Darcie Trashes More Dresses

Well guys, I have to admit that the next attempt at wrecking my uniforms fell a little flat, but that's okay because it opened up an opportunity that I will describe shortly. Summer was winding down and it was the middle of August. We were just about to close on our house, but first we had to put in a little sweat equity and do some exterior painting ourselves. Jim thought I should dress up in one of my suits for that. Yeah, I ended up thoroughly painted, but it just wasn't that funny. I didn't want any paint in my hair so Jim couldn't get as crazy as he wanted to. We decided to wait until one of us had a really good idea for the last one. Things fell right into place after that. However the messing happened a bit differently.

It all started right after we moved into the house. Jim was looking at Facebook and got my attention when he saw Jared's (Robert's friend who splashed me with mud more times than I can count in college), status.

Hey, Darcie, your old friend Jared says he's selling his old Blazer that you used to like so much, Jim said, almost sounding like he was teasing me with it.

Really? I said, taking the bait, but bantering back, And just what made you think I'd be interested in hearing about that?

Well haven't you constantly been after me to get an old truck that we all could go off-roading and mudding in? he said with playfully raised eyebrows.

That sounds familiar, I teased, slipping up behind him to read Jared's announcement.

Well just how grateful would my little Texas rose be if I put off buying my home theater and we went over to Texarkana to visit your old buddy about a four-by-four?

Now we had a good TV and stereo system in our living room. Jim had reserved part of the basement to put in one of those theater rooms with a gigantic screen, 7.1 Surround Sound and a sub-woofer that would rattle fillings out of your teeth. He had about half of what it was going to cost saved up. He must have really realized how much that old Blazer meant to me to use most of it for that instead. It was also obvious what he was hinting around about with that grateful stuff.

I bent over to whisper in his ear. Oh, I'd be your submissive little plaything for at least a year, I said, watching the bulge form in his cargo shorts. I wasn't above whoring myself out to him for something I really, really wanted. Especially when there was very little that I wouldn't do for him just for the asking anyway. Remember I'm VERY low maintenance.

Starting now? he asked.

Starting right after you tell Jared that we're coming over there to look at the Blazer this weekend, I teased.

I'm on it right now! he said as I giggled at him fumbling with the mouse to hit the message button on Jared's page. As to what happened next, we're lucky the girls loved to spend all day playing outside in the pond!

That Saturday, the two of us left bright and early for Texarkana. It's great having grandparents who like to have grandkids around right next door! We got to Jared's where I met his wife Olivia for the first time since the wedding. She didn't look at me as funny as she did when I was standing in my gown soaked from the pouring rain. We all went out to look at the Blazer. It was just as I remembered it when it was clean anyway. For a second I saw that grill bearing down on the big puddle behind the sorority house about to make Beth and me vanish under a blanket of muddy water. I should either not think so hard about that sort of stuff or start wearing panty liners. Jim and Jared stayed outside talking about price and I went in the house with Olivia.

We had some ice tea and chatted and then finally Olivia asked me, Can I ask you something that I've been wanting to since we met?

I knew this had to be about the wedding. Go ahead, I told her.

Don't take this the wrong way, but how could you have purposely ruined your wedding dress getting it all wet like that? she asked with what I could only describe as trepidation in her voice. I could tell at the wedding that she was the type of person who that sort of thing bothered. I wondered then how Jared ended up with her, but then again, I spent almost a whole school year with Luke the control freak.

I guess I'm just wired to not let things like that bother me, I replied. I was so uptight up there fumbling with that umbrella before. I was so much more relaxed when we threw them away and just got wet.

I suppose that I just don't understand, she said.

Well let me put it this way, I countered. Have you ever let a once-in-a-lifetime experience slip by because you weren't prepared for it or 'dressed properly' for it?

She thought for a second and said, When I was a thirteen, my parents took me to the Great Smoky Mountains and the Blue Ridge Parkway. We found this place in North Carolina called 'Sliding Rock' where people were having a blast riding down this waterfall. I didn't know we'd be going anywhere you could swim so I didn't bring a suit. They said it was okay if I just wore what I had on, but I didn't want to get my clothes wet or possibly ruin my shorts on the rock so I let it go. I've always regretted not doing that because I don't know when I might ever be back there. It looked like so much fun.

