I have wanted to write this for some time, but I always deleted it before I could publish, but this is it.

The last 5 year of my life have been pretty hellish. I was suffering from severe anxiety that almost cost me my job. I would have sleepless nights, I would be tired at work, and I never felt like I could fit in, no matter where I went.

Two years ago, my best friend, my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I watched her battle the illness with bravery I have never, ever seen in anyone, ever. I also watched her become a shadow of her former self. When she passed away in November, it changed my life.

I came off all social media. I changed my number so only a hand full of people could contact me and I even deleted my UMD account. An account where I spent many hours and lots of money buying movies and reviewing.

So, how did WAM, a fetish help me keep sane? How did this site make me feel like thing will get better.

I deleted my account because I diddnt think I belonged here. I wasn't a producer, I diddnt post messy pictures and I wasn't a model. I bought movies and reviewed them. Thats it. I wasn't important. My attitude was "It was fun while it lasted" and I moved on.

I kept my Twitter account. I had gained a following and I couldn't bare to completely remove myself from the scene. A week later, I thought "I might as well delete it"...

I logged onto Twitter with some messages from people. Producers, models and Wammers like me. All asking me if I am ok. Telling me if I need anything, just to simply ask. I was so touched that people had noticed I had gone. People cared enough about me to spend a little moment of their day to see if I am doing ok. I was so shocked people noticed I had gone.

My life has been full of uncertainty, hospitals and death. This site, is a gate of escapism for me. Its a place where people have food fights, dive into mud, get messy and just be free. It is a completely different life on here to the life I live. I am surrounded by people on here with a mutual interest. In a way, we are all one big family. WAM is escapism for me, Its fun, crazy, freeing and feels absolutely amazing. Knowing I have a place, somewhere in this world, where I can be myself, and knowing people do care, is nothing short of life saving.

This site and this fetish and its people have made me realise I am not alone.

I think what I am trying to say is, you are never, ever alone. It may feel like it, and even if you are alone, you wont always be. People do care, people do listen. This site taught me that.

Also, do what you love. If its sports, arts, listening to music, going for a walk or posting on a fetish site, if it makes you happy, do it. Life is far too short not to.

This post probably makes no sense, and its not really relevant to anything or anyone here, other than me, but for me, its a closing chapter. I will be having an interview soon for a new job at where I work, that will be the true next chapter.

Thank you for whoever read this.