(An imaginary, but sadly all-too-plasuible, text conversation)

"Are you real?", he asked

"No, I'm not real. I'm usually surreal, kind of like a cross between a Miro, and a Dali melty-clock."

"A what?"

"Especially after 4pm and I'm into my first scotch."

"I don't know what any of that means. I mean are you a girl?"

"Not since I was 17 and 99/100ths years old."

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from the planet Ymyrooroo, in the constellation Fishtail."

"What?"

"I know, I know, 'Ymyrooroo sounds Australian, but trust me, it is waaaay out there. In space. Where no one can hear ice cream."

"I think your a catfish!"

"No, that's Floyd, from the planet Bibulous-IX in the constellation Pondofrogs"

"What"

"That's Bibulous-9, not Bibulous-Icks. The don't like it when you mention ick. Also, Roman numerals. Catch them when they are standing still and not roman all over."

"Your not making any sense. Do you like gunge?"

"You're"

"What?"

" 'You're not making any sense', not 'your'."

"Look who's talking So do you like buckets of gunge?"

"Well, lemme see, lemme look at my profile, shall we? Turning to page nine in our text, we see:.. naked and pied and that's what I'm into."

"So I can pie you and gunge you?"

"Before dinner and Netflix? Absolutely not."

"So you come over for dinner and I gunge you with buckets and buckets of gunge."

"OK, pal, slow down. First of all, punctuate. Second of all, I'm not really coming over, that was a slippery wise-ass comment on my part. Thirdly, and again, my profile, I'm not into gunge, sorry."

"But maybe you will like it."

"No."

"But how do you know if you haven't tried?"

"No, thank you."

"But after so many buckets you will look and feel sexy."

"No. THANK you."

"If you haven't tried then how do you know?"

"Would the doctor care for a brandy before retiring?
No, thank you.
Some varm milk perhaps?
No. Thank you very much. No thanks.
Ovaltine?
NOTHING! Thank you!"

"What was that?"

"Young Frankenstein"

"I don't know what that is I will gunge you in buckets and buckets of gunge. Which one would you like first?"

"The one with the big BLOCK button on it"

"What?"

((CONNECTION TERMINATED BY USER))