I hate the need to do these kind of posts, but I'm hoping getting some input from other wammers may help me to move on, so any and all input is welcome!

When I was in high school, there was a girl I was pretty close with... and should have gotten closer with. We went to a dance once, and she was kind of a listener to a bunch of my problems trying to get to know people better. ...I'm not sure if she was ever interested in being more than friends or not; she never responds to any private messages on social media.
...and is married... happily... I assume... ...is it wrong I wish she weren't happy with him?
There's plenty of photos of them with her family, so that's not the question.

Anyway, one time she mentioned her band camp initiation: shaving cream and silly string.
If any of you happen to have gotten to know me on here, I loathe and am horrified by such things; mess was always something fun/silly (and eventually sexy) you did to yourself basically, not something hazed or peer pressured into.
Looking back I wonder if that was the big turnoff.
...but that's not the question either. (Although feel free to give any input on these.)
I'm getting to it.

She insisted it was fine doing it along with other people, so basically she was a "willing participant." ...now do you see where I'm going with this?

Obviously there is no way to know for sure, but as either girls on here or guys that convince them to get messy, do you think I could have convinced her to sort of "brave my fear" and cool whip pie each other, privately and confidentially?

What happens after that I really couldn't say for sure, but obviously I would have liked to wipe some off her face to taste and hope she would do the same to mine. Then I get bold and pretend to nibble on her a bit. Next I'd move in 90% of the way for the kiss and see if she gives me her 10%. Finally, we'd be making out rolling on the floor eating off each other.

I'm well aware that could have ended and any moment (possibly even badly), but at this point I guess I'm just trying to get a better idea how bad I may have screwed up.

" Obviously there is no way to know for sure, but as either girls on here or guys that convince them to get messy, do you think I could have convinced her to sort of "brave my fear" and cool whip pie each other, privately and confidentially? "

The first girlfriend I had I started a food fight with to test the waters. One thing to consider is being kind to yourself. Seems their is laced regret and guilt over not trying something that could have brought great joy and serenity to you.

One way to taste things is making it look like an accident not an incident but see where that goes. When I had the food fight their was another couple and they copied what I did and came back in such a state of ecstasy the next time I saw the women she carried a can of whipped cream

A bold idea, although I never really got that kind of opportunity. Maybe at one of the cookouts I could have used sauce or something, but that seems like it could backfire around her family afterwards. Plus we weren't dating.

As far as regret and guilt, of course i do; that is closest I came to someone in my life, let alone the best shot I had and honestly will probably ever have to that serenity and joy. I normally try not to be too much of a downer while being truthful, but I'm in a pretty dark place right now.

It's still wild though how well that worked for you and your friend. I am truly impressed.

I'm not begrudging her happiness! I want her to be happy; I just wish it was with me! Maybe I'm misreading you or vice-versa, but it's like your interpreting this as if I'm some guy who's had umpteen other girls but am obsessed with 1 out of 12! I have no such luck. She was the closest to me having ANY girlfriend, let alone one I thought might be comfortable with my likes.

Also, I'm not trying to do something that's just to jerk off! Perhaps there is a different sub-category of WaM, but I don't get off from just seeing someone get messy. I get off from the idea of getting messy while having sex. Again, not sure what you were getting at, but I know a lot of people have fun with just the mess in and out of WaM.

Having said all that... you do indirectly have a point. I had never considered her interpreting such a thing in said way. That's actually something I should really tale into consideration in the future, and for that I thank you.

Sorry if I'm overreacting to your comment; it's only because the subject means that much to me. SHE meant that much to me, and I would never wish her unwell nor trick her into doing something for the soul purpose of sex!

Again though, you have given me some perspective.
I just don't want there to be any confusion of who I am and what my life is like.

Okay you established she was into WAM. She may have gone along with the whipped pie idea but friends can do messy play. It could be she is just into the sensation of mess or even the humiliation element (like with her sorority story), rather than seeing it as intimate. I think it's a big leap to assume even if you got to pie each other that would have led to you two kissing. It's quite likely she saw you two as just friends so you didn't screw up anything if there was no chance anyway.

Do you feel you have the confidence to be more bold if you find yourself in a similar situation nowadays? Let that regret mean you go for it more when you find another girl you are really into.

I don't want to sound overly critical; because I'm not a better person, but there's some red flags here.


