyelashes. Bailey did the sameand Jim missed that time.

Ah ha! I cried loud enough for everyone to hear. Flirting with him like that does the trick! C'mon Bailey! Turn on the charm!

We did the same thing again and Jim let go of the ball with a confident smirk on his face. Into the drink we went flirtation and all. I was losing my hat every time, but Bailey's Cinderella tiara and her hair were staying together. Bailey had already climbed onto the step and was waiting for me to help her out. I waded to the step and told her, Let's be funny. Say this. I pulled her up to me and whispered in her ear. Bailey took a breath, jumped off the step and swam under up to the front of the tank.

Do I still have to take a bath tonight, Dad? she asked for all to hear. That cracked up the room. I had a stoogette-in-training, although it would be several years before she learned all my tricks!

It depends on how many more you get here, Jim replied not missing a beat. Get back up there and get ready for another one.

My little stoogette-in-training proved she really didn't need Mom's coaching when she dropped under the water, swam up to the window and stuck out her tongue at Jim.

That's going to cost you, Jim quipped when she surfaced. Bailey giggled and clamored onto the seat.

I whispered another suggestion to her. Talk is cheap! she said as she scooted out onto the seat to make room for me.

Despite our completely bedraggled look, I still had her practicing her ladylike sitting. If she likes doing this, she may as well learn how to do it right, but I think we're probably going to have to add a dunk tank to our collection of toys next summer.

Jim tossed the ball up and down a couple of times. Hurry up and miss, I said. There's other people waiting!

He wound up and threwand scored a direct hit. I had to fight to contain myself, because the constant humiliation from my loving hubby was starting to turn me on. I knew Bailey would be all right so I let out my air and sank to sit on the bottom for a few seconds trying to cool myself off. I still had the rest of Jim's turn, a few people in line behind him, possible time at the second station and hours at the water park before I was done.

Come on, Mom! Bailey ordered when my head bobbed above the surface. Dad has five more turns!

So the soggy Cinderella was keeping track. Well Jim got us again, missed and then dunked us two more times. Here's what I want you to do if Daddy gets us this time, I said and then whispered the instructions to her. This was actually a lot of fun being in here with her since she was such a good swimmer and could keep her wits about her when we went down. That way we could be silly under the water for a laugh.

This is your daddy's last ball, I said for the crowd to hear. What do you want him to do with it?

Sink us! Bailey exclaimed.

Whether their parents are WAM fans or not, kids love water. Nearly all kids love getting wet then they're not supposed to and most of those I'd wager absolutely love it when they get wet due to their parents. It's a Mom or Dad being naughty sort of thing. Bailey would have sat there all night letting Jim dunk her if she could have.

Jim wound up and let it go right on target and it was back into the water for Soggy Cinderella and the Sopping Pirate. Bailey and I swam up to the widow and blew kisses to Jim. This memory was so worth a ruined three figure Cinderella costume. Jim came up to the tank and hugged both of us, getting his costume wet (the first time) and I reset the seat for the next person who had bought a bucket of five.

Are you ready to get out? I asked.

Nope! Bailey replied. She was in for the duration.

Jim stayed by the tank to collect thrown balls for the rest of our turn. In order to get as many people to do this as possible, we were only going to have each person up here for about three customers. The next guy was someone I didn't know so I told Bailey to let me tease him. He only got us once. During his turn, Rich got up and left and came back during a teenage boy's turn who really didn't have any athletic ability and missed all five. No one else had lined up so I figured we were done. Rich walked up to the tank with three twenties fanned out.

They can make change, right? he asked. I can't let you get too dry up there.

He went over to Ashley and paid to trip the target by hand. He walked back over and winked at Bailey and then dunked us. Jim came over to the tank and motioned for Bailey to swim to the front. He pulled her over and carried her off toward the table with her giggling all the way and soaking his costume through in the front. Rich met me climbing down the ladder in the back.

Cute costume, he quipped noticing the way my top stuck to me and how the skirt showed off my panties.

What can I say? I replied.

I hope you don't mind me cheating like that, he said.

It's not cheating, I said. It's just expensive.

It wasn't my idea to make the kids pay for this themselves, he explained. I just came from the ATM. Let's just say that whoever gets up here is guaranteed at least one dunking.

