Hello UMDsters, Auntie here. I just wanted to tell the good people of UMD what happened to me on a night out recently. I made two mistakes. The first was that I took my incorrigible niece, the lovely Bea, along with me. The second was she found out the date of my birthday. You should never tell Bea anything as it will invariably be weaponised again you!
It started off so well. Just look at the pictures below. Auntie and Niece having a riot of a time and looking forward to a great night out. However, whilst I was sitting quietly on my own enjoying a gentle cup of tea and biscuit (that's a cookie to my American chums) there was a snap. Bea and friends had hand cuffed me. I didn't see where the key went but I could have sworn I heard a 'tink' as it was dropped into my hot beverage!
To make matters worse I'd foolishly let Bea take me to a party held in a BDSM club with a full dungeon. There I was lead and summarily pilloried and locked in on my own, the light being turned off so I could reflect on 'my actions'. As far as I know there is nothing in the UK statue about tea and biscuits being any class of drug!
The next thing I knew the light was turned back on. Bea was standing there cackling with an army of her friends all holding deeply filled splurge foam pies. Poor Auntie unable to escape or fend for herself with literally smothered in tens of cream pies covering her face and recently coiffured hair. As you can see from the photos it was an enormous pieing of epic proportions! Do you like my pie plate hat?
Question is, how do I get my naughty Niece back for this travesty? I just know she is going to do her level best not to get pied, but I'll get her back one day. If any of you have any idea now I might trick Bea into getting covered in pies then send it in on a postcard!
Love you, too
