hello everyone!
basically, i think my messy desires have replaced my normal sexual desires, and was wondering if anyone had a similar thing/any advice? what i mean is, i don't really get aroused by sex (and never really have) and i panic when it comes to sexual situations and cant get it up. i pretty much don't watch 'normal' porn at all, and i guess i'm a bit abstracted from the whole idea of sex which doesn't really work for a two-way relationship..it's quite a problem for me so would really appreciate anything you might have to say about this(and sorry if its a bit of a heavy topic for my first forum post!)
thanks in advance!

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply! This is all really helpful - I've only told a few people about this problem before and whilst they've all been understanding, noone's really been able to offer advice like this, so thank you. I will definitely give the retraining trick a try (I tried going completely cold turkey last week and ended up having a bit of a wam bonanza the other day - I guess I needed to replace it with clean porn, not just stop altogether!)
Anyway, I'm feeling more hopeful and more normal about this already, will let you know how it goes! thanks again!

Hi,

I think what Kitten has said is very well written and all I can add is that I would try to understand the reasons why you can only get aroused by certain things. Sometimes, getting to the root of a problem is the best way. Only once you understand why something is the way it is can you start to rethink and retrain your ways of thinking about certain things.
Knowledge and understanding are they keys to everything. Laced with kindness and patience and you have the perfect formula! Good luck!

Jessie xx
www.messy-jessie.com

I wasn't going to reply to this thread but having spoke to Cakeysk8 I thought why not. I'm in the same situation and the replys very reassuring that there could be ways around it. I think counselling could be another helpful solution but from my own personal situation it's a courage thing. It's something I've bottled a few times. It's hard thing to sit there and spill in person knowing your more than likely being judged.

My concern is that you've become desensitized to normal sex. Not a good thing.

I would drastically cut the time you spend on this fetish, the time you watch it, the time you talk about it here, the time you spend looking for clips, etc.. if you can, go cold turkey for at least a month and just "refresh/recharge" your normal sexual desires.

It's a shame because it sounds like you don't have a partner to work with you and that it would be awkward to bring up with anyone you're dating or don't know too well. Work with what you got, though.

Cut WAM out of your life for 30 days. If/when you return, hopefully not before 30 days, you need to be strong and limit the time you spend with this. Don't turn into another RunningRebel, let his story be a cautionary tale for you.

Some people who spend too much time with porn, which I think equates well here with you (and the rest of us to a degree), they become totally desensitized to normal sex. Stop before it's too late, my friend.

For a different persepective, it's possible to be asexual (no desire for sex with others) but still have fetishes. Society very strongly pushes the idea that everyone is sexual, everyone wants it - but in fact that's not true. So not being aroused by non-wam situations doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything wrong or to worry about.

AVEN at http://www.asexuality.org/home/ is worth a read for anyone who wants to know more about Asexuality.

Send tweets to celebrities begging them to fulfill your fetish desires.

What did he JUST say??




Don't just skim posts! Focus, boy! Focus!!!

Thanks for the continued responses everyone, I'm giving all of them some thought! I've decided I'm definitely trying a wam free month (I'm one day sober so far!) and replace it with more traditional, less regular porn. Maybe you should join me on this liverpool_wam?(and anyone else of course who wants to)
I think having a partner could definitely help if I could get comfortable with them, but it's a bit tricky..I told a girl I was seeing over summer about everything, and though she was sweet and understanding about it, I was much more awkward after I'd told her as I didn't really feel she saw me as a 'man' anymore, and was suspicious she wasn't attracted to me as a result which kinda made me less attracted to her too. Obviously it's a stupid reaction, but I guess fear of that sort of thing happening is what makes relationships daunting to me. But aanyway, a wam free month will be a good start!

I've often wondered what the root cause of my wam obsession is, but I don't really know where to begin as I can't remember a time in my sexual life where I was into anything other than wam..any ideas Jessie or anyone else what tends to cause wam fetishes?
Finally, DungeonMasterOne, cheers for the AVEN link I gave it a look - I guess I really want to try the sexual path to see if I can 'find myself' on it as I feel I'm missing out on something that could be a beautiful thing..but yeah, I will keep that in mind if I don't bump into myself on the sexual path.
Thanks again for your posts everyone, really is helpful and interesting!

I have this issue too though for me I've never been into vanilla sex always fetish sex even as a teenager I have a partner but we really struggle with this as I have no confidence with vanilla sex and she's not that into my fetishes (though fully aware of them) every other aspect of our lives is good just not this one

Cakeysk8...don't fret if you are not able to reprogram your psycho-sexual brain "in a few weeks"...you are not going to eradicate sexual programming that has been in place for most of your life (re: "I can't remember a time in my sexual life where I was into anything other than wam")...sexual programming goes deep.

But I would concur with others here who suggest staying away from this (and other wam) sites for awhile...your mind will naturally start sexually fantasizing again rather quickly (after a period of adjustment)...when this happens, just go with it, but try to focus on the specific content of these fantasies...make a list (mental or other) of the specific elements in these fantasies and even, if you choose, "rate" them in term of how much of a turn on each detail is for you....you may find some details that are kind of sexy, but not as strong (as the wam details), but these lesser turn-ons could be the path through your purely wam turn-ons...try to focus (or even fantasize) about these non-wam elements (e.g., are certain female 'looks" or articles of clothing more exciting to you than others?)...but don't worry if it doesn't last long, or if wam thoughts intrude...it's going to take awhile to expand your sexual repertoire...basically, it's about taking a sexual inventory (routinely) and noting all the things that you find sexually appealing, or enhancing (no matter how trivial or small)...then, slowly, including them into your sexual fantasies.

This may seem like replacing one fetish with others, at first. You will have to face the reality: once a fetishist, always a fetishist (for the vast majority of fetishists)...fetishism is not just about the content of your fantasies...it is the WAY that your mind fantasizes (makes connections between particular stimuli and arousal)....which it has been doing since you were a little kid.

Having an open and understanding partner to help is great -- if you can find one. Failing that (and assuming that this problem persists and becomes a greater source of anxiety for you), you might consider going to a sex therapist (or several until you find the right one)...but just be cautious about those who offer a "quick fix" or short-term solution. It could take years to "reprogram" your sexual brain...better to build onto it, than try to tear it down entirely.

That's a whole lot of complicated advice. I am sure none of it bad, but rather than reprogramming yourself, follow these steps.

1. Go see your doctor.
2. Tell him your having problems getting little jimmy to stand at attention.
3. Take your prescription to the pharmacy.
4. Dazzle your lovers with your new super powered hoo hoo hammer.
5. Sit back and enjoy your wamerica videos...I mean fetish videos, at your leisure, confident that should the need arise with a real girl, you have it under control.

Your welcome.