I knew Kellie's family was pretty well off. I just didn't realize how much. I also realized something else. Rich was a very good sport.

Pete spoke up. Do we have enough to send Kellie and Johnny on their honeymoon yet, old chum?

Not nearly enough, Caped Crusader, Ashley replied.

Then we must move on to the next volunteer, Pete declared. Who is that, Boy Wonder?

Beth Davis!



Beth pushed back from the table, laughing with her head down and her whole body into it making her tits shake under that tied cop crop top. (Say that five times fast!) I had just finished dumping water out of my knee boots and getting quite a laugh and trying to slosh my way back to my seat with my bedraggled, droopy hat.

Good luck, I shot her as we passed each other.

As Beth was getting situated on the on the hot seat, I returned to my seat at the table. With everyone grinning at Darcie the soggy pirate, I straightened my dripping skirt and sat down. Water was running out my hat making everyone laugh but once I'd used that gag, I got rid of the hat for the rest of the night.

My husband was sitting there just grinning at me. His entire front was drenched from carrying Bailey. I leaned over and asked so the girls wouldn't hear, You're not upset that I let her wreck that expensive costume, are you?

Jim snickered and replied, If you hadn't I would have been wondering where the aliens who left this clone took my wife. Then he added a little louder to be heard by others, Besides, Paula and Carly want to tell you something.

We want to do it too, Mom! Carly exclaimed.

Well I couldn't very well let Bailey and not let them. Wait until all of the bridesmaids are done. Pete and Ashley will open it up to the guests, I told them.

Steven took Ian with him and a bucket of fifteen balls. Ian was Beth and Steven's little trouble maker and had a striped prisoner costume complete with ball and chain. Yes, Beth wore that sexy, skin revealing cop costume parading around in front of their little boy. I remind you again that none of our costumes showed off as much as many of the bikini's I saw more conservative parents wearing at the water park here or at any other public swimming place. As far as that purpose difference that people talk about when it comes to running around in your underwear versus a bikini or these costumes versus a bikini, I'll have you know that I have nothing against couples embracing their sexuality even in front of their kids. (I probably shouldn't tell you this with the age restrictions here and all, but the girls, Jim and I have all swum together in our underwear and even skinny-dipped a few times.)

Steven dropped Beth into the water on his very first try. She forgot to hold that itty bitty skirt down and it flew up to show off her neon green bikini panties. She really showed them off too because she flipped backwards as she went under and her butt ended up against the glass! Well if you're going to be a stoogette

I won't describe everyone else's entire turn or I will never get through this. However I will say that Beth got a lot of attention once she was back on the seat. I thought my top stuck to my nipples!

Olivia got up there next in her sexy nurse outfit.



Oh boy! I thought, all white material! However I was sort of disappointed. Jared approached with his bucket of fifteen balls. Jim told me that all of our guys had got together and decided to buy the buckets. It took him three tries, but he eventually got his arm warmed up and sent his sweet little nurse for a swim. The garters kept the skirt from flying up in the water and showing off her sheer white panties with the little LOVE ME prints all over them in pink. (You'll find out later why I know what they looked like!) Liv remembered everything I taught her back when I had her up on one in her little black dress, from flirting, to baiting, to insults, but none of that stopped Jared from dunking her a total of ten times. She loved every time, too, judging by the smile on her face every time she went down.

If you're wondering why the guys seem to get us so many times, don't forget that we ordered our dunk tank with an extra large target since we wanted to get dunked as many times as possible.

Rich dropped another fifty down at the end of her turn just like he had for Beth and me and punched the target by hand. Liv blew him a kiss as she fell.

At least I wasn't the only one wet anymore. But I have to say I kind of liked having everyone staring at me.

Debbie, our adorable little flight attendant took over after Olivia.



Robert took his first throw and it just whizzed past the target. His second one hit the mark exactly and our little blond stoogette from the hills of Tennessee got to demonstrate what happens during a water landing. You get wet! The white blouse went completely transparent and her fuchsia bra, which was actually visible somewhat during the ceremony if you looked hard enough, popped right through to say, Hello! to everyone. She also wore nude thigh-high hose that turned very shiny when soaking wet. You know? I haven't worn hose in the water sinceOops, better not say. It's for another story! Debbie lost her hat every dunk and dumped water over her head every time she put it back on. Robert dunked her every time after that until missing on thirteen and then getting his last two. After a few more players, Rich rounded out her turn as usual.

