Here's a blog about an early attempt at a tit-for-tat pie fight using cool whip pies that didnt quiiite go as planned!

My long-distance girlfriend, a tall Texan with Tori Amos-red-hair, a skinnyskinny body and a pair of bazongas like the tips of two racing zeppelins neck and neck at the finish line, finally came to visit me on the West Coast.

(We made a funny looking pair. She's tall, built like a stick with two all natural boobs to die for, and me who's short and shaped like an cartoon hourglass on cartoon steroids. )

I pulled out all of the stops, and booked a fabulous hotel room with a huge bathtub; a big, roomy square one with jacuzzi jets.

Oh, I booked dinners out, comedy clubs, a couples massage (we provided our own happy endings in the parking lost afterwards).. and of course: a pie fight!

She knew about my fetish for being naked and pied in the face over and over (with a lover), and was very keen to try it. She, like me, was a nudie at heart, walking around our respective apartments naked, and during her visit would take off her clothes as soon as we got back to the hotel room.

And we shared a penchant for absolute goofiness. I'm serious at work, but a total nut in private. She was a total nut all of the time. So a pie in the face was something she really, really wanted to try.

Fast forward:

After spending a day driving around to purchase every tub of cool whip I could find (and a stack of pie crusts) , we pulled them out to thaw for 4 or 5 hours.

The anticipation was killing us, so as soon as the cool whip was "throwable", we lost our laundry, made as many pies as possible in crust and then on styrofoam picnic plates, and climbed into the big square tub, grinning like idiots!

We bantered, we role-played, and she was so eager to be pied, she went through every trigger-phrase in the books. FINALLY, I pied her and, It Was. ON.

After about 3 pie in the face each, and cool whip smearing and splattering all over our nekkid bods, we started to shiver.

Yes, friends, although the cool whip was pie-ready, it was fucking COLD.

We kept going, using body heat to warm up (and melt the cool whip, which was very melty in those days), and finally were so cold and shivering (her lips were starting to turn blueish), we gave up and turned on the hot water.

(And yes, I know, some of your best friends are blueish. Heard it.)

Anyway, what started as a fantastic naked tit for tat pie fight ended in two naked shivering silly babes laughing their asses off unable to get warm for the rest of the night!!

Still some of the most fun I've ever had, but cut short by impatience!!

Wam mishap #2481. In the books.