This is something I've been thinking about based on the "Is Mess Necessary for you" post in the messy forums. I didn't want to post too much about my personal experience on the forum because it would go off the rail of just dealing with mess and have more to do with sex, fetish, and satisfaction.

I think its safe to say that a lot of people here get some sort of sexual gratification from WAM, not everyone, but many. I too fall into this category. I can't really describe why or when it happened, I just sort of was always enamored with it. As I got older and awakened sexually I realized it wasn't something I needed to get off, but was a massive enhancer.

This is not a fantasy or story post, so if you're looking for that, you will want to go elsewhere. Here I'm looking for people's experiences, opinions, and advice.

I'm a 34 year old man who's been happily married for 11 years, and with my partner for a total of 18. We were highschool sweethearts and madly in love. We both come from a conservative Christian backgrounds where we were guilted out of sex as it was only for married couples and not told much about how it works. My wife far far more than me. I was Catholic where it wasn't much of a big deal, but their parents were basically the Flanders from the Simpsons.

Long story short, we fooled around like mad as we got to college age, but never did the ultimate "sin" of P in V "traditional" intercourse until we were married. As you can start see here based off this, I'm not a player. I've only been with one person. Needless to say my first hand experience is therefore limited to one partner.

As we've been married for over a decade, we've tried a bit of everything, but neither of us seemed to have the interests of the other. I knew was sex meant to me and what I needed, but my wife did not. Recently my partner has discovered that they are not really female gendered but more non-binary. I'm not going to go into the details of what that entails (google is your friend) but suddenly things started to click for me about why we weren't having the mind blowing fire works that many of our friends were experiencing.

Turns out they really don't like penetration, like it bothers them, and that's something I need. They too have needs that I can't really provide sexually. But we've been together more than half our lives and are still madly in love with each other. I'm still sexually attracted to my partner even, but things came to a sudden realization that we can't really seem to satisfy each other. So what do we do?

Naturally we went to counseling but haven't really found our answer. We thought we should open our marriage and each allow the other to seek the piece they are missing. The counselor thought this would be a bad idea and said that maybe we should split. We're not willing to do that. I've invested half my life in this person, we have become so intertwined I can't imagine being without them. Cut myself off and start over? I don't think I can do that. Also, what woman would be interested in having a relationship with a guy in their mid 30s with horribly failing health?

So here we are, two birds of a feather that love each other with all our hearts and want fulfillment for each other, but are sexually frustrated and repressed. What do we do?