Ann is in her late twenties: 5'4", with short cute brown hair. She's a curvy little package, 34C 25 35 or so. Tonight she's in an off-white Vegas-like dress: deep cleavage, with no side, and showing off her scandalous legs. Just below her bum the dress looks like it has given up trying to be a dress, and settled for life as a towel.

Ann steps out of the alcove and twirls for her audience. Nein stands nearby, leaning against a lamppost, and whistles, grinning. He's 6'1", dressed in a tuxedo, with strategically unkempt brown hair, an undone bow-tie, and a five-o'clock shadow.

"Looking sharp, mister," she says. "I like the bow-tie. Very rakish."

As the pads of her heels hit the concrete in a clickety-clack, she runs her hands down her dress, smoothing out the wrinkles against her curves. "So how do you like it?"

"It doesn't leave much to the imagination," Nein sniffs. "Which is great, I'm not imaginative."

"Ha! Funny man!" she says.

"That's right. Funny ha-ha, not funny looking," he says.

"We're running late. But I know a shortcut. Here, take my hand, I'll get us to the party quick!" she says.

With that, she grabs his hand, and they walk into the hotel. At first, they have to bob and weave past throngs of people. But then she leads him down the hall, down the elevator... down a hall... past a few rooms... after which they double back, take a left, take a quick shortcut through an empty conference center... and, finally, up to a brass door. This deep in the hotel there isn't a soul in sight, though you could hear distant laughter and cheerful sirens of the slots. As they pass through these odd spaces, she prances, and Nein grins and tries to keep up.

"Okaaayyyy... through... here!" she says with a lilt. He barely notices the heavy handle on the brass door as she opens it. They step through into a large, chilly, dark room, and as he fumbles to find a light-switch...the doors close behind them with a loud CLICK.

Anna tries to push the door. It doesn't budge. Then she pushes it twice again, just in case the door had second thoughts. Nothing. "Locked. Huh!"

Nein barely suppresses a laugh as he finally finds the light switch. "Looks like your shortcut turned into a dead end, short stuff."

"Yeah... no kidding. But what the..." she says, as the fluorescents lazily hum into life. They are in a huge refrigerated room. There are tables and tables and tables of pies. BIG pies, deep, thick, and huge cream pies. In the far corner, there is a large steel vat.

"I think I locked us in... does the door work for you?" she asks.

He gives it a try, once and twice and once more again. "Not with my hands. See if there's another way out?"

"Yeah, I'm sure there is! This way! There has to be," she says. She stands on the tips of her toes, imitating an explorer.

"Uh huh," he says, following. "I'm reading my epitaph already, 'He died with the pies.'"

She ignores him. "Oh, hey! Before I forget, when we dance?" she says.

"Yeah?"

"I'm TOTALLY commando under here. So no sudden aerial stuff, ok? I mean, I'm smooth as a baby's bum, but.. please. OK?"

"Whoa. Bold move for a charity dinner for children with cancer," he says. "But lucky for you, I'm a dancing ace."

"Oh I'm bold," she says. "But what can I do? This dress? No bra goes with it. And all I had was a black thong. Black thong with a white dress? No way. So.. uh.. yeah.. bare and bold."

Nein wiggles his eyebrows, and moves closer to Anna as they walk. "You're dangerously close to making an impression on me, sister." Midway, before reaching her, he bobs slightly in a faux-dance move.

She stops walking, mouth agape. "Hey, nice moves, Astaire!"

Nein nods. "I'd moonwalk, but it involves mooning you."

Anna Leigh grins. "Say... so... look at these pies..." She looks around, in the middle of two long table-rows of incredibly large cream pies. "Alright, smarty. Yes, we're stuck in the creamatorium." She flicks one creamy pie, opens her mouth widely, and imitates a chomp as she licks her finger. Nein crosses his arms and laughs.

"Lemme try that door... be right back!" Anna said. She takes off her shoes and dashes to another door, free parts jiggling and wobbling just a little.

"Hurry back!"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"I might die of diabetes!" Nein yelled.

"Hang on!" Anna pulls one door, then the other. "Shit! Fuck! Shit fuck!" She pulls on all the doors. None budge. "Fuck shit! Damn! Poo."

She walks back to Nein, unconsciously adjusting her dress to avoid a nip slip.

Nein sighs, and sits against an empty, heavy cart. "Now it's just a matter of time before we're found. We'll miss the excitement of the party. Though I don't mind so much."

"I don't think the party is that exciting without us," she says.

"You got that right. You light up a room like no other," he beams.

