I do understand having varied tastes and various things get people going and do nothing for others.

But some of the replies here reek of relationship insecurity.

"If I found out a guy in high school so much as gave my girl a valentines day card 30 years ago I'd track his ass down like Liam Nesson in taken. "

Chill out.

Well said

Picture this: a casual evening with your partner, their colleague from work (who just so happens to be strikingly attractive), and the colleague's partner. The night has been full of laughter and light-hearted banter, but things take a mischievous twist when your partner suggests a game involving the dessert--a perfectly whipped cream pie.

The rules are simple but filled with potential drama: each person draws a card from a shuffled deck, and whoever gets the Joker ends up with the pie in their face, delivered by the opposite-gendered member of the other couple.

What starts as silly fun suddenly feels charged with a mix of excitement and apprehension. The cards are dealt face down, and your mind starts racing through the possibilities:

Delivering the Pie to Your Partner's Attractive Colleague
If their colleague draws the Joker, this is your moment. You have the chance to playfully pie someone your partner knows you find attractive, all while keeping it good-natured and lighthearted. For some, this is the dream scenario, a playful but harmless win. But for others, it could feel awkward or risky--will your enthusiasm come off the wrong way?

Watching Your Partner Get Pied
If your partner draws the Joker, the colleague's partner gets the honour of delivering the pie. On the surface, it's just a game, and you might laugh along with everyone else. But depending on your outlook, watching someone else smash a pie in your partner's face might spark a pang of jealousy or discomfort.

Your Partner Pies the Colleague's Partner
If the colleague's partner draws the Joker, it's your partner's turn to wield the pie. Watching them pie someone else--especially if the colleague's partner is particularly charismatic or confident--could make you feel a little left out or even envious. Or you might find it hilarious and not think twice.

You Get Pied
If you draw the Joker, you're the one in the spotlight, facing the inevitable. The colleague gets the pie in hand, and all eyes are on you as you brace for impact. For some, this is the most dreaded outcome--the messy embarrassment, the laughter at your expense. For others, it's just part of the fun and nothing to lose sleep over.

Each outcome brings its own flavor of awkwardness, humor, and potential discomfort. What you consider the "best" or "worst" depends entirely on your perspective.

Would you relish the chance to pie your partner's colleague, laugh along if your partner got pied, or try to hide your unease as your partner pied someone else? And how would you handle being the one left wiping whipped cream off your face in front of everyone?

I guess it might not be the very best recipe for a long-lasting relationship.

Not into pie.. but extrapolating to mud. I would not want another guy mud wrestle mud wife. However I wouldn't mind her mud wrestling another girl.. specially if they pull me in. But yea.. not watching another guy having sexual fun with my wife.

Another guy? Oh hell no
Another woman? Oh hell yes

It's really interesting to see just how pervasive the "Another Man--No; Another Woman--Yes" sentiment is throughout this discussion. It's a sentiment rooted deeply in cultural norms and societal expectations, and it raises some intriguing questions about how we define comfort and boundaries in relationships.

The Societal Double Standard
Researching this on the internet, the bias seems to stem from several interwoven factors:

Gender Roles and Stereotypes: Traditional norms often portray women as nurturing and less threatening to the stability of a relationship, whereas men are viewed as competitors. This framing can make the idea of another man seem more destabilising than another woman.
Media Influence: Popular culture has long glamorised scenarios involving two women and a man, often reducing it to a male fantasy. In contrast, depictions of two men engaging with a woman, or non-binary configurations, are far less common and can even be stigmatised.
Heteronormativity: Many societies still operate under the assumption that heterosexuality is the default. Any deviation from traditional dynamics--be it two men, non-binary individuals, or beyond--faces greater scrutiny and misunderstanding.
Power Dynamics: Involving another woman is often seen as reinforcing male dominance in a relationship while involving another man can challenge those dynamics and societal expectations of masculinity.


An Open Question
For those who find themselves in the "Yes to another woman; No to another man" camp, I'd like to pose a question:

Do you think your thoughts on this might change if it were more socially acceptable to involve another man?
Imagine a world where media, culture, and societal expectations made this dynamic as normalised and unremarkable as its reverse. Would your feelings about it shift? Or is your stance rooted more in personal boundaries and comfort, independent of societal influence?



It's worth reflecting on how much of our discomfort--or comfort--is shaped by the norms we've absorbed versus our genuine personal preferences.




A fun hyPIEtetical scenario.

Imagine this:
Your partner texts you from work to let you know they've volunteered for a charity event. The event involves them sitting in a gunge booth to be gunged by their boss, and there will be pictures or even live streaming for the event.

Here's where it gets interesting:

If the boss is female: How does this make you feel? Are you comfortable with the situation? Why or why not? Does the gender of the boss change how you perceive your partner's involvement?

If the boss is male: Does this shift your feelings? If so, how and why? Do you feel more protective, uneasy, or indifferent? What underlying assumptions or societal norms might influence your reaction?

Does it matter whether you're present to watch, or is it the act itself that carries weight?

How would you feel about your partner participating in a similar event with a friend, coworker, or stranger of the same or different gender, rather than their boss?

You sat back and allowed that to happen several times? Despite knowing she didn't want it? I imagine you're rather thankful to have her!

So my partner suggested it and the other couple were bought in? Well of course I'm in. I just hope there's a lot more dessert available because whatever happens my partner and I are playing after they leave (or with them, who knows). If one of us gets messy, there's no doubt further messiness shall follow. If one of us pied one of the couple, I'm sure it would stir something in at least one of us to then play, I don't think those feelings you described would be too prominent to prevent that, though it would probably depend how the couple (pied and pie-observer) reacted.

I know it's not an answer you were seeking re the male/female vote, but I wouldn't be happy with the original scenario in either case. I don't think a boss gunging their employees for any reason is appropriate, nor the other way around. It risks too many potential feelings and conversations that shouldn't be part of that work relationship. I'd probably avoid this scenario all together with work colleagues unless they're all on the same level within the same team, where mutual respect and genuine friendship is most likely (in my view).