While on a long drive home this afternoon, I found myself dwelling on my wam fetish which has been a secret of mine since childhood. It dawned on me that there has probably not been a week in the last twenty years where I didn't visit these forums. Over those years, the only ones who knew about my fetish were girlfriends and spouses - with the exception of my first girlfriend, I have been able to easily bring my fondness for gunge and pies up with any of my sexual partners and only one time has this backfired - the person in question immediately shared this information with her friend, who it turned out had also facilitated another man's gunge fetish.

Anyway, even though I was able to tell these women while in relationships with them, the thought of admitting this openly in conversation to anyone else, friends, family or even strangers; has always been unthinkable to me. But today I found myself asking why...

I do not want to trivialise this at all, publicly admitting I am sexually aroused by the sight of women being gunged, must be the equivalent of a gay person 'coming out' - and if that's a fair assessment then I have never previously appreciated how much courage that act requires.

And then it got me thinking - well okay, what IF the world knew. What does it matter? Why AM I ashamed. Why am I considering this as a possible course of action - What would doing this achieve. What are the pros, more importantly, what are the cons??

Here's the big question.... should I bring this up with my therapist?

I say this generally, and not to anyone specific..

Every detail of someone's life doesn't need to be revealed. A little mystery is nice sometimes.

Yes, this absolutely sounds like something worth bringing up with your therapist. Therapy is one of the few spaces you can have open, judgment-free exploration of things that feel vulnerable or confusing. If you're already asking yourself why you feel shame, what "coming out" would mean, and what the pros and cons might be, that's exactly the kind of material therapy is meant for.

At the same time, I don't think there's any obligation to make a public declaration about your sexual interests. Most people don't openly discuss their fantasies or kinks with friends, family, coworkers, or casual acquaintances. That kind of information is usually reserved for partners. Nobody outside of my wife or users here knows about my kinks. That doesn't automatically mean I'm ashamed; I just value boundaries.

You've already shown that you can communicate about this with partners when it matters, which is really the key piece. Beyond that, disclosure is a personal choice, not a moral requirement.

So talk to your therapist if it's on your mind, but don't feel pressured to turn this into some grand public revelation,

I can understand a betrayal of trust so to say and being nervous about that happening again. BUT, and this is a big one, if you are questioning talking with a therapist about this, it makes me wonder if you really trust your therapist. No topic should be taboo. Some of this might be your uneasiness with talking openly about sexual things with someone who is not a partner.

With the shame part, a lot of that from what I have seen stems from conservative people who spread shame about sexuality in general. It makes me think they have never had a eye roll to the back of their head orgasm. As Robin Williams said in Good Morning Vietnam, they are in more dire need of a blowjob than any man in history. Sexual repression is no reason to project that on to others. I also know that this kind of thing is very different based on what continent you live on. For example, in Britain Monty Python could get away with cartoon nudity on TV. In the US, not so much we are too repressed.

With the way that people use sexual fetishes for revenge or humiliation/shame I can understand being cautious. There have been situations on this site where people tried to use the activity of users here in custody disputes and other bullshit. I don't think that anyone has the right to be informed about what happens between consenting adults. I think that instead of it being very taboo or used for shame, it should be the opposite. That a person trusts someone enough to share some of that information with them should be seen as a sign of trust.

Just wait until you find out what our TV show 'Naked Attraction', broadcast on national TV, is all about

This is one of those things that very much will vary with individual people. In my case, I've always been wide open about it, everyone who I know even remotely well knows that I'm into fully clothed splosh, and that I find women in boilersuits, overalls, or wellies, sexy. Most folk aren't fussed, some make fun jokes, and some end up as models. I do have a very progressive and left-leaning friend group, I live in a major metropolitan area, my religion is open minded, I work in IT, all of which probably makes it easier. But part of my thinking is "you can't be blackmailed for something that's in the public domain", plus there's nothing shameful about consensual adult sexual activity, kinks, or fetishes.

My fiance knows and is completely supportive of it. She'll even wear a dress in the shower on occasion.

My therapist knows and I bring it up on occasion as context for other stuff.

My parents don't know, as far as I know, and I've never told them. I did do quite a bit of searching things on the family computer before A)I had a smartphone and B)I knew about search history, so they may have seen things, but they've never brought it up.

My wife knows about it, and is quite understanding of it all. She's joined in a few gunge filled sessions, but while she enjoyed it it's not really her scene.

My general rule of thumb is 'do you need or want to know?'
Partner- yes
Mates- depends on context/mate, but generally no.
Family- NO. Close family do NOT need to hear details about my sex life; for the same reason I really do NOT want to hear about theirs.**
Random Stranger- don't care, we'll probably never see each other again anyway.


As a 'general life' rule of thumb- go careful with workmates. Lest some soulless knob-jockey from HR decides your personal private conversations violates company policy.

If you feel it will help your therapy journey in any way, by all means talk about it to your therapist. That's a safe space to do so. Sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with sharing it, but it sounds like that was just one bad instance out of several good ones so try not to let one bad apple ruin it for the others.
I thankfully haven't had any bad experiences telling anyone yet (touch wood). I did have that fear of being judge about it when telling others, but, while I do get a few raised eyebrows and a couple of giggles, generally everyone's fine with it. I thought I'd have to keep it a secret I'd take to my grave given that I do stand-up comedy and, if I ever got famous for it, someone might use my splosh side to try and ruin me, but I ended up talking about my wam experiences on stage and get there first. Audiences laugh and fellow comedians reactions vary from not bothered to curious. Met a few who wanted to get pied in the face and some even got their wish, myself included. Sharing a video of that moment on my socials was the most open I've been about it and it's kinda liberating as well as enjoying people's reactions to it.
If it makes you happy and you're not harming anyone else, go for it. And if anyone shames you for it, tell them to get f**ked. They're not the people you want in your life.

I absolutely can't, never could. Maybe linked to the "phobia in reverse" theory of fetishism...I couldn't/can't even say the word gunge out loud in an IRL situation. Shows on TV with family around made me wildly uncomfortable even when tiny & not understanding what the feelings were.

Add to that loads of shame/embarrassment plus complicated real life stuff & it's a hard no. So I have to keep it locked in a separate box.

Bad news is this can make me really down. Good news is when I do get to play I really have fun