It sounds like a lot of fun, I said, filing the name and location of the place away for future reference. I've always believed that you shouldn't let doubts about what you're wearing or how silly you'll look stop you from experiencing life. You guys saw Jim and me jump in the pond. But you missed what everyone said was one of the most fun receptions they'd ever been to. We were all soaked so everyone ended up swimming. All of the women lined up to get tossed off the dock.

My dress was ruined, I went on. The bridesmaids' dresses were ruined. The guys' outfits were ruined, so we didn't worry about what happened to us. Cutting the cake turned into a giant food fight and everyone had a blast. By the time it was done, my dress was a wet, muddy, food-stained rag. I never set out for any of that, but I wouldn't trade a moment of it.

Olivia had listened intently until I was finished. I'm not sure if I could ever be that carefree, she finally said.

Well, we all have to live our own lives, I replied. I have to live with people thinking I'm an idiot because I do some crazy things sometimes.

Like face-planting into a mud pit, Olivia said with a giggle. I looked at her with sort of a wide-mouth/wide-eyed expression. Jared's showed me 'Dumbass Girl tries to Fly Across Mud' on You Tube, she explained. It's one of his favorites. I don't think I'd ever do something like that, but you were damn funny!

That's what I was after, I said.

We went back outside to offer the guys some tea. The Blazer was parked differently, meaning they'd taken it out for a ride. Jim was writing Jared a check and Jared ran in to get the title.

I snatched the keys when Jared offered them to Jim. I get to drive it home, sweetie! I teased and jumped into the driver's seat for the first time since Jared got stuck in the mud out at the quarry. Speaking of the quarry, it was on our way home so we pulled off the freeway, got some McDonald's and I showed Jim where we used to go swimming. Too bad the mud hole we dug out of the road had long since been filled in. I wanted to show Jim what this baby could do! And if we got stuck and he had to push me out and end up face-planted in the mud, I would have been glad to dive in and join him. Of course I ended up in the water, tube top mini skirt and all, but that wasn't any surprise. Had to drive home soaked though, but who cares! We've got a mudder now! While we were at the quarry playing in the water, Jim told me that it was Olivia who wanted Jared to sell his old Blazer. She saw no use for it. That came as no surprise.

When does the wet and messy begin? you ask. I had to give you some background. Anyway, I'd mentioned before that Robert and Debbie were coming for Mud Fest on Labor Day. What I didn't know then was that Debbie could come early. She didn't know many people in Texas other than Beth and me which was perfect since Jim and I now had plenty of room. I told her to come ahead and she could stay with us. Beth and I had never gotten back with Kellie to do Beth's trash the dress and I suddenly got an idea how The Three Stoogettes could make a sequel and I could wreck my final suit. That is if Kellie and Beth didn't mind not doing an artful photo shoot.

It only took phone calls to Beth and Debbie to sell them on the idea, as long as we all got copies of the photo shoot and video. After explaining to Kellie what I had in mind, she suggested that she should bring Carl along who had videoed our wedding.

You'll really want to script something like that out, she told me. I had originally just planned on a pictorial story, but the three of us had acted before. The Three Stoogettes sequel should be filmed.

The only drawback was that I wasn't going to get to wreck the gaudy dress from Beth's wedding. To quote A Christmas Story, I was a pink nightmare. Debbie had been her sister's maid of honor and still had a hot pink dress that I swear looked just like the dresses on the poster for Bridesmaids. That dress and the matching shoes had not seen daylight since the wedding and she had been tempted to just throw them out. She wanted to wear that instead of my old dress. I was of course going to play the hotel manger (again) so I could wreck my final suit. The solution came in the form of my little sis who said she had a blast destroying her dress after the wedding and would love to be in this with us. We named her Shempina and Debbie added her to our opening title card changed to The Three Stoogettes Plus One. We filmed a couple of days before Labor Day Weekend and got the final copy back in time to show it to Jim, Robert and Steven before we left for Mud Fest. Please enjoy Beth's Messy Wedding.

