[ A work in progress, pre-edit. But I loves youse guys, so here's a draft for your entertainment]

The two of them shared the same last name, though they were not related to each other. The hotel had mistakenly assigned her to the same room, misunderstanding that they were not a married couple.

Nieve, five-foot-four and lean, with tow-headed blonde, straight hair to her shoulders that kept escaping from it's tucks right behind her ears, looked around the large suite. "Well, fuck! I can't believe they did that. Well, it's fine, I'll go down and get my own room". She was dressed in blue jeans that featured her small, round ass and a green button-down shirt that was slightly tight around her large breasts; so much so that the pattern of a lace bra was debossed into the fabric.

Jay, somewhat taller than Nieve, shrugged his shoulders and said, "You probably won't get a suite like this one, and it's large enough for two if you wanted to stay here." He pointed out the kitchen space with the breakfast counter, the dining area and separate meeting/living room, and the large bedroom behind two sliding doors. Jay had a fit, athletic build, and his clothing (clearly bespoke) was fit to his muscled, athletic form. Nieve noticed his strong-looking shoulders and chest as she scanned the suite, and definitely noticed his ass when he turned around to open the doors to the bedroom.

She walked up the two steps that separated the living room from the dining space and said, "Yeah, that's true, and this is a freakin' great room. Well, if you don't mind", she shrugged in response, and thought that at least Jay was good to look at. And pretty decent company.

Jay said, "Great! I bet there are two queen beds in there. They always give me the rooms with the twin queens." He pulled open the doors to the bedroom. Nieve stepped up to the doors and the two of them peered into the luxury room.

"Oops", she said. "Well.. crap", he said. "A king bed". He looked at Nieve, and noticed not for the first time her cleavage showing in the gap of her shirt, which was unbuttoned to the second button, and the lace outlined in the shirt's fabric. He caught himself and looked into her blue eyes.

She looked back into his green eyes, and said, "Yeah, this might be awkward. Well, I can take the couch"

He said, "Hang on. I have an idea", and he approached the side of the large bed. He took the long, body-pillow and set it along the middle of the bed, creating a separator between the two sides. "Here we go. It's big enough for two, and at least this keeps us professional."

She nodded, "Yeah, that could work.. Sure! Why not. It works for me, if it works for you."

He was about to agree when there was a knock at the room door. Jay opened the door, and a man and a woman in hotel uniforms wheeled in a few dozen boxes marked, "Universal Baking Company". Each box had a sticker on it that read 'Banana-N.D.'. He tipped the delivery people, and set the boxes in a single layer on the long dining table that now had been pushed up against the wall.
"What's this?", Nieve asked. Jay replied, "Banana cream pies. We're using this room tomorrow for a business suite, and giving away slices of pie to potential retail clients." He opened a box and lifted the lid. Inside was a large, tall banana cream pie in a baked crust. It was almost comically large.

She peered into the box, "Damn! That's some pie. And N.D.? Non-dairy?"

He nodded, "Yep! Not everyone can tolerate real cream, and besides this stuff doesn't melt, holds up well, tastes great, and looks fantastic."

She smiled, "It sure does!"

He closed the lid. She reviewed the table once more and said, "That's a lot of pies! I hope a lot of people show up tomorrow, for your sake!"

Jay said, "Me too. If not, we'll be taking a bunch of them home. Or having a pie fight."

Nieve snorted a laugh at that last comment, and reached out to lightly smack Jay on the arm. "Ha ha!", she said, mockingly.

Turning from the inventory of pies, they each unpacked into one of the several bureaus in the bedroom. Jay set everything into a drawer and stored his suitcase, when he had a sudden realization. "Uh oh. Oh, damn."

Nieve looked up, and she was placing the rest of her clothing into some drawers. "What's up?" she asked.

Jay sucked the inside of his cheek and then said, "I didn't pack any P.J.s I usually sleep naked."

She smirked at him. "Now, that's a cheap pick-up line if I have ever heard one. 'Oh no, we have to share a bed, and oh no, I sleep naked..", she shook her head as she mocked him. Jay replied, "Well, Nieve, how do you sleep at night? In a Star-Wars onesie?"

