Sleeping in hospitals has never been easy for me so despite it not even being 6am yet I figured I might as well blog to distract myself a bit. It has been 4 days since my spinal operating and unfortunately there has been a complication from the surgery that looks like it may significantly set back my recovery. I agreed to have the surgery in the hopes of reducing the amount of nerve pain I was having and to stabilize my spine more to slow down any further degeneration. While the surgery was technically successful I am now experiencing ever more nerve pain than I was getting prior to the operating. On the bright side this side effect *should* be temporary. Temporary could mean several weeks or more however. I am actually straight edge, I don't drink or smoke and recently gave up using medical cannabis that was previously helping me control my pain. Now I have to take handfuls of really strong narcotics just to get out of bed. I am not ok with that but for now It's my only option. I am trying to remain hopeful that this is only temporary and some day in the near future I can go back to being drug free. I have seein firsthand people who have destroyed their lived with drugs, I don't think that would ever happen to me but its still frightening for me to be relying on so many pills just to get up and pee.

But I know I am still lucky. Even if this pain never fully goes away I am least not paralyzed. And I have a loving, dedicated partner who is willing to do anything for me. He has been here at the hospital every day to help me eat since I can't sit up enough to even see the food on my plate. And when he has not been here he has been at home doing all the housework I can no longer do and has been making our house as handicap accessible as possible.

And with any luck I will be discharged today! I have been too drugged to read here and TV blows. At least I home I can watch movies and marathons of star trek!