It happened on a warm Saturday in early June. I had just finished tenth grade and my parents thought it was time to start investigating colleges. I was a total science geek, so we decided to go to Seattle to check out the University of Washington- one of the country's top research universities. The day before, we had toured the impressive campus. But on this second day I had been given the afternoon to explore on my own before meeting up with my parents for the three-and-a-half-hour drive back home. I reveled in my temporary freedom- my first real taste of young adulthood.

That's how I found myself standing in the middle of a crowd of giddy college students celebrating the end of the spring quarter. Loud music throbbed from a sound system set up in the middle of the lush, leafy lawn. TV cameras were preparing to document the impending mayhem. I had never heard of College Challenge but I learned that it was some kind of crazy audience participation event that was popular on the internet- the self-described show that puts students from America's finest colleges and universities in totally outrageous situations. I couldn't wait to see what was about to happen. I found myself surrounded by hot girls. Some were wearing swimsuits- apparently the dress code for all contestants on the show. They seemed so much more mature than the girls at my high school. With each passing glance, another awe-inspiring goddess entered the fantasies playing endlessly in my mind. I thought of the girl who had led a tour of the library the day before- so confident, so responsible...I knew I was completely invisible and irrelevant in their eyes. The chorus from that classic rock song summed it up pretty well:

"Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite."

My thoughts were interrupted by the cheers of the crowd. The music cut out as College Challenge's hunky and irreverent host, Josh Summers pulled a microphone to his mouth and introduced the show. His voice blasted through the sound system with a metallic edge:

"To start things off, for our first challenge we're looking for two lovely young women who like ice cream"

A sea of hands shot up around me. Josh took his time to survey all the possible choices.

A girl standing next to me looked on in quiet amusement. "I would never do this in a million years." she vowed to a friend in a tone tinged with moral superiority. "This is so stupid"

Two incredibly hot contestants were selected. The crowd cheered in approval. One of the girls began to slowly unzip her form-fitting jeans. She giggled with a hint of shy embarrassment. The other girl pulled off running shorts and a T-shirt. Yelps and catcalls rang out as two sumptuous bikini-clad bodies came into view. My heart began to pound and my cock awakened with tingly, throbbing excitement. Both girls stepped forward, hesitantly, and stood in front of the crowd.

"What's your name?" asked Josh.

"Jessica."

Long, shining, dark-brown hair cascaded down her back. Dark, vivacious eyes lit up one of the most beautiful faces I had ever seen. She stood, barefoot on the tarp, the smooth, perfect curves of her legs and breasts on full display to the world.

"What's your favorite flavor of ice cream, Jessica?"

"Probably Butter pecan." she giggled.

Josh turned to the second girl. Her short reddish-blond hair was pulled into a neat ponytail. There was a quiet sweetness about her that I loved. Blue eyes illuminated her princess-like face.

"What's your name?"

"Emily."

"Tell us your favorite ice cream flavor, Emily."

"Vanilla."

"Jessica and Emily, I'm glad you both like ice cream because the challenge you've volunteered to accept today is called 'Banana Split Bikini.'"

Both girls reacted with nervous giggles.

"Today we're going to make a banana split. But we have one small problem: we can't find the banana. Jessica and Emily, that's where you're going to help us out. Behind you, we've set ten stools in a circle. Each stool has a card with the name of a food printed on it. The word, 'banana' is written on one of the cards. We will give each of you ice cream and ask you to circle the stools as music plays. When the music stops you must stop at the closest stool and turn over the card. The first contestant to get the ice cream to the banana wins...Now, just to warn you, there's a slight penalty for an incorrect card. For each wrong card you turn over you'll get a pie thrown in your face. You'll also get slimed with the foods described on the card. Oh, and there's one more small detail I forgot to mention...Unfortunately, we've completely run out of cups today, so you'll be transporting the ice cream...in your bikinis."

The crowd cheered with riot-like intensity. I'll never forget the looks of total shock on both girls' faces. Jessica took a deep breath and rolled her eyes, as if to say, I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Emily was overcome with giggles. Josh asked them if they still felt comfortable with the challenge, reminding them that the winner would receive $200 in cash. The crowd enthusiastically egged them on. After a moment of hesitation, both girls reluctantly agreed to accept the challenge. The delighted crowd responded with cheers and applause. An assistant brought out two perfectly sculpted soft serve ice cream cones, causing the girls to cringe.

