I love your message Jessie. I think part of the problem is that there is generally a stigma over sex, in that there is the standard issue of "we don't talk about it". or anything beyond 2-3 positions is against what is perceived acceptable. when in fact sex is something always worth exploring. maybe I'm reckless or nuts (my ex wife certainly thought so) but being open minded about sex is nothing to be ashamed of. I suspect many of us here have enjoyed pie sex or numerous other WAM sex related adventures. the messy angle just gives what was already fun another. even messy play in general is a lot of fun.

But I understand it isn't for everyone. its difficult fetish to describe without actually doing it. there is also the clean up, the right substance, the residual smell, loss of vanity, the sensation of it etc etc. so I understand how it can seem for others, but I do think it is something everyone should at last try once. even if it just something simple and possibly socially acceptable shower play. but again even that is not for everyone.

Being open about sexual preferences in any relationship is very difficult so it is better to be up front and honest, it pays off in the long run, something I learned to my cost though circumstances play apart in this. in life you sometimes try to become something you are not. God knows it took me long enough to realize that. as you get older you cease caring the way you did when you were younger. I think that's why as you get older sex generally gets better and you become more adventurous. the fun element returns with age. maybe that's why while trolling here since the turn of the century it took me 11 yrs to do any pie play with a partner. I wish you well.

Awww. Thanks.

Similar situation here. not willing to try, actually its worse. She says she's like to then either pulls out when the chips are down or says "I'll think about it" which is code for "hopefully if I leave it long enough he'll forget about it"

Messy Jessie may be the world's most perfect woman.:lovestruck:

I wish you could bottle it Jess. In my case, I really enjoy being the victim, the punishment/humiliation and generally being abused. My wife seems like she can't get over doing these "horrible" things to someone she loves. Even if it's play acting, that seems to be the stumbling block. I'm not certain that can be solved. We've been together 25 years, I'm not going to give it up for something so trivial.

I have sympathy for those whose partners don't get it, or hate it (or don't do anything but vanilla sex, and i don't mean the flavoring)...but for me, this would be unacceptable (not that she must have the same fetish, but that our kinks be complimentary on some level and/or that she understands the thrill of fetishism and kink exploration, and so, can mutually engage her partner in this way, and find something in it to enjoy, like the humiliation or dom/sub component, etc.))...

...perhaps some guys feel that if they break up with their gfs or divorce their wives (or girls, their boyfriends/husbands) over sexual incompatibility, that they will never find another person (especially if they are older) who will 'love them"...Personally, I have "parted ways" with gfs in the past (for many reasons, not just sex) and even as I age, I do not regret doing so..Personally, I would rather be single (and join a fetish group, or something) than stay in an unsatisfying relationship (even if I "love" her)...because ultimately, if I didn't, I would come to resent her, and that is not a good emotion to carry through one's life.

Divorce is expensive, and when kids are involved things get more complicated. I am unhappy with my marriage, but I feel kinda stuck. I assume some other people feel the same way. There's always hope that things could get better down the road, but often I feel like my life is just wasting away with unhappiness and unfulfillment (above and beyond WAM issues). I am truly jealous of you lucky ones that have found true love plus get to live out your wam (and sexual) fantasies.

yes, divorce is , or can be expensive (depends on the spouse and lawyers, I guess)...but how much is your happiness worth to you?..or your freedom? There comes a time when the best thing to do, however painful, is to let go, change course, start over. That's the most difficult thing to do...and the most liberating (it necessarily must some at a cost, eh?

Wamajama is exactly right ... although of course it's easier said than done. If you've been in a relationship for a long time and your partner hates your fetish, you're in a lose-lose situation, whether you quit or stay. (Again: Side piece!)

If you're single, however, the unambiguous takeaway from this thread is SORT THIS SHIT OUT BEFORE YOU COMMIT. Have the conversation about your fetish as soon as it threatens to get serious, and bail if you don't get a good reaction to it. As of now, you can't say you didn't see this coming!

I was in a WAM-filled marriage for 14 years and it was awesome. Now, suddenly single again (not by choice) I am entering the dating world and have to suddenly consider how important this sort of shit is to me. Not that I won't do it solo, or look at it or think about it (it's who I am and that isn't going away) but how important is it that a new partner is willing to participate.
Fucking strange new world.

I do have a lot of sympathy for those who had wives or husbands who never got into it. Through the old website we used to get a LOT of emails from people complaining their spouses refused to have anything to do with it, but with kids and houses and lives intertwined it was too much to toss out for some fetish fun, and I can understand. Man, my heart goes out to them though. To have never had a partner to play with must be fucking horrible.
:vibes:

Hey

In the same boat to a degree.
My wife is not fully into it. But is happy to indulge me now and then for some solo play. Get one ro two big sessions that she will participate in. Does get partially turned on by it mainly due to how much i love it.

This is what I hope to find one day: the feedback loop of love, where happiness begets happiness.

Hi, I've never posted in the forums before but I thought this thread spoke to me a bit. I'm in my 20s and got married to the most wonderful man in the world 6 months ago. The only problem is the same: he's rather vanilla and really doesn't understand my WAM fetish.

I was so embarrassed telling him (which took me about 2 years into our relationship) and because I'd kind of told him it was weird and niche, when I actually told him he said "oh thank god! I thought it was going to be something like scat!" It gave me hope that he might be willing to try it and at first it was a definite no. Now I've got to the point where he'll think about it, after me reassuring him it's ME that wants to get messy, I don't want to mess him up (well I do, but baby steps y'know). Whether or not it happens, I'll just have to see.

The main thing is I knew this before I married him. I married him because I love him with all of my being, not for our sex life. I've been into WAM since I can remember, watching things like Get Your Own Back as a young kid and feeling all tingly down there, haha. He really wasn't into BDSM when we first started dating but now he's very sloooowly coming around to that so there may be hope still. If not, it's not the end of the world.

How I 'cope' with it is the UMD, watching and downloading videos or just getting myself messed up when he's at work and I have a day off, which he knows I do and is fine with. It's all about honesty really.

A gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do!

Kyaeli, I think anyone deserves a lot of respect for even opening up to having the fetish in he first place. That step alone is difficult, I found it impossible with my wife until too late the it led to all kinds of threats etc. the fetish just gave her further ammunition, be it for lawyers or family. That can happen and did and does.

The simple fact is in those regards WAM really isn't a big deal. none of this is. we all have other fetishes beyond this, but everything depends on the sexual compatibility of our partners. in the past I was scared to broach, fearing stigma and alienation. In that respect the forum does help. This discussion is a recurring discussion. but really its about personal and sexual freedom. When I first found the UMD site I found it liberating. it meant I wasn't the only one with the fetish. However to admit the fetish took years because sex is difficult in some company. there is great stigma about it. that will never change. WAM is not the sort of thing you can discuss with friends or is easily discussed. so you find yourself with a partner who you love but is very vanilla, then you have kids etc hoping the fetish will go away. but it never really does. it's only later and with some life experience that you realise that none of this is a big deal.

WAM is difficult to broach with any partner. personally I am amazed when my partner agrees to a session. though she loved the foam bath. but she actually likes it. I think as Jessie says if most people would try then they can say they have, and the you can talk from there. the real issue being openness and honesty. However thee difficulty is often talking about it in the first place and the stress of a partners reaction when broaching the subject. Its difficult, so I can only wish everyone luck in that respect