"All rise."

The courtroom clambered to their feet as the black-robed judge shuffled into place, and then took their seats again. He squinted at his papers, and then the two parties in front of him.

"We are here today to hear the case of Ms Veronica Peltz" He squinted at the pretty young woman whose ample chest was almost spilling out of her silk blouse.

"...Versus Mr Chuckles." He turned his gaze to the person with a rainbow wig, clown outfit, and white facepaint with the traditional smile turned upside down. He mimed crying as the judge looked at him. "Ms Peltz, would you please take the stand."

Every eye in the courtroom was on her as she sashayed her way to witness stand, heels clicking, hips swaying and bosom gently bouncing. If it wasn't for her carefully curled brunette hair and the expensive outfit, she would look like a film starlet - and not the reputable kind. She took the seat and smoothed down her skirt.

Her solicitor cleared his throat. "Good morning, Ms Peltz. I want to start off by asking if you know this man." He pointed directly to the clown.

She swallowed, and said: "Yes. Yes, I do."

"And how do you know this man, Ms Peltz."

"He was hired to be the entertainment at a business dinner I attended."

"And did you and he interact on that night?"

She nodded and took a drink of water, as if gathering her courage. "We did. He selected me to participate in one of his acts and he he pied me. Over twenty times."

The jury let out a sharp gasp. Ms Peltz looked close to tears. Mr Chuckles offered her a handkerchief from his pocket, but it turned out to be attached to another one, and another one, and another one, until he gave up.

"And did you consent to this pieing, Ms Peltz?" Her solicitor continued.

"I did not."

"But couldn't you have just walked away?" (The clown nodded emphatically, making his wig bob around.)

"I I felt under pressure to stay there," the woman said hesitantly. "Everyone in the room was looking at me, and I didn't want to seem like a spoilsport."

"I see. And could you describe these pies for the jury, please?"

"Describe them?"

"Are we talking about a bit of whipped cream on a paper plate, for example?"

"Oh, no. They were very large. I think they were in foil tins, and they were almost overflowing. The consistency was very sloppy as well - as soon as I got hit, it went everywhere."

The solicitor nodded gravely, and indicated for a diagram of a human body to be brought in. "Could you show us on the image where the pieing took place, please?"

With a long pointer, Ms Peltz began indicating. "Well to start with, he focused on my face and head. I could barely see, and I'd looked so good at the start of the night. And then after that, I would say here and here"

"Let the record reflect that Ms Peltz has indicated the ah, chest and groin regions. Is that fair?"

"That's correct. My tits and ass."

Mr Chuckles mimed holding two large balloons to his chest in case anyone had missed it.

"Now, in his written statement, the defendant claims that you enjoyed the pieing, and were even sexually aroused by it. Is that true, Ms Peltz?"

She shook her head resolutely. "Absolutely not. It was it was humiliating, and degrading. I felt so embarrassed sitting there, getting my lovely hair and clothes destroyed."

"So you never gave Mr Giggles -" (the clown got up in protest, scowling) "-my apologies, you never gave Mr Chuckles any indication that you liked the attention?"

"Of course not - I just wanted to go and get cleaned up."

"And are you aware there is a niche section of society that is turned on by the application of pies, and other mess?"

She rolled her eyes. "Weirdos, maybe."

"Thank you. No more questions, your honour."

The judge tore himself away from Ms Peltz's cleavage long enough to look at the defendant. "Thank you. I believe you're representing yourself, Mr Chuckles, so you may begin the questioning now."

The clown got to his oversized feet. He walked to the side of the court, and wheeled across a trolley that was covered with a sheet, and held up a single finger. This was clearly Exhibit A. Then he drew the sheet back with a flourish, revealing a dozen overstuffed cream pies in a variety of colours.

"Objection, your honour!" The solicitor cried, springing to his feet as Ms Peltz clasped her hands over her mouth. "My client has already been traumatised enough by pies."

The judge frowned at the clown. "Are these crucial to your defence, Mr Chuckles?"

He nodded emphatically.

"Fine, but no funny business."

