LADY CAROLINE GETS A NEW JOB


After the weekend house party where Caroline exacted her revenge on her editor, Brian Walcott, for the way he had tricked her into covering stories that resulted in her being totally trashed with food and other substances, relations between them improved considerably. After all, even though Brian had, in effect, abused her, Caroline couldn't deny that as a result she had discovered a whole new sub-culture of messy play that, somewhat to her surprise, she enjoyed immensely.

Taking advantage of the fact they they were on better terms, Brian asked Caroline if she would dine with him. "I'd be happy to cook us a meal," he said "and it happens that I prepare too much, well I'm sure we could think of some way to use up the excess!" Caroline grinned; "It's a great idea Brian, but it is never going to happen. As I've told you before, you aren't my type, and anyway, an office relationship is a definite no-no." "Well you can't blame me for trying," Brian replied ruefully. "I certainly had fun the other weekend." "If you really want another messy session I could give you Franklin's phone number. He clearly had a crush on you and you didn't seem totally indifferent to him!" It was Brian's turn to grin; "I wasn't aware of it before, but maybe I am a bit more bisexual that I imagined. OK let me know how to reach him." Caroline duly obliged.

Somewhat to her disappointment, Caroline wasn't sent on any messy assignments over the next few weeks. Instead she had a steady diet of events from the social calendar. So she attended, and reported, on various Art exhibitions, horse shows, and embassy receptions. She was starting to get horny just thinking about custard pies and was on the verge of giving Susie Splosh a call. (Susie runs a professional messing service, and she and Caroline have developed a rather more than 'professional' relationship with each other!)

Then one morning as she came into the office, she noticed that the magazine's proprietor, Lord Branchester, was in Brian's office. (Lord Branchester was Caroline's fathers 'chum', who had been facilitated her joining the magazine's reporting team in the first place.) Brian beckoned her over to join them. "Ah Caroline my dear," Lord Branchester said, kissing her on the cheek, "I have to confess that when I asked Brian to take you on, I had no idea what a success you would become. Your articles especially the messy ones have helped increase the circulation figures wonderfully. Now I have a new proposition for you." Caroline wondered what was coming as Brian winked at her.

"I have just taken a controlling interest in a small TV channel," Lord Branchester continued. "With more and more people seeking their entertainment on-line, we need to diversify from just magazine production if we are to keep ahead of the game. I therefore propose running a parallel video version of the magazine along side the print one. Brian will remain Editor-in-Chief with deputies producing each service. The reporting team with work across the whole output." This sounded exciting and Caroline said so; "So will I still be covering social and 'messy' stories?" she enquired with a grin. "Of course," Lord Branchester replied, "I'm not loosing my star asset! However there is a new role I would like to offer you. Initially the TV channel will only be on air for a few hours in the evening whilst we evaluate how best to develop. I would like you to be our presenter." Caroline's mouth fell open; her on television, she could never have anticipated this. "Oh, I'd love to," she responded quickly. "Thank you," Lord Branchester replied, "I thought this would be right up your street. You may have to be prepared to get a little wet and messy on screen of course!" Caroline could think of nothing nicer.

The next few weeks Caroline spent learning the ropes of television presentation and production. She learned how to operate a hand-held camera, cope with sound, and interview techniques when pictures are more important than words. It was all very interesting and Caroline proved to be a quick learner.

The first evening broadcast rapidly drew near and suddenly Caroline found herself on set, reading from an autocue, introducing the new service. "Good evening, and welcome Life-style Magazine TV," she announced with a winning smile. The producer had deliberately kept the first programme in a simple format and everything went well. All to soon Caroline was cued to give the sign off announcement. "Well I hope you enjoyed this evening's programme and will come back tomorrow for our next edition. One item to look forward to is my interview with Melanie Splatt of 'Messy Fun Films'. Until then, this is Caroline Walker signing off; good night." As Caroline finished and the closing titles started to role, Caroline was suddenly, and unexpectedly, on the receiving end of a douche of water thrown at her by a stagehand. She let out a shriek, partly of shock the water had been cold - and partly excitement. Her new red suit was soaked. "Thanks a bunch guys", she said, standing up, conscious of the water trickling down her legs and into her shoes.

"Our pleasure Caroline,'" replied the producer as she came onto the floor, "We thought it would be a good teaser for your interview with Melanie Splatt." Caroline giggled; "I'm sure you're right, I just wish you had warned me!" "That's what this show is all about; the 'unexpected'," the producer grinned back. Caroline squelched off to her dressing room to get dry.

The following evening, Caroline took extra care over her dress and makeup. She had not met Melanie Splatt before, but had viewed several of her Messy Fun films. She therefore knew that whilst Melanie's films were all quite quirky and humorous, the models she employed were always immaculately turned out. As Caroline fully expected to be on the receiving end of some mess or other, she didn't want to let the side down.

