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"Should you reveal your fetish?"
Love you, too
For a long time I have been thinking about revealing my passion for WAM among my friends. At the same time I am afraid of their reaction because I live in Poland where most people do not accept different tastes. I am tired of hiding my fetish though, do you think revealing my fetish will make my situation better or worse? I'm very happy that there are places like this and there are so many WAM lovers here. Sorry for english, i use google translate.
It's hard to say. I guess think about the reasons for your friends needing to know and if their personalities would align with accepting it. I feel like it's different with a partner, but as far as my friends go, I don't see why they need to know. That's just me, though.
I have "revealed" my spanking fetish to two people in my regular life.
One is a friend with whom I talk about basically everything, so it was a natural extension of our regular conversations; he also knows about my interest in wam.
The other is a colleage/friend who once (mostly as a joke) smacked my ass about half a dozen times (which gave me a pretty obvious opening to ask if he wanted to spank me for real).
I trust both of them very much with what I told them.
Aside from the two of them, though, no one in my regular life knows about the kink side of me, and I don't really see the need (or even the want) to reveal it in general conversation unless I genuinely believe someone might be interested in participating in it with me.
One is a friend with whom I talk about basically everything, so it was a natural extension of our regular conversations; he also knows about my interest in wam.
The other is a colleage/friend who once (mostly as a joke) smacked my ass about half a dozen times (which gave me a pretty obvious opening to ask if he wanted to spank me for real).
I trust both of them very much with what I told them.
Aside from the two of them, though, no one in my regular life knows about the kink side of me, and I don't really see the need (or even the want) to reveal it in general conversation unless I genuinely believe someone might be interested in participating in it with me.
Strip me. Spank me. Shave me. Trash me.
egon, I would strongly recommend NOT telling your friends. I think a fetish is extremely personal and no one needs to know except a lover. I have close straight and gay friends. I don't really want to know their personal fetishes either. Your sexual proclivities are non of anyone's business.
-D.
-D.
I think it's one of those things you have to play by ear - I'm quite phlegmatic in many ways but I also think a lot of guys (particularly straight guys) are too ashamed of what is a pretty benign fetish, one of the most harmless and playful there is. Most regular guys have their own particular preferences and predilections anyway: you can be a leg man, a breast man, an ass man, into blondes, brunettes, mature women, tomboys... and things like wet t-shirt contests and women in bikinis mud-wrestling (frequently offered as part of stag packages) fall absolutely within mainstream heterosexuality. Even if your friend is an uber-Catholic PiS supporter I don't see why he would have a problem with you admitting you like seeing women get wet/muddy. Just don't make it into a big dramatic announcement or present it as if it's the core of your personality or a deep dark secret - it's no big deal.
At least four of my friends past and present have known. One was a straight guy at uni who was quite kinky and happened to mention WAM in conversation so I simply told him I was into it. Another is a gay guy who has another friend who is a wammer. One was a close gay friend who told me about his own fetish for men's hands around the same time I told him I was a wammer. And another is a gay friend I went to a foam party with on holiday.
At a WAM social I was at just under a decade ago, there was a guy who'd never met another wammer - he'd travelled 3 hours to be there, was nervous and seemingly wracked with guilt about his fetish, which he referred to as "my problem" and reckoned had really affected his life. His particular kink? He was turned on by seeing women in the rain. One of the most innocent and mainstream kinks I can think of. It shouldn't be like this. We don't need to torture ourselves. It's topsy turvy that we live in a world with actual predators and extreme fetishists (everything from pedos, zoophiles and necrophiles to men who simply get off on controlling and abusing their partners) who feel no shame at all about destroying other people's lives for their own pleasure, yet there are guys in our community convinced they're abnormal or broken because they pop a boner when they see a woman take a pie in the face on TV. We need to get over ourselves.
At least four of my friends past and present have known. One was a straight guy at uni who was quite kinky and happened to mention WAM in conversation so I simply told him I was into it. Another is a gay guy who has another friend who is a wammer. One was a close gay friend who told me about his own fetish for men's hands around the same time I told him I was a wammer. And another is a gay friend I went to a foam party with on holiday.
