(This is an Addams Family fanfiction. How does Morticia stay so beautiful? This gives the answer!)
It was early morning, one summer day. Morticia was in the bedroom; Gomez was already up. She rang the bell summoning the butler. He came a minute later.
You rang?
Yes, Lurch. I think the time has come for one of my beauty baths.
I'll get the car ready.
Thank you, Lurch.
He walked away. Meanwhile, she changed into an old fashioned Victorian-style bathing suit and put her dress back over it. He soon returned.
The car is ready.
Thank you Lurch, dear.
Ohhhh!
He led her out the front door. The car--a vintage Model T--was parked on the street in front of the house. They got in, and he drove off.
They left the city and drove on the main highway. Eventually, they pulled off onto a country road. It became forested on both sides. They came up to a small parking lot, on the right-hand side. It was the entrance to a park. Lurch pulled in and parked there. It was otherwise empty.
They got out. A path in the woods began there. They walked on it. It led to a babbling brook. They took a left and followed it.
They eventually came to a large mud bog. It was on the other side of the creek.
Morticia smiled. It's gotten bigger, since I was last here.
Ohhhh!, went Lurch.
She stripped down to her bathing suit. When she was done, she waded across the creek to where the bog was.
The mud was tan, thick and creamy--a clay, really. She walked into it and lied down. Then she covered the mud over herself.
Ah!, she said, contentedly.
Then she spread mud over her face and even in her long raven hair.
Lurch, dear, will you tell me when a half hour has past?
Yes, ma'am.
Thanks.
Ohhhh!
She lied in the mud. Occasionally she would rub it on her arms and her legs, and even under her suit.
At one point, a hiker went by. Seeing a lady in the mud, he stopped and stared. Lurch walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
Please leave.
Y-y-yes, sir! He ran off!
Eventually, Lurch waded across the creek--with his shoes on!--and stood by her.
A half hour, ma'am.
Thank you, Lurch.
He helped her up. By now, she looked like a clay statue! Lurch waded back to the other side of the creek. Morticia walked into the water. She went to a deeper area and lied down, getting the mud off of herself. The water flowed over her, making the process quicker.
Making sure most of the mud was off of her, she got up. She waded downstream. A few yards away, there was a meadow. She walked there and sat down in the grass. By now, it was mid-morning and the sun was very bright in the sky. She stayed there for a few minutes, by which time her bathing suit was fairly dry. Then she walked back in the creek and waded back. Lurch was patiently waiting.
Wednesday will be 18 soon; I think it's time for me to introduce her to this beauty bath.
Ohhhh, yes!, said Lurch.
She put her dress and shoes back on, and the two of them walked back to the car. Then they got in and drove back to the house.
Morticia found Gomez in the library.
Tish, darling, where were you?, he asked.
I was taking my weekly beauty bath.
One of this days, you should tell me more about it.
She smiled. I'm sorry, dear, but if I told you about it, I'd have to shoot you!
Well, whatever it is, it does wonders for you.
Thank you, boobalah!
He began wildly kissing her left arm!