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My story, guilt and shame of WAM
By Potatoman-Jx
Posted 11/12/18     506 views
So, I think WAM for me goes back in to my toddler phase honestly. I never had a fear of getting dirty or messy. My earliest memory was when I was two. My parents were settling on a lease for the house I would grow up in. They were going back and forth with the realtor while I was more preoccupied with the large puddle of mud behind them at the edge of the driveway. I don't remember too much about what was going through my head except that I liked sitting and rolling around in it. Not long after, my mom realized I wasn't in her sight and turned around. My fun was over, mom was PISSED.

After that, most of my WAM experiences were found on TV. When I discovered YCDTOTV on Nickelodeon, I was fascinated. I was maybe 5 or 6 at the time, and I just wanted that to happen to me. Something about it seemed forbidden too since they were always getting their clothes ruined. Not long after I decided I would try and jump in a pool with my shirt on. Everytime I did, I got whipped pretty good no matter who was watching me. This was just something you didn't do.

When I got to about 9 or 10 I decided I was going to put on the laundry sitting in a pile bound for the wash in the bathroom. My reasoning was solid, they're meant to get washed anyways. The first couple times went ok as when I was done, I would take all the clothes down for the laundry anyways. But eventually the caught on when some of the wash was still rather wet and came bursting in on me one fateful evening. It probably didn't help that there wasn't much to choose from that evening, and some of it was my moms, nothing ultra feminine, just a sweater I think. Now not only was I weird for having a fascination with getting wet in clothes, but I was a "transvestite" or "tranny" apparently. Words that stuck with me that may as well have been synonyms for having leprosy. I never saw that word in a positive light again until I discovered Eddie Izzard. The interesting thing was I never really saw a difference between men's a women's clothes until that night. Needless to say I got whipped pretty bad that night, grounded for a month, and forced to take showers after that with mom poking her head in randomly if she thought I was taking too long.

WAM was dead in my life. I thought, why do those kids get to do it on TV and they're ok, but I'm weird? It didn't make sense, but it didn't matter. My parents' word was law. As I got into my teen years I found the desire wouldn't go away when I saw it on TV. I was long past the point of trying to get wet, let alone messy as I didn't want to incur further shame and guilt by my parents. So instead, I got sneaky. I found a VHS tape that wasn't being used. I found a hiding place for it and out tape wet or messy scenes I saw on TV. This worked for almost a year. Until my dad walked in on me watching it...bird in hand as it were. It was strange, I felt like if he had walked in when I was going through one of his Penthouses it would have played out very differently. Sure, initial disgust, but a "man to man" talk about the birds and bees afterwards. No...this was worse. At least I was watching women, I thought, surely I won't get it as bad. It didn't matter, in my dad's eyes I may as well have been "gay" (the worst possible thing at the time to him).

(Side note, yes, my dad was rather bigoted at the time towards gays, don't even mention trans people. A lot more people were, it was the 90s. I'm actually very proud of the strides my dad and other family members have made in the past few years toward understanding and accepting the LGBT community. I was particularly pleasantly surprised when he told my ex-wife who was coming out as non-binary, male leaning, trans that he still loved her/them. He now calls them regularly by their new name and struggles to be mindful at all times of other people who don't have the same gender or sexuality experience of him.)

But back to 1994 I think...it was a different time. Needless to say, he was mortified. I honestly think he just linked the WAM to crossdressing at the time because of how I was found when I was eight or nine. I was expecting him to want to check my room for women's clothes, but he was too disgusted. He destroyed the tape in front of me, and took away put my TV in storage. In fact, I wasn't allowed to watch TV at all unless in their presence for about a year or so.