At a WAM social I was at just under a decade ago, there was a guy who'd never met another wammer - he'd travelled 3 hours to be there, was nervous and seemingly wracked with guilt about his fetish, which he referred to as "my problem" and reckoned had really affected his life. His particular kink? He was turned on by seeing women in the rain. One of the most innocent and mainstream kinks I can think of. It shouldn't be like this. We don't need to torture ourselves. It's topsy turvy that we live in a world with actual predators and extreme fetishists (everything from pedos, zoophiles and necrophiles to men who simply get off on controlling and abusing their partners) who feel no shame at all about destroying other people's lives for their own pleasure, yet there are guys in our community convinced they're abnormal or broken because they pop a boner when they see a woman take a pie in the face on TV. We need to get over ourselves.
Two things keep me from sharing my pie fetish - the fear of negative judgment, certainly. I don't want friends and family to pigeonhole me only as "that weirdo who likes pies in the face." And second, I have a fear of normalizing my pie fight fetish when I seem to get off on it being something I do on the d.l. Maybe it's because I come from an older generation, but doing something that's "forbidden" is exciting to me.
I have only discussed my pie fetish with 4 non-WAM friends, two of them are former lovers, one my hubby, and one a close friend who teaches psychology, including human sexuality. Through discussions with him, he's pointed out that there are so many non-sexual activities that become sexually fetishized (e.g., furries, hair cuts, weight gain) and people should be open and curious about them, but it's easier to judge something when you aren't open and curious, when you don't understand it.
I do also have a non-WAM fetish that I've tied in with my WAM desires, and I've only shared with it a few guys I've connected with on the site. It makes no sense as a sexualized fetish but I carry it with me and only introduce it when I know it'll be respected, even if declined. Thankfully it's a 'nice-to-have', not a 'gotta-have', so it's never a deal-breaker. Maybe it's something I'll be more open about on this site since I've met so much acceptance since I've joined.
To the question: Should you reveal your fetish? It's your secret to reveal. I've revealed it to people I trust and respect, and it
hasn't hurt me yet. But be circumspect.
And know, thanks to this site, that you are not out there on your own - we're a big, diverse WAM community.
I have only discussed my pie fetish with 4 non-WAM friends, two of them are former lovers, one my hubby, and one a close friend who teaches psychology, including human sexuality. Through discussions with him, he's pointed out that there are so many non-sexual activities that become sexually fetishized (e.g., furries, hair cuts, weight gain) and people should be open and curious about them, but it's easier to judge something when you aren't open and curious, when you don't understand it.
I do also have a non-WAM fetish that I've tied in with my WAM desires, and I've only shared with it a few guys I've connected with on the site. It makes no sense as a sexualized fetish but I carry it with me and only introduce it when I know it'll be respected, even if declined. Thankfully it's a 'nice-to-have', not a 'gotta-have', so it's never a deal-breaker. Maybe it's something I'll be more open about on this site since I've met so much acceptance since I've joined.
To the question: Should you reveal your fetish? It's your secret to reveal. I've revealed it to people I trust and respect, and it
hasn't hurt me yet. But be circumspect.
And know, thanks to this site, that you are not out there on your own - we're a big, diverse WAM community.
piecub said: I think it's one of those things you have to play by ear - I'm quite phlegmatic in many ways but I also think a lot of guys (particularly straight guys) are too ashamed of what is a pretty benign fetish, one of the most harmless and playful there is. Most regular guys have their own particular preferences and predilections anyway: you can be a leg man, a breast man, an ass man, into blondes, brunettes, mature women, tomboys... and things like wet t-shirt contests and women in bikinis mud-wrestling (frequently offered as part of stag packages) fall absolutely within mainstream heterosexuality. Even if your friend is an uber-Catholic PiS supporter I don't see why he would have a problem with you admitting you like seeing women get wet/muddy. Just don't make it into a big dramatic announcement or present it as if it's the core of your personality or a deep dark secret - it's no big deal.
At least four of my friends past and present have known. One was a straight guy at uni who was quite kinky and happened to mention WAM in conversation so I simply told him I was into it. Another is a gay guy who has another friend who is a wammer. One was a close gay friend who told me about his own fetish for men's hands around the same time I told him I was a wammer. And another is a gay friend I went to a foam party with on holiday.