"Oh! Hey, flattery will get you everywhere!" She nods and winks. "But. In this part of Caesars? No one will find us for days. You want the good news first, or the bad news?"

"How about both at once?" he says.

"Bad news is... we're stuck in here! Good news is, um... look... dessert! Ha...? But seriously, you're smart. What is UP with all of these whipcream pies?"

"Oh, it's probably for that Stuart McLean memorial after our party. They're probably thinking of doing a massive celebration of his dry folksy wit. You know, pie in the face stuff. To honor his legacy, you understand."

Anna adjusts the single sash around the dress, laughing. "Pie in the face stuff? Seriously?"

"Yeah, well, you know. It's Vegas," he pauses, reflecting. "Always turned me on a little, to be honest."

Anna peers around the room surreptitiously, then stands next to Nein, leaning on a cart of her own. Her upper lip raises up revealing buck teeth in a chipmunk smirk. "Vegas turns you on?"

"Oh no; Vegas is already lit, it doesn't need to turn me on," he said, deadpanning. "I meant the pies."

Anna adjusts her sash again, distractedly, her lips pursed, and she babbles. "I swear, this dress. If it didn't look so Vegas and perfect for this place, I'd skip it. You know the only thing keeping this dress on me is this sash? I swear, some design flaw. Thank god it's sexy." It's only a beat later when she processes his answer: "Wait wait. Did you just say that pies turn you on?"

Nein shrugs. "Not half as much as that dress. Damn, how is that even legal?"

"I have no idea. It shows more skin than I don't know what," she said. "Seriously though, it's only a good knot that stands between me and doing an all-nude-review."

He pushes himself up from his crouching position, and stumbles a bit, shaking a pie cart behind him. "Oh, fumblefingers." Neither of them notice that the rolling tray catches one of the loose drawstrings at the back of Anna's dress in its wheel-well.

"Oh! Wait! All of these are for a pie in the face? Like, an old movie thing?" she said.

"So I figure."

Anna continues fiddling with the slit on the hip of the dress. The more that she fiddles with it, the more that the drawstring tightens against the cart behind her. "I don't know, Nein, can you imagine if this freakin' dress fell off?"

"I can't. No imagination, remember," he said. "Anyway, I was in the boy scouts. I know a good knot when I see it."

Anna laughs. "Oh?"

Nein grins. "My only badge, in fact. That's what we call a half-windsor rope-a-dope flim-flam knot..." As he is about to bullshit his way through a thoroughly contrived explanation, he points to the dress and steps forward for emphasis. Suddenly, he trips over a rolled-up rubber mat, causing Anna to jump forwards. The strap of her dress catches on the cart, and undoes the knot. The curtains are pulled back to show Anna's pert body.

Her eyes and mouth are wide in shock, and her hands raced to cover her exposed nipples and vagina. Then, after a second, she rolls her eyes upward and shrugs. "Hey! Nein, I wasn't kidding about commando!"

"Wow. So I can see!" He raised his hands to his face, as if mortified. But he noticed that she makes no effort to retrieve the dress, his embarrassment subsides.

"Look here, Anna. We've known each other a while. Remember when you walked in on me in the shower? Just think of this as fair game."

Anna snickers. "I do remember! Honestly, I wanted a good look. I got one, too." She takes a quick, theatrical bow, and fiddles with the sash, which is still caught in the cart.

"And you look gorgeous. Just one more thing to make it perfect." Nein takes off his bow tie, starts to tie it around Anna's neck. "There you are. Just like the old pictures. You're a regular Chaplin. I could kiss you all over, you lovable rogue."

Anna laughs, and fumbles again with the sash. "Chaplin? Oh you smoothie!... but... uh oh.. my dress... uh... wait.. help? Quick! It's slipping... I'm so bad with knots..."

Nein just stands there uselessly, laughing instead of being helpful. "I said I got a badge in telling a good knot, not in tying them."

"Nein, please, Nein! Tie it tie it! If this dress goes, I'm... I'm....... I'm..."

"Alright, alright, cool your jets, there's got to be a creative solution around here--" Nein pulls a washcloth from a table, thinking it would help to tie together the dress, but accidentally tips a banana cream pie onto Anna's foot. He laughs. "Well, shit."

Anna and watches the pie fall over and land on her foot, and jumps forward again. The dress surrenders to the floor. She stands there, hands out at her sides in shock. "....... naked!! Nein! Oh my god..." She looks down and up in disbelief but makes no effort to hide. She kicks the pie, and squishes it in between her toes. "Oh... man.... talk about nude... I'm nude. Nein, no. Listen. Seriously. I'm stark naked."

