I wish I was 14 again. I was 14 when I played my first game with a forfeit. It was with the son of a friend of the family. We were both the same age, and had been friends forever. I'm not sure how the game came about, but we couldn't play a strip game as such as our parents were in the other room and could have walked in at any moment. Far too risky. And so the loser just had to flash the winner. It was just a lark. A bit of fun. That's where it all started.

I wish I was 15 again. I was 15 when we took things up a level. I had gone to stay with the same friend and his parents had gone out for the evening, leaving us alone in the house. Freedom. We knew this was coming and so had been planning. We had a fruit machine game on the computer and decided that we could play where each win resulted in a different forfeit and we made a list of each one in advance. By the end of the evening there was lots of nudity, tickling and even the odd touch here and there. There was also my first boner to be seen by anyone other than myself. My first real taste of humiliation. From that point on, playing to win was my priority. I wanted to save myself the embarrassment. There was no WAM, though. Even if it had crossed our minds, there would be the chance of leaving a trace behind and being found out. That couldn't happen, but back then it didn't matter.

I wish I was 16 again. I wish I could change that decision I made then. My friend wanted to play again when we were left alone again for an evening, but I had got confused about everything by this point now that I had realised I was gay - and scared about what we were doing, and where things were going. He wanted to play a game where the loser got naked and had to jerk off. There was a mix of turn on and fear on my part at the thought of it. Fear won. I refused to play. We never played again.

I wish I was 20 again. A different friend. A strip game, thanks to the wonders of alcohol in making us do things we normally wouldn't. He lost, and wanted to play double or nothing. It was so obvious that he didn't want to get naked. I agreed to double or nothing. He lost again and ended up naked in a cold shower. WAM as well as games had entered my life.

I wish I was 23 again. The same friend as three years earlier. He was straight, I was gay, but he didn't know it. The games had continued, but had got more and more bizarre and silly. We were playing playstation games, with the loser doing a forfeit. But now the forfeits didn't just involve stripping, but also having eggs cracked on your head, having custard poured over you, and that awful feeling of baked beans sliding down your chest, into your pubic hair and down your cock before they splatted onto the floor below. We both hated losing and I loved the thrill of the game, and the chance that I might make my mate suffer the indignity of getting naked, wet and messy. And I was pretty good at playstation games back then.

Nearly ten years of games of one sort of another. The thrill of winning, the risk of losing. The first experience of being naked with another guy, and yet nothing sexual really happened. And it didn't matter. The fun was the main thing. I hadn't even had sex by this point with anyone. I didn't care. I just had to make sure I never showed that I was turned on during the games, and my friend would never know that I was gay. Somehow I kept that pretence up. One day he found out though. It was a different time back then. The games stopped. The friendship ended he felt betrayed. That same year, the friend I played with as a teenager passed away. The end of an era in many ways.

There have been games since, but not regular ones. I might still feel like having silly fun like I did when I was twenty, but the problem is that I'm NOT twenty any more. There are games on cam, of course, which can be fun if you find the right opponent who plays to win and yet doesn't take the entire thing too seriously, but I find that finding the right opponent is absolutely key for it to work. You both need to be on the same wavelength. Attraction isn't necessary any turn on comes through the game itself anyway but the two players need to click, and need to be able to know how far they can push the other player too.

There have been very few games since my mid-twenties in real life. It doesn't help living in a part of the country which is hardly the most densely-populated. And you can't introduce gunge games into a conversation too easily when you meet new people and you don't have the useful excuse of youthful exuberance and the stupidity that can come with alcohol. But even when the gunge stops flowing, and the water dries up, there is still the memories, and still that hope that there will be just one more real life game that recaptures the sheer fun and frivolity of those from the past.