At a WAM social I was at just under a decade ago, there was a guy who'd never met another wammer - he'd travelled 3 hours to be there, was nervous and seemingly wracked with guilt about his fetish, which he referred to as "my problem" and reckoned had really affected his life. His particular kink? He was turned on by seeing women in the rain. One of the most innocent and mainstream kinks I can think of. It shouldn't be like this. We don't need to torture ourselves. It's topsy turvy that we live in a world with actual predators and extreme fetishists (everything from pedos, zoophiles and necrophiles to men who simply get off on controlling and abusing their partners) who feel no shame at all about destroying other people's lives for their own pleasure, yet there are guys in our community convinced they're abnormal or broken because they pop a boner when they see a woman take a pie in the face on TV. We need to get over ourselves.
At least four of my friends past and present have known. One was a straight guy at uni who was quite kinky and happened to mention WAM in conversation so I simply told him I was into it. Another is a gay guy who has another friend who is a wammer. One was a close gay friend who told me about his own fetish for men's hands around the same time I told him I was a wammer. And another is a gay friend I went to a foam party with on holiday.
At a WAM social I was at just under a decade ago, there was a guy who'd never met another wammer - he'd travelled 3 hours to be there, was nervous and seemingly wracked with guilt about his fetish, which he referred to as "my problem" and reckoned had really affected his life. His particular kink? He was turned on by seeing women in the rain. One of the most innocent and mainstream kinks I can think of. It shouldn't be like this. We don't need to torture ourselves. It's topsy turvy that we live in a world with actual predators and extreme fetishists (everything from pedos, zoophiles and necrophiles to men who simply get off on controlling and abusing their partners) who feel no shame at all about destroying other people's lives for their own pleasure, yet there are guys in our community convinced they're abnormal or broken because they pop a boner when they see a woman take a pie in the face on TV. We need to get over ourselves.
Your advice helped me a lot to sort out my doubts about my fetish. I live in a country where finding a WAM lover is almost impossible, so I envy you that where you live there are WAM-themed events. Are you connected to Poland in any way?
I dont tell any of my friends except on here. Really dont think in general discussing fetishes is something that friends talk about with each other. Ive never had a friend reveal a fetish to me either, maybe that they like big asses or something like that but not a specific fetish. I do bring it up to my lovers after we've been together for awhile. When you start talking about what you like is a good time to bring it up. Never had a bad experience with it, mostly they say its something they were not aware was a thing.
It's been a while since my last post and I must admit I've been thinking about it a lot. I'm very tired of hiding my fetish, but at the same time I'm afraid that revealing it will result in me being considered a weirdo in my community and being ridiculed. I don't see a good way out of this situation. Have any of you had similar problems?
11/25/24, 2:40am: No-bump reply
9/30/23, 7:10pm: This post won't bump the thread to the top.
9/30/23, 7:10pm: This post won't bump the thread to the top.
When I was younger. I told most of my mates and some close family about my fetish as I didn't mind people knowing about it as much (never really had anyone have a go at me about it.....just have a laugh about and ask me a few questions and for pics too).
As I've got older and the world has got a lot darker and a lot of people less open to things.
I've held back more as you never know what you say might be use against you for no reason other than someone thinks that it's a bit different to their own lifestyle which is wrong (I have always worried about what if I said it to the wrong person and they just tell everyone to make me feel like I'm a weirdo)
To me it's harmless fun which don't hurt anyone (and their are other fetishes which are a helluva more extreme than WAM)
I only tell people that I really trust and get on with now and it's a shame it's like this.
Do what you feel is right mate.
And if you feel your mates will be fine with it.
Then so be it.
As I've got older and the world has got a lot darker and a lot of people less open to things.
I've held back more as you never know what you say might be use against you for no reason other than someone thinks that it's a bit different to their own lifestyle which is wrong (I have always worried about what if I said it to the wrong person and they just tell everyone to make me feel like I'm a weirdo)
To me it's harmless fun which don't hurt anyone (and their are other fetishes which are a helluva more extreme than WAM)
I only tell people that I really trust and get on with now and it's a shame it's like this.
Do what you feel is right mate.
And if you feel your mates will be fine with it.
Then so be it.
egon,
The question you might ask yourself is "from whom are you tired of hiding your fetish?"
I want to assume you don't mean the general population at large, but rather some people close to you. And hopefully these are specifically people you trust will be respectful.
If so, tread softly and don't buy a multi-media ad. Choose just one person, the one you trust the most and whom you think deserves to know. Be prepared that they may not respond as you would have them, but be honest in your vulnerability and see where that goes.
That person may be the best person to help you move forward if forward is the way you still want to go.
