(Note: This story is co-ed, and features a lot of descriptions about the male side of the story.)

First, she wants me to describe us. She's short, curvy, very busty with a narrow waist and a great ass, not lean (with the "extra fifteen" that she says makes her irresistible, and I agree), in her low-40s, professional, and has a really deep, secret fetish that she's had since she was a kid. I'm mid-height, 40s, in shape, well-groomed, with enough of a V-shape without being a gym-rat (3x a week and no more!) to get mild attention in bars and the appreciative glance of anyone I've ever dated when I step out of the shower. And, I have the same fetish.

We spent most of the day in her kitchen making pies. With a kitchenaid mixer and boxes and boxes of whipped topping, marshmallow, white frosting, pie-crusts, bananas, butterscotch, caramel, and vanilla pastry-cream, we made over 60 large, deep pies.

It drove us crazy, all day. The urge to just pick up a pie and start something was intense, and built the sexual tension to record-breaking levels of hot.

We finally finished the pies, which were on her big dining room table next to the open kitchen, as well as on counters and anywhere else they'd fit. We put down the painters tarp on the floor, and went our separate ways to get ready for our date.

Which was, a fantasy scene we'd improvise, with just us and over 60 of the creamiest, silkiest, gooiest, enormous and ridiculous pies we could create.



A short time later, we were back in her open kitchen-slash-dining room. I was in slacks and a nice button shirt, tails-out. Boxers, if you must know. She was made up beautifully, her shoulder-length hair framing her face, and her killer body in a little black dress. A black bandage dress, which given her hourglass figure was stretched tight.

"You look amazing! New dress?", I said.

"Same to you! You like it? I've had it for a while. It's too short, too tight, and too low, which means you'd love it!", she grinned.

"Yeah, it looks great! How'd you get into it?" I asked.

"I had to go totally commando. Not wearing anything else but this, so if the zipper pops, or you get any ideas, I'm naked for the night. I'm sure you'd like that!", she said. She talked like this to wind me up, and it always worked. One of her favorite things was to get me as turned on as possible. Of course, the same was true of me and getting her all wound-up as well.

"Of course, I'd love it. But you never know, maybe the zipper holds!"

"I doubt it! But that's OK, I'm sure you'll know what to do with me when I end up naked."

"What do you mean 'if'?"

"Mmm! Music to my ears! Ok, so what's the story tonight?"

That was my clue to start improvising.

"Well, you see all of these pies?", I asked.

"Yessss..", she said, instead of "Well, duh..."

"Well, why are they here?"

She shrugged, "I don't know! I just showed up tonight, in a hot little dress, and here they are! Why do you think they're here?"

"No clue. But they remind me of something. They remind me of..."

"Yes?" she asked,

"A pie in the face."

She grinned, "Oh my god, don't you dare! But yes, yes they do remind me of a pie in the face. God, I love the old movies where someone got a pie. I always wanted to be in one."

"To get a pie in the face?", I asked.

"No! To throw a pie! I love throwing pies. Just saying, so watch your step, handsome!"

"You know what they say. If you like to throw a pie, you like to get one too!", I said.

"No, ohhh, no. Not me. Never. And don't get any ideas either. If anyone does any pie throwing around here, it's me!"

I laughed. "Well, I think we're safe."

"Oh? Why's that?", she asked.

"Because house rules."

"House rules? Which are?"

"Oh, didn't you know? Only naked people get a pie in the face."

"Only naked people get pied? Trust me it won't only be in the face!", she laughed.

I confirmed, "Only naked people get pied. Yep! Rules."

She said, "Oh, so if I was naked, I'd get a pie in the face? Me? A pie? In the face?"

I nodded.

"But only if I was totally naked? Tits out, bare-butt naked? All nude revue?", she asked.

"Yep! Oh hell yes. And I would really, really enjoy that!"

"Oh! That'd turn you on, wouldn't it? Tsk!"

"Hell yes!"

"Uh huh. Perv! Ok, so naked people means naked men too, so, if you were naked, splat! pie in the face?"

I said, "Yes, I'm afraid so."

"Ok, now that I like! Pie in the cock too? What if you had a hard on, which you probably would? Or chest? Pie chest as well? I could see doing that. And there's no one else here, so I'd have to throw the pies at you? Is that right?"

"Yep, now that I think about it!"

She laughed, "Oh, I LIKE this! Take off your clothes! You didn't think this through, did you?"

I shook my head, "Hey now! I'll come over there and unzip you if you're not careful!"

"Oh, and then you'd get me with a pie in the face, would you?", she asked.

"I would!"

"Just one?"

"Several! I'd need to make sure you felt good and pie-covered!"

"You're too kind!", she said. "But no, if anyone's getting a pie in the face, it's you. Naked. I'll do it! And I will so enjoy it! Slamming a pie in your face would turn me right on. Not like I need help there at the moment!"

"Ha! Now who's the perv?"

She shrugged, "What can I say? I'm a huge perv. I can't believe I haven't torn your clothes off already!"