We were set up on the dock behind our house. Beth, Debbie and Ashley were in the scene first. Beth was of course in her gown which was a lot more formal than mine was. It had puffy three-quarter sleeves made from white lace that resembled something a southern belle might wear. The neckline came down across her bosom, giving just the slightest hint of cleavage and the skirt portion flowed and billowed out its way to the ground.

Ashley wore my old dress which was a bright pink gown similar to Beth's without the veil or train. We had to take it in just a little, but then again all of our clothes had been altered for this. Debbie wore the hot pink dress I described earlier. Lucky her sister and Beth had had similar colors. Beth paced worriedly back and forth in front of a table we'd set up with a small wedding cake we'd baked ourselves and several Kool Whip pies, white and food colored, and a few bakery pies. Yes, I know that none of my last four suits was supposed to be ruined by pies, but Jim had already bent that rule once and we wanted this to be funny. And what's funnier than well-dressed women getting pied, (or sexier too if you ask my husband)?

Oh where is that hotel event planner? Beth asked, waving her arms above her head. Ashley and Debbie watched her pace back and forth. This is unacceptable!

Would you please calm down, Laurie? Debbie asked.

How can I calm down, Curly? Beth shot back. These desserts look like something someone threw together at the last minute in their kitchen! That was an inside joke to the fact that we had thrown most of them together in my kitchen. This is supposed to be my day. How can I let my guests eat this junk? Where is that Mona?

Did I hear someone call my name? I asked oozing sweetness as I jogged as fast as I could down the dock in a pair of stilettos. I had altered my suit like I had for the bachelor party. My hemline was six inches higher than it had been so my skirt stopped way up my thigh, just above the tops of my stockings. I wore black hose with lacey tops and I decided to sacrifice the pair of stilettos. Who am I trying to kid? I loved trashing nice stuff! I wore a blouse, but it was unbuttoned down to the top of my purple satiny bra. I mismatched my underwear with a pair of bright red bikini panties. You'll find out about everyone else's soon enough! Did I just give something away or are our little projects we do for our guys becoming obvious.

It's about time! Beth said with her hands on her hips.

Is there a problem, Miss Fine? I asked.

Just look at these desserts! Beth shouted. I can't serve my wedding guests these terrible desserts! They look absolutely horrible!

That's funny, I said. They look fine to me. What specifically is the matter with them?

Beth was waving her arms around and not paying attention to me. Ashley answered, She said they looked like they were just thrown together in someone's kitchen.

Well they were, I replied. This is the third time you've changed the menu and getting the last change the morning of the wedding was sort of pushing it. You're lucky you got these.

Well I'm not paying for these awful looking pies and cakes! Beth shouted. You just need to take them away!

Just what am I supposed to do with another bunch of rejected food? I asked with my hands on my hips looking a little pissed.

I don't care! Beth shouted. She turned away from me and continued, Hit somebody in the face with them for all I care. That's about all they're good for anyway!

I picked up a chocolate cream, really just chocolate pudding and Kool Whip, and studied it for a second. I dipped my finger in and tried it and wriggled up my nose as if it wasn't any good. You know what? I asked the camera. That's a very good idea.

I tapped Beth on the shoulder. WHAT? she screamed turning around. Splat! I shoved the pied square in her face. The runny filling exploded out in a circle on all sides of her face. The video doesn't do it justice, but Kellie caught it perfectly with her camera: A circle of white and chocolate.

You can't do that to me! Beth shrieked.

Oh no? I shot back and swept up a blueberry Kool Whip pie and decked Beth again. Chocolate and blue whipped cream dripped from her face and down the front of her once pristine gown. Other globs of it dripped between her boobs into her bra.

That does it! Beth yelled and grabbed a banana cream after wiping her face. She came at me with it and I backed away until I was standing in front of Debbie. Channeling another old pie bit, Beth lunged forward, I ducked and she plastered Debbie in the face.

Mlphf! was Debbie's muffled protest. She cleared her face as globs of banana and whipped cream dribbled down that hot pink dress. What did I ever do to you? she yelled at Beth and swept up a green Kool Whip pie.

Now, now, now, wait a minute! Beth begged as she backed away from Debbie's pie threat. Beth backed all the way up and bumped into Ashley, ducking out of the way to let Debbie plaster Ashley in the face. Yeah, we repeated the bit, but Ashley's clueless look as the pie was coming at her made it even funnier that time around. I wrote the script for this one and I let everyone else get nailed first this time after I got so trashed in the salon, but don't worry. My turn is coming up!

