I am a UK based female who loves having her entire head, neck and shoulders 100% multiple plastered in the smelliest condiments available.

The choices are:

Heinz salad cream topped with egg mayo
ketchup topped with tuna sweetcorn

HP brown sauce topped with Branston Pickle.

Maybe all of them

This is very extreme head coverage. I want my head to be totally plastered and look unrecognisable afterwards, smelling like an old buffet. Every inch of skin and every strand of hair from shoulders upwards must be plastered in multiple layers of stinky mess. I can not empathise enough that we aren't talking about a little gunge over the head, but 100% total head coverage. Gunge over the head won't do it. This requires pouring some over the head, but also squirting to cover places on my head and neck that need it

You supply the catering size bottles, I will supply my head.

I'll be dressed as my alter ego Patsy Pastry as a chef.

You will be allowed to take as many photos of the disgusting stinky mess as you want for personal use after.

Think that you can do it?

UK based.

It depends on how the conversation goes first.

Serious enquiries only. Male or female.

Discretion assured and expected as you get to see the woman underneath the grease paint and costumes.

Patsypastrystinkclown@gmail.com

Hope you find someone who can have a fun time with you, sadly not in the UK myself so can't help there.

People have been messaging me asking for more details:

It would be two large 2 litre heinz catering bottles of Salad Cream. Has to be Heinz because of the smell. To slowly pour over my head and face. Then four more of the type you get in the supermarket. One for front and back of the neck, one for each shoulder and a last one to cover up any untouched bits on the face to achieve total coverage.

I've thought this through

Then a large tub of egg mayonnaise to plant on top of my head.

You'd then be able to take loads of photos of me before we move onto plastering number two x

Sounds fantastic Patsy. Where in the UK would/could this take place? Xx

Planning required. Needs to be somewhere that can take extreme mess and the clean after. I'd need multiple showers after, somewhere to change.

Also needs to be someone who can actually for example can two get hold of catering tubs of Branston Pickle original for my head x

I've had a few offers, but to confirm if you message me:

You need to arrange the meet up. Enough to handle the mess, somewhere I can become Patsy and clean up.

This is purely about messing me up. You'll stay clean and it won't lead anywhere after or during.

You need to provide my shopping list including some catering sized items.

You have to be into messing this girls head up using smelly condiments only. No sweet and its complete coverage. You have to be able to manage the smell.

You have to be happy taking loads of photos before, during and after for posting here.

I don't want much LOL, but it will be worth it

Is the mess quantities limited to what you have said? Or is that the bare minimum? Would you live it if there was multiple more messes aswell?

Whereabouts in the UK, though. I appreciate it would be up to the person messing you up to arrange but does it need to be particularly close to where you're based, for example?

Have to think about the practicalities of hosting, purchasing and disposal after. I'll consider anything safe as long as it adds to the condiments and is smelly

I'm Southern based, but would travel for the right person and who can give me the complete stinky plastering I deserve

Had loads of messages. Still working on who to trust. I've been asked what other smelly foods that I'd consider.

Well here is your clean canvas.

Remember I'm needing a complete head, neck and shoulder covering. What you see here has to be totally covered and unrecognisable x

hi Patsy Pastry hope you doing well . love chat with you sent you dm love trash you all sort mess you like ! happy take pictures and video ! sent you dm !

Come to Texas Patsy and I'd set you up!

I've had over 30 offers, but 99% miss the point of this which is total head, neck and shoulder coverage, whilst I'm dressed as a baker's costume, as Patsy the Clown, sitting on a chair. You will remain clean, also be dressed as a baker, but you get to totally plaster Patsy in the smelliest condiments available.

My fantasy is very bespoke, but that's because it's my fantasy. There's multiple layers of plastered condiments. Each layer has it's own colour and stench, that must totally cover my head, neck and shoulders changing from one colour to another.

