I have a 6 month old yellow lab. She's really good at being a puppy and whines constantly to go outside and normally I don't mind. But the past month in the pacific northwest we have had more rain than we should have had all year. So the backyard is a swamp. It can't drain when it rains every day. When she runs around, she easily reshapes the yard and this past week alone I've had to go out there and step on the deep paw prints to smooth out the lawn. So when I came back downstairs and saw that my kids had let her outside to get her stop whining I ran to see the damage she had done. And there she was frolicking in the deepest mud pit, mud splattered over her face, up her legs. It was everywhere. And like a dumb dog, when I called her over to the patio, she just stared at me almost daring me to come and get her. And the more I called to her, the more I demanded she get out of there immediately, the angrier I got. Until finally I stomped out into the yard to get her and drag her back in to get cleaned. Do you know what the dog did? She took it as a game. She wagged her tail, lowered her head, raised her butt, and challenged me to come and get her. Something snapped. I was so pissed. This wasn't a game. I could see ruts everywhere. I didn't want to have to clean her yet again. So I ran after her. I wasn't even thinking at that point. And as she ran past me I dove. And missed. And I basically did a face first dive into the part of the yard that was so muddy, it was like hitting pudding. I hit with my arms first. Then my chest and stomach. And as I felt myself hitting the mud and beginning to slide, I remember thinking that this might actually be fun. That I probably couldn't have figured out another way to do this and I've basically been wanting to do this for a while. And as I slid what was probably a few feet, I rotated my body by rolling to my right side and then my back so
I ended up on my back looking straight up into the sky, basically sprawled into several inches of mud. I sat up and looked at my clothes. Pretty much the front of my jeans, my long-sleeved grey shirt, the dark grey short-sleeved t-shirt, even my grey sneakers, all covered in brown mud. And I could feel the runny mud down my back, in my underwear, even in my socks through the no longer grey sneakers I was wearing. And of course the dog cocked her head sideways as if to ask why I did that. No one in my family had seen the commotion. No one knew I was covered in mud. So I rolled around for a bit just to ensure I was completely muddy. It felt great. It was cold, but the mushy mud was just the right consistency. I shoved a few hand fulls down my jeans and into my underwear just to get the full effect. Then after I discretely managed the huge hard-on through my jeans, I got up and resumed getting the dog. She was much easier this time around and so I pulled her over the hose and began hosing her off. She loved it and started barking which finally attracted my wife. She opened the back door and saw both of us completely muddy. Luckily, my wife is understanding and simply told me, "You're responsible for the mess." and went back inside. After hosing down the dog, I hosed myself down. Surprisingly the mud came off easily. But again, it was really cold. I came in through the garage with the dog, found some towels and dried her off, then did my best to dry off. I took the shoes off and went inside for a fully clothed shower and a second hand job before finally throwing everything into the washer.

What's funny is that later that day I went to a local hardware store to buy plants and supplies to help fix the backyard. The checkout guy was really friendly and I mentioned how muddy the backyard has been and he suggested I go out and take a swim. I had nothing to lose so I flat out told him I did when I was chasing down the dog even describing some of the details of sliding around in it for good measure. Sadly, he didn't offer up any of his own experiences even though it sounded like swimming in mud was something mundane he would do.