She said, "Actually, yes! How'd you know? No no, not really. Yeah, I also sleep naked. It's the only way to sleep." Jay nodded, "I agree. Well, honestly, I don't care. And we have the Great Wall of Pillow to keep our boundaries. I'm cool if you're cool with it."

She waved him off, "Yeah, I'm fine with it. Just keep to your side, I'll keep to mine. We don't need to be babies about it." He said, "Agreed".

After a while of talking, and peeking inside pie boxes ("Boy these things are huge", she noted), they went to dinner. A few hours and a couple of drinks later, they returned to the room.

Jay was brushing his teeth, shirtless, at one of the dual sinks, while Nieve was leaning against the counter, her arms crossed. She watched him as he brushed, continuing the topic they'd been discussing earlier. She did notice his well-groomed muscular chest and arms, and while no six-pack (which she didn't necessarily care for anyway), his fit body. This wasn't such a bad idea after all, she thought.

He spit out and rinsed, as she picked up a can of shaving cream. "They use this for pies, too. Shaving cream. I've seen that a few times."

He said, "Seen what exactly?" he asked.

She said, "Pie in the face. It was a big thing in church camp when I was a kid. Every weekend, there was some religious skit where someone got it with a pie in the face." he said, "Huh, I didn't know there was so much slapstick in gospel". She said, "There isn't, but for kids I guess they figured it'd keep us entertained." He asked, "And did it?" She nodded, "Oh yeah, I always thought it was funny."

He smiled and said, "It is. But probably not as tasty as one of those real pies out there." Nieve laughed, "So true!". She put the can back down on the counter, and shooed him out of the bathroom.

Jay got out of his clothes while Nieve was brushing her teeth, and climbed into the cold bed. He sat up, reading messages on his phone. Moments later, Nieve came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a bath towel. As she walked, he noticed how much she jiggled and felt a sudden rush. His cock stirred, slightly. Nieve sat on the edge of the bed, toweled, her back to his. She deftly slid out of the towel just as she slid into the cold sheets.

"Brr! Oof these sheets are cold!, she said. Jay laughed, "Yeah, they are. Hey, are you eating gumdrops in bed over there?"

She looked confused for a moment, "What?", and then rolled her eyes, "Oh HA. HA!. I know, I know. Big tiddies, pokey nips when the girls get cold. Don't get excited or I'll spray you with a water bottle." He held up his hand and said, "Best behavior!"

She said, "OK, then" and lay on her side, her arm propping up her head, the sheet pulled high enough for modesty but low enough to show off some cleavage. She had the sudden urge to just jump out of bed and walk naked to and from the bathroom, if anything to break some of the sexual tension she'd been feeling, but she also didn't want to start something she wasn't sure she should start.

They shut out the lights. After a few moments, Nieve said, "I can't believe we're both naked, sharing the same bed." Jay chuckled, "Yeah, it's funny. No one would believe us, would they? But I have to say, it's much more comfortable this way." She replied, "I agree! And to be honest I don't care if you see me naked, it's not that big of a deal. I just don't want to give you the wrong idea, do you know what I mean?"

He nodded, unseen in the dark room. "I know exactly when you mean. Same for me, I don't want to give you the wrong idea." She laughed "Mister modest over here. Trust me, I can control myself.", and as soon as she said it, she doubted she could. Jay was, she hated to admit, pretty damned sexy.

Jay was thinking something similar. If she was walking around the room, nude, he was sure it'd make him very worked-up, and very hard. He didn't want the stress of wanting someone and having to resist, strongly. Nieve was sexy as fuck, and unexpectedly atttractive. He'd seen her around, previously, but hadn't felt a tug of attraction. He did now.

After another several moments of silence, Nieve asked, "Hey, have you ever been pied?" He replied, "You mean have I taken a pie in the face?". She said, "Yeah. Pie in the face. Splat!"

He said, "Yeah, I actually have." Her voice sounded like she was smiling, "You have? Really? What happened?"

