Hello beautiful people! After lurking here off and on for many many years, I have decided it is time to dive in with both feet! Into the messy end at least

Consider this my introduction.


Living Unapologetically: Embracing the Mess, the Kink, and the Journey

There's a unique kind of freedom in allowing yourself to be exactly who you are--no masks, no shame, no apologies. For me, that freedom has always been tied to something a little unconventional: the messy fetish. Yes, the kind that involves pies, slime, and all things gloriously gooey. For me, it's more than just a turn-on--though it definitely is that. It's therapy. It's release. It's art. It's rebellion. It's joy. And after a long journey, I'm finally giving myself permission to fully embrace it.

Like many kids growing up in the 90s, I was glued to a certain messy themed channel. There was something mesmerizing about seeing someone get pied or slimed. While others laughed and moved on, I felt something deeper. Something that stirred inside me. But I didn't have the language or courage to explore what it meant back then. Add to that a confusing sexual awakening--filled with questions about orientation, desires, and identity--and it's no surprise I kept these feelings hidden for a long time.

Everything changed during my first year of college. I volunteered for a pie booth at a fundraiser, thinking nothing of it. But the moment that first pie hit my face? Something clicked. Something fell into place. That led to a fateful trip to Google (as so many self-discoveries do), which introduced me to the UMD community. I watched from the sidelines, fascinated, grateful, but never quite brave enough to jump in. Still, on occasion, I'd indulge in solo messy play. And each time, it was the highlight of my month--this euphoric blend of pleasure, silliness, and emotional release.

As life moved forward--marriage, kids, careers--this side of me took a backseat. But another powerful, beautiful part of my journey unfolded: I entered into a long-term BDSM relationship with my partner. It was intense, freeing, and deeply meaningful. That chapter shaped me in ways I'm still discovering.

Sadly, my partner passed away six months ago after a long battle with stage four cancer. The grief has been immense. Healing hasn't been easy. But through it all, I've come to one life-changing realization: there is no day but today.

So here I am. Rediscovering joy. Rediscovering kink. Rediscovering myself.

I'm choosing to live unapologetically--and that means fully embracing what makes me feel alive, powerful, and connected. I plan to be far more active on the UMD and other kink communities, not just as a lurker but as a voice, a contributor, and a friend. I want to get messy more often, dive deeper into what it does for me, and share that journey with others. I want to collaborate, chat, and--yes--play.

I'm especially eager to connect with others who are interested in combining messy play and BDSM. There's something magical about that intersection. Raw. Intimate. Liberating.

So if you've made it this far--hi! I'm an open book. I'm rebuilding, reawakening, and ready to make a mess of things in the most beautiful way possible. Drop me a message. Let's talk kink, connection, creativity, and catharsis.

Because life's too short not to get a little dirty.