You have our trust and respect here.
The question you might ask yourself is "from whom are you tired of hiding your fetish?"
I want to assume you don't mean the general population at large, but rather some people close to you. And hopefully these are specifically people you trust will be respectful.
If so, tread softly and don't buy a multi-media ad. Choose just one person, the one you trust the most and whom you think deserves to know. Be prepared that they may not respond as you would have them, but be honest in your vulnerability and see where that goes.
That person may be the best person to help you move forward if forward is the way you still want to go.
You have our trust and respect here.
The main thing to know is that disclosing your fetish will often change your life. That change may be good or bad, or, both. It is difficult to live in the closet but if you are going to live openly, you must be prepared to accept any consequences...
I've been there and done that years ago. I never disclosed my mud fetish to anyone from work as I would have lost me my job. I disclosed my fetish to all my friends, my parents, and my wife. My parents were never the same exactly, they viewed me as a lost cause of use only for giving money to my sister's progeny. My wife divorced me almost immediately. My friends all told me how weird I was and then the next time we got drunk, they each told me about the sexual things they kept secret about themselves that were even more kinky than my mud fetish!...
I would never go back to living in the closet about my fetish. Yes, I had to pay a price to live openly but it was worth it and I've never had a single regret about disclosing it as described above...
Your mileage may vary. Someone posted recently about mildly disclosing their mud fetish and how they regretted doing so. Whatever choice you make, make the choice and then live with it. Both disclosing and not disclosing have consequences...
Good fortune with whatever decision you make...
I've been there and done that years ago. I never disclosed my mud fetish to anyone from work as I would have lost me my job. I disclosed my fetish to all my friends, my parents, and my wife. My parents were never the same exactly, they viewed me as a lost cause of use only for giving money to my sister's progeny. My wife divorced me almost immediately. My friends all told me how weird I was and then the next time we got drunk, they each told me about the sexual things they kept secret about themselves that were even more kinky than my mud fetish!...
I would never go back to living in the closet about my fetish. Yes, I had to pay a price to live openly but it was worth it and I've never had a single regret about disclosing it as described above...
Your mileage may vary. Someone posted recently about mildly disclosing their mud fetish and how they regretted doing so. Whatever choice you make, make the choice and then live with it. Both disclosing and not disclosing have consequences...
Good fortune with whatever decision you make...
I'm tired of hiding my fetish from my loved ones, it hurts me that I'm not honest with them. I'm afraid of their reaction, I know that my fetish doesn't hurt anyone, but many people find it disgusting and funny. When I was younger, I was caught playing with paint. I was covered in paint and trying to explain myself only made my situation worse. So having had such experiences, I am afraid of others' reactions.
My experience says only to those who are into it, or romantic partners who deserve your honesty.
Telling friends out of context is oversharing and something you could regret for a few reasons: it very well could change how they think of you and make things awkward, or worse if they get judgmental or mean, and even if they are cool with it, they might not respect your privacy and share it with others. WAM can be seen as exotic to many folks not into it and the temptation to share the news of your fetish might prove too much for them.
Anecdotally, of 3 friends I have told, only 1 reacted as I would have liked, 2 were kinda mean and also told others.
Telling friends out of context is oversharing and something you could regret for a few reasons: it very well could change how they think of you and make things awkward, or worse if they get judgmental or mean, and even if they are cool with it, they might not respect your privacy and share it with others. WAM can be seen as exotic to many folks not into it and the temptation to share the news of your fetish might prove too much for them.
Anecdotally, of 3 friends I have told, only 1 reacted as I would have liked, 2 were kinda mean and also told others.
There is another approach (which is the one I have taken), where I have told people that I still like to play in the mud, and enjoy body art and being painted, but not connected it to a fetish.
Most people see getting messy or being painted as something fun and expressive or silly. We think of it as a fetish because it's how we are wired, but most others won't assume that.
(Now, if you are talking with people who are in the fetish community, that's a very different discussion, but most of them are already wired to accept whatever.)
So, you have the mud route; I know you've mentioned attending the mud festival that's there in Poland (I've seen videos of it, and thought it looked great), and you could talk about how much you enjoyed that.
You also like body art, and there's a lot of TV shows and sites about full body painting, and you could talk about how much you've enjoyed that.
These are both then discussions about the activity without getting into the deeper feelings you have about it. It will also let you judge their reaction, and you can just leave it at that - something you enjoy.
