I cried on & off all day yesterday. I really thought, after everything I went through in the process start to finish- the fact I'm typically a quitter and refused to give up despite hurdle after hurdle, curveball after curveball that resulted in a very let's just say... uncomfortable day on set and the loads of mental breakdowns that ensued from me having to cram post-production pretty much entirely solo with just a few days until the deadline. I just thought there was no way. Especially constantly seeing all of the horrible people I know IRL (non-SW industry people) who have wronged me and have objectively terrible "art." I just can't. I don't know how I'll recover from this. Truly. I didn't want my self-worth as a fetish creator/performer/producer to be effected by this, but I can't help it. Doesn't help that what would have been last year's submission (not sure how/why I missed the deadline), after finally going over the stats of that one (also WAM-related), my previous "Magnum Opus," just seeing how horribly its performed across the board... How can I recover? Truly? I don't know if there's enough therapy in the world. This year has beat me to absolute shit. I experienced horrific things I can confidently say no one reading this will probably ever have to experience. I invested so much money. I got Splatter Emporium to give me an "unofficial sponsorship." There were some hidden secret references to some staples in this community. I honestly would rather not be alive anymore.