"Because then I take yours off, and you're going commando, and so it'd ne seconds to being naked,and then you get a pie in the face, because naked means pied!"

She walked over and started to unbutton my shirt. "No. You will not pie me naked. I'll be naked, you can't pie me!"

I reached behind and started to unzip her dress, and she turned away from me momentarily so I lost my grip. Then she got my shirt off.

She ran her hands up and down my chest, and shoulders and arms. It felt great, and she seemed to think the same. "Mmmm. God you're sexy." Her hands went to my waistband, and she unbuttoned my pants.

She slid her hands in and around to my ass, and squeezed. "Such a great ass, too!", and then she reached around and gently grabbed my steadily-growing cock. "Ohh... ooh. Am I doing this to you?"

"Yes, yes you are.", my hands were feeling her arms, shoulders, and then her chest over the tight dress.

She gasped, "Oh, yeah. That's nice too."

She then slid her hands to my hips and was about to slide down, but with my boxers in tow. "Hey", I said, "Wait, you have my boxers there.."

"Yeah, so?"

"So if you pull, then the boxers go, and I'm standing here naked, with nothing but a hard cock and a smile?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Wait wait wait... you seriously want me naked around all of these huge pies?"

She nodded, "Uh huh.. silly boy, I've wanted you completely naked all day. And what was that about a hard, hard cock? Big?"

She reached in again and felt me, and caressed me until I was where she wanted me.

She then slid my pants and boxers down, leaving me completely naked.

"Mmm!", she said, and as she stood up again took a long, slow lick of the underside of my now-very-erect cock, and kissed the top. I gasped.

I turned her around, and unzipped her zipper. She turned back around and gently pushed my chest, making me take two steps backwards. Shen then peeled the dress off of her and stood in front of me, absolutely naked.

I may have made a quiet, croaking sound. "Oh. My. Wow. Yes."

"I'm very turned on right now", she said.

I picked up a pie. "You know, naked means pie in the face."

"Nuh-uh", she shook her head. "You wouldn't dare. I'm naked, you can't throw a pie at me!"

I said, "Take one more step, and it's a pie in the face for you!"

Grinning, she took a step toward me. "OK..", she said.

I smiled, "I'm serious. One more step.. and you are PIED! Massively!"

Still smiling, she took another step toward me, "You mean with that great big cream pie you're holding in your hand? Nooo.. you wouldn't. I'm naked! You can't give me a pie in the face when I'm not wearing anything!"

I looked at her with a gleeful, evil look, "I'm serious. I am an awesome pie-thrower, and I love getting you with pies, and one more step, and that's it, you are getting a great big pie in the face!"

"I am? Just one more step and I get a pie in the face with that big, creamy, silky, smooth banana cream pie you're holding? With so much whip-cream that I'd just disappear under so much pie?"

I nodded.

"Me? A pie in the face? Me? Me!? A great, big, pie in the face? But I'm naked! Sooo naked! You can stare at my tits all day! And I'm soooo hot right now. You'd really pie me if I took just one. more. step?"

"Hell, yes, oh, yes I would."

"I seeee", she said. "Well, Okaaaay...", she said, smiling, and took one slow, deliberate step and stopped, arms at her side, looking at me, smiling.

"I took one step. Oops!"

I tossed the pie and it landed with a thick, heavy sound. Cream and pie flew all over her hair, neck, shoulders, and absolutely covered her face. I smashed it in and then smeared it up and over her head, totally creaming her hair in the process.

She stood there, mouth open, gasping. "Mw-guh!", she said. Then, licking pie from her teeth and lips, she said, "OH my god! Naked and pied! Oh you got me good! One of my favorite things in the world." She let the pie slide off of her, and finally opened her eyes, peeking out from a face white with cream.

She picked up a pie, but so did I, and as she turned to me, she saw the pie coming for her face. She closed her eyes but didn't flinch, and I gave her a second deep, thick, pie in the face and smashed it from ear to ear. Gooey pie fell out of the tin and onto her breasts and arms, and a lot of it landed on the floor at our feet.

"Mmmmwhooaaaaa!", she said, wobbling a little. Holding her own pie with both hands, she said, "God, that was hot, you got me unexpectedly!"

"You look incredibly hot wearing nothing but layers of pies!", I said.

She could see out of one eye, just peeking out of a face thickly coated with whipped cream. "That turned you on, didn't it? Getting me with those pies."

"Yes, oh yes it did!"

"You mean you enjoy hitting me with pies? You love it, don't you?"

"Very much! Mmmm, hmm!"

"That makes me want to be your pie target, your pie toy. Pie me, wreck me totally! Oh, did I say that?"

"You did, you did!", I said.

She looked at me, her face and hair a wreck of whipped cream and pie filling. I didn't know what to expect next. She licked her lips and said, "I need your cock in my mouth. Hold this.", and she handed me the banana cream pie.

She dragged her hands down my chest, then my abs, and taking a handful of pie from the top of her head, covered my cock in it. I gasped, because it felt incredible. She then started to use her tongue and mouth on me. Playfully, enjoying how I felt in her mouth, and in doing things to make me gasp and moan.