The camera focused on me in close up. I could watch them do this all day, I said into it and was immediately bombarded from the sides. Beth came at me from the right and shoved a chocolate cream in my face and shoved it up over my head. Ashley decked me square in the face with a blackberry cream from my left and then Debbie reached around her and landed a butterscotch, (pudding and Kool Whip) pie right where my blouse was open at the top. I felt the pudding especially running down into my bra between my tits. It was a hot summer day so my panties were already a little damp. I moistened them some more.

Yeah, I had that coming, I said deadpan. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing until the camera was paused.

Here's something else you've got coming! Beth said with a pie cocked back in her hand ready to throw. Even though she was Laurie, we let her start the Curly bit since she was the bride. Debbie, Ashley and I all stood off camera in different locations. I got to plaster her first and tossed a blackberry cream at her that exploded in her face on impact. The purple fruit filling shot up into her veil and dribbled off her face, painting that once-beautiful wedding gown with yet another color. Beth groaned and shoved the glop from her face with her free hand, getting more of it on her dress.

She cocked the pie back again and Debbie tossed a chocolate cream, at her. It hit high on her face and most of it went up into her hair, getting caught on her veil and knocking it out of place. Beth screamed this time and shoved more pie down with her free hand.

She cocked her pie back again and Ashley, who had never thrown a pie in her life, plastered her with a pink-tinted Kool Whip pie. She hit low and a lot of it splattered out of the pan and onto Beth's neck, cleavage and the top of her dress. She was able to blink her eyes open and just looked at the camera defeated. She brought the pie down in front of her that she'd had cocked back to throw, slumped her shoulders and with a pout, rammed it into her own face and rubbed it all around. We paused the payoff of the bit so she could seductively rub the collection on her face down onto her cleavage and dress and rub it in, covering her entire front down to her waist in pie. She looked up at the camera, giggled and finally stuck out her tongue saying, Nyahh! and I promptly plastered her again with a white Kool Whip pie.

We reset and put Curly (Debbie) in the same close up shot. She cocked back a white Kool Whip pie and said, Hey, you can't do that to my pal! and Beth, Ashley and I gave her the same treatment from off camera. By the time she was done, she had pie smeared all the way down to her hemline.

Ashley was next. She cocked back a pie and said, I'm probably going to be sorry for this, and the rest of us systematically painted my old dress in many colors of pie before she finally pied herself and rubbed it all over her front before getting decked again.

Then it was my turn. I didn't do the Curly bit. I just stood there waving my arms saying, Ladies, ladies, please stop making a mess on our hotel's dock!

You started it! Beth shouted from off camera and the three of them opened up a barrage unlike any of them got. I got plastered in the face, boobs and the front of my skirt, sometimes getting hit with two pies in different spots at the same time. Debbie and Beth got me with a thrown pie sandwich that impacted me from two sides in the face at once. Yeah, I know this was Beth's trash the dress, but if she wanted the worst end of it, she could have written the script herself.

Fine, if that's the way you want it! I said wiping my face and then smoothing the major glop around my front. I turned and stormed off camera. The next scene was Beth standing with her hands on her hips and a very satisfied smirk on her face. I stepped into the frame holding a 5-gallon bucket. I tipped the bucket to the camera to show that it was filled nearly to the brim with chocolate syrup and with a smirk of my own started to nod at the camera.

Beth's smirk turned to a look of shock. You wouldn't dare! she screamed leaning back with her hands up like a damsel in a horror movie who has just confronted the monster.

Oh yes I would! I replied and raised the bucket over Beth's head. Now we all know that the normal reaction would have been to get out of the way, but not in a Three Stoogettes comedy. Beth just froze in her comical stance while I slowly covered her once beautiful wedding gown with a dark coating of chocolate syrup. I really enjoyed myself as I covered her hair and then poured a generous portion down her cleavage and into her bra. But I think she was enjoying herself a lot more. She tried to start off sounding horrified but before the chocolate was gone, we were both giggling uncontrollably. I also couldn't do it without spilling a lot of it on me. I pulled the bucket down and Beth wiped her face off with a groan.

