I have to confess to an addiction: a rather overwhelming addiction that I cannot overcome. It grips me relentlessly and forces me to have a fix as often as possible. Cigarettes? Alcohol? Drugs? Teddy bear collecting? No - none of those... I just want to get messy as often as possible. So it wasn't all that difficult to understand why I went out into my back garden at 1.15am on Tuesday 8 November 2011 - totally naked. You see, there's this mud patch next to a fence - created four years ago by digging over an area of earth and mixing it to a squelchy consistency with water. It's quite surprising how much water a good mud patch needs initially; but once established it just needs digging over occasionally and topping up with liquid. There may be some twigs and bits of stones in it, but this all adds to the atmosphere and sensation of doing something really filthy outdoors.

It was raining when I wandered outside: a light sort of drizzle. I love being naked in the rain and the feel of wet ground under my bare feet. I rarely feel cold without clothes (one's body temperature soon adjusts) so a slight breeze and fog in the air didn't put me off at all. There were puddles of water on top of my mud patch, in between the squelchy furrows and raised patches that I'd probably stirred up last time. So as usual I sprawled in full length and thrust my body into the sludge. Turning I coated both sides of my body, then spread handsful of sludge all over my legs and arms, then my neck. Turning over I wriggled my back into the filth, then had a good wallow around. A large handful of mud covered my entire face, and another matted my hair into submission.

Time to get really sludgy. I thrust my chest into the mire, then my tackle. I turned over and wallowed on my back, thrusting my bum downwards. Satisfying squelching noises showed I was getting deep and dirty. Then I wrestled the mud, wallowed and writhed around until covered all over in a thick coating. Handsful of black slime were dropped onto my head, various parts of my body, onto my stiffened cock, and in between my bum cheeks. I revelled in the glorious freedom and dirtiness of it all.

When I finally got out I scraped most of the thick stuff off my body, back into the mud, and carefully went back indoors to have a prolonged hot shower. Mud washes off quite easily, although it's surprising how much gathers within the crevices of ears and in between one's legs.

Yes, I love being naked and covered in mud - and just about anything else as long as it washes off. I rather like my addiction? Have you got one to share?