Heinz Salad Cream topped with egg mayo sandwich filler. Has to only be Heinz as the smell is very strong.
Thousand Island Dressing topped with prawn cocktail
Blue Cheese condiment topped with a TBC head topper
Heinz ketchup topped with tuna and sweetcorn sandwich filler
HP sauce topped with a covering of small chunk Branston pickle

Each condiment will include two catering bottles poured over my head and face to ensure a full covering. 4 additional regular bottles will be required to cover each shoulder, front and back of my neck and the fourth using carefully to cover anything that isn't already covered. Apart from Branston pickle. There will be two, maybe as many as four large catering bottles of this. I need to finish looking very brown and plastered in small chunks reeking of onion pickle.

If in the photos afterwards there is a bit of white clown make up showing, or the previous condiment colour is visible, then it's a total failure. Most struggle with the concept of my desire to being totally unrecognisable, facial features barely visible. This will take time. If there is a gap, it needs plastering. I need total coverage. I've attached a photo below of me before and after. Take the after as a starting point. I need to look like that but zero gaps. In the photo you can see my mouth and neck. Everything needs totally plastering in the chosen condiments. Neck and shoulders included. Hat placed on top like that at the end.

Also the smell. I need to stink like an old buffet afterwards that's been left out all Summer. You need to able to cater (pun intended) for the volume of mess and smell.

Also the roleplay. You have to tell me when I'm clean I'm going to be plastered and made to stink like an old buffet. As you plaster me you are going to tell me what I look like and how bad I smell. How unrecognisable I look.

But I'm worth it.

Photos will be shared on UMD for your wanking pleasure as always.

So, TOTAL coverage and you obviously have to be into extreme smelly humiliation of a female, or this won't work.

I've had over 30 offers, but 99% miss the point of this which is total head, neck and shoulder coverage, whilst I'm dressed as a baker's costume, as Patsy the Clown, sitting on a chair. You will remain clean, also be dressed as a baker, but you get to totally plaster Patsy in the smelliest condiments available.

My fantasy is very bespoke, but that's because it's my fantasy. There's multiple layers of plastered condiments. Each layer has it's own colour and stench, that must totally cover my head, neck and shoulders changing from one colour to another.

Heinz Salad Cream topped with egg mayo sandwich filler. Has to only be Heinz as the smell is very strong.
Thousand Island Dressing topped with prawn cocktail
Blue Cheese condiment topped with a TBC head topper
Heinz ketchup topped with tuna and sweetcorn sandwich filler
HP sauce topped with a covering of small chunk Branston pickle

Each condiment will include two catering bottles poured over my head and face to ensure a full covering. 4 additional regular bottles will be required to cover each shoulder, front and back of my neck and the fourth using carefully to cover anything that isn't already covered. Apart from Branston pickle. There will be two, maybe as many as four large catering bottles of this. I need to finish looking very brown and plastered in small chunks reeking of onion pickle.

If in the photos afterwards there is a bit of white clown make up showing, or the previous condiment colour is visible, then it's a total failure. Most struggle with the concept of my desire to being totally unrecognisable, facial features barely visible. This will take time. If there is a gap, it needs plastering. I need total coverage.

Also the smell. I need to stink like an old buffet afterwards that's been left out all Summer. You need to able to cater (pun intended) for the volume of mess and smell.

Also the roleplay. You have to tell me when I'm clean I'm going to be plastered and made to stink like an old buffet. As you plaster me you are going to tell me what I look like and how bad I smell. How unrecognisable I look.

But I'm worth it.

Photos will be shared on UMD for your wanking pleasure as always.

So, TOTAL coverage and you obviously have to be into extreme smelly humiliation of a female, or this won't work.

If you're so specific in your request, you might be better placed speaking to a session provider?

You may be right, but I believe that plenty of people are out there who'd love to plaster ickle old me

I'm still looking

Emailing you Patsy. I can cater to what you want & have a plan for executing it. You will stink and be totally unrecognisable.

Everyone. I've chosen someone now. 14 bottle Heinz salad cream complete head plastering being planned. Photos will follow.