COLLEGE CHALLENGE: CORNELL UNIVERSITY

Cornell...Are you ready to get MESSY?!

The voice of Josh, the hunky emcee, blasted from the sound system with a metallic edge. It was immediately met with an earsplitting cheer from the crowd packing Cornell Universitys lush Arts Quad. College Challenge, the wild and crazy reality show had come to campus to tape an episode on this warm late August afternoon, three days into Freshman Orientation week. All eyes were on three colorful kiddie pools lined up in front of the crowd. Behind the pools a tent covered a series of folding tables containing buckets and rows of perfectly sculpted whipped cream pies.

Months earlier, I had volunteered to be an Orientation Leader, or OL with one simple goal in mind...to meet hot freshman girls. Now, I watched in horny anticipation. I had never seen College Challenge, but hearing that contestants in swimsuits would be competing in messy games was enough to bring me out.

To start things off, were going to need 3 brave freshmen. said Josh with a tone of cocky irreverence.

Hands shot up enthusiastically throughout the crowd. Josh stepped forward, slowly, teasingly eyeing all the possible volunteers. An incredibly hot girl with short blond hair pulled into a neat ponytail was chosen. The crowd reacted with delight. She giggled nervously and began pulling off running shorts and a T shirt to reveal a luscious bikini clad body. As more bare skin came into view hoots and raunchy cat calls erupted from the crowd. A beautiful Asian girl was selected next. She laughed nervously and rolled her eyes in slight embarrassment as if she was really above doing this. A third girl was selected. She was a total goddess. Shining, dark curls cascaded down her back. Vibrant, vivacious eyes illuminated one of the most stunningly beautiful faces I had ever seen. She seemed thrilled that she had been chosen, exuding an irresistible mix of exuberance, sweetness, intelligence and quiet confidence. Laughing, she slowly, almost hesitantly unzipped her jeans and pulled them off. Her ass and legs had looked amazing in the jeans, but her smooth bare legs were equally glorious. Her T shirt came off and I drank in the perfection of her delicate shoulders and full, sumptuous breasts, bundled like a valuable package in the immaculate bikini top. A rock beat began to pump. The three bikini clad girls stepped forward and the crowd went wild.

These lovely young women have absolutely no idea what they have volunteered for, but theyre about to find out. gloated Josh. But first, were going to give them each a chance to introduce themselves...College Challenge style.

The crowd cheered. Giggling nervously, the blond girl slowly, almost hesitantly stepped into the first empty kiddie pool, her bare feet squishing into the soft plastic. She stood, facing the crowd, trying to fake nonchalance, her body on full display to the world. An OL approached her holding a massive whipped cream and chocolate pudding pie. Seeing the pie, she giggled even harder, looking as if she wanted to crawl into a shell. The rock beat continued to thud. The pie was slowly raised in aim at the girls face. She took a deep breath and quickly brushed a hand over her blond bangs. Then she let her arms drop stiffly to her sides in resignation. She looked right into a TV camera and began speaking, fighting giggles:

Hi. Im Emily. Im 18 years old and Im from Highland Park, Illinois. Im a freshman at Cornell University majoring in Environmental Engineering with a minor in Art History. When Im not studying I like running, skiing, drawing and playing the clarinet...

...SMACK! A second after she finished, the pie was pushed into Emilys face and the crowd cheered. Gooey whipped cream and pudding splattered in all directions and oozed over the sides of the plate. It dropped down into Emilys cleavage in thick clumps. Her mouth hung open and her face was unrecognizable. Whipped cream oozed into her hair and hung in her bangs.

Now the asian girl was stepping into the second kiddie pool. The earthy rock beat continued to thud.

I cant believe Im doing this... she murmured. This is SO stupid...

She took a breath and braced herself, laughing as a massive pie was raised in aim at her face. She spoke quickly, as if she just wanted to get it over with. Her tone was disinterested and defeated, as if she didn't want to put effort into something which she realized was a complete farce:

Hi. Im Julie. Im from Villa Park, California. Im 18 years old and Im a freshman Biological Engineering major at Cornell. I play the violin and I like running and yoga...

...SMACK! The pie hit Julies face and was rubbed from side to side for added effect. The crowd cheered in delight.

The third girl stepped into her kiddie pool, laughing and seeming unfazed. Suddenly Josh turned to the crowd.

We actually need one more OL...Are there any OLs out there who would like to help us out?

