Business Luncheon
By NakedJedi

I hurried into the restaurant--striving to arrive precisely on time.
I was dressed for the interview, wanting to make a good impression on the potential client. I had picked out a pale blue dress shirt with white collars and cuffs, with black trousers and matching jacket, shiny black shoes, and a dark blue tie.
Jamie was waiting for me in a private dining room, one of many located in the upstairs of the restaurant. He was dressed in tan slacks and a white dress shirt. "Hello, Colin. I'm glad you could make it here." He was holding a wine glass in his right hand.
"How could I resist the invitation?" I sat down and filled my own wine glass from the bottle. The glass was cut crystal which sparkled in the sunlight pouring through the windows.
We studied the menu and after some thought, decided to order the Grand Surprise--"a selection of menu items chosen by our chef just for you, focusing on uniqueness and amusement". It sounded interesting.
The waiter left us, grinning.
Sipping our wine, we talked about the contract he wanted written up. Jamie had some very particular details he wanted worked out. I had no idea that running a toy company could be so difficult or so peculiar about legalities.
I made a few notes on my cell phone and slipped it back into my coat's inner pocket.
A trio of waiters entered the room with trays. They quickly and efficiently laid out a variety of items onto the table, before leaving us.
Baked beans, mashed potatoes, creamed corn, and a wide selection of pies for our desert.
"We'll never be able to eat all of that!" I exclaimed when I saw the size and number of serving bowls. "There's enough for a sports team."
"You'd be surprised how empty the plates will be at the end," Jamie told me.
"If you say so."
"I'll be right back." Jamie stood up. "Please go ahead and start without me." He turned and walked out of the room.
I enjoyed the view as he left. His tan slacks hugged his butt really well. His face was quite nice as well. This contract was not without its benefits.
I reached for my wine glass and took a sip. It was a nice fruity taste, not to dry but not overly sweet either.
"Ah, there you are!"
Not recognizing the voice, I half-turned in my chair but something cold and wet splashed into my face.
"What the--" I spluttered and reached up to wipe my eyes clean.
My fingers were covered in red tomato soup.
I felt more soup dripping through my brown hair, flattening the spikes I so carefully styled.
"What the hell are--" I broke off, blinking soup from my eyes. There was no one standing in the door.
"So I was wondering what you--" Jamie walked back into the room. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.
I twisted around in my chair once again. "I, er--" I was speechless. Who had thrown the soup on me? And why? And now what was I supposed to do?
Jamie sat down in his chair and looked across the table at me. His blue eyes narrowed.
"I can explain this."
"I'm listening." Jamie reached for the bowl of mashed potatoes and scooped a large spoonful onto his plate.
I fumbled for a linen napkin and tried to wipe the worst of the soup from my face and hair. I figured there was nothing I could do about the soup staining my shirt and jacket.
"I'm still waiting for your explanation," Jamie said.
"Someone was passing by the door and tripped." That was the only reason I could come up with for what had happened to me.
"Really?"
"Yes." I reached for the potatoes--I might as well attempt to continue with the meal. The spoon slipped free from my slippery hand and a large spoonful of mashed potatoes flew across the table splattered across Jamie's arm.
He looked down at his sleeve.
"I am so sorry," I said. I leaped to my feet and snatched a second napkin from the table. "Let me get that for you."
In my haste, I bumped into the table and the wine bottle fell onto its side.
Red wine splashed across the tablecloth...and onto Jamie.
He stood up, red wine staining the crotch of his pants.
"Shit!" I swore. "I mean, I am so sorry!" I tried not to stare--the wet material of his pants helped to empathize his package. It was a really nice view.
Jamie dabbed at the stain, halfheartedly with a napkin. "Are you always this accident prone?"
"No, I'm not."
"So, this is what you consider appropriate behaviour for a business meeting?"
"Of course not," I replied. I could see my chances for winning this contract evaporating. How was I going to explain this back at the office? They'd crucify me.
Jamie flipped a spoonful of mashed potatoes towards me.
It splattered across the front of my open jacket and shirt.
Jamie chuckled. "Those could use some catsup, I think." He picked up the bottle and unscrewed the top. "Too thick....it needs a good shake first?" He shook it, towards me.
The thick red liquid splattered across my arm and then a second stream gooped across my chest.
I stood there, dripping.
Jamie was smiling. "So, having done that to you...have you any response?"
"Well...."
He turned back to the side table and picked up the bowl of creamed corn. "I like corn." He walked towards me. "Do you, Colin?"
"Yes."
"That's good to hear." He pulled the front of my trousers open, catching the waistband of my silk boxers in the process, and poured the corn inside.
I squirmed as the thick, sloppy goo pooled around my dick and balls. I could feel it slowly trickling down my legs.
Jamie walked back towards his chair. He turned, looking at me, then sat back down. "Are you just going to stand there like an idiot?"
"No." I looked at him. "No, I'm not." At this point, I figured that I had nothing to lose. I picked up the bowl of baked beans and walked towards him. The corn oozing around in my pants made for a very odd feeling as it massaged my lower regions. "I guess I could always do this."
Jamie just kept sitting there, almost grinning, as I began to pour the beans over his head. They soaked his hair, ran down his neck and face.
I stared at him, in shock at what I just done.
The front of his shirt was now stained orange and beans had pooled in his lap, the excess had spilled over and run down his legs to the floor.
Yep, that had definitely killed my chances of winning this contract.
Jamie stood up and beans sploshed to the floor.
I watched him walking towards me. But something caught my eye. Was that a growing bulge in the front of his pants? It was hard to tell under all that mess, but the front of his pants were tenting.
So were mine, for that matter.
"Lots of deserts left I see."
I counted half a dozen pies, mostly covered with whipped cream or fruit toppings.
"Can't forget about desert, now can we?" Jamie took a step towards me and quite slowly and very deliberately pushed the pie into my face. He pushed the plate up my face and onto the top of my head.
I could feel the cold creamy topping slowly oozing down my face and dripping down the back of my neck, inside my shirt collar.
Jamie nodded his head. "That looks like a good way to end the meal."
"No, I think you should share in the desert." I reached blindly for a pie and forcefully slammed it into Jamie's chest. I had been aiming for his face, but he moved at the last moment. In any event., the cheesecake literally exploded upon impact, splattering his shoulders and the front of his shirt with cherry topping.
I stared at Jamie, then looked down at myself. We were both a mess, so covered with food items that it was difficult to tell what colour our clothes were.
"Well, you've got the contract," Jamie announced.
"I what?"
"Your company will be handling all the legalities for me. I only hire people who are adaptable...and this lunch certainly proves how readily you can adapt to new situations."
I scraped more cream from my face. "Thank you, I think."
Jamie was grinning widely. "No, Colin, thank you."