Ok, this is copied and pasted from a Google doc, so the formatting might be terrible. And the grammar may suck. Well friends you gets what you pays for! Happy Sunday!

And here we go:

This morning:

I get into the bathroom and start the shower, waiting for the water to get hot. My partner, a hot 5'8 blonde woman who rescued me from a metal festival when I was a stray, walks in as naked as I am, which is only proper for the bathroom.

She picks up one of the recent cans of shaving cream we bought and was still sitting on top of the sink countertop. She creates a great big pie on a paper plate while I watch. A whole-can 'oh my god you must be joking!' kind of pie. I am amused and a little excited!

"Now that's a big pie!" I said.

She said, "It is!" I watch her shape it into a creamy, thick looking slapstick pie from its genesis as a loose pile of thick shaving cream, and then watch her rinse her hand. The shaving cream takes a while to wash off!

"What's it for?" I asked.

"Oh I made it for you! It's a gift!" she said. This is typical of our banter by the way.

"A gift for me? You're so generous! Is the whole thing for me?" I get into a giddy and ridiculous character, which for some reason delights the heck out of sexy blondie (one of my many pet names for my boo) ((she would kill me if I actually called her 'boo'))

"All for you! Would you like to take it?" she asks.

"Oh, I'd love to take it if it's a gift from you! Yes please, I'll take the pie!" And, trigger phrase number one is in the books!

"Are you sure?" she asks, and teases me, "It's really big and creamy!"

"Oooh, I love big and creamy pies. Yes, I'm sure!" Don't I sound giddy? I sound giddy.

She says "Ohhh-kayyyyyyyeee.. Well then, I am so happy to let you have this pie!"

Warning: trigger phrase alert! "Oh, yes please, I love taking your gifts! Let me have it!" And, there it is, trigger phrase number two.

She sighs and laughs, her eyes crinkling into those sexy crow's feet from too many desert concerts and a wide sexy grin and her delight is just overflowing right now. She smashes the shaving cream pie into my face, and smushes it all around my head. Big globs fall onto my body.

I moan. Oh boy do I moan. It's in my mouth, but I don't care. It's thick and creamy. Really thick and creamy. I smear it all over my chest, under my breasts, over my squishy bellybutton, down my body. I feel her fingers on my sex and I'm just rock and roll me baby!

I pull shaving cream from one eye and blink at her. She's grinning. "You pied me!" I say. I leave the rest of my face pied, I'm a proud pie face.

"Oh yeah I did. I pied you!" She laughs. She starts to take shaving cream from my head and body and rebuild a pie. I'm just bathing in it, my hands squishing all over my skin. I'm pretty much a fountain, a crystal pool.. A I'm wet, you dolts, I'm very very wet!

She's holding the seconds-pie. I say, "Now wait a sec, give me that pie! It's my turn to pie you!"

She asks, "It is? Really?"

I say "Yes really! I'll give you a really good pie in the face, now gimme that pie!"

She laughs, "This pie? In my face? Okay, I'll give it to you. You deserve it! Here's the pie!"

She pied me again, smashing it slowly all over my head. I moan, and moan.. Oh it's so good.. It's in my mouth again, and I spit some out, it's on my lips.. All over my head.. Oh yeah. My fingers find my clit and I got to town and back, moan moan moan!

She says "I gave it to you! You asked for it and you so deserved it!"

I say "I did ask for it, I really really did! But why do I deserve it?" I always deserve it but I wanted to hear her say it.

"Oh, you deserve all of the pies for being so funny. So sexy. For never wearing clothes when I'm in the studio trying to make art! You deserve it for having such great tits after 40!" Oh my god, she should talk! But hers had some work and mine are au naturel pun intended.

I feel her fingers join my busy clit-flicking, and her other hand all over my slippery creamed body, and when I'm panting and moaning and can feel the orgasm comin' down the highway, she took what was left of the shaving cream and pied me again in the face. Oh. god in my mouth yet again but I didn't care.. Because oh my god orgasm. A huge fuck-me orgasm, oh my god orgasm, what the fuck is happening orgasm.

Apparently, I was LOUD.

It'd been a while since I'd been mentally capable of a good, great big 'O' as they call it on daytime television, and I felt like I was in a truck full of bricks hitting a brick wall full of trucks. Well, friends, this one made up for lost time. Oh. My. Freaaakin'. God! Jesus Mary McGillicuddy and her all nude review, what the fuck CIA barbeque.

I think my next words were "HOLY. FUCK!" as I was panting, quivering like milk (milk doesn't quiver, Bob Smith, but I'll take it anyway) unable to move, and naked and covered with shaving cream.

Sexy blondie cuddled me, grinning from ear to ear, and helped wipe shaving cream off of my mouth and eyes. When I was able to move again, I got under the hot water and we rinsed me off. It took a while, but eventually I was lather-free. Glowing.

I'm still faded from this morning! Wow, dopamine, oxyshmoxy, or something still going.in my cute lil' body.

So that was my morning!