Jay said, "Well, it was my birthday, and they got me, you know. Great big shaving cream pie in the face, like a whole can's worth." Nieve broke into laughter, "Oh my god! That's funny! What'd you do?" He said, "Well, I was stunned, right? I just stood there and laughed, and eventually wiped my eyes so I could see. It felt pretty good, actually.:

Nieve laughed even harder. Jay smiled, "Hey, I'm glad you're amused!". She laughed, "I am! So it felt good, huh?". He nodded, in the dark, and said, "Yeah! I mean, it tastes nasty but it's thick, soft, really creamy, pretty slippery too, so, you know. Not so bad."

She paused, and said, "Yeah, I can see that. It does feel good in general. So you got pied, and you weren't mad about it, I guess?" Jay said, "Nah. Pretty surprised, but it was in good company, so we had a laugh. And really, it happened to everyone else on their birthdays so, you know."

Nieve giggled, again. "I think I'd have used a real pie." He smiled, "Oh, so you'd pie me in the face, would you?" She answered immediately, "Of course! Even if it wasn't your birthday!" He was grinning, "Oh man! What, banana cream pie?" Nieve laughed, "Yes!", and fell into peals of laughter. Jay sighed in mock exasperation. Nieve caught her breath, "A big, gooey one!", and lit up into laughter again.

Jay was thinking that her laughter was great, and contagious! And delightfully sexy. He said, "You know I'd get you back, I'd pie you right back." Nieve snorted, "Well of course!"

Jay shook his head, smiling. "You're fun, do you know that?" Nieve said, "So are you!"

Another moment went by, but Nieve giggled again. "I wish I had seen that, to be honest.", and Jay replied "You just wait until your birthday!" She said, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I wouldn't object though."

Jay said, "A birthday pie in the face in your birthday suit." Nieve gasped, "Oooh, kinky!" Jay said, "Yeah, sorry, it sounded good, and it just rolled off of the tongue." Nieve again had a fit of laughter, "Oh right, like you're not horny right now! 'Rolled off the tongue' yeah right! YOU'RE gonna roll off the tongue."

Jay laughed, "A-hem! Now who's the double-entre queen?" Nieve laughed, "Oh shit, I didn't mean it that way!" The two of them shared a long laugh, in no small part because the sexual tension between them was growing.

Once they caught their breath, Jay said, "So here we are. Laughing together in the same bed, stark naked." Nieve said, "Nude. All nude.Yup. You are very well behaved, I must say. I'm impressed, Jay." He replied, "Thank you." Nieve said, "It's very sexy."

Jay turned his head towards Nieve, and now that his eyes had adjusted to the dark, could vaguely see her outline, lying on her side and facing him. The long pillow between them like a soft, feather-filled wall. "Thank you! I'm glad you think so."

Nieve said, "So I have a question. Do you walk around naked at home? Besides sleep naked, I mean. I do, all of the time.". Jay nodded, "I do. Pretty often in fact." She replied, "Mmm, kinda thought so. So, if you don't mind my asking, what happens when you get a boner? Do you just keep walking around, or do you bump into things?"

Jay laughed, "A 'boner'? And bump into things? No!" Nieve giggled and explained, "Sorry! An erection! A hard cock! Come on, you know!" He replied, "Like, do I get aroused or horny walking around the house? Not usually, no. Why, do you?"

Nieve snorted, "No, not really. Sometimes I'm just, you know, total horndog, but that has nothing to do with walking around nude. I'm justnevermind."

He was hooked, now. "Justwhat?" Nieve sighed, "I was gonna say I'm just horny all of the damned time! But you don't need to hear that."

Slowly, Jay said, "Yes.. yes, I do." Nieve snorted, and Jay felt a hand come flying over the pillow-wall and smack him on his chest.

Jay said, "Honestly, if I was walking around the house nude, and I was hard, it's because someone sexy made me that way." Nieve replied, "Mmm, yeah, that makes sense. I'd just make you hard, and then"

A moment of silence went by, until Jay asked, "And then?" Nieve's voice bubbled with laughter, "I'd hit you with a pie in the face!", and she broke up laughing again.

Jay grinned, "Pie me naked Ok, NOW who's kinky?"

Nieve continued, "Hahahaha, you'd be all hot and hard and horny and expecting to get laid when splat! Pie in the face!"

Jay laughed briefly, and said, "Yeah, and pie everywhere else too! My face wouldn't be the only thing to be totally creamed!" Nieve gasped, and started to say something but quickly changed it to a thoughtful "Mmm. Mm hmm.".

