Another repost from Wamdrogony and Splosh! from way back when.

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Baked Beans And Slime

By Miss Helen (with apologies to Dr. Seuss)


In the land of Dremble-roo
Where there isnt that much fun to do
Lived two friends, Caroline and Claire
Whod sometimes give each other dares

Carolines mind was awash
With thoughts of gunge and pies and slosh
She asked her friend, Oh, Darling Claire
Hows about some messy dares?

But Claire it proved was less than keen
Being more concerned with staying clean
She told her girlfriend Caroline,
I do not like baked beans and slime.

Aw, cmon, was Carolines retort
Dont be such a spoilsport
But Claire just kept the same old line
I do not like baked beans and slime.

I will not take them in a tank
I will not take them at the bank
I will not take them in a pool
I will not take them on a stool
I will not get them in my hair
Neither in my underwear
I will not take them for a dime
I do not like baked beans and slime

I will not take them on my head
I will not take them in my bed
I will not take them in my bra
I will not take them in my car
I will not get them on my dress
I will not get into a mess
I will not take them anytime
I do not like baked beans and slime.

Then what about some custard pies?
You can stick em up your thighs!
Nor dont think that Ill be won
With talk of genuine TV gunge".
How about wrestling in the mud?
Ask all you like, itll do no good.
But most of all, dear Caroline,
I do not like baked beans and slime.

I will not get them on my skirt
I will not take them in the dirt
I will not take them from a spoon
I will not take them on the moon
I will not get them on my face
I will not get them any place
I do not like baked beans and slime
I do not like them, Caroline.

But Caroline just wouldnt quit
She wouldnt let the matter sit
Oh, dont be such a misery
Wont you try it once, for me?

Fine, if itll stop your din!
Claire snatched away the baked bean tin
Held it high above her head
And felt the contents start to spread
Caroline picked up a bucket
Smiled and prepared to chuck it
A mass of sloppy orange ooze
Dripped down Claires dress and in her shoes

Claire gave her friend a sloppy grin
And dragged her friend down to join in
The finest work of Messrs. Heinz
Covered Claire and Caroline

I love to get it in my hair
I love it in my underwear
I love to feel it on my skin
I love to feel it seeping in
It feels so good inside my dress
Its such fun to get in a mess
Why, my good friend Caroline;
I do so like baked beans and slime!