Instinctively, I raised my hand and before I knew what was happening I was selected. I stepped forward and was handed a pie. It was surprisingly heavy. I looked down at the heaping mounds of thick, smooth chocolate pudding covered by whipped cream. Could I really bring myself to throw a pie in this beautiful girls face?! The whole thing seemed kind of cruel, especially on national TV. Getting hit in the face with a pie seemed to be the ultimate affront to someone's dignity. I approached her and stood in front of her, letting my eyes casually sweep her incredible body. Our eyes connected and she laughed in anticipation.

Sorry to do this to you. I said, teasingly.

Its OK. she said, giggling at the ridiculousness of the situation.

She stood, as if obediently waiting for the inevitable, but not without slight apprehension. I slowly raised the pie in aim at her face. She started to dissolve into giggles, but then pulled herself together. She looked into the camera and began speaking, actually managing to display a touch of poise and natural magnetism:

Hi. Im Jessica. Im 18 years old and Im from Bethesda, Maryland. Im a freshman Communications major at Cornell University with a minor in English. Some cool things I like to do when Im not studying are running, volleyball, theater and playing the cello...

...SMACK! I actually did it...I pushed the thick, gooey pie right into Jessicas face to the delight of the crowd. It hit with a satisfying slap. I could feel her face on the other side of the plate. I watched pudding and whipped cream explode and ooze in every direction. Pie slid into Jessicas cleavage and splattered onto her leg. She shook with laughter. The plate dropped and that beautiful, perfect face was gone...replaced by a thick mask. Pie hung in a portion of her glorious, dark hair.

Standing in their kiddie pools, all three girls began trying to pull off as much pie as possible, but it was a losing battle. Three white plastic stools were brought out and placed in each kiddie pool.

Now things are going to get kind of interesting. said Josh. Were going to play a little lottery game. Each of you will select cards. On each card will be the number of a bucket containing something messy. On each bucket will be another number...1 for Emily, 2 for Julie and 3 for Jessica...You can probably guess whats going to happen if the bucket has your number on it...

The crowd cheered enthusiastically. The girls looked at each other, giggling in shock. A new rock beat began to pump.

Josh lifted the microphone back to his mouth: Emily...How are you feeling right now?

Nervous. she giggled.

Would you like to pick a card?

She selected a card. It was #23. Bucket 23 was brought out. All three girls held their breath in apprehension. Josh was taking his time, prolonging the agony.

What we have here is five gallons of chocolate syrup...Each of you has a one in three chance that this will be dumped right over your head...

Josh paused for what seemed like eternity...

...Emily, Were going to ask you to take a seat!

The crowd erupted in cheers.

With a look of resignation, Emily reluctantly sat on the stool. As the bucket was slowly lifted over her head she let out a giggly gasp. She sat tensely, her shoulders lifting in anticipation. Her short blond hair pulled in the neat ponytail was still fairly unscathed from the pie. She clenched her hands together in her lap. The camera panned in on her smooth legs and then slowly came up for a view of her full breasts.

Are you ready for this, Emily?

No. she responded, shaking with laughter.

By the way, where is Highland Park in Illinois?

Its a suburb of Chicago. she responded in a quick, giggly voice, clearly distracted by what was about to happen and tortured by the delay.

On the count of 3!....

The crowd began counting along with Josh, screaming with wild enthusiasm. 3....2...1!

The bucket slowly began to tip and the crowd erupted. Emily wriggled on the stool and let out a scream. Heavy, thick, sticky chocolate syrup hit Emilys neat blond hair, quickly engulfing her entire head, erasing the pony tail and bangs. Chocolate hit her shoulders and her body writhed, as if she was having an orgasm. Chocolate slid into her breasts, covering the bright bikini top. Down...Down...Down! The crowd let out a long, mocking moan, Oooooh.... Chocolate collected in Emilys lap and began coating her smooth legs...Emily, consumed in chocolate held her arms awkwardly out from her body, her mouth hanging open in shock...

Now it was time for Julie to pick a card. It was #15.

Josh enjoyed the fact that three beautiful girls were holding their breath in anticipation.

Bucket 15 contains five gallons of baked beans...which will be going right over...Jessicas head!

The crowd went wild. I was handed the bucket. It was ridiculously heavy. The room temperature baked beans looked super gross! Jessica dutifully took a seat on her stool.

Jessica, you have really beautiful hair. said Josh. Im so sorry that this is going to happen to you...

I lifted the bucket over Jessicas head, looking down at her glorious long curls. Jessica flinched, almost holding her breath. The countdown started but before it reached 1 I started to tip the bucket. Heavy baked beans dumped on Jessica, completely engulfing her hair. Jessica shook with uncontrollable laughter as she felt the beans hit her shoulders, engulf her breasts and slide into her lap and down her legs. She almost seemed to be enjoying this unique experience!