"Jessica and Emily...each of you will take turns pulling out the back of your opponent's bikini bottom. said Josh. Then you'll tip your cone, give it a shake, and allow the ice cream to drop in. Here at College Challenge we like to get to know our contestants. So immediately before this happens, we're going to ask you to look into the camera and introduce yourself to our internet audience. You must give your name, age, hometown, area of study, and the things you like to do when you're not studying. Do you have any questions?"

Amused onlookers were taking a perverse pleasure in the prospect of watching the dignity of these two beautiful young women get shredded. A dance beat began to pump from the sound system. Jessica stood in the middle of the tarp, giggling in nervous anticipation. I could tell she was trying to project nonchalance to cover her apprehension. This total farce was so far beneath her. She was forcing herself to do this and she seemed to want to get it over with as soon as possible. Along with an overwhelming, ferocious horny excitement, I was actually starting to feel nervous as I imagined myself as a contestant. The whole setup felt unnecessarily torturous- even mildly humiliating.

Emily approached, holding one of the ice cream cones. Both girls shook with giggles.

"Wait, I think we just found some cups!" joked Josh. "Whoops, I guess not."

"Oh my God" giggled Emily, meekly. "How do I do this?...Do I just... pull it out?"

She seemed to be looking for reassurance that she actually had permission to commit such an outrageously violating act. The earthy dance beat continued to thud. Emily stood behind Jessica, holding the ice cream. A second camera was focused on Jessica's ass. Jessica looked into the camera and spoke, her voice becoming increasingly giggly:

"I'm Jessica. I'm 20 years old and I'm from Petaluma, California. I'm a junior Communications major with a minor in English. I love dancing and music theater...I also volunteer as a tutor through Lutheran Community Services...which is a really cool program here on campus...OH MY GOD!!!"

Jessica instantly flinched, her shoulders shooting tensely into the air as she felt Emily pull out the back of her bikini. The cone was tipped upside down. With one firm shake a heavy, thick mass of vanilla soft serve dropped into some of Jessica's most private and glorious real estate. Jessica let out a giggly gasp. It's so cold! she moaned. A large bulge protruded from her bikini and the first small trickles of melting ice cream seemed poised to run down her legs. She wiggled her ass, trying to adjust the ice cream. How do I keep it from going up my butt? she laughed. This is, like, literally the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life!

Emily took her place in front of the camera. She hesitated in a desperate attempt to stifle uncontrollable giggles. Then she looked into the camera and spoke. She started out with reasonable poise, but quickly lost the battle and giggled her way through the rest of her introduction:

"I'm Emily. I'm 19 years old and I'm from Bellingham, Washington...I'm majoring in Environmental Studies at the University of Washington...In my free time I participate in EcoReps here on campus...I like running and volleyball....and I play the flute in the UW Concert Band."

The crowd reacted with delight as a thick mass of soft serve dropped into Emily's bikini. She wiggled and let out a shriek. The novelty of having ice cream in their bikinis seemed to cause both girls to revert to a strangely juvenile silliness. They seemed to be enjoying the immaturity of this moment. Two guys were chosen from the audience to administer the punishment for a wrong card. Overcome with the craziness and sheer stupidity of what they were doing, Jessica and Emily took their places next to opposite stools, facing clockwise. They both looked as if they wanted to crawl into a shell. The music started and they began to walk, giggling uncontrollably as they tried to not squish the ice cream. The music stopped. Jessica turned over her card...

Barbecue Sauce...raw eggs...

A heavy five-gallon bucket filled to the top with the thickest, darkest barbecue sauce I had ever seen was brought out. Jessica, looking incredulous, involuntarily ran a hand through her long hair, as if preparing for the inevitable.

"Oh my God!...No...No, this is not happening!" Jessica protested through uncontrollable giggles. "Please, not in my hair!"

Smack. Jessica's protests were cut off as a pie smashed squarely into her face, splattering violently in all directions and dripping into her cleavage. Her face was instantly unrecognizable. The crowd jeered.

"Jessica from Petaluma, California...we're going to ask you to take a seat on the stool. commanded Josh in a tone of mock drama. It might be a good idea to pull your butt in."

Cheered on by the crowd, Jessica lowered her ass onto the stool, letting out an almost orgasmic gasp as she felt the ice cream get crushed. The bucket was slowly lifted over Jessica's head. I drank in the perfection of her still immaculate legs, her sensuous breasts, her glorious dark hair- all about to be instantly erased.

