Anyone else like to have fun and involve others into messy play in your relationship? My wife and I have been married for 20 years and have been open since we got together. Over the years we have involved pie play where my wife and I have got pied and pied other men and women in various different scenarios. I've found these sessions to be very hot and some of my favorite. It's not something that's been a common occurrence as most are not going to be interested in taking pies while playing but it has been nice the times it worked out. I know a lot of people wouldn't consider something like this which is understandable. It's also worth noting that we have had an open relationship for a long time and we both get turned on by each other playing with others which helps make it work. Just wondering about people who have done something similar or if they would be open to it.
Yeah, I don't remotely see a problem with it. It is more about finding people to pie than willingness or openness to change. What exactly is your question? Hopefully you are starting a pie commune?
Congratulations, from the look of it sounds like the two of you are lucky to have found each other. I have a few swinger friends and they seem like the happiest people on earth.
I have been polyamorous for 20+ years, my current partner is a QPR and we have always had the option for kink partners as well as other relationships. So this is similar to my situation.
/Relationship therapist hat on
We are all taught from a very young age that 'relationship' mean monogamous (and mostly heteronormative) in schools and TV shows etc. Rarely are we told that there is no legal rules about dating, only consequences to boundary breaking...And no one tells us that the boundaries are set by the individuals!
Folks in a monogamous relationship can easily say "you want someone else to pie. go for it!" All you have to do is set what is and isn't allowed and keep the communication between you going. Sometimes you don't know your boundaries and limits until you run into them, and then you need to back it up. No harm, no foul as it wasn't a malicious break, just from learning.
It's tricky and scary, but worth it, if it's good for you.
(And yes, I do sometimes feel a little jealous and/or envious of my metamors, but that is me to deal with and discuss if it's a problem)
But remember to think about the extra person's feelings too if you're involving them in a kink scene. Like make sure you both pay attention to them afterwards, make sure they're OK and generally treat them like an actual person rather than just a thing that's helping you to act out a fantasy.
(this is more directed at others reading it rather than the OP given that they're experienced)
Silver_sea said: I have been polyamorous for 20+ years, my current partner is a QPR and we have always had the option for kink partners as well as other relationships. So this is similar to my situation.
/Relationship therapist hat on
We are all taught from a very young age that 'relationship' mean monogamous (and mostly heteronormative) in schools and TV shows etc. Rarely are we told that there is no legal rules about dating, only consequences to boundary breaking...And no one tells us that the boundaries are set by the individuals!
Folks in a monogamous relationship can easily say "you want someone else to pie. go for it!" All you have to do is set what is and isn't allowed and keep the communication between you going. Sometimes you don't know your boundaries and limits until you run into them, and then you need to back it up. No harm, no foul as it wasn't a malicious break, just from learning.
We have evolved from being open to poly with some cuckholding involved as we learned more about what we like. In all this time we've had some problems even major ones but every relationship is going to have it.
I think more people would be into non monogamous relationships if it was more both more widely accepted and people would let go of the inherit fear of it. I do think we will see more of it in the future.
For myself and my wife we both love to play with other people and isn't something we wanted to give up. We managed to make it work where we both get what we need from each other and get to fulfill needs outside.
I do think it would be hard for someone in a monogamous relationship to go have a pie session outside of their relationship. Way too sexual to let your partner go and play a fetish with an outside partner. It's like if you have a massage fetish it's probably not a good idea to let someone else perform it. Not saying it can't be done, but I think it would be hard for it to work.
piedfan1979 said: I think more people would be into non monogamous relationships if it was more both more widely accepted and people would let go of the inherit fear of it. I do think we will see more of it in the future.
For myself and my wife we both love to play with other people and isn't something we wanted to give up. We managed to make it work where we both get what we need from each other and get to fulfill needs outside.
I do think it would be hard for someone in a monogamous relationship to go have a pie session outside of their relationship. Way too sexual to let your partner go and play a fetish with an outside partner. It's like if you have a massage fetish it's probably not a good idea to let someone else perform it. Not saying it can't be done, but I think it would be hard for it to work.
Agreed with it slowly becoming more accepted. Once the word is out, it can spread.
ENM is often about needs being met. Understanding and accepting that 1 person is rarely 100% for another and to let your loved one to go and get the remaining % from someone else takes work on your end, because they WILL come back happier. It's difficult, but rewarding.
Ironically, the missing % is often a kink that is a hard limit for the other person, sometimes it's actually easier for them to have play-partner rather than someone to fall in love with. But everyone is different/has their limit on how much their partner can do. Personally I can 'do' pretty much any kink, but not enjoy them as much as others so happy for my partner to seek a more fulfilling time elsewhere.
piedfan1979 said: Anyone else like to have fun and involve others into messy play in your relationship? My wife and I have been married for 20 years and have been open since we got together. Over the years we have involved pie play where my wife and I have got pied and pied other men and women in various different scenarios. I've found these sessions to be very hot and some of my favorite. It's not something that's been a common occurrence as most are not going to be interested in taking pies while playing but it has been nice the times it worked out. I know a lot of people wouldn't consider something like this which is understandable. It's also worth noting that we have had an open relationship for a long time and we both get turned on by each other playing with others which helps make it work. Just wondering about people who have done something similar or if they would be open to it.
First girlfriend had a water fight than one with whipped cream
If you and your wife are both consenting with other consenting adults to fulfill your fantasies, then that is ok. If she's ok with being clobbered with pies or clobbering other men with pies while you were watch, that's just fine.
I can definitely see the attraction of some pie play, or sharing a gunge tank session etc, with another wam-enjoying couple. In terms of that then turning overtly sexual, I don't think that would ever be for me - for me the best thing about sex is the intimacy of it being just the two of you and that you can absolutely lose yourself in one another. (I'm probably a slightly extreme case as I've only ever been with my wife and she is very much THE ONE as far as I'm concerned).
I told a friend about my kink to be pied by women & he actually arranged for his girlfriend to pie me with two coconut cream pies, as I sat helpless on a barstool.
pieguypaul said: I told a friend about my kink to be pied by women & he actually arranged for his girlfriend to pie me with two coconut cream pies, as I sat helpless on a barstool.
That's a very generous friend you have. That's a memory for sure!
coedwrestle said: The two of us have mud wrestled and oil wrestled friends of ours, which was a ton of fun and it turned into some pretty hot moments. But we've never had a pie fight with others, which we would love to do someday. It would be really hot to involve our pie kink with another couple or even other females, especially in a sexual scenario!
Sounds like an amazing dynamic you have. I've always enjoyed adding people into pie situations and we've all had fun with it.