Robby: The First WAM Story "Jen" by RobbyWLP

8/21/218/21/21

So here we go....my life in WAM....from the beginning.

In today's episode, the VERY beginning.

This is a detailed beginning because well, there are a lot of unusual details for how I got into WAM. Most of the other stories will get to the "WAM point" much quicker. But people wanted "the story" so here it be.

(Harp flashback music goes here)

I was working at my college newspaper as a Features Editor and the de facto human resources person which means I simply had to determine on the first pass if someone was insane.

An asideI hate using the word "de facto." It sounds like a discarded name for an Xmen character.

But I digress.

Anyway, after I "screened" them they were able have the "REAL" interview if they got passed me.

One day, when we were interviewing for a proof reader gig, a very attractive girl came into my office and started asking questions. Long red hair, green eyes and model thin. A lot of questions I thought were very strange for someone who wanted a proof reader job. Turns out she didn't. She mistakenly thought I was the sales guy who had spoken with her on the phone.

She was very embarrassed when I explained that I was not that guy.

She said: "You are such an asshole! You let me go on for like 3 minutes without stopping."

OK, so first I liked that she had known me for only 3 minutes and already called me an "asshole."

But I quickly said: "I'm sorry, you have such pretty eyes I wanted to keep looking at them. Then I paused and said.."Was that a cheesy line or what? I've really been working on it."

She cracked up. Her namewas Jen. And based on her looks she must have been hit on at every bar, every classroom and every everything in the town where we went to school.

Oh, and I was in love. Ok.maybe deep LIKE since it had only been 3 minutes. But my other instant reaction was she was WAYYYYY out of my league.

I walked her to the proper office and as I walked away she kept looking at meand I at her. There was "something" weird there.although we didn't know HOW weird until a few months later.

It was the beginning of the summer session and usually at night I headed to my fave bar which for this story we'll call Ernie's.

I also worked part time at Ernie's as the DJ. This is WAY before bars actually had a DJ. But Ernie loved when people would dance because of course when they got warm, the more booze they would buy.

So basically I would create cassettes (I hear you laughing) with 10 songs each in a row on them and just switch cassettes about every half hour. Ernie asked that the music start at 9pm and that evening he yells from behind the bar, "Robby, start up the tunes please." And as I'm walking over to the cassette decks I hear.

"Yeah, and the tunes better be good..ASSHOLE"

I turn around and there she is.again. The loveumlike of my life. Jen.

Long bar story short, Jen and I danced, sang and talked the night awayright up until 2am. And even at 2am I'm still thinking "this girl is WAY out of my league."

At the end of the night it was just she and I dancing to a slow tune. I was in heaven. And as last call hit and I asked her if I could drive her home and she said "sure it's not far."

So we get in my car and I start driving and she says "STOP!" And I said "what's the matter?"

She said, I live here..it was two doors down from the bar. And she just starts laughing. Gets out of the carand keeps laughing as she walks up to her front door. I was in the car thinking..."Do I kiss her goodnight" and now she's just LAUGHING AT ME.

We ended up seeing each other a lot at Ernie's. Did a lot of dancing, singing, drinking, talking, etc. But something VERY VERY weird happened during those first few months of my friendship/relationship with Jen. The woman that I was in love/like with became one of the best BUDDYS I ever had. We saw each other virtually every day. There was NOTHING we couldn't say to each other. We talked SO much about our lives, our dreamsand all of a sudden I really WAS in tremendous LIKE with her.not love because quite honestly we would have made a horrible couple. We were both so opinionated that we might have had a divorce BEFORE we got married.

BUT the friendship bond between us just got stronger and stronger. Like nothing I have experienced before or since.

And thenone night (don't worry, we're getting close)

Jen had a lot of friends in sororities even though she wasn't actually in one. And we went to a party one night that a sorority hosted called "Girls Can Have Keggers Too."

After a LONG evening of drinking we were both pretty buzzednot trashed. Ok, we were pretty damn drunk. There was no way we were going to go back to my place and get my car because neither of us was going to drive, so I suggested walking back to my place and she could stay there.

She was fine with that and we started walking.

And after about 10 minutes she starts to giggle. A loud, drunken giggle. And I said what's so funny?

And (visual coming) she takes her hand from behind her back and puts it on my face and says "I want to throw a pie in your face."

I said: "Uh huh. Where are you going to get this pie?"

She said: "Oh I'll find one you can count on that. I really want to do that to you"

"Yeah, ok" I said "Can we just try to make it home before you go all 3 Stooges on me?"

And that just made her laugh louder and almost non step til we got back to my place at which time I tossed her on my bed, I tossed myself on the couch and we were both quickly out as fast as a current Chicago Cubs hitter.

We got up in the morning with pretty bad hangovers. She made omlettes and we each ate 3 of them. Then I drove her back to her place and I said I would see her later.that was it.

Now, fast forward about a week laterwe're both sitting on bar stools at Erniesit's early and only a handful of people hanging around and out of the freakin' blue she asks.

"So, have you thought about the pie thing?"

Me: "Pie thing???"

Her: Yes, don't you remember when we were walking home from the sorority party I told you about it?"

(I VAGUELY remembered it because I was rather hammered. How she remembered it is beyond me)

ME: Yes, I think. You put your hand in my face.

Her: No you idiot, I wanted to throw pies at you.

Me: Oh, NOW it's plural? What the heck are you talking about? Waitgirls don't like the 3 Stooges.

Her: It's not about the 3 stooges you goofokI'm going to explain and if you don't take me seriously, I'm going to kill you with this pretzel.

And explain she did. All about how it was a turn on for her to do role play with guyshumiliation but with pies in the face.

And of course I believed her. Yeah, like hell I did. I thought FOR SURE she was just bullshitting me and there was joke in here somewhere. Now of course, I had heard about and seen some Playboy issues with models and food umand stuff but what she was describing didn't QUITE fit.

Now remember I'm not the erudite WAM guy you see before you. I'm a 22 year old who had gotten laid like TWICE in his entire life up til that point.

So I got through that night without discussing it much more other than Jen saying"think about it"..now let's go dance.

And then in likely the only instance where I spent more time at the library than I ever did to study, I started reading about fetishes and kinks and discovered that WHOA was I ever nae about sex!

But in one section of one book that talked about humiliation it was mentioned that a man liked to engage in pie fights with his wife. Ok, so Jen wasn't alone.

"Alone" funny thinking about that now.

As I read more I finally figured out what the turn on for her was.but not WHY. I wanted to know.

And so, one night she and I were finishing up dinner at our fave Mex joint and I said "Okso about this pie thing."

And she said."You went to the library didn't you?" I admitted I had and then she said.

"And what did you find"

"That I don't know shit about sex" I replied. And I still don't why it's a..and I paused"a turn on for you?"

"Yep" she said. "And as to why? I stopped thinking about that a few years ago when in a Psyche class the professor said "we are all wired differently. And I decided I liked the way I was wired with the pie thing because it's SO harmless and fun.

Then she laughed and said.."What if I told you there was a hand job at the end of it?"

Ok, so a person who I have never been closer with, and who I think is gorgeous, funny, etc., has told me she wants to do something I think is a little nutty, but it's going to have a hand job at the end of it.

"Teach me" I said.

The woman lit up like a Christmas tree.

NEXT WEEK: The Pieman Cummeth

shepiestheguy.com

wammalamapie.com

8/21/218/21/21