This was meant to be a response to a thread about whether there needs to be a dating addition to the UMD however I bollocked on so long to the point that posting it there would completely derail the conversation there so I've posted it here for those that might benefit from my insights of how I got to the point that women seek me out for kinky adventures and to be introduced to a whole bunch of kinks. It may or may not be of use to you but if it helps at least 1 person, great it wasn't a complete waste of an evening that I should have spent writing comedy routines for instead (typical ADHD getting distracted from what you're supposed to be doing)

Tl;dr of my post: you are best off finding a partner elsewhere and introduce them to your kinks; go explore other kinks so you can satisfy a future partner that likes them; work on your inner demons and find your purpose in life. There's a lot more in the post I'm not summarising further as frankly this post is the summary, this could easily have been spun into some 86 page course and flogged online for some overinflated price so if people can't be arsed to read the rest they don't deserve any of the insights.

So I've been away from this community for quite some time as WAM now forms a much smaller part of my kinky life such that when I was last here I spent most of my time trying to talk people out of their shame-purge cycles they have with this kink mostly unsuccessfully as they tended to only post about their struggles just as they were about to leave on another purge before I left to find more effective ways of making a positive impact on this world. I am only back here for now as I am finally in the process of building the gunge tank design I posted here a couple years back following through on the promise I made then. But seeing as I'm here for now given this topic I think it would be helpful if I gave my insights into Psychology 101:


1. As a general rule women are kinkier than men.

In psychology speak, in terms of the Big 5 personality traits women score higher than men in Openness to new experiences. When that comes to kink it means that women are more likely to find that they find they are turned on by different kinks HOWEVER because society judges sexually adventurous women harshly (I will return to this point in a moment) women have a tendency to avoid exploring themselves in favour of wanting to find a partner that will introduce them to these various kinks who can essentially shoulder the responsibility in the eyes of society for introducing them to a particular kink. It is easier to justify that you discovered you enjoyed a particular kink because you tried it to please a partner you loved in the eyes of other women than to crack open an encyclopaedia of kink and work your way through it. That and given the primary way a woman finds enjoyment in a kink is through the emotional responses to it, experiencing a kink solo does not have the same emotional effect as experiencing it with someone else. Viewing kink through the lens of emotional experience you can sort of work out what other things a woman might like to try that she hasn't done before for instance if she is turned on by the fear of not knowing what is going to happen to her next when tied up and blindfolded then there is a good chance that she would also be turned on by the fear of potentially getting caught during sex in public places. You can use this principle to work out the best way to introduce WAM to an already kinky partner for instance a Primal would be best introduced to mud wrestling; a Brat to pie/food fights; an Exhibitionist to wet clothing that clings to their curves/goes transparent; a Rope Bunny to being locked in a gunge tank etc.

Men on the other hand in kink have a tendency when they find one particular kink have a habit of mainlining it like a drug addiction. They go back to the same kink that gave them the biggest hit and wank it into the ground, each time needing a higher and higher dose of hit to get the same effect though unlike drugs that will eventually kill you if you overdose on it, when you overdose on a kink you get to a point where even the most specific kink in their mind say you get to the point where you can only get off with someone mudlarking whilst wearing yellow welly boots, tights and an eye patch whilst it is snowing on a Tuesday isn't feeling as good as it was and the unresolved shame they have for the kink overtakes their pleasure for it that they then go into "purge mode" try to leave the kink behind only to return once the dopamine receptors in their brain have had a chance to recover and crave starting it again. So as a result men tend to be more likely to have a "fetish" than a woman.

To clarify that point a kink is something unusual that arouses someone erotically (and women tend to be kinkier than men) but a fetish is something someone requires to be able to get off at all (which men tend to develop more of as they keep strangling their chicken to the same thing over an over again). Men who do this though will always struggle to find even a kinky woman to have a relationship with. To put it in terms of cuisine. She wants to sample the world's cuisine to see what she likes and you're only interested in eating Tacos from the same restaurant every time. She's going to be bored with you quickly. Hence a lot of women have heard of sploshing, and would be interested in trying it with a partner but won't seek out a fetishist only interested in that one thing.