Big puddles were forming around the wedding party tables.

Sherry looked sort of reluctant when her name was called, but the Queen of Hearts had apparently been busy with the royal bartender so with a little crowd coaxing, she was up on the tank and ready to tempt fate.



However she didn't have a significant other or even a date there. However she had been sitting with Carl, the best man and Mad Hatter and he graciously offered to buy that first bucket of fifteen balls. We found out later that Carl pitched for an amateur league. Sherry became the most water-logged queen in history. I think she liked it too judging by how she motioned Carl over at the end of his turn to congratulate him with a kiss on being the only person to dunk someone with the big bucket fifteen out of fifteen times. She kept Carl pretty close to her and away from other eligible ladies the rest of the evening too! Nothin' wrong with that! If you find something you like, go for it! One wonders if she would have been so eager to get up there if she hadn't hit it off with someone. Probably, I suppose. After all, she did let Kellie hit her with cakes!

As he had after each turn, Pete asked Ashley if they had raised enough money and of course the answer was no.

That means we have run out of the ladies of the wedding party, Robin, he declared.

Perhaps the mothers of the bride and groom would like to help, Batman, Ashley replied.

Maria practically sprang from her chair.



Something tells me that she was hoping they'd get called on. She ran for the dunk tank, at least as fast as her six-inch stiletto sandals would let her, and scrambled up, high heels and all. I told you she was fun.

It looks like we have a very enthusiastic volunteer! Pete said.

John picked up on the trend and paid for the big bucket, but he motioned Johnny to get up and come over with him and they shared the bucket. Maria was given a bath in that flowing witches outfit so many times and she squealed like a little girl every time. The father and son team left her at the mercy of the other players and Rich once their turn was done.

After Rich dunked Maria by hand, he stayed by the tank and motioned to Allison with his finger. She grinned slightly and then sighed, but didn't get up.



C'mon, Mom! Kellie called to her. Ya gotta save the dress!

Daryl started a chant: ALLY! ALLY! ALLY! It was picked up by everyone eventually and with a smile that said she surrendered to the inevitable, Allison slowly pushed herself up from the table and walked toward the tank to the cheers of all assembled.

Rich didn't bother with a bucket. He plucked five twenties down in front of Ashley and motioned for Kellie to join him. Allison sat there, nervously giggling while Rich and Kellie debated about who should go first.

Can I say something? Allison asked from the hot seat.

Of course, Rich replied.

I'm sorry we didn't pay for the wedding, she said and really sounded sincere. If I can get down, we'll match whatever money gets raised for your honeymoon.

The crowd started to clap and cheer. Rich raised his hand to quiet them. Wow, Ally! That is very generous. Isn't it Kel?

Kellie nodded.

Too bad I was going to do that anyway, Rich shot out and punched the target.

Allison screamed, but it was quickly muffled by the gallons of water she found herself submerged in. I wondered if she was going to be pissed, but then I thought I saw a smile on her face through the glass. She surfaced and hung her arms over the front with water pouring out of the fake sleeves, and a What am I going to do about you? expression on her face. She shook her head and reset the seat to climb back up and wait for Kellie to give her another bath which she promptly did. Allison even stayed up there for a few other players. Kellie told me later that her dad made sure her drink glass stayed full which usually helped with her playing the good sport.

Pete opened it up to volunteers. Paula and Carly shot right up out of their seats and took off. We were cracking up. Sure, we were going to need to buy three new Halloween costumes now, but wasn't it worth it?

Jim plunked down the fifty bucks to let Bailey drop her big sisters first. Adults sort of shied away from dunking little kids, by themselves anyway, so Steven paid for Ian to dunk them by hand. Then a few older kids came forward paying for balls and we let them stand closer to make sure both they and our girls got their money's worth. Now my whole household except my darling hubby was drenched (for now).

Jami grabbed her mom's arm and drug her up out of her chair as soon as Paula and Carly got down. Karen moved slowly at first, but I think the realization that her escort was going to be able to go first made her a little more enthusiastic.