Jump ahead a few years, I was surviving sexually off of "thrown out" Victoria Secret catalogues. I told mom about dad's Penthouses as revenge and she made him get rid of all of them. Small win for me I guess. I was 17 and working at a Staples. I was earning a respectable amount and only going to school maybe 2 hours a day. I could have graduated early, but I wanted to see my friends next year and it was too hard cramming two Englishs (my worst subject) into one year. So I saved up and bought the first computer in our house MY computeror so I thought. I was still living under dad's roof, so dad's rules, dad's computer. My dad was not a very computer savvy person, at firstwe'll come back to that. It was early into the days of the internet and surfing the web with Compuserve, but I learned quick about privacy. I was working with computers at work every day after all, even learning how to fix them. I partitioned off a part of the hard drive and created a series of hidden file pathways to my little Shangri-la. I was 18 by now and one day thought about looking for wet and messy pictures on the internet. I found WAMTEC, Pattycake, Wambabes, and Messy Fun. Suddenly, I wasn't alone in the world. Furthermore, Ariel and Patty, they weren't models for some big producer JUST after a paycheck. No, they did this on their own, and Ariel claimed to even be into it. I was in lovewell lust at least (same thing when you're a sex starved 18 year old virgin). XD

I so desperately wanted to, but the risk of getting a VHS or one of these new fangled DVDs from WAMTEC or Messyfun was too risky. Plus if it were found, it would just be destroyed again, and I'd probably get thrown out. Well, my dad eventually became friends with the guy I worked with who taught me everything about computers. Dad eventually found my collection. But I found his. I thought maybe we could reach an agreement..and we did. The agreement was the computer was now his, I didn't get to use it because I couldn't be trusted. My benefit was I got to continue living at home.

Then I got sick. Everything changed in the blink of an eye. For two years I didn't care about WAM, I didn't care about anything except figuring out what was wrong with me, and or if I was going to die. Turns out I almost did. They didn't figure out I had Crohn's disease until I was 20 and weighed 124 pounds almost dead from starvation because I couldn't digest anything. That's another story.

Eventually, I got well enough to marry my childhood sweetheart who of course I hid all this from!! I didn't want her to think I was some sort of monster, I STILL thought I was. (Moral of the story kidsdon't lie, and don't hold back information from the person you intend to marryit will come back and bite you, maybe even ruin your life).

It took years to admit to my wife what my kinks were. Meanwhile they were going through their own discoveries. She never judged me though. True, It was "weird" but she even tried it out once. I vividly remember an evening in the bathroom with space heaters, a huge tarp, and several industrial cans of vanilla pudding each half filled with hot water to create "more" mess and make it warmer. She dressed in a French maid outfit and tried to "clean" the bathroom. She was NOT comfortable, but she bore it well. I told her we should stop, but she said something to the effect of "you already planned all this and we're already here. You may as well enjoy it, because this is the only time I'll ever do this." We made love..well maybe that's stretching it. Making love was what I hoped for, but it was more of an uncomfortable mess of sex. Uncomfortable for them for a ton of reasons, some of which I wouldn't learn until just a couple years ago. Uncomfortable for me because I knew they would rather be anywhere else.

A couple other times (maybe four), they appeased me with some wetlook which she didn't like either but was at least bearable. The last time, I even got to do a photo shoot. She was always very kind though. Even though she was uncomfortable (much later I learned it was due to being trans and not liking sex) she told me it wasn't my fault.

I decided to join the UMD, and quickly found out Messmaster was having a "birthday party" of sorts in PhiladelphiawaitwhatPHILADELPHIA!!!? The creator of this central hub of everything forbidden that I love is in my home city!? I had just gotten out of the hospital from one of my many stays related to my illnesses. My wife even came with me. It changed my life. That evening I met some wonderful friends, including Messmaster, Messmistress, Zoidberg, and MyPierogative Maria.

The rest of the ups and down have little to do with WAM. But I'm here, and trying to help other people come to a place where they at least feel comfortable with who they are. That THIS, WAM is harmless. That they aren't monsters because of it.

If you made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time reading all of this. It is quite personal, so I hope you'll be respectful with it. Please also, see the forum post

https://umd.net/forums/negative-consequences-of-being-a-wammers and share your stories there.

Thank you,
Jason, the potato
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Comments:
MrWetShirt:
6/27/20
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I really enjoyed reading your post, thanks.
I remember some of your earlier experiences, they were just like that for me!
The amazing fun of playing in mud, or with water, as a young child.
I jumped in a muddy puddle once, in my soccer kit (aged about 6).
Mum was furious!
She washed by hand!
I remember the guilt too, I had strict parents who closed down any
space for sexual education or awareness.
The only thing you needed to know about sex was one word, "No!"
It's been a funny old ride since.
Thanks again.
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