So, my wife has agreed to sit in a pie or two for me on the condition that the pie be on my lap with me on my back when she does. My question is which brand of pie would be best for this? There will not be photos of this posted as we prefer to keep our lives and photos a bit more private.

If it were me . . . MUD PIES!

For you, I would say splurge. Go for a couple of good creamy pies in your favorite flavor(s).

I like the way this man thinks. Plus making a pie together makes for some fun pre-game bonding!

a non baked cheesecake

All good suggestion. She elected to make our own. One banana cream and one chocolate cream, both with extra topping of thick cool whip.