Jay said, "This is the most fun conversation I'd had in a long time.". Nieve replied, "Me too."

Another moment passed, in the dark of the big bedroom. Nieve asked, "Are you horny right now?" Jay replied, "Insanely." Nieve nodded her head, unseen by Jay, and said, "Yeah, me too.". Another moment passed and Nieve asked, in a comically put-on voice, "So. Ya got a boner right now?"

He laughed, "No! Why, should I?" Nieve said, "Well, a girl can dream"

Jay asked, "You're horny right now, aren't you." She replied, "Insanely. I have to get my mind off of sex, right now.". Jay said, sarcastically, "Yeah, the last thing either of us want is to spend the rest of the night joyously fucking the daylights out of each other."

Her hand flew over and smacked his chest again. He said, "Ow! And hey, you're a wildly sexy woman. You know that, right?" She responded, "You're a very sexy man. You know THAT, right? And, for the record, I wouldn't say it's the LAST thing either of us want."

She reached her hand over the pillow wall and rested it on his chest. She said, "I'll give you a dollar if you get out of bed and dance naked for me."

Jay laughed, and Nieve laughed with him. He changed the subject, "You know what we should do?" Nieve replied immediately, "Fuck." Jay smirked and said ,"No, seriously. Do you know what we should do?" Nieve said again, "Fuck!" Jay said, "Did you just stub your toe, twice, or are you making a suggestion?." Nieve groaned. "Okayy. What should we do?"

Jay said, "Let's check out those pies." Nieve picked up her head and peered at him, in the dark. "Oh, you don't want to do that.". Jay said, "Yes, I do. We can go together."

Nieve asked, "Naked?" Jay said, "Completely." Nieve bit her lip, and said, "Ok!". She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. Jay did the same with his lamp, just as Nieve bolted out of bed and darted, nude, to the dining room, stopping to open the doors of the bedroom. Jay watched her lithe, narrow-waisted and tow-blonde naked figure the entire way, and muttered, "Holy fuck!".

Nieve made it to the table first, and said, "I heard that!". He jumped out of bed, and also completely naked, walked to the table side just as she was lifting a large banana cream pie out of a box. She looked at Jay, up and down, smiling, "You are one sexy naked man, Jay, I gotta say!" She looked at his strong shoulders and chest, and his fit torso, and then his gorgeous, shapely and well proportioned penis. "I love how bold you are", she said, "Just march right after me, naked, and boy do you have a nice looking cock!"

Jay picked up a banana cream pie. "Wow, these are heavy!", she said. She nodded, and reached out to caress his growing cock, stroking him into complete hardness. He looked her up and down in return, and loved the look of her arms, her large breasts that fell perfectly along her body, and their wide, round, very pert and pink nipples, and her narrow waist and perfect hips and ass. His cock responded to her touch, and with his free hand he caressed her body, down, until he slid a gentle finger down and up her clit. She was slick. Nieve gasped, and smiled, "Told ya. Horny."

Smiling, she stroked him, enjoying how he felt in her hand, and also at his response to her touch. "You're gonna regret this idea", she said, raising and lowering the pie. He said, "You're gonna regret agreeing to it!" She grinned.

He said, "Ok, on 3! We give each other a pie in the face!". She smiled, "OK!" He asked, "Ready?"

She said, "I am, are you?" He nodded. "Yes. On three. You count!"

She grinned, "One!" And Jay immediately face-palmed Nieve with the hand holding the pie, giving Nieve a full-on, cream-laden, gooey banana cream pie in the face. It hit with a wet, loud "pop!". He smashed it in just a little, and pulled the tin away from her face. When the pie hit, she exclaimed "Erggg!!", and stood there as the entire, thick, banana cream pie stuck to her. Cream flowed and wrapped itself around her neck, over each shoulder, and in a wave over the top of her head, sticking to it before the rest of it fell to the floor behind her. She opened her mouth in shock, and gasped, and as she did the pie filling separated from the non-dairy whipped cream and fell, bouncing off of both breasts and leaving smears of whipped and banana cream, to land with a loud 'plop!' at their feet.

