I don't write many blogs or stories, but I had to write this one. I've been bottling up emotions for a very long time and it's time I let them out.

Back in February 2016 I met a lady on a dating site. She lived about 1000 kms / 600 miles north of where I lived at the time. We chatted online for quite a bit, and at one point the subject of sex came up, so I told her about my messy fetish interest. She confessed to me that she had a casual relationship with a guy previously who was also into messy fun, and that they had gotten messy only once during their fling, or whatever you want to call it. She confessed to me that she had had a few casual relationships but never a proper boyfriend or relationship. She admitted she had made some mistake and wanted to learn from them.

Anyway we decided to meet up. So I organised a day off work (Friday), and flew up after work late Thursday night and she picked me up from the airport and drove me to a cafe, where we had a friendly chat. We just got to know each other a bit. After she dropped me back at the hotel I had booked and she went home. We texted on the phone and she said she had to work the next day but she would come to the hotel after work and we would go out for dinner. So I spent almost all of Friday either at the hotel or took a walk down to the local shops and looked around. After work she came to the hotel as she had promised and we went and had dinner together. After dinner she decided she would come back to the hotel and stay the night with me. I promised her that I would be a complete gentleman and keep my hands to myself and there would be no hanky panky. Anyway the hotel room had a spa bath (I think UK calls it a whirlpool bath), and trying to be the gentleman I suggested we bath separately, but she said we can both get in together. So I suggested we keep our underwear on (again not trying to be the pushy guy) but she said that was silly, and then she stripped off naked in front of me. So I decided to do the same. So we both got to see each other nude. Anyway I filled up the bath with water and bubbles and we both got in.

No we didn't have sex, and for the most part we kept our hands to each other, but there was of course some cuddling and kissing in the bath, which we both enjoyed. As we occasionally swapped places in the bath, she could tell I was of course getting very much aroused, but for the most part everything was non sexual. After our lovely bubble bath we both dried off and got ready for bed. I put underwear on and she put undies on but stayed topless. We snuggled up in bed together, cuddling, some kissing, but again no sex. Like I said, I promised her I would be a gentleman, and I kept my promise.

The next day we spent the day together, and that night another big foamy bubble bath together and bed. Like the previous night no sex, but definitely cuddling and kissing in the bubble bath and in the bed. So anyway come Sunday time for me to fly back home, she dropped me at the airport and I got the train home after landing back in Sydney.

We continued to chat online (text) and agreed to meet up again. Two weeks later I flew up on a Friday night, we spent both friday and saturday nights together again, again the hotel room had a spa bath so yup once again we shared some cuddly bubble baths. But just like the previous meet up, I didn't push for sex. It was at this point I reminded her about my messy fetish, and asked if she would be interested in having some messy fun. Her reply was 'I don't know', so I didn't push the issue. I left it at that. But I knew that she knew this was something I was interested in.

Anyway this time we met up I also got to meet her family, consisting of her mum & dad, and her older sister. Her older sister thought I was a nice guy, her dad made a joke that I was in 'Cockroach country' (its a state of origin thing here in Australia) but her mother took one look at me and gave me the most filthy look ever then turned away. It wasn't until after our second meet up and after I had flown back home that she finally admitted to me what her mum had said to her behind her back.
"He's not good enough for you" is apparently what her mother told her. Now I must admit that yeah I'm not exactly drop dead handsome, in fact I'm probably either average or just below average to be honest, but I was always brought up to believe that it's what's inside that counts, you don't judge a book by its cover.

But anyway to cut an already long story short, her mother didn't agree with letting her chat with me, let alone meeting up with me. Her mother was furious when I convinced her to come down and visit me instead of me flying up there and having to book a hotel. I just told her that there would be no bubble baths this time and she laughed. So she agreed to come down for the weekend and we spent some time together, again, no sex, just cuddles and kisses, and a lot of talking.

We decided to keep in touch with video chat between our visits to each other, but she kept telling me her mother was always wanting to know if she was talking to that "guy from down south". I could tell she was getting really pestered by her mum all the time. It was at this point she said to me that she would like to be in a relationship with me (ie boyfriend/girlfriend) and she even told me that if we got together, she would be happy to get messy with me. She had been thinking about it quite a bit, and decided I was a really nice guy and that she trusted me and wanted to go ahead and have some messy fun with me, and she also said that the next time we meet up she would like to go all the way with me, that is, sex.

At this point you have to understand that I am not the type of guy who does one night stands or sleeps around. I believe in relationships and loyalty. My parents brought me up to believe that 'sex is not love, but it is a part of love. You only have sex with someone because you love them'. And for my entire life these are the morals I have believed in. In my eyes, once I have sex with someone, I am committed to that partner. No one else.

So I decided to organise another long weekend off work so I could fly up, get to the hotel, then spend a day buying some supplies and materials in which to get messy, then we could have messy fun and get as naughty as we both felt like, and commit to a relationship.

But before we got the chance, it all came to a boiling point when she called me one night (video chat) and I could tell she was pretty upset. Apparently her mum had told her to stop talking to me and stop meeting up with me because I was no good for her. If she continued to have a relationship with me, her mum would disown her. I was shocked. In fact we both were.

There were a lot of things going through my head at this time. What to do... so I keep seeing her and going against her mum's wishes, or do I just cut all ties?

The decision I made broke my heart, and I think I broke her heart as well. But I decided that her family was more important, and I told her I didn't want to come between her and her mother. If her mother didn't like me, that's ok, she is entitled to her opinion. But I didn't want to go behind her back and have her booted from her own family because of an overpowering mother. I believe the reason for this is because she had made some silly decisions earlier in life (including financial ones) and as a result she lost the family home and the family had to move into a rental. So I guess her mother no longer trusted her daughter's decision making.

So I told her that we would stay friends and if by some change of luck her mother changed her mind, then yes we will meet up and be together. Anyway it never happened. Over the next 10 years we chatted less and less, eventually not chatting at all, apart from the odd 'Happy Birthday' or 'Merry Christmas' but even they weren't every year. But from what I know, she never had a proper boyfriend or relationship, ever.

Earlier this year, I got a message. She was in hospital. Stage four melanoma. My heart sank. I didn't know what to do or say. I felt numb. I messaged her back saying that she was a very strong person and she would fight it and if there was anything I could do for her to let her know. I never heard back.

Well actually I did hear back, about a month later from her older sister to say she had passed away. But I never got invited to the funeral. I never got told where she was buried. Her family never replied to my request.

The one woman, who didn't judge me, didn't care how tall or short, or fat or thin, or big or small I was, didn't care that I told her I was very inexperienced with sex, didn't care that I told her that that part of my body doesn't exactly work properly, she didn't judge. She wanted to be with me for who I was on the inside. But we never got the chance because I didn't want to ruin her relationship with her family (or actually mother).

We could have had 9-10 years together. We could have been happy during that time. We could have gotten as messy as we wanted to, because in the end she wanted to, and I wouldn't have felt inadequate at sex, because she would have accepted me the way I was. But in the end I gave her up because I didn't want her to lose her family. But in the end her family lost her. And I lost her as well.