Right in front of me on the table is a large Lemon Meringue Pie... It's a cool room temperature, my spoon leaning up against it as if trying to persuade me to eat it, which I intend to. But here's the hitch. Every time I reach for the spoon, I think to myself "it could go in your face instead?" and my arm retracts quickly as if the thought itself had nipped at my fingers like a guard dog.

"My first messy experience... I could do it. I'd be alone, but screw it, I could! I've always wanted to pie someone else, but maybe I should start with myself? Do people pie themselves with a Lemon Meringue though?... fuck, I don't know... is my first time supposed to be special, or more like a personal ice breaker? - holy fuck, what am I talking about here, a pie or sex?!... am I peer pressuring myself? or is the pie just talking to me? .........what to do?......."


And in front of me, the pie remains :/