She opened her eyes, her lashes decorated with white cream, and her entire face a sheet of sticky, soft whipped cream. Enough pie had flown so that one ear was creamed with pie, her nose had a dollop of banana cream stuck to it, and the piece of crust and pie that had separated and stuck to her hair had slid down to land gooey-side-down onto her right breast, slowly sliding until it covered and stuck to her now-very-erect nipple. She broke into peals of laughter.

She laughed for a long time, before gasping, her face still completely creamed, and she said, "You bastard you TRICKED ME!", and she then slammed the banana cream pie she was holding into Jay's face, and violently smeared it around and around.

Whipped cream and banana cream flew around his neck, over his head to stick in his hair, and around his face to blast pie over each ear. Pie flew over his shoulders, and broken crust and banana cream fell to bounce off of his chest and upper arms, to the floor. A large piece of pie had stuck to his nose and eyes, and the piece of pie that had broken over his mouth and cheeks fell straight down to clobber the top of his erect penis with banana cream and whipped cream.

Mouth wide, he gasped, and stood there as she took one look at her handiwork, and laughed a long, deep, delighted laugh.

Jay blinked his eyes open, and looked at the very pied Nieve. He laughed, and said, "You look amazing!". The pie that had gotten stuck to her nipple finally fell, leaving cream and a streak of pie over her bare skin. She wiped her eyes and opened a box. Very quickly, Jay reached into a box and picked up a pie, and as Nieve was lifting her own heavy pie from the box in front of her, he placed his left hand on the back of her head and pied her in the face, again, with the wide, deep, and gooey banana cream pie. "Not so fast", he said, before the 'splat!' of the second pie sent a large amount of pie into her face, hair, around her neck, and this time sending a wave of whipped cream and banana cream over her chest.

"Drrrrhgh!!", she exclaimed, and laughed again, her face buried in the slapstick pie. "Oh this feels GOOD!, she said. Jay got behind her, and Nieve, now blinded with cream, said, "Where are you, you bastard!". He said, "Right here", and from behind placed his hands under her hands and smashed the pie, her hands, and his hands into her face, for Nieve's third pie in the face of the night. He pulled her close to him, his cock pressing against her body, and his hands smearing whipped cream and banana cream all over her neck, shoulders, chest, breasts, and body down to her clit, and back.

She gasped, and reached a creamy hand to his cock as he massaged pie all around her soft, bare skin. "Oh, I like this", he said. She nodded, unable to see, her face and hair a messy sheet of whipped cream and banana cream and pieces of crust, and said, "Uh huh, me too"

He kissed her cream-coated neck, and she leaned back into him, her hands over hers as he smeared and caressed her breasts and teased her now-very-hard nipples. Now slippery with whipped cream and banana cream pie, she slid in his arms to face him, and they embraced and kissed for several minutes, licking pie from each other's lips and tongues.

She stopped, and stepped back, and turned to the table. She flipped open a box, and picked up a banana cream pie. Turning to face him again, she grinned, and said "Say my name!". Immediately as he was saying "Nieve", she slammed the pie into Jay's face, and smeared it all over his head, from ear to ear, and over the top of his head. She took pieces of pie and smeared it down his chest. "Nie-MMMPH!" he said, smiling under the thick, gooey and now disintegrating banana cream pie. She quickly opened another box and picked up the pie, and almost slipping on the floor, turned and smashed the pie into his crotch, laughing, and gasping as she covered his cock with cream. "HA!", she laughed, "Too slow!", and she giggled, and then "MMmm" as she enjoyed herself at his expense, and enjoyed the view of his crotch now buried in a pie.

Jay jumped, and moaned at the cool, creamy, gooey and thick and heavy pie engulfing his throbbing penis. Nieve kept stroking him, and as he pulled her close to his body, her breasts pressed into his chest (and sliding back and forth under the slick cream), and kissed her pied, unwiped face, placed his fingers on her clit and started to tease her, stroking her hot, slick wet vagina and making her moan as much as he was moaning.

The two of them, splattered with pie (she more than he), kissing and stroking each other, sliding and writing and almost slipping to the floor in the midst of a naked pie in the face battle, were growing increasingly close to abandon and full-on uninhibited sex. Their faces and heads, completely engulfed with cream.