Furthermore as a result of not exploring other kinks and still harbouring shame around kink, many fetishist remain somewhat kink-negative. Whilst they have carved out some explanation why their kink is somewhat reasonable as they have experience and understanding of it usually expressed as "well it isn't as bad or as extreme as insert other kinks here." This signifies to such kinky women that they remain judgemental around kink, and therefore probably going to be judgemental about some of hers because they have never taken the time to understand what other people or potential partners might be into.



2. Most men's biggest weakness is sex.

And most men resent that fact and the women that have that power over them. I'm briefly going to dive into the darkest psychology of society. Most people like to think that today in a civilised society that the darkest or most "evil" characteristics are limited to a handful of personality disorders that a few people have that most of us do not have that psychopathy is limited to the roughly 4% of people with anti-social personality disorder or that narcissism to the roughly 5% of people with narcissistic personality disorder. But in reality these dark personality traits are spectrums that everyone sits on in which just the most extreme presentations of these personality traits are characterized by personality disorders.

In my country the UK it has only been a few hundred years since we had the most brutal penal code the world has ever seen. The Bloody Code a series of laws in 18th to 19th century Britain had so many laws that contained mandatory death sentences that make the judicial systems in the likes of Saudi Arabia and Iran look positively civilised. The reason jury nullification and directed verdicts still exist in our judicial system is that in the past juries and judges often completely disregarded and disobeyed the laws that would send someone as young as 12 years old to the gallows just for poaching a rabbit or stealing as much as 6 pence to feed their family (for context a 6 pence in 1800 Britain is the equivalent of roughly $1.50 according to historic currency converters). Back then people would be executed for things that today would either result in a caution from the police or a few hours of community service, and people in their hundreds would turn up to watch these executions and throw rocks at the condemned as a form of entertainment. As much as people would like to think we are more civilised in this day and age we are still more comfortable with seeing people being brutally killed in our media than we are with seeing two people having sex. And no aspect of media gives more of an insight into the mentality of psychopathy than horror movies. The trope that the "slutty" character is one of the first to die then followed by a bunch of people with various other vices whilst virtuous characters tend to survive with the "virgin" having the highest survival rate reflects the mentality of the most common sort of serial killers with devout religious upbringings that target sex workers as they view them as deserving of punishment for giving them impure thoughts. But it is also reflecting the collective unconscious of who society believes deserves being punished most (because if it didn't people would object more to the trope continuing). Despite being possibly the most vulnerable section of society given as I say they are often targeted by serial killers very few people give a fuck about the welfare of sex workers. The only prominent person most people will have heard of that campaigned for sex workers would be St Nicholas but they probably know him more for being the inspiration for Santa Claus than being the patron saint of prostitutes.

Whatever your position on sex work (for the record I'm cool with it, some of the most awesome people I've known have done it because they liked the work and I've also done a little porn myself) whether for or against it there should be agreement that nobody should be in a position in which they would have to turn to doing it to stave off poverty and yet people tend to be quicker to judge and condemn people for doing that than they are with wishing to address the issues of poverty that forced them to turn to that work in the first place. It is particularly hypocritical when it comes from a religious conservatives who should know better from the good Samaritan to provide help to those in need rather than judging.

Religion has a lot to answer for, for this particular demonisation of sex and women that provoke those desires. Whilst I am not a religious man myself I do not rule out the possibility of a god, goddess or pantheon of deities one thing I can say is that those that believe in both "intelligent design," AND a sex negative deity are clearly wrong. If there is a deity that created us they are clearly a kinky bastard firstly they incorporated part of our waste disposal system into our reproductive genitals, put the rest of it in close proximity to the rest of the waste disposal system and included various other bodily fluids to make sex seem 'filthy' BUT the g-spot in women that is considered elusive often only appears after the first orgasm and permits a woman to have multiple orgasms and shoving the male g-spot up the arse serves absolutely no reproductive or any other purposes at all. These are what game designers would call "end game content or rewards," for the kinky fuckers that find them. Don't like it, take it up with the 'designer'.

But anyway to get back to the point most men are slaves to their sex drives and they resent that women have that power over them. Many men are quite happy to consume tonnes of porn but won't have the respect to pay the performers that create it despite it being hard work to create. I've now trained as a stand-up comedian and it is a lot less work than what goes in in professional and even some amateur porn production and yet nobody would think it they could get away with getting into a gig without paying. Now often the people that won't pay for their porn also then portray themselves as "nice guys," but "nice guys," are usually not "good guys." Let me explain the difference.