First red flag. Coulda, woulda, shoulda is a slippery slope into depression, resentment, and other negative emotions that can lead to more negative actions. Just how much time has passed since high school? Why "should" you have gotten closer? Did you try? Was she aware of your feelings? Were you rejected?


Second red flag. If she's married, you're PMing her in social media, and she's not responding. Chances are she doesn't want to be more than friends with you.

If she's not responding to you (depending on how many messages you've sent, and or the nature of the messages), she's either busy, not interested, or possibly even trying to avoid you.


And the third. Yes, that's wrong. That's called "schadenfreude" or "epicaricacy". It's not unnatural, and certainly not understandable, most of us have been here multiple times. But it's also a really bad place to be, see the first red flag. You're already at resentment.

If you can have a friendship, that's one thing, but you're basically fantasizing over her marriage failing. That's not healthy. You need to learn to let go of this person if you can't have a healthy platonic friendship. What will be in the future, who knows. But loving someone is doing what's in THEIR best interest, not hoping they want a divorce.

Also, you may want to check out the Messy Minds group, as that's the place where threads like this normally go.

https://umd.net/groups/group/messy-minds

You're not alone in your struggles, and getting them out in the open can be good. Again, I don't mean to be judgmental, but rather help you introspect and show you the position of a third party. Trying to see things from the other person's perspective is a good way to do this.

I mean, consider if the tables were turned and you were married with a family.

That said, best wishes in dealing with this and moving forward.

I appreciate your modest approach. I'm gonna try going through this to help break it down for me in my head.

1. ...yeah, I was depressed waaaaay before I met her. It's been a few years since I wrote back and forth with her a bit. It ended abruptly. I mean, I should have because I might have had a girlfriend or at least would know how she felt, which I am not sure of.

The thing is I didn't really like her like that to tell her, but had she said something perhaps I might have gone out with her. Oh, and I've been rejected plenty, but not so much by her;

2. she just never replied to private messages (just hi and asking how she was) and only responded to the photo comments just to seem polite most likely. ...same as pretty much everyone else I know. I'm not trying to darken the mood or anything; I'm just saying that is how it had been for me. It's just hard for me to call it being friends if so many are like that since I really don't have much else to base it off of.

and 3. I must reiterate from my last reply to a user, I do NOT wish her or her family ill; I just wish I was the one making her happy! Again, maybe I worded it wrong, or perhaps it was misleading, but this isn't some kind of menacing thing I am doing about her relationships.

Maybe wishing where she received her happiness from was altered is still wrong. I have no idea. I'm just not thinking clearly and have never been good at making life decissions as my track record goes.

I really can't put myself in their shoes because I've never been in their position.

I have honestly never heard of this group... in all my years on here. I will be sure to check it out and take your words to heart and mind.

Thank you.

It sounds to me like you have a very difficult time relating to other people (or at least women), period. This goes far beyond anything WAM related. I believe you stated that you've never had a girlfriend, and that this woman was the closest you ever came to one. If you want a g/f, then you need to deal with the issues in your life that prevent you from relating to other people. And I'm going to be perfectly blunt, hereyour post describes a person who is borderline obsessed with another human being. You seriously need to find a professional to work this out with. I'm not insulting youwe all have issues. But you need to deal with yours in a professional setting. Not on a WAM forum.

I won't lie; I have plenty of issues and have sought help, so I kinda feel like I have some idea of what is an emotional hard time with some reflection and what is a serious obsession. This has only been going on for a few days, and the last time i thought even close to as heavily or bad about it was a few years!

Don't get me wrong, I get where you are coming from and appreciate your concern.
...I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe it is relating to people and that's why its' hard to make real friends? I really son't know what I am doing wrong still.

Tbh, the good news is I think I'm over the specific girl right now.
...the bad news is I've still just felt more lonely and exhausted than usual.
I'm trying to find the right balance of meeting new people and exercising with basic needs and limitations respectfully. It's even become hard to "get into this" despite using what usually scratches the itch. It's like I'm stuck in the mud (pun unintended) and can't get my mind off stuff.

Without getting into more detail, I'm already scheduled to see someone about something; its' just a matter of waiting now. I know this isn't a place for some cure or diagnosis; I'm just trying to type it out and get some feedback to help make sense of things and move on.