Carl put Debbie in the scene by herself next. She was laughing to the camera and pointing as if pointing at Beth. Beth stepped in with her own bucket of chocolate.

So you thought that was funny did you? she asked Debbie, menacing her with the bucket.

You wouldn't dare! echoed Debbie's response and as she stood there with her hands defiantly on her hips, Beth covered her in her own chocolate coating, obscuring nearly all of the hot pink material that was left visible on Debbie's dress. She didn't crack up laughing. She closed her eyes and privately enjoyed it. She later confessed that Robert did that to her a lot and it was her biggest guilty pleasure. I guess it's something that every girl ought to try at least once. Listening, ladies?

Ashley was next and despite the fact that we'd already done it twice, Debbie poured out five gallons of chocolate syrup over Ash's head to finish off that awful monstrosity of a gown. Part of the fun of slapstick is using the same stale, silly bits over and over anyway.

Everyone had gotten a chocolate shower but me, but I wasn't about to get left out. We mustn't forget our lovely event planner, Beth said as she approached me with the last big bucket of chocolate. I tried to get away, but Ashley and Debbie held my arms while Beth poured the sticky syrup over my head. I'd gotten a lot of it down the front of my jacket and skirt already when I was doing Beth, but it couldn't compare to getting it over the head. It mixed with and rinsed the pie glop and crust that was in my hair down my face and into my blouse. Debbie and Ashley pulled my blouse open a little so Beth could pour the last half of the bucket down my front. They had to be careful because all of our clothes had been prepped for what was coming up. The syrup had gotten really warm sitting out in the sun and felt like heaven against my bare skin as it ran down my blouse and through my bra. I gave up looking pissed and let my expression morph into one of erotic pleasure.

They needed two cameras for the next shot. Luckily Kellie's was a high-end SLR that could shoot HD video. If you look close, you'll notice that the stills from this sequence are really vidcaps, but you have to really look close. Beth stood with her back to the water on the edge of the dock. Carl shot her close up from the front and Kellie was to her side. That'll teach you to fuck up MY wedding! she snarled. That was my cue. I threw a yellow food-colored pie at her just as hard as I could and still be accurate. It slammed into her face and exploded. Beth screamed and reeled back, lost her balance and toppled backward into the pond. She threw out her arms over her head to make a bigger splash. It's such a funny bit. When it was cut together from both cameras, she falls backwards and vanishes from view on Carl's camera and then Kellie picks her up from the side as she falls into the water. Her elegant flowing gown trails behind her as she goes under. Beth is such a good sport. She loves this stuff as much as I do.

You BITCH! Beth screamed as she treaded water. Yeah, I know that there was never any profanity in the original Three Stooges, but what's a good catfight without the girls cursing each other.

I bent over the edge of the water with my back to Carl's camera. Nobody messes me up like that, bitch! I yelled back. I stayed bent over with my hands on my knees, laughing at Beth. I could tell that the tops of my stockings were showing from the back.

Ashley and Debbie came up on my right and left respectively. Ash shoved a blue food-colored pie in my face hard and said, That's not what I heard!

Debbie followed that up with a runny chocolate cream into my ass that was sticking out and smeared it around. I submissively took it, not moving at all. Then they both shoved my ass and pushed me into the water. Beth was purposely right in front of me so I would land on her. Kellie caught my graceful splash down with her camera. Even after being pied and slimed, I was really starting to get hot out there in the sun in that suit. Ending up in the pond was a welcome relief.

Beth screamed and slapped the water when she surfaced again after I fell in on her. I could tell it was taking all she had to stay afloat in that gown, but she was a real sport and never broke character to complain. I was still in my jacket so it wasn't exactly easy in long sleeves either, and high heels were not conducive to paddling for either of us, but at least my clothes weren't trying to pull me under like hers were. We both paused there and scowled up at the dock at the two laughing bridesmaids while pie filling and whipped cream floated around us. My hair had been in my customary hotel bun, but Beth's had been done up high and drooped over her face, pie filling still dripping from it. She tried to shove it out of her face but it was all she could do to stay afloat and every time she'd stop treading water she'd sink and her hair would be right back in her face again. Both of us had a hard time keeping from laughing. It was totally unscripted, but it was hilarious.