Most people see getting messy or being painted as something fun and expressive or silly. We think of it as a fetish because it's how we are wired, but most others won't assume that.
(Now, if you are talking with people who are in the fetish community, that's a very different discussion, but most of them are already wired to accept whatever.)
So, you have the mud route; I know you've mentioned attending the mud festival that's there in Poland (I've seen videos of it, and thought it looked great), and you could talk about how much you enjoyed that.
You also like body art, and there's a lot of TV shows and sites about full body painting, and you could talk about how much you've enjoyed that.
These are both then discussions about the activity without getting into the deeper feelings you have about it. It will also let you judge their reaction, and you can just leave it at that - something you enjoy.
My girlfriend knows and will straight up send me stuff if she thinks I'll like it. Not stuff from fetish sites, but like she found a Tiktok channel one time where these two ladies go down water slides and in a couple videos they're going down in what could be labeled a dress.
My parents probably knew something was up at some point but have since forgotten about it. When I was first discovering stuff I would search like, "swimming in a dress/wedding dress/evening gown" on the family computer and had yet to discover deleting your search history. On the other hand, I got asked why I had searched pictures of all the casts of Power Rangers (I had crushes on several female rangers and didn't know their real names), but not why I had googled pictures of a woman swimming in her wedding dress, so who knows.
My parents probably knew something was up at some point but have since forgotten about it. When I was first discovering stuff I would search like, "swimming in a dress/wedding dress/evening gown" on the family computer and had yet to discover deleting your search history. On the other hand, I got asked why I had searched pictures of all the casts of Power Rangers (I had crushes on several female rangers and didn't know their real names), but not why I had googled pictures of a woman swimming in her wedding dress, so who knows.
egon said: For a long time I have been thinking about revealing my passion for WAM among my friends. At the same time I am afraid of their reaction because I live in Poland where most people do not accept different tastes. I am tired of hiding my fetish though, do you think revealing my fetish will make my situation better or worse? I'm very happy that there are places like this and there are so many WAM lovers here. Sorry for english, i use google translate.
People don't go around sharing their fetishes with family and friends. I can almost 100 percent assure you that no one wants to know about your fetish other than lovers or potential lovers. I would strongly suggest finding other things to worry about because this really shouldn't be one of them. Not to diminish your feelings, but I can't imagine anything positive coming from revealing something that no one is asking for. And believe me....no one is asking.
I've never been able to.
As much as i agree in theiry it's harmless, fun and 'nothing to be ashamed of' I think that embarrassment and shame are probably part of the really complex reasoms why it IS my fetish and why I have been so into it, hardwired froma very early age.
For what its worth - just go carefully. There probably is still such a thing as over sharing and you need to be sure thst someone is keen to know that level of intimate detail about your sexual self before telling them. All depends on context and your relationship with the other person I guess.
As much as i agree in theiry it's harmless, fun and 'nothing to be ashamed of' I think that embarrassment and shame are probably part of the really complex reasoms why it IS my fetish and why I have been so into it, hardwired froma very early age.
For what its worth - just go carefully. There probably is still such a thing as over sharing and you need to be sure thst someone is keen to know that level of intimate detail about your sexual self before telling them. All depends on context and your relationship with the other person I guess.
egon said: I'm tired of hiding my fetish from my loved ones, it hurts me that I'm not honest with them.
What I was saying about not being ashamed of your fetish, and feeling able to perhaps tell a couple of friends or your romantic partner, only goes so far. I don't think you should discuss it with family members, nor would they expect you to. It's OK to tell one of your guy friends that you like seeing women get wet/messy, but your parents and siblings don't need to know that.
piecub said:
Crank him up
Gunge Lad S J said: As much as i agree in theiry it's harmless, fun and 'nothing to be ashamed of' I think that embarrassment and shame are probably part of the really complex reasoms why it IS my fetish and why I have been so into it
Crank him up
Piecub: successfully teasing and mocking my earnest answers since 2021.
Today I told my friend about my fetish and, despite my fears, he responded very positively. Of course, he didn't like my fetish, but he was curious if I was dirty and how I discovered this fetish.
11/25/24, 2:40am: No-bump reply
9/30/23, 7:10pm: This post won't bump the thread to the top.
9/30/23, 7:10pm: This post won't bump the thread to the top.
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