He finally whispered, "Fuck me. Please, Nieve, fuck me!". She gasped, "Are you begging me?" Jay whispered into her cream-filled ear, "I'm begging you to fuck me, Nieve!". She groaned, "Ooooooh god", and pulled him to the pie-splattered floor. She pushed him onto his back, the pie and crust squishing underneath him, and still stroking his cock, positioned herself over him. "You know what we're going to do now?", she asked. He said, "What are we going to do now?". She took him in, just slightly, the head of his cock sliding into her pussy, and groaned, "We're going to fuck, that's what.", and she moved up and down, and he thrust into her with the same rhythm, each time sliding deeper and deeper into her.

"OH, yes!", she groaned, "Oh my god I needed this." Jay groaned as well, as they both felt incredible to each other. He laughed, and said, "Look at us, fucking at the naked pie fight." She laughed, and replied "Uh huh, fucking at the naked pie fight! Ummmm fuck me, Jay!"

They slowly built up speed, and intensity, and her moans and cries grew louder and closer in frequency, and she suddenly yelled, an orgasmic, uncontrolled sound. Nieve kept fucking Jay, leaning her hands on his chest for balance, until she fell on top of him, her chest resiting on his and her face smeared into the pie on his neck and face. "Holy fuck!", she said, "I've never cum that hard or that quickly. Fuck!!" Gasping for breath, she started to move her hips again, and he resumed his thrusting and gyrating. Jay was groaning, and Nieve sat up again, riding Jay and looking down at his pied face and hair. She was enjoying fucking the hell out of him, and when he moved his hand to tease her clit as they fuck, she cried out, and could feel the crest of another impending orgasm welling up. "Oh god..", she repeated, and once again suddenly orgasmed. This time, more intense than the previous one, and she nearly shrieked as it overwhelmed her, and every nerve in her body felt like it was firing at once.

As quickly as it happened, she fell on top of him, panting and our of breath. Jay embraced her, and waited until she was recovered enough to slide him out of her. As she moved up, she placed her right breast over his face, and her nipple into his mouth. He licked, sucked, and teased her, licking the banana cream off of her, her hot, stiff nipple sweet in his mouth. She moved the other breast into his mouth for the same treatment. "Did you enjoy that?", she asked, as she sat up on top of him, straddling him with his hard cock just in front of her. "Yes", he said. Nieve replied, "Good, so did I, you can suck my tits any time you want!"

He smiled, and then gasped as she took a great glob of banana cream pie from the floor and covered his cock in it, stroking up and down, and playing around the head, one hand stroking from mid-shaft to top, the other around his balls and stroking his taint.

"OH my god!", he said, his hips writing and gyrating to follow her expert stroking. "Uh huh.." she said, "You are going to cum for me."

She kept going, and Jay gasped, and gripped the floor, the pie making on his cock sensual, and slick. She didn't stop, and he could feel his orgasm welling very rapidly. She slipped her hand up and over the cap of his penis, and he gasped with the sudden, extreme pleasure. She said, "Oh? Like this?" She did it again, and then down, and then again.. And after about 4 or 5 of these over-the-top strokes, he suddenly came, sending cum spurting up and all over himself, all over her, and coming for a long time until he placed his hand on hers, and she stopped stroking, holding his wet, cum-covered cock in her hand. "Wow, you came hard. That was a lot of cum!"

He laughed, "You inspired me!"

She leaned over, and kissed him. A mess, they kissed for a while, until they said in unison, "Shower time".

Nieve headed for the shower, stepping gently so as not to slip from all of the pie stuck to her feet. While her back was turned, Jay picked up a banana cream pie. "Hey Nieve, turn around a sec?"

As soon as she turned around, Jay planted the banana cream pie in her face with that familiar loud 'pop' sound. "BLRG!", she said, and the laughed, bending over and shaking pie from her face. Once again her face was a cream-covered sheet of white, and she smiled and laughed, "Oh you DICK!", and they both laughed. She grabbed him and smeared her pied face all over his face, and kissed him deeply. "Mother fucker!", she laughed. She kissed him even harder, and more passionately. "I will get you for that!"

They stepped gingerly to the shower. "You fucking better!" he laughed. "I fucking will!", she replied.

*end*