In between one of the moments of making me insane, she said "Naughty girls who give blowjobs always get a pie in the face."

"I agree..", I barely croaked out.

She stood up and looked at me. "I'm such a naughty girl, but I can't resist your hard, hot cock. Does that mean I get a pie in the face?"

I threw the pie at her, slamming it so her head moved back a little bit, and the pie exploded all over her and half of the room behind her. It covered her face very nicely. She took it, and enjoyed it for a moment, and when most of the pie that had stuck to her had dripped off of her and all over her chest, she wiped her eyes, and stepped close to me and pressed her tits into my chest, and we kissed.

We kissed for a long time, and we were close to just dropping to the floor and fucking each other silly when she stopped, and with seriousness asked me, "Do you like banana cream pie?"

"Yes, why?"

"Would you like some?", she asked

"I just had some!",

"Would you like more?"

"Yes, please. I'd love more."

"A lot more?"

"Yep, definitely a lot more."

She turned and picked up a pie.

"Can you do a favor?" she asked, "Please?"

"Of course! Anything".

"Anything?"

"Anything!", I confirmed.

"Anything! Ok, good. Can you tell me whether this is banana cream?"

I looked at the pie, "I think so."

"You think so? Can you make sure?"

"Yeah, I can make sure, I'd be happy to.", I said.

"Oh thank you! Here, tell me if this is banana cream pie.", and she slammed the pie into my face, and smashed it all over from ear to ear. She was an expert pie-thrower herself!

"Oh, darn! I was wrong, I think that was caramel and whipped cream pie! Here, tell me if this one is banana cream pie!", and she smashed that pie into my face, totally covering my head in pie.

"Mmmmmuungh!", I groaned, loving the feeling of all of that silky, gooey pie on my body. She took handfuls of it and smeared it all over my chest, and my cock, up and down, a few times.

She laughed, deeply, "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't know which was which! But, um, thanks for checking! Now you look delicious! And hot! And ridiculous!", she laughed, and I wiped my eyes so I could see her. She was pretty well covered with pie from her head and hair to her waist, but not nearly enough!

I picked up two pies. She put her hands on her hips and looked at me skeptically, "Oh, and now I suppose you want revenge, do you?"

I said, "Who me? Revenge? More like... extremely erotic entertainment at your expense!"

She said, "What do you mean, 'my expense'?"

I replied, "I mean this", and I quickly smashed the two pies into the sides of her face in a pie-sandwich, and smeared them around all over her head and down her chest. She leaned over a little and blew a bit of cream out of her nose, and as she was pulling crust and pie away from her eyes, laughed and said, "Oh fuck!"

I took another two pies, and slammed on onto the top and back of her head, since she was slightly leaning over, and the other up and into her face. I rubbed them around and around, sending pie to cascade all over and down her body (and some on mine). This time she lifted her head back a bit, and blew some pie pout of her mouth before licking her lips again. We were standing next to the table, so I was able to pick up another two pies.

As I was about to pie her again, she reached to grab my cock with her left hand, while she steadied herself with her other hand against the table. "I need to hold onto something!", she said, grinning, and I gave her yet another pie in the face, slamming it into her face and sending pie all over, including in a stripe along my own face and chest.

She reached up to her face, took a handful of pie, and returned it to my cock and started to stroke up and down, and teasing the top of it. "I still need to hold on, and I like what I'm holding on to!"

I was gasping. "Stop!", I said, "Oh god, stop or I'll pie you again."

"Ok, if you say you must...", she sighed, and I smashed a pie in her face, once again. She moaned this time and increased the velocity of her hand on me.

"Oh god", I said, "Please.. you're going to make me explode.." which of course did nothing to get her to stop. Quite the opposite.

I reached over and took another two pies, and planted one on top of her head in the classic "pie hat".

"Oh!!", she exclaimed. Her entire head was now white with cream, with some color added by the pie filling. Her hair was matted flat with the pies (as was mine by now), and at our feet was a good sized pile of pie that had fallen off of us.

"I'm loving this!", she said, breathily, "More pies! Pie me! Fucking pie me, pie the fuck out of me!"

I still had a pie in my hand, so I smashed it into her face. "MMMfg! Mwah!", she said, blowing cream out of her nose and spitting out a bunch of pie. I took another pie and before she could recover much, I smashed it into her face and down her chest, again. She lifted her pie-covered face, unable to see. "Yes!", she said.

I said, "You look hot! Amazingly, amazingly hot."

She wiped her eyes, and took a pie from the table. I took one as well. Wordlessly, she slammed the pie into my face. I was able to open one eye, and I slammed the pie into hers. She made a squeaking sound, and then threw her body into mine, pressing her pie-coated tits into my chest and her hips against mine. We slid against each other, and unable to see she said, "Fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, right now, in the pies!"

I dragged her to the floor, and we rolled around in the inches-deep goo of the pies, and this dear friends is where we fade to black (to the sound of a lot of moaning, groaning, and eventually screaming).