I remember the first time I masturbated. It was over an advertisement I had seen on the tv. It was a promotion for an AFL competition. In the ad, Robert Dipierdomenico was using a squeeze bottle of tomato sauce to draw pictures on paper plates about a BBQ prize. At the end of the ad the sauce gets squirted all over his face. I couldn't get the image out of my head and sadly I haven't seen it since, but the first time I tried messing myself up, it was by pouring sauce all over myself. I like the little squeeze packets you can get when you buy a meat pie. You just squeeze it and the pressure builds and it jets out. I used to love watching people make a mess, accidentally spilling sauce or pie gravy onto their clothes, especially if it was your typical Aussie bloke. I love that not-afraid-to-get-dirty attitude.