The clown picked up one of the pies - a pinkish one, to match the witness's blouse - and walked to the middle of the courtroom. The only sound was the jury wondering how he was going to present himself without speaking. He made a show of demonstrating how to lift it, how to fold it, and how to throw it. Suddenly, he hurled it at Ms Peltz, his practice making sure it hit its mark and splattered across her face.

Everyone in the room gasped, and Ms Peltz could be heard to cry "Oh fuck!" But it wasn't the noise of someone in distress - rather a person having an enjoyable time in the bedroom. As they watched, she smeared the pink goo across her skin, mouth open in rapture.

Mr Chuckles returned to his cart and selected a blue one this time. He held the back of her head as he delivered it straight into her face. "Give it to me baby," she moaned, her breathing ragged.

"Objection, your honour!" The solicitor said again, without any clear idea of what he was objecting to.

The clown then demonstrated a pie sandwich, which left the buxom young woman in ecstasy, spreading the mess around her ruined face. He teased her with the next one, using hand gestures to ask if she really, really, really wanted it? "Give it to me," she begged, and he happily obliged.

After that, he mimed undoing the buttons on her blouse, which she gladly did. The whole courtroom - both men and women - held its breath as her black bra and a stunning rack came into view. "Fuck me," her lawyer muttered in awe. But the huge tits were soon covered by another helping or two of pie.

Although they could only see her from the waist up, it hadn't escaped anyone's notice that Ms Peltz's right hand now appeared to be working at something out of view, and her knees were raised against the bench. The judge, who had the best view into the witness stand, looked as though all his Christmas's had come at once.

Mr Chuckles continued administering pies to her face and chest in turn. She was so aroused she barely seemed to notice - if anything, they spurred her on even more, moans of pleasure now being picked up by the microphone.

In a moment that most people would remember till their dying days, she then pulled one large, full breast out of the bra, squeezing and pinching the pink nipple. Mr Chuckles made a "May I?" gesture. She nodded, overwhelmed with pleasure, and he gladly obliterated it with another pie.

"Your honour, may I suggest a brief recess?" The solicitor called.

The judge cut across him. "I want to see where this is going."

At the start of the court session, Ms Peltz had looked like a beautiful glamour model. Now Mr Chuckles was going about pieing her other breast - one pink, one green - leaving most of her desirable upper body unrecognisable between the mess. Then he turned to the jury with a shrugging motion, asking where else he should pie.

"Her ass!" Someone called out. "Do her ass!"

The woman gladly obliged. She turned around and knelt on her chair, revealing that she had in fact hiked her skirt up around her slim waist to get into her pants. Mr Chuckles gave an exaggerated look of shock as he saw the cute, round derriere, with only a thin strip of lacy red thong material between the cheeks.

"Fuck - fuck - do it quick!" Ms Peltz moaned, hand still playing furiously in her nether regions.

The clown was only too happy. He delivered pies once - twice - three times - making the cheeks wobble and completely coating her delectable buttocks. At that exact moment, she reached the climax she'd been building too, and let out shrieks of pleasure that were picked up throughout the courtroom. The orgasm seemed to go on forever, only being silenced when Mr Chuckles picked up his final pie, and smacked it in the poor girl's messy face.

There was a moment of silence as everyone contemplated what had happened. The clown pointed to the door - "Can I go?"

Sounding stunned, the judge nodded in agreement. "Uh, yeah, case dismissed I guess."

Ms Peltz looked like she was coming out of a trance to find her skirt around her waist, her large breasts hanging out, and her face covered in multiple colours of pie. Like a gentleman, Mr Chuckles handed her a towel. She dabbed at the mess, revealing flushed cheeks beneath the pie, and started to redress herself.

Then the clown made a suggestive gesture and wiggled his eyebrows in a way that said: "I've got more where those came from."

Ms Peltz only had to think for a moment. Her blouse barely rebuttoned and her face still a mess, she climbed out of the witness box and followed him out of the courtroom, hand in hand.

"Something tells me that ain't the last time she's getting pied," the judge chuckled, and turned to the witness box. "Can someone clean that up?"