I'm sure some of this has been said before, and I want to blog about it anyway.

"How do I find a WAM partner, someone who's also into the fetish?"

Welllllll, good luck, we're a very niche group of delightful pervs! So let's change the question a little bit:

"How do I find a kink-positive and sex-positive partner who will join me in making each other feel amazing through our kinks and what makes us intimately fulfilled?"

- Be your genuine self. Be your true self. Be who you are. (If you're not sure yet who that is, search the web for ways to self-actualize, get help if necessary)

- Join kink-positive communities, online and in person. Ask questions. Be kind. Read their guidelines so you know how to navigate their culture, which may be new to you.

- The BDSM community is a good place to start, but not everyone is kink-friendly or sex-positive (ironically). That said, it's a great place to start even if you're not into BDSM. Be patient. Find the good people.

Here's an example from my personal life. My most recent pie-play-partner isn't a WAMmer in any way! She's very into BDSM, is a joyful switch, and loves my pie in the face fetish/kink. She cares a lot about my pleasure, and I care a lot about hers; I've learned how to spank her soft smooth bottom like a champion, and learned the scenes that make her feel amazing. Her joy is important to me, and mine to hers. Look for someone like that, who's own joy is tied to your joy (and vice versa). (I've also learned how to tie an awesome knot. Bwa ha ha ha!!)

Not everyone is that comfortable outside of their own kink, so if you (or me) get rejected, be grateful and move on. It's not about you; it's not about them. It's just not the right fit.

I met this joyful kinkster (Hey, let's call her Joy!) through a community I was introduced to via a music scene I'm a part of. It didn't happen overnight, or even within a year. Over time and meeting people and gaining a reputation as an OK person, and building community trust, I was prepared for the luck when we met.

I also have spent years being a social fuckup, a mess, a tornado of mood swings. In some ways, I still am, but have come a long long way in self-improvement, asking for help, and getting medication when necessary. That work on myself has made my Pie life much more satisfying and fun!

Now that I'm at the end of this blog, it's occurred to me that I should write up how we met. It's cute for sure but it is also a good example of just being present.