Nice guys often be nice because they are wanting something in return. This is a form of Machiavellianism the third prong of the dark triad calculated actions in an attempt to manipulate someone into doing what you want in return. True good, charity gives without expecting something in return though I will say that doing true acts of genuine kindness actually does result for most people feeling some positive emotions for doing it what they ancient Greeks would call Agape, the sort of love from being kind and compassionate to others. Altruism doesn't only count if you suffer for it giving can be its own reward. But to return to the "nice guy," how many do you then see that get angry or bitter if they don't get what they wanted in return for their "niceness," how many are only nice to certain people and suddenly stop being nice to those they no longer think deserve their special treatment, how many incels are former "nice guys." The nice guy can be typically characterized as someone who is "conflict avoidant," rather than disagree they just "go with the flow," and not in the Taoist sense. A Taoist knows whether to sit and wait at the edge of a river and when the currents are favourable to float effortlessly towards their goals. Being conflict avoidant is NOT a good thing, when Stanley Milgrim, after the atrocities of WW2, studied how many people would just obey an authority figure to kill someone found roughly 80% of people would comply with instructions to kill someone. In a dictatorial, repressive regime the conflict avoidant nice guy becomes essentially another passive servant of the government, turning a blind eye to what they suspect is going on. The nice guy avoids the darkness and turns away from their personal demons, never addressing it such that in certain circumstances it takes over such as when their niceness is rejected or when they instead become an incel.

To become a "good guy," they must face their own personal demons. In doing so you will learn that there is no such thing as positive or negative emotions. Fear exists to make you avoid things that might impact your chances of survival; anger exists so that if something is actually in the process of impacting your survival (ie a Tiger is currently mauling you) or those you care about you can fight back and disgust exists to avoid things that might make you ill. It is not the emotions that are positive or negative but the actions we take in response to them the psychological ego defence mechanism of sublimation is the act of turning so called negative emotions into positive action. You can turn sadness into art that inspires; you can take hardship and turn it into a joke that amuses; you can take your anger and instead of punching the boss use it to motivate you to either find a new job or start a business to stop working for them; you can take fear and become comfortable with turning that state of adrenaline rush into courage by using the knowledge of what to do to change your mindset from "flight," to "fight". Indeed much of BDSM involves turning what many would consider negative emotions into positive erotic pleasure. For instance erotic humiliation is not about destroying someone's ego but exploring things that someone finds pleasurable that society has taught them to be ashamed of, to eroticise that shame and be accepted through it just as much of the experience is being there at the end to go "I have watched you throughout you becoming a sticky cummy mess as you enjoyed doing things most of society would find disgusting or reject you for but I still accept you," which can be a powerfully bonding moment for people to feel accepted for what they fear is their most unattractive qualities or desires. This is part of the reason many prostitutes report that many men spend most of their time just talking to them about stuff they wouldn't tell either their therapist or even wives because they've felt some sort of acceptance after someone not being grossed out by what they feel is their most shameful desires.

But to cut to the chase the good guy does not turn away from the darkness they enter it as they know how to turn that darkness into light. The good guy does not go along with people when what they are doing is wrong, they disagree and if necessary are prepared to fight to stop it going further.

As sex is the primary weakness of most men you will gain a lot more respect and attention from women if you have eliminated that weakness in yourself. In my dom-space mentally I am very much a pleasure dom, I like to give pleasure BUT I determine the tempo. I don't just wait until the first sign she wants it, I tease and deny until she is begging for it and then because she wasn't specific how many times she wanted to orgasm I strap her to the sex machine for some post-orgasm torture as I am a little bit of a dickhead Dom's can be bratty too! I don't want a woman to "send me her nudes," where is the fun in that! Not when for the first time you see her nude you could get her to perform a strip tease (in a fun way that expresses her personality not in a way that you judge her performance compared to a pro), or given she was happy to send you pictures have her pose for you to take some boudoir photos or have her pose so you can do a life drawing of her (not that I can draw particularly well but at least you can see if you can do a better job of it if you break out the body paint and have her roll around on the canvas for a bit). And absolutely no dick pics even if she asks for them, I have a gallery of pictures of people and characters called Dick (Dick 'n' Dom, Dick Cheney, Tricky Dicky Nixon, Dick Van Dyke, Dick Tracy etc) that I can just send, if she wants to see it she can come over, put the work in to make it hard and see the fruits of her labour for herself.

