I rather stumbled (or re-stumbled, if that's permissible terminology) back onto the UMD a few weeks ago, having dipped in & out very occassionally over the previous 3 or 4 years, & very rudely i've not really introduced myself. So, for those who actually care about the kind of people they chat to, the kind of people putting up comments in the forums or the kind of people who keep writing pointless blogs at 5am because they can't sleep, this is me....

I'm Steve, 44, living near Reading in Berkshire. Buff is my nickname, although regrettably not because i have the body of an Adonis! I'm very quiet & shy, & thoroughly uninteresting apart from one major facet of my life. I have had renal problems since birth, one failed kidney transplant in '89 from my mum & have been on haemodialysis for over 22 years. i currently do it myself 5 times a week at home & am very heartily fed up with it, leading to depression & social anxiety. I have little energy, even less money & don't go out too much (form a queue here ladies, i'm a hellava catch!) Hence, the UMD has very quickly become an outlet for me. I get little enjoyment out of much but WAM is one of the few things from which i do derive pleasure, & so with little else to do i find i've embraced & submerged myself in it a bit more since re-arriving (another terminological disaster!)

I'm a friendly sort. My normal persona is laid-back, easy-going, genuine, witty on occassion, whimsical & a bit nerd-ish. I dislike all the usual stuff like arrogance, lying, cyclists on pavements, Simon Cowell etc but have a passion for football (specifically Tottenham), The Beatles & comedies (sit-com or film).

I've loved WAM for as long as i can remember. For me it's about the head, hair, face & nose (as documented just recently). I love beautiful hair getting wet & messy - indeed, i love beautiful hair, full stop. I'm not sure which i prefer, the 'W' or the 'M', if i had a gun to my head and had a choice of messing a girl, or washing her hair/pushing her underwater, the water MIGHT just win on a split decision. I do find washing gorgeous hair very sexy & am lucky that a couple of past girlfriends have let me do it for them. With messy, i do like models who really go for it, taking huge amounts of mess, trying to do it differently, pushing the boundaries a bit. I love to chat about WAM as it's something i've kept secret, & it's no fun having something you love with a passion that you can't share with anyone! It is a bit of a turn-on as well, along with dirty talk. I guess, being such an inoffensive person in everyday life, it's my hidden side which doesn't get to see the light of day very often....i don't have a favourite substance to use on myself, although in last weeks' session Roxy & Kacie covered me with vanilla yoghurt & chocolate at the same time which was a particularly nice combination so i'll say that. To get a woman messy then as long as it's sloppy, gloopy, creamy or runny i don't mind really - just the more the better! Girls who can take stuff directly in their faces whilst laying down are worth their weight in gold imho, a woman who can take a multitude of messy substances in huge quantities is an absolute dream. As is someone who can submerge & stay under (be it water, chocolate, gunge, custard or anything else) for as long as possible, preferably without holding her nose.

I think my dream scenario would be a woman suspended upside down above a vat of gravy or chocolate (if she's blonde) or custard (if she has dark hair), being lowered slowly into it & submerged for as long as possible (maybe thrashing about & bubbling?) Another would be pouring an industrial-sized container of honey directly into a girl's face whilst she is tied to a bed, her head sunk deep into a pillow so the honey runs down & forms a pool around her head. I would love, absolutely love, to gunge a girl with paint. I don't know if emulsion is safe to use but the thought of getting a 2-litre tub of Brilliant White & pouring it over someone is an oft-recurring fantasy. I like seeing fantasy drownings, breath-holding, not averse to bondage (tho that's better if combined with messy or underwater), & the usual sexual things (BJ gungings, underwater masturbation, that sort of thing). And mud is ok, as long as it's quite sloppy or creamy. So i have a varied range of 'likes'. Bottom line, if the hair is gorgeous & gets wet or messy, & the nose is submerged or filled, then the substance used is fairly immaterial. Not too fussed about what kind of clothes, although occassionally the mood takes me & i have a hankering for something particular for a woman to be wearing - a nurses' uniform, LBD, a football shirt....but what a woman wears is not so important. I'm quite happy with casualwear, jeans, blouse, that sort of thing, & i much prefer girls who are just naturally very pretty to glammed-up or heavily made-up. For underwater, the more natural a woman can look whilst submerged, the better.

Dunk-tanks & pies i like, but i wouldn't class as favourites. A gunge tank has to be right on the money - it's no good if the gunge or messy substance falls in such a way that it just 'domes out' & there's little facial coverage. Head-dunking gets a thumbs-up (head, hair, face & nose in one hit so i can't fail to like that). Wrestling in anything i can take or leave. Knicker- or bra-filling is good, will watch cake-sitting but it's well down the list. And clothes-ripping doesn't do anything for me at all.

There have been so many wonderful, beautiful women over the years who it's been incredible to see wet & messy, women who seem to have a real, genuine enthusiasm for it & have lots of fun whilst doing it. Unless it's a scenario which needs to be 'acted', like a fantasy drowning, i prefer a situation in which the girl or girls is/are comfortable & just really enjoying themselves, being themselves & being natural. As if anyone couldn't guess, Kacie James is my favourite. She's the first girl i've ever really talked to about WAM & she made me feel more comfortable & less embarrassed about doing so (even with some of my bizarre requests). She's so naturally pretty, has done me some damn fine customs (her wet hair, spread out & floating in a bath is just about the greatest thing ever), of course she let me visit her last week for my first private session, & she's just an absolutely lovely, fun person as well. Roxy Mendez would be a close 2nd, for most of those same reasons (i guess i 'found' Kacie first & so have chatted to her more). She was also wonderful last week at the session & has made a couple of thoroughly entertaining appearances on the customs i've had from Kacie. Jessie has done wonderful stuff for a long time now & i have plenty of her downloads, is there anyone who DOESN'T like what she does?? I have a weakness for a bit of Chloe Toy, loved Carla Brown, Kym, Naomi K., & of course Jayce, Ariel & Jilly just seem to try & take things to a whole new level! WAM goddesses, one & all, but there are so many enthusiastic, genuine women out there who seem to love doing this. To all of them - thank you.

I won't claim to be an expert on all the various sites & all the producers out there. But i know what i like & i've found plenty in the past few weeks just from nosing around the site. Too many downloads in the past fortnight tbh, no wonder my computer's getting slow! I'm never going to be WOTD as i have nothing to post by way of photos or vids but it's nice just to be somewhere where my 'secret life' can be given freer reign. I'll probably blog more than anything, a few comments here & there on forums or pics, maybe the occassional review, & always happy to chat. Although some days my depression may be more acute than others, chatting may actually be a distraction for me.

So, that's me in a nutshell. A few characteristics, a lot of WAM! Such is the quality of my life i'm pleased to have the UMD & my WAM fetish as an escape. It's nice to know that however much of a mess my life is, it's considerably less messy than the UMD!