No more about her escort, though. That's for later too! She and Jami made as odd a pair as a French maid and Rapunzel as Bailey and I did. But they had fun. Karen got wet with her gloves, stilettos, stockings and even the feather duster. Her black stockings looked really sexy when wet. She got some of the loudest whistles and cat calls too. Her little black maid's dress flipped up every time she stepped onto the platform from the water. Luckily the black ruffled panties were part of her outfit.

The seat was empty again after Karen and Jami left it. Maria the soggy witch started a chant: Kate! Kate!

Mom started to laugh and Dad pulled her chair out with her in it.

Fine! I can take a hint! she exclaimed and got up to cheers from the crowd. She started toward the tank and then looked down at her front. She slowly turned to face everyone and pulled her gaze back up from her tits that were slung only in the sheer white crop top tied between them.



Yes, I refer to my mom's tits. I told you we are a lot closer now since she made that trash the dress video with us. Mom rolled her eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh. The whole crowd knew what she meant without her saying a word. She slumped her shoulders and climbed on up. Once again, now you know why I act like a clown. You can't grow up around someone like that and not! I also have to add that mom made climbing the ladder in the costume's stiletto penny loafers look easy. Then again she's sloshed her way up the ladders for the dock and raft in the pond wearing heels more than once!

Dad bought his requisite bucket of fifteen balls from Ashley and took his place. Mom didn't take the lady like approach with her legs crossed. She just sat right on the front edge with her legs together and her shoes dangling just above the water. Dad picked his first one up and wound up. The ball whizzed through the air and slapped the backstop, but Mom flinched anyway. Dad missed his second try too. Mom flinched and clenched up that time as well, letting go of a scared Ooooo! noise. He turned loose his third one and it just barely missed.

Mom clenched up again. The anticipation was killing her. Dad wound up for try number four, pitched and made perfect contact dead center of the target.

Mom's squeal was cut off as she disappeared under the surface. She didn't have a skirt to fly up, but her top more than made up for it. She sort of kept bent down when she surfaced and stayed that way until she had turned to climb onto the step. But she couldn't hide forever. She placed her hands across her front and scooted out to the front of the seat, nearly falling off because she couldn't use her hands to steady herself. This of course had all of us in stitches.

Dad made a motion with his hands for her to drop hers. She shook her head No. He made it again and Mom breathed a deep sigh and shrugged her shoulders. She lowered her hands and showed everyone why she was runner up in the Muddy MILF competition. The sheer white material in Mom's top was like milky plastic wrap over her melons. The room was literally howling. Yeah, we had our kids at something that should have at least been rated PG-13. So what? They either were too young or already understood anyway. After Dad made a motion to quiet everyone down, Paula yelled out, That's why you have to wear a bra if you go swimming with your clothes on with boys around, Grandma!

The howling started again. Maria did that yell that apparently only Hispanic people know how to do where they scream and roll their tongue. What? That's not racist! I wish I could do that!

Mom was red-faced after Paula's comment. Well who do you think taught me that? She was laughing so hard that she nearly fell off the seat. What would have been funny as hell would have been if Dad could have composed himself long enough to fire one off and make contact with her totally unprepared like that, but he was dying too.

We finally got calmed down. Dad took another shot and Mom went for another swim. Dad dunked her every time for the rest of his turn. A couple of others took a turn and of course Rich paid to simply punch the target. Mom stood in the water, making an exaggerated expression like she was pondering something and then ducked down and pressed her front against the window. That does it! We have another stoogette for our next video.

Do we have any more volunteers? Pete called out after Ashley confirmed they hadn't met their target yet. Incidentally, we were never going to meet our target until everyone who was willing to be a clown had had a chance. I saw Daryl start to nudge Connie in her cute sailor's outfit, but from the back of the room I heard someone yell, Oh hell! I'll do it! A lady jumped up from one of the tables and I immediately recognized her. It was Kellie's aunt who was probably the mother of the women-are-above-this-sort-of-thing cousin. She was dressed in a pink short-sleeve blouse, red skirt (below the knee) and her hose. She must have kicked her shoes off before jumping up. She wasn't unattractive by any means, but she much more looked the part of a middle-aged mother than mine did.