Oh my God..this feels gross! she giggled.

Jessica was given a moment to come to terms with her new sloppy reality and then she was asked to select a card. She picked #6.

Josh pulled the microphone to his mouth. Julie...Do you like Spaghetti-Os?

Oh my God... she moaned as the bucket was brought out. This is, like going in my hair, isnt it?

Defeated, she took a seat, covering her face with her hands. Her short shining black pony tail and bangs had pretty much survived the pie. The countdown started. The bucket tipped and Spaghetti-Os consumed Julie.

Uh-Oh, Spaghetti-O! said Josh, mockingly. Julie, I bet all your friends back home never imagined they would get to see someone dump five gallons of Spaghetti-Os over your head! Thats pretty awesome!

Now it was time for Emily to pick another card. She chose card #10. A massive Bavarian chocolate cream layer cake was brought out. Jessica was asked to stand up and the cake was placed on her stool.

Jessica...Have you ever wondered what it would be like to sit in a cake?

That sounds kind of fun, actually. she giggled.

Jessica...Communications major from Bethesda, Maryland...on the count of 3, were going to ask you to sit in this beautiful chocolate layer cake!

Giggling uncontrollably, Jessica stood over the stool. The cameras panned in on her ass. The crowd was cheering with riot like intensity. The countdown started. Jessica started to bend her legs, her ass hovering over the cake. Then she stopped and stood again.

Oh my gosh...sorry! she giggled. Oh my gosh...Ive never done anything like this before...OK..This time, Im really going to do it!

The crowd cheering her on, Jessica stood over the cake, slowly lowering her ass...

SMUSH!...Jessica SANK into the cake. As she felt moist cake, smooth cream and gooey frosting ooze between her legs she gasped with an erotic pleasure. Cake smeared down her legs and clung to her ass...

This is awesome! she exclaimed.

Julie got to pick the next card. Emily had to get hit with five pies. The first went squarely in her face...the second was slammed on top of her head and then smeared around...the third was pushed right into her cleavage and then smeared. What did it feel like to smear a pie into Emilys breasts? Pies four and five smacked into her face. Lets just say that Emily was pretty much toast!

Jessica picked the next card. More Spaghetti-Os...This time for Jessica! I took great pleasure in dumping the bucket right over her head. Jessicas glorious hair was completely gone under a thick coating of slop.

The next card was chosen. Julie would have to endure being squirted with an entire bottle of ketchup and an entire bottle of mustard. The OL who had been sliming her seemed to take extra pleasure in this. He started with the ketchup, enthusiastically aiming and firing. Ketchup hit Julies cleavage and then got squirted down her legs. He finished the bottle by going for her hair. Then it was mustard time! The mustard collected in a growing mound on top of Julies head. When it got too high it slid off into her lap. Giggling, Julie meekly accepted all of this in submission.

Card #12 allowed members of the crowd to pelt Jessica with rotten tomatoes and raw eggs. She stood, bracing herself and giggling uncontrollably. Splat!Splat!Splat, Splat!" Surely this girl deserved better than this, but she seemed to be having fun!

Thousand Island dressing for Emily...Pizza sauce for Julie...an entire jar of peanut butter smeared in Jessicas hair...pies...cakes...BBQ sauce...It went on and on, turning into a wild party of pointless and gratuitous mess and mayhem. And these smart girls had actually volunteered for this! Was there some deep, subconscious pleasure in being humiliated like this? Or was the attraction the chance to break the rules and be part of something silly?

Eventually it was over. Emily, Julie and Jessica, completely consumed from head to foot looked like creatures from a bad science fiction movie. They took a moment to play in all of the mess in their kiddie pools, enjoying the unique sensation. Then they climbed out of the pools, working hard to avoid slipping.

I was given a hose and began hosing Jessica down. As slop washed away, Jessicas cleavage reappeared. She pulled her bikini top out and asked me to hose her bare breasts, doing the same with her bikini bottom.

Oh my God...That was totally the craziest thing Ive ever done! she giggled. I dont know what my parents and my little brother are going to think when they see that!

Theyre going to think youre having some pretty crazy experiences at college. I feel like I should let you throw a pie in my face, just to get even. I said, teasingly.

I might just take you up on that. she giggled, mischievously. By the way, whats your name?

Adam. I answered.

Im Jessica, but I guess you know that.

Would you be interested in getting together, later? I asked. I promise I wont be dumping any more baked beans over your head.

Sure. she giggled. That would be cool. And yes, Ive had enough food thrown at me for one day!