"Ew!...This is going to be gross!" moaned Jessica, bracing herself.

The crowd chanted: "FIVE!...FOUR!....THREE!!!...TWO!!!!!...ONE!!!!!"

The bucket tipped. Heavy, deep red barbecue sauce engulfed Jessica, consuming her hair, hitting her shoulders, pouring into her cleavage, collecting in her lap. The bright colors of her bikini were instantly coated. Down, down, down...over the smooth, perfect curves of her legs...The crowd let out a mocking groan. She was writhing on the stool. More and more sauce dumped out of the bucket. Three eggs were cracked over her head in a display of excess that just added to the insult. The slimy egg yokes slid off quickly, into her cleavage, down her back. When it was over, Jessica stood up, looking slightly dazed. She took a step and almost slipped. The crowd laughed.

Now all of the attention shifted to Emily. She turned over her card.

Chocolate cake...ketchup...mustard....

Emily waited, dutifully, as a guy gleefully raised a massive pie in aim. Her face beamed with a sweet, good-natured innocence, almost as if she was enjoying this experience!

Smack. The pie hit Emily's face with surprising force. As if to flaunt his license to be as disrespectful and possible, the guy rubbed the pie from side to side, then smeared it into her hair and wiped it down her ponytail. An avalanche of whipped cream and pudding slid into Emily's cleavage. Her once neat blond hair was oozing with pie. A massive, gooey chocolate layer cake was placed on the stool.

"Emily, have you ever wondered what it would feel like to sit in a cake?" asked Josh.

She stood over the stool, giggling uncontrollably as a camera focused in on her perfect ass. She wiggled, bounced and adjusted her bikini bottom in an attempt to position the rapidly melting mass of ice cream. She hesitated, still shaking with giggles.

"Sorry, I've never done this before!" she said, and then giggled even harder as she realized how ridiculous this sounded.

Josh recommended that she say, Go huskies! and then go for it.

She hesitated for a moment. Then, in a shy, giggly voice:

"Go huskies!"

Emily sank into the deep chocolate layer cake. It oozed between her legs and exploded over the sides of the stool. Moist cake and frosting clung to her smooth thighs. A bottle of mustard was aimed and squirted with enthusiastic force. Then came a powerful stream of ketchup. She pulled in her arms and covered her face. Her entire body was quickly turning bright yellow and red. Mustard collected on top of her head and then slid off. When it was over, she stood up, dripping like a creature from a bad science fiction film. The cake on the stool- meticulously sculpted only a moment earlier-had been completely crushed- one small expression of decadent and glorious waste.

Completely unrecognizable, both Jessica and Emily took their places around the circle of stools for the second round. The music stared and then stopped. Once again, no banana. A pie hit Jessica's face with a satisfying slap. Then she got five gallons of cold corn chowder dumped over her head. Emily wasn't any luckier. After being smacked with a second pie, five gallons of Spaghetti-O's dumped over her head. The crowd was getting so loud and rowdy that my ears were hurting. I had never seen anyone get this messy, let alone two incredibly beautiful women in bikinis. The music started again. With only six stools remaining, surly one of these girls would find the banana soon! But it wasn't Jessica. She was hit with another pie. The words on the card were peanut butter and baked beans. I watched as a guy scooped his entire hand into a jar of thick, smooth peanut butter and proceeded to smear it over all of the other gunk in Jessica's hair. Then, with the next scoop he slowly smeared peanut butter over her breasts. Jessica seemed to enjoy the feeling. Five gallons of baked beans dumped over her already consumed body. And then Emily turned over her card. It said banana...whipped cream...chocolate syrup. The crowd cheered. Emily was turned into a human banana split. Somewhere under all of that gunk she must have been happy to be the winner. The crowd began to chant Food Fight!...Food Fight! Jessica and Emily were given the remaining food to throw at each other. They slid and wallowed in the mess covering the tarp. I couldn't believe I was spending the afternoon watching hot college girls play in outrageous quantities of food!

Finally, they both stepped towards a clean up area. As they began to get hosed down I wondered how long it would take to get all of that slop out of their hair and off their bodies. After this moment of silly fun they would once again become respectable young women. Should I wait and approach Emily to ask her about science courses at the University of Washington? No. She probably just wanted to get back to her dorm room, take a long, hot shower, and change into clean cloths.