Does whoever accompanied her wish to take the first turn? Pete asked.

Her husband, a portly sort of middle-aged man got up and I saw Kellie's cousin try to keep him from going up. I don't know why. Someone was going to try to dunk his wife. He may as well be first. He brushed his daughter's hand from his arm and came up to pay for his bucket of balls.

She was an absolute hoot. Kellie told me later that like her mom, her aunt became a lot more fun after several drinks. She said we were lucky we didn't have a pole. At one family gathering she actually strip-teased around a flagpole. She was down to her bra and panties before anyone stopped her. Her pink blouse went totally transparent and gave us all a nice view of her proper white Bali bra against her body. Her red skirt was a beautiful shiny shade of carmine too.

Oh, by the way, a few of the guys, including Jim did take turns. For the most part it was only those of us who were on the hot seat who were interested in returning the favor when our guys got up there, so I left them out. You don't want to hear about the guys getting all wet anyway. At least Jim was as wet as I was, even more with the full-body costume.

Anyone else? Pete asked after confirming that they still didn't have enough.

Daryl nudged Connie. She snickered and turned a little red. He nudged her again and she gave him a sly glance. He nudged her a little harder and she finally gave in.



I was surprised at how many people besides those of us who were used to acting like total clowns got up on that tank shoes, accessories and all. Connie jumped right up there with those pink knee-high boots on without any hesitation. Perhaps it was because except for Kellie's aunt who was in street clothes, all of the footwear was costume footwear. Or maybe everyone was just into the spirit of things and I shouldn't worry about it.

Connie crossed her legs and pulled her mini-skirt down as far as she could. Daryl got first crack and her and wasted no time at all in giving her a bath on his first try. She popped up out of the water looking for her sailor hat, unaware that her top was much less opaque than when she entered the water. The whistles and cat calls brought her attention to it and she plopped her hands over the twins.

I'm going on a sidebar for a second. I know a lot of people get offended by whistles, cat calls and such. I don't myself as long as they're in fun and I don't feel threatened, (and if I do, remember this is Texas; we're usually packin'), but this wasn't a construction site. It was a party and most everyone knew each other within three degrees of separation.

She soon forgot about her problem in the front though, when she climbed off the step onto the platform next to the seat. Her poofed out skirt did the same thing Karen's did, but in Connie's case, her costume didn't have a cute ruffled panty that went with it. Connie has opted to wear a thong!

Full moon! someone shouted. Connie shot straight up and screamed. I figured she would get right down, but she took a deep breath and slid right back out onto the seat again. Daryl missed and then dropped her again with his third try. Connie didn't even try to shield her tits this time, but she paused on the step before climbing out of the water.

A collective, Ooooo! went through the crowd.

Aw, hell! You've already seen it once, Connie exclaimed. Enjoy the show! She stepped up and remained bent over, wiggling her ass.

All right, I'll admit it; Connie was the least kid friendly performance of the evening, especially when she pressed her butt against the window. However go back with me to Disney and our trip to Typhoon Lagoon which I didn't narrate. Sure, we wore our clothes, (shorts and camisoles or a tank top for Jim), but you had everything there from people whose religious views forced them to wear even less pool friendly clothing on one end of the spectrum to the other end with European tourists in thong bikinis.

Do we have enough yet? Pete called out to Ashley.

Not yet, Batman, she replied.

Then it's up to us, he said. Get up there Boy Wonder!

Holy pass-it-off-to-your-lackey, Batman! Me? Ashley hammed.

Only you can save her dress now, Robin!

Don't let Ashley fool you. She loved it, especially letting Pete take his turn.



I wish I could have found a model with dark hair in that costume. Ashley showed off what being a Wet Girl of Sigma Kappa had taught her with how she teased and baited Pete and then those who lined up after him. It didn't faze Pete too much though. Throwing pies at his beloved on a regular basis has given him an arm and he sent Ashley for a swim in her Robin outfit nine times.

We still don't have enough, Batman, a dripping Robin admitted back at the ticket table.

That only means one thing, Pete said. If we are out of volunteers, the bride must take the hot seat.

The chant was immediate: KELLIE! KELLIE! KELLIE!

She got right up from her chair and headed for the tank, dress, high heeled strappy sandals, veil and all.