Gamely, he takes off his own jacket, and drapes it around Anna's shoulders, with a little hug. "There there, banana princess."

Anna snorts a laugh. "Banana princess?"

Clandestinely, still with his left arm around Anna's shoulders, Nein picks up a cream pie from behind him. "The best kind," he suggested.

She tolerates his jacket rest on her shoulders, despite, for all purposes, still being topless and naked. "Oh, well! In that case, I'll take banana princess!! But, seriously, Nein, I'm nude. No bra, see? No thong!! I mean, you can see everything!! Not that I'm shy, but... you did this! So YOU need to find something I can wear!" Then, with a prissy defiance, she shrugs the jacket off her shoulders and tosses it, and his arm, aside. "See? STARK! NAKED! Tits out! Costume malfunction! Lets not talk about below my belly button! So, please, find me something to wear!"

He glances at her sidelong. "Gosh, that would be a pity. You sure you need to cover up?"

"YES! Oh, I'm sure! I really need to cover up! Don't YOU think so?"

"I could look at you for hours just as you are. But hey, chivalry's not dead."

"Oh! You flatterer.. you make me want to stay naked! Hahaha! If you look at me like THAT, I"m tempted! But no. Let's go with chivalry! Just get me ANYthing to wear! I mean ANYTHING to --"

And, as she is talking, he plops the banana cream pie directly into Anna's face.

"---MMPGH!!!" He makes sure to press the crust in with his fingers, molding them to her facial features.

Anna jumps, stunned at the large creamy surprise. "Oooog..." She doesn't move, just stands in a slight trance. "I... ungh!"

Nein breaks the silence. "Usually I say to women that the only thing that looks good on them is me. But in your case, you also look good in cream."

She is stunned and smiling as pie falls slowly. This was a whipped-cream laden and gooey pie. Her gorgeous features are buried beneath a milky white crust. "I do?" she asks, spitting out some of the cream.

"How's it taste, Chaplin?"

"OH.. it tastes wonderful!!! Hahahahahahh! A pie in the face!!! Oh you bastard!"

"Born and raised."

"A pie in the face! NO! A big banana cream pie in the face! WOW!"

Nein rearranged some of the banana slices so that two are directly over Anna's eyes. Pie fell onto her shoulders, breasts, and arms. "Oh! Gee thanks!!!!" She placed her hands on her hips. "What a night. Naked and pied."

"Well you're covered, all right," he said. "But this was just the entree."

Anna slowly pulled cream and banana from her eyes and blinked at him in disbelief. "Oh! My! Wait.. what do you mean "entree"?" She licks her lips. "Oh you pied me good..." she mutters under her breath. "I must look reeee-dick-u-lous."

Nein: "It's French. I think it means "sandwich"."

Anna: "Sandwich?"

Nein: "Yeah, sandwich. You know what I mean by that?"

Anna: "What the heck does "sandwich" supposed to mean? Nein, I have NO idea what you're talking about, no. What on earth does "sandwich" mean?"

Nein picks up two pies, one vanilla and one a thick, lemon meringue, and push them slowly into each side of Anna's head.

Anna: "WHAT!!!!" She stands there and takes the pies! "oh.. nooooo.. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Nein whirls them around so her short hair is gelled up. "OMYGERD I DID!"

Anna licks her lips, hands at sides. "WHOA! you pied me!!!!"

Nein takes one of her hands. "How's that feel? Ah ah -- pie sandwich, my dear."

Anna lets the pies fall and slide down off of her face in blocks of broken crust, which adds more pie to my breasts, and splashes my arms, thighs, belly.. all over her. She squeezes his hand. "I see.... oh.. wow. So.. what was it about pie in the face? It turns you on?" Slowly, very slowly, she does a take and wipes her eyes and blinks at you.

Nein: "Yes. Basically. I sort of see it like this. Each pie in the face is sort of like a kiss."

Anna's nipples have responded like they were dipped in ice. Very very very very very hard and erect. "Oh SWOON that is so romantic!!!"

Nein: "I know, isn't it!"

Anna: "A pie in the face is like a kiss?"

Nein "It is. In my opinion."

Anna wipes more pie from her face. "I.. don't know what to say! You're FUN!"

Nein picks up two cupcakes, and puts one on top of each nipple. "Yup. Funny ha-ha, not funny looking."