Maybe it easier for me to have that sort of mindset as I have aphantasia (the inability to form mental pictures in my head or have visual memories) as such women can't make a lasting impression on my mind with just looks because well I can't picture them in my mind when they're not around it is people's personalities and the memories of how they made me feel that I can remember and is probably why I've read more erotica in my time than watched porn) though I don't think I'm too completely weird in that respect as when it comes to sploshing sure there are lots of attractive women modelling in it but given the gunk winds up completely covering up those looks I think the women that are most successful in WAM modelling are those who are able through their expressions to convey some of their personality through it all or at the very least do an excellent job of faking it but anyway I'm digressing.



3. What do women want?

There is an old Arthurian tale the wedding of Sir Gwaine and Dame Ragnelle in which to save King Arthur's life Sir Gwaine must find the answer to the question "what do women want most?" In the story the answer is that what they want most is freedom.

Now I can already hear the clattering of keyboards of certain sections of the male audience about to say, "well feminism has given women freedom and yet they don't seem to be happy when you look at x, y or z mental health statistic," and yes whilst feminism has indeed granted women from many of the legal, religious and societal rules men have used to constrain them BUT many women are still not truly free because they are not free from the judgement of other women.

Most women have at least one, if not a dozen of outfits that they have bought that they think they would look stunning in but that they have never worn because there has never been the "right occasion," in which she could wear it without other women thinking she was over or under dressed for the occasion. Women don't dress for men (or at least most don't as they know how much other women judge those that do dress for male attention and that it isn't worth risking that ire for most men) but for the approval of other women. No straight man has ever said, "you know what would look good, if you shaved off your eyebrows and drew them back on." The men that run most of the fashion industry tend to be gay guys who are the last people on the planet that would actually want to fuck the women they're advising on how to dress.

Most women would like to spend more time socialising with their friends but the thought of inviting them over whilst her place is, "fucking state," (even if a military officer could run their white glove over everything and not find a speck of dust in the place) that they might judge her for.

The statistics around social media show that it mostly has a negative effect on women's mental health but who are they mostly following on there? Mostly other women. The constant social comparison to other women (who through posting just snapshots of the highlights in their life give the impression they are doing much happier or better than them), the gossiping (which is a double edged sword as much as those that engage in it get the dopamine hit of hearing something juicy they also develop the fear of doing anything that might make them the subject of gossip themselves) and the occasional tearing down of some woman for not conforming to some standard of some groupthink, fashion or whatever would screw with anyone's head.

One of the biggest irony when it comes to female sexuality is that many women are terrified of what their female friends might think if they knew what her darkest and wildest fantasies were even though statistically speaking those friends probably have exactly the same fantasies as her.

For example there was a time back in ancient Rome where all prostitutes were required by law to either wear a blonde wig or dye their hair blonde so that they could be identified by those looking for those services or be taxed by the authorities. Then came along Messalina the third wife of Emperor Claudius. She was so excited by the prospect of having wild vigorous sex with complete strangers she would don a blonde wig sneak out at night and have her fun. The guards quickly worked out what was going on as she would return late at night with wig askew, clothes torn etc such that gossip of what the emperor's wife was doing at night quickly circulated around the prominent women in Roman society at the time such that many of them started sneaking out at night with wigs of their own until the point it then became a fashion statement and the law for prostitutes to be blonde had to be abandoned by the Roman authorities.

So what of when women say they "don't need a man," well technically no they don't need one. If you look at most schools of philosophy from stoicism to epicureanism; from Taoism to Buddhism etc you learn that you can learn to be content with very little. Men and women can learn to be content without any form of romantic relationship. But for true freedom I think many women have a need to find a partner with either a man or a woman with whom they can be part of a reality where it is "us vs the rest of the world," to be able to gain such true freedom. Whilst it is indeed a worthy and virtuous goal to strive to be independent in many cases in which people are shouting the loudest about their independence it is often a case of "the lady doth protest too much," in that they still dream of the love story they have always wanted but having previously made themselves emotionally vulnerable to someone that then went on to broke their heart and thus are putting up a protective front. For when it comes to independence it is like the quote, 'Any man who must say "I am the king," is no true king,' for anyone who is truly independent they don't care whether you know it or not.