A Production Assistant brought Melanie onto set a few minutes before the interview was due to start. Caroline just had time to say "Hi" and explain that her initial questions would be focused on how Messy Fun Films were made. Later there would be an opportunity to discuss the market for such films and why they seemed to be so popular.

Melanie Splatt turned out to be an attractive brunette in her thirties about the same age as Caroline. She was wearing a pale-grey skirt suit, burgundy silk blouse with a high neck and pussy-bow, black stockings, and a very desirable pair of black Jimmy Choo shoes. (Caroline was very envious of the shoes.) For her part, Caroline was dressed in a cream sheath dress, navy-blue blazer, mid-tan tights, and cream heels. Her blonde hair was newly waved and fell gently to her shoulders.

The interview was to take place in the 'soft' area of the set, so the two women sat either end of a black leather-look sofa. On cue Caroline introduced Melanie and their conversation started. "First off Melanie, I wonder if you could explain to our viewers the sort of thing that happens on a Messy Fun film?," Caroline asked. "That's a very good question Caroline," replied Melanie; "You see we don't like to be too crude and obvious in our story lines. We like the fun and of course the mess to emerge as naturally as possible. For example, we might start with two girls having a conversation, just as we are now, when suddenly chocolate sauce starts to drip onto the head of one of them." As she said this, Caroline felt something fall onto her hair. She giggled internally; "Here we go, my trashing is starting," she thought. "That's very interesting," she responded, casually wiping chocolate sauce off her eyebrow and cleaning her fingers on the lapel of her blazer. "And would your model show she was aware of what was happening?" "Oh no," replied Melanie, "she would seem totally oblivious to what was happening to her." "Not even when more chocolate was poured?" Caroline continued. By now chocolate was hitting her head in a steady stream, running down her hair onto her shoulders, and dripping off her chin onto the front of her dress.

"Absolutely not," smiled Melanie. "She wouldn't react even if a dousing of custard was included." Know what was about to happen, Caroline turned her face up just in time to be deluged in custard, blinding her as it poured over her had, down her cleavage, and pooling in her lap before dripping down her stockings and over her shoes. "That is very interesting," Caroline said as she wiped her eyes clear of custard and crossed her legs. This second movement resulted in a large pool of chocolate and custard spilling onto the floor.

Caroline wiped her face clean of food and asked Melanie her next question. "I have viewed a few of your films," she said, "and you certainly seem to find a great many different ways of ensuring your models get totally trashed. Do have difficulty recruiting people to take part in your films?" "Oh no." Melanie replied, "in fact we have girls writing in begging to take part." "That raises another interesting point," Caroline said, "nearly all your models are women, you rarely see men. Why is that; don't men splosh?" "Yes they do," explained Melanie, " but, in terms of sales, our 'girly' films perform far better, so we have stopped making ones with male models unless the story-line requires one, of course."

"What sort of substances do you use in your films?" was Caroline's next question. "You have mentioned chocolate and custard; what else do you use?" "Well pies are always popular," Melanie replied, as a blackcurrant cream tart slammed into Caroline's face. "Pie sandwiches also always go down well," Melanie continued, and Caroline briefly lost her hearing as two more pies were slapped either side of her head. Wiping her eyes clear Caroline ruefully looked down at her dress, she was never going to get the blackcurrant stain out of the material. "Another outfit ruined," she thought gleefully.

"Then, of course, slime always raises a laugh," Melanie told Caroline, and thick green slime started pouring over Caroline's head. "Green seems to be the most used colour," Melanie explained, "but it comes in other colours as well, such as blue,red,and yellow." As she mentioned them, different buckets of slime were poured over Caroline.

Up to now, save for the odd small spot of mess, Melanie had remained unscathed. This was about to change. "Whilst thick slime always looks good on camera," she explained, "sometimes a thinner mix, poured in greater volume can produce an even better effect." As she spoke a torrent of slimy, green water poured over Caroline. Inevitably, as there was so much of it, quite a bit splattered Melanie's suit. As the torrent continued it spread wider until both girls were inundated.

Finally the downpour came to an end. Melanie pulled her sopping hair out of her eyes. "I hope you now feel a bit better informed about how we make Messy Fun films," she asked Caroline. "I certainly do," replied Caroline, desperately trying to keep a straight face. "I will never underestimate the dedication of your models! Thank you for that insight Melanie." Then, turning to camera, Caroline continued; "Well that's all we have time for tonight. I hope you enjoyed my interview with Melanie Splatt as much as I did. So, for now, good-night and remember to tune in tomorrow for another edition of 'Life-style Magazine TV'."

As the closing captions rolled, viewers were treated to the sight of Caroline and Melanie being hosed down with jets water.