"Can I.." Anna begins, before being interrupted. "Oooohhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh, ok, my nipples LOVE you now.. god! So.. I'm not funny looking? I've been pied!" She laughs.

Nein: "Oh, I was talking about me." He looks at himself in the steel oven, narcissistically. "You look ridiculous. But in the best way."

Anna "Oh ha ha! Very funny. Of COURSE I look ridiculous! You gave me a banana cream pie in the face! THree in fact! I'm naked and pied! Which sounds fucking sexy when I put it like that! So.. back up. A pie in the face is like a kiss?" Pie keeps falling from her head to my body in gooey pieces, her face layered with whipped cream.

Nein: "That's right. The kind of kiss that everybody knows you've had right after. And it drives me wild."

Anna: "Wait. Stop. Pieing me drives you wild?" She look at him, smiling widely.

Nein: "Yes. Absolutely bonkers. Here, want me to show you?" He picks up a lemon meringue. "Look up, will you?"

Anna looks up. "What?"

Nein places a hand very gently, even lovingly under her chin, Looks up himself in a teasing mimicry, as if we were both looking at the same thing; then raises the pie above her face, and lets it land squarely on it, dead center.

Anna: "But that's meringue.. it's super sticky and.. MMMOP! PFOO! ohmgd"

Instead of letting it fall off, Nein rubs it in, slowly, making sure that the goo goes up her nose.

Anna freezes, totally pied, pie in my nose, in my mouth, all over my lips, and in her hair. She moved her face into the pie as he smashed it all over. "... a mrng pi inna fas...om nom..."

Nein" "See, you right now, I couldn't love you more. What a picture."

Anna: "Oh.. a Lemon. Meringue. Pie. UNCOOKED GOOEY MERINGUE! I must look... amazing! And this? This turns you on?"

Nein: "Sister, I'm pretty sure I came twice already."

Anna: "This is erotic?" She points to her pied, crusted face, smiling. "Ok. You know what?"

Nein: "Hm. Chickenbutt?"

Anna: "No. Not chickenbutt."

Nein: "I'm pretty sure that's the right answer."

Anna: "That SERIOUSLY turns me on right now."

Nein: "Chickenbutts turn you on right now!?!"

Anna wipes one eye, and meringue and goo come off in a long, gooey trail. Her eye isn't too clean, but it is good enough to see.

Nein: "Well. You are just heaven. I think maybe you oughtta sit down."

"Is there cream in heaven? Because I feel creamed." Anna walks up to him, pulls his belt forward and thrusts her hand down his pants. She grabs a very hard, smooth, warm cock with a creamed and meringued hand. His eyes roll back in his head a little. "Oh.. yes!!! I see, you really are having fun! But why am I taking the brunt of the pies?" She laughs and wipes her other eye and some of her face.

"Baby, you right now -- you're are all the viagra I'll ever need."

Anna: "Ooh. I'm a terrible show off. You shouldn't say that to me, I could get addicted to getting pied!"

"Well, you know what they say. As above, so below." With that, he picks up a pie and slaps it onto her butt. At this point, she is totally covered.

Anna yelps, "AGH!!", her mouth a shocked "O". "I...
I, I....
I I I...
I..
ohmygod!!
You! Fucker!!!"

Nein laughs: "Only if I'm lucky."

Anna thrusts her hips back and forth involuntarily, shocked. She errantly wipes her face, which is pretty much a lost cause by now. Cream on my head and har ow sticking up in all directions. "OK. Wait. Wait wait wait!! Ha!" she says, licking her lips.

Nein echoes, "Ha?"

Anna: "Now look--"

Nein: "Oh, trust me, I can't look away."

Anna: "I've been pied like, a million times. A pie in the face is like a kiss, right?"

Nein purrs: "If pies are kisses, you have got to know by now you're my Valentine."

Anna mock swoons, and snorts an appreciative laugh at his romantic comments.

Anna: "So.. time for me to kiss you! Can you pick up a pie for me and let me have it?"

Nein: "Sure, here you go. Happy to oblige." Nein picks up a key lime pie, and throws it at Anna's face, where it explodes into a green marvel. "Sorry! Sorry. Reflex."

"OOOGH!" she takes the pie, and smiles. "HEY! Ohhhhhh!" After a long beat, simmering, she wipes her eyes and looks at him in mock exasperation. "No no no!! I meant pick up a pie and give it to me!!! Sheesh!!!"

Nein: "Oh, alright, alright."

With that, Nein thoughtfully and gently picks up a useless, creamless pecan pie, and hands it to her outstretched hands. "Let me have it!"

[End of Part 1]