As she struggled with her hair, Beth snapped, Well don't just stand there cackling like hens. Help up get out of here!

Still giggling, Ashley and Debbie bent over the side of the dock and reached out their arms. Beth and I shared an obvious knowing glance for the camera. We reached up and grabbed their hands, and in a move that it took several rehearsals and a lot of water up Ashley and Debbie's noses, to get right, we braced our feet on the dock as they tried to pull us out and simultaneously yanked them over our heads into the pond with us. Of course Beth and I also fell backwards to join them in what was now a whipped-cream-covered section of the pond. My old dress flew up on Ashley and showed off the pink garter and bikini panties she wore underneath as she flipped over my head. Remember that she is eighteen now! I can tell you all her embarrassing details.

Kellie and Carl moved over to the bank for the next part. We swam over as best we could in heels and dresses and sloshed up into knee-deep water. We weren't near the sand so our heels sank into the silty bottom and were soon lost.

Ah! I lost my shoes! Beth shrieked.

Aw, shut up! Debbie responded and kicked mud up from the bottom at her. It was only supposed to hit her trashed gown but it hit high and some of it splattered Beth in the face. It didn't faze her a bit. I've already shared that she loves mud.

Oh, it is so on now! Beth snarled and lunged for Debbie, both of them falling into the shallow water, wrestling and churning up thick, black silt. Anything left white on Beth's gown was soon a wet dingy gray and Debbie's hot pink dress looked just as gross.

Ladies, ladies, please stop this at once and act civilized! I pleaded.

I've had enough of you too! Ashley said and shoved a big pile of mud in my face and smeared it around. It felt so good and reminded me that in a couple of days we'd all be at Louisiana Mud Fest getting covered over and over.

I screamed and lunged at Ashley, sending us both into the muddy water. It was a free-for-all after that with Ashley and me wrestling and Beth and Debbie wrestling, smearing mud in faces and hair. And what's a good catfight without tearing clothes off. If I haven't mentioned it yet, we'd prepped the seams in everything and it took very little effort for each of us to reduce our opponents to bras, panties and stockings which were full of runs by this point. Beth, Debbie and I were getting used to being in our underwear for these, but Ash had admitted to not being sure. However when the time came, she was so into her character, and having fun in the muddy water, that she said she didn't even notice.

I've already mentioned my purple bra, red panties and black stockings, but for those who want the details, Beth wore a white corset, tap panties and white silk stockings. Debbie dressed the same in hot pink to match her dress except for nude stockings. Ashley wore a white bra, bright pink bikini panties and garter and similar nude stockings. We rolled around the mud in our underwear for a good five minutes until Kellie shouted at us as the hotel manager from off camera.

What are you people doing? Kellie shouted. Mona! You've messed up another event again. You are hereby demoted back to the complaint department! (I let everyone who got a copy of this, namely Beth and Steven, Debbie and Robert and Ashley see the complaint department video Jim shot.) Kellie went on: The rest of you are going to work down there with her until you've worked off what it's going to cost to clean up this mess!

We all stood up in the water in our underwear and looked back and forth at each other sheepishly.

Oh, by the way, Kellie added with Beth's face in a close up, here's something you forgot! and shoved our makeshift wedding cake hard into Beth's face. Beth just submissively stood there and took it and I even think I heard her moan a little as Kellie smeared it all over her face and up into her hair.

We'd put up Jim's Complaint Department sign he made for the other video on the outside of our screened in patio. We lined up four chairs and sat down. Kellie and Carl put their cameras on tripods and brought over the remaining twenty pies.

We've all got complaints about the terrible way the wedding reception was run here today! Carl said from off camera.

Well don't just stand there looking stupid, I shot back. Let's us have 'em!

Carl and Kellie pied us five times each to end the scene. Carl's aim was unbelievable and he made my head snap back a couple of times. They trimmed out bits of the scene and sped up the camera so it looks like we are taking rapid fire pie-after-pie. I get so horny watching it!

We premiered it for the guys on Thursday night before leaving for Mud Fest. Be sure to check back for that chapter because I wasn't even able to stay clean trying to get there!