You seemed rather eager to get up there for a bride in her wedding gown, citizen, the sopping wet Ashley said.

That's because I know Johnny isn't a very good thrower, Kellie replied. Don't let her fool you. She was eager because she couldn't wait for her turn. You see, as soon as Kellie figured out what was going on, she hatched a plan to capitalize on it. Unbeknownst to me, or Beth, Debbie or Liv for that matter, she had hastily scribbled a note asking for donations and handed it off to Sherry while I was on the dunk tank with Bailey. This whole time it had been circulating around the room with an envelope asking for help to raise $750.00, the exact amount to dunk her fifteen times by hand. I'm pretty sure that when it got to Rich, he just stuffed it with whatever more was needed and gave it back to her.

That is true, Johnny said overacting. I don't have much athletic ability. He slowly pulled the heavily stuffed envelope out of his back pocket. But what I do have is friends with lots of money!

He slapped the envelope full of cash down and said, Fifteen times punching the target, please!

He strode over to the tank and Kellie did her best to appear nervous. Remember, this is your wedding night, she reminded him.

He just grinned and held his hand up over the target. Kellie grinned nervously and exaggeratedly shook her head, No.

Johnny simply nodded, Yes, in response. Kellie repeated her head shaking and Johnny repeated the nodding. This went back and forth for several seconds before Johnny finally shrugged his shoulders and acted like he was going to leave.

However as Kellie used her whole arm and hand to wipe her brow and let out a loud Whew! Johnny swung around and slammed his hand into the target. Kellie shrieked and let herself fall all the way under.

Their comedic timing is nearly better than Jim and me when we get in sync. Those two are going to keep each other in stitches and the couple that laughs together has awesome sex together. I'm glad Jim isn't one of those overly sensitive guys who thinks when a girl laughs in bed, she's laughing at his performance. I laugh in bed all the time. I do it because I'm having such a great time having my brains thoroughly fucked out. More on that coming up.

If you take a good look at the model and stare really closely, you can see the hint of an outline of white bikini panties under that dress. Now imagine that dress soaking wet and instead of white underwear, the model is wearing red boy shorts and a matching red strapless bra and imagine that you don't just barely see them, but rather can see them through a rather transparent wet white dress. That was the view we got when Kellie surfaced and climbed out of the water. Kellie stood on the platform and looked down. She put her hand up beside her open mouth in a pantomimed Oh, my! expression. I told you we'd see more of her red underwear, but that's still not the best shot. That's still to come.

If I were to put the pictures taken of the next fourteen times Johnny punched that target up next to the pictures of Jared shoving Olivia off the dock in both her gown and her lingerie after he'd ripped off the gown, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference in Kellie or Liv's expressions. Kellie looked at Johnny with that same look of blissful submission every time. Around dunk number eight, she figured out if she spread her legs a little when she hit the water, it would catch her skirt and throw it up to flash her panties. You know my philosophy: You can't have female slapstick without showing a little skin. It just can't be done!

We left Kellie up there longer, about twenty people or so, and they all paid to dunk her one time by hand except for two. Johnny helped Kellie down and started to escort his dripping, bedraggled bride back to the table.

Pete stood and assumed his Batman tone, Excuse me citizens

What? We're at fourteen pages? We haven't even done phase 2 or what happened at the water park or what Jim and I did back in the room! Why in the hell didn't you guys tell me we were running long this time? Oh, right, the topless pies. Fine.




(Slumping her shoulders again in defeat, Darcie stands up from her chair. She first reaches behind her neck and unties the knot behind her neck. The halter drops in front of her to expose her lovely tits once again. A single banana cream pie is hurtled at her and it explodes with a most satisfying SPLAT in Darcie's face.)

Wait! I'm not ready!

(Darcie reaches behind her and unties the knot across her back to let the top fall to the floor.)

Now you can let me have it.

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

(The pies from her audience pause and a bucket of chocolate slime is slowly poured over her head from above the shot. Darcie submissively tilts her head back and allows it to roll over her face. Then the pies resume.)

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!



You guys realize that I can't help but enjoy this, right? Join me for the next installment where I promise you that we'll either get all the way through or I'll have to split it up again!

SPLAT!