Though despite all that she still holds out hope and hold onto that hope for quite sometime for many women keep hold of an earring or two where the other earring in the pair was lost years ago but she keeps in the hope she might find the other one down a sofa or behind a bed at some point however unlikely that will be and it is often the disappointment of men not living up to those hopes that reinforces the defences and turns hurt into bitterness.

The toughest of shells often hide the softest of centres. I once had a friend who was one of London's top Dominatrixes who had some of the most powerful men in finance and government paying to cower at her feet or beg for her strap-on but when I got out an electro shock roulette game was squealing like a little girl again who in the end couldn't bring herself to keep a hand on the game long enough for it to possibly shock her. And no this is not a story of "out-domming" someone such a mentality of being able to "out-dom" someone also probably falls back into the "no true king" point as knowledge is power and no one can take that away from you. Power exchange in BDSM is a form of roleplay as a submissive can and is free to at any point to stop a dynamic and walk away. And frankly as a switch myself I'm much more interest in my playful approach to kink, including in my domination style than getting into dick-measuring contests of who's more dommly.

But when it comes to female sexuality what do they want? Well not every woman is the same but many want some, or even all of the following regardless of how contradictory some might seem. Some want the divine pleasures, emotional connection and affirmation that comes with tantric sex; some want the deviance of being a completely slutty for you to be used, abused and humiliated for your pleasure; some want to be seen as the innocent beauty to be deflowered; some want to be the wild woman to grab you by the hair and ride your face with complete abandon; some want you to be so overwhelmed by your desire for her that you'll ravage her and some get off on the power of knowing that a man wants her so much that she has him by the balls to be able to do anything she wants to him even though he can't have her. The list goes on as it is by no means exhaustive but what confuses most men is that women are more likely to want if not all of the above then at least enough things that seem paradoxical. Perhaps it is someone with the heart of an angel but the depraved mind of a demon. Or maybe the sophistication of a gentlemen but the passion of a wild animal.


4. Finding and getting what you want

A lot of men get upset and angry at women for not just simply telling them what they want or for not finding success with doing what women advise them with. Here is an important secret of humanity that applies to most people the vast majority of people men and women don't have a fucking clue what they actually want. People are essentially doing what I call "chasing diamonds," when it comes to gemstones diamonds are one of the most boring there are they are ridiculously common on Earth (if they were remotely rare we would be sending robots to Uranus and Neptune to harvest them as it rains diamonds on those planets just so we had then for diamond tipped blades to cut stuff in industrial purposes) and relatively plain amongst gemstones but as everyone has been convinced everyone else wants it they all want to get the best diamonds they can they want the 9s and 10s on the diamond scale. So tonnes of men want to chase after the ultra-attractive model who it then turns out her entire life and personality revolves around what would look best for Instagram or whatever and tonnes of women chase the handsome, rich guy who then turns out to work 80 hours a week so they never spend any time with them, turns out to be a bit of an arsehole and given most millionaires go bankrupt 4 times in their lives (sure they know how to pick themselves back up I refer back to the 'knowledge is power,' comment) going through periods of cost cutting due to their accrued debts is less fun when doing it with an asshole workaholic. Sure you can take half his money in a divorce but who is going to want to date you after a high profile divorce in which every other guy will assume you'll do the same to them. Isn't the moral of most stories involving Genies to be careful what you wish for as you may not want what you think you do? As further evidence that most people not knowing what they want I return to the point about quite a number of philosophies demonstrating you can be content with very little.

The reason most men do not know what they actually want goes back to the "nice guy" who has not faced his demons. One of the demons you will face as a man is the self-loathing that comes from the part of you that knows that by avoiding the conflict of saying that you would like to do something different to what others want means that you never stand up for yourself and so do not have any self-respect for yourself and so have stopped listening to what your emotions tell you that you want. Until you face your demons, you will not workout what it is you want, what your mission in life should be and how you want to live your life. When you figure those out, you will attract women that want those things as well and your relationships will be more harmonious as you are both living a life true to what you both want rather than arguing and getting upset at each other for you both not being what you actually want. And as I say, your sploshing kink will be an asset of something fun you can share with her and hopefully you will have had the open mind and foresight to have explored the kinks that your future partner also enjoys.

I am not rich, I am not handsome, I could certainly do with losing a bit more weight (which I'm working on) and I am not well endowed downstairs. I just know how to create adventures that get into their heads and their fantasies.

I do not attempt to be try position myself on the "diamond scale" of what everyone is chasing. I am instead ammolite something most people have never heard of as it has only ever been discovered in one mine somewhere up in the Canadian wilderness somewhere but it is something that certain people will sudden know that is what they want when they see it. Not everyone does (some will still want their diamond, others might want something else different that some else has to offer - an opal for example) but I'm not interested in trying to pursue those who aren't enthusiastic about spending time with me. I did not position myself as being some sort of in demand kink archetype within the BDSM community and given the shortage of dom types that would have been easier. There was no name for the way I wanted to approach kink such that I had to coin the term of "games master" myself but I have had women willing to spend as much as 5 hours on public transport just for a coffee date (I didn't let them go that whole distance whilst I am good at creating adventures, frankly you'd have to be the messiah at a coffee date to be worth spending 5 hours on public transport here). I am not a pick up artist frankly it wouldn't do me any good for me to try to be as the qualities I look for, shared sense of humour, kink compatibility, compatibility of life goals etc is not something one can determine instantly enough to be able to work out whether to use the skills to build instant attraction. Because it takes time for me to work out whether I'm interested in someone I take a leaf out of the storyteller's book a good storyteller knows how to be able to craft a story that leads many of their readers to fall in love with characters that don't even exist in real life but it isn't instant attraction, people don't just fall in love with those characters by the end of the first chapter. My approach is more in line with the rest of the BDSM/kink community in which I make my all my kinks clear upfront (my kinks are assets, not liabilities they are areas of expertise in the various cuisines of kinks that I can help a woman who is interested explore) and let people come to me. Truth and honesty upfront will get you further than you will expect amongst the Greek Gods the most attractive god was considered to be Apollo and he could not lie. I can hear the men scoffing "well what do you tell a woman when she asks if her bum looks big in her dress?" The answer is, "yes, it's why I'm with you now come here so I can spank it."

But I'm not here to promote myself, whilst I will always have a soft spot for the sploshing community as part of my journey to getting where I am today was greatly helped by Bill Shipton (RIP) and his approach to the Splosh magazine in which he promoted the idea that kink and sex can be shameless and silly too. To me he will always be the patron saint of Sploshing and it is a shame he is no longer with us as I believe he would have been able to help a lot more people that struggle to accept this kink today. However this website is primarily a venue for the marketing of WAM material and whilst I do intend to create some WAM content with the gunge tank I'm building (I'm building a lot more kinkier stuff than that but anyway) it is going to be a much smaller part of what I'm going to be doing as I intend to create something like a cross between a YouTube challenge channel and a kinkier version of LostBets .com encompassing many more kinks than just sploshing. And I'm in the process of taking a name I used for most of my online postings & my gaming handle to become both my future "stage name," and the name I'll be using in the kink sphere to have a consistent name through out so I'll eventually stop using this name/account. As this website is a primarily content marketplace website there isn't really much here for me anymore, I'm unlikely to find a future partner through here you wouldn't expect to find a partner through a porn tubing site and I don't think people would find any success if some form of dating thing was implemented here as the mindset of a man that thinks the only way to find a woman into sploshing is one that is already interested in it will be so desperate to chase the few women here that they would scare them off AND frankly if you don't believe you are capable of being able to introduce a kink to an already kinky woman it is unlikely you're going to impress her much anyway.


And so to return to my tl;dr go explore other kinks for the benefit of your future partner, sort out your inner demons and find your purpose in life. Do that and you won't need to have to find someone already into the kink. A dating aspect to this site would not work. Sure it took me a lot of words to say that but hopefully it benefits at least one person.

Live long and prosper.