At the risk of sounding like a confessional, it has been 3 years since I last covered myself in food. Moving house, changing job, lots of real life things got in my way and I started to forget about all things WAM

Until one day, browsing a generic adult web site, as all good girls do, I came across an image of someone head to toe in gloop and clearly loving it. I wonder if my old UMD account is still active? You know it is, thank the gods of leisurely data deletion, or kinky UMD admins, whichever works best for you

The problem is that all you lovely folks keep posting and sharing and chatting about all the lovely messes a nice lady about town might inadvertently find herself upto her neck in. And I wanted to join in again. In my youth I spent a lot of time in mess, water, mud and (banned on UMD!). I resolved to see if I still enjoyed it, still got that thrill, and frankly if my older, fatter body didn't look out of place on these hallowed pages.

Today was the day I found out

I'd been to the supermarket and bought a whole bunch of tins and cakes and yoghurt. I remembered my old self-imposed rule and made sure to grab a tin of something I'd never tried before. This morning I set to work rearranging the spare room and taping plastic up - I remember the drill: always choose thicker plastic sheets and always a double layer on the bottom (learnt the hard way a long time ago!)

My plan, was something developed chatting on here - you know who you are! A welcome back meal for myself, which evolved into a welcome back breakfast, lunch and dinner. Ooops.

So I started with breakfast, which I always take on a plastic covered chair wearing a lacy white body *cough*. I'd made myself eggs - a couple of fried eggs and a good portion of scrambled, with some coffee. Can you guess where the fried eggs went? Yup, one to each boob and suddenly I'm back. The scrambled egg went next, spooned lovingly into my cleavage (it also tasted nice - mental note to make it ore often!) and finally the coffee, which was a bit dissapointing and didn't stain as much as I hoped

Standing up, a fried egg on each boob, scrambed egg heading southwards in a MOST interesting fashion, it was time to put my dress on over the top of my body. A short, white dress, for the, erm, practicality

Lunch was soup, a couple of cans of nice vegetable soup which looked really quite lovely against my white dress. I follwed that up with a generous tub of fresh yoghurt which slid ever so nicely down my dress over my boob

Its important to dress for dinner so I pulled on a pair of white lace knickers, something that would hold a lot more than my body's thong back. Spaghetti pieces in tomato sauce was my chosen knicker filler and I'm pleased to say my knickers held a full 3 cans

Stepping out of my dress again, I opened a tin of my never-before-tried macaroni cheese (seriously, the version I make is much nicer) which seemed ideal for the open back of my body. It took a bit of persuading out of the can but it felt absolutely divine sliding down my back in search of my bum

For dessert, I started with a jam tart, which frankly should be my job description, but I digress. Carefully lowering my body 's top and displacing a pair of fried eggs (who left those there?) I carefully pushed a jam tart onto each of my nipples. Simple little thing like that felt soooo good.

Moving on, a victoria sponge fell into my hands somehow, shortly followed by my face. I can very much recommend the sticky goodness of the sponge for the skin, perhaps less so for the hair. Oh well. Do you like custard with your sponge? I do, so I carefully poured a couple of litres over my head

And finally, a nice chocolate gateaux found itself on my chair. I carefully peeled off my spaghetti knickers and took a seat, the kind of cushion a thong is made for. Somewhere around here I lost it and began smearing myself head to toe in cake and mess. I took my formerly white body off and my dress back on and smeared. And took my dress off and put my knickers back on and smeared. And took everything off and ... you get the idea


Photos you ask?

They were taken, I'll sort through them and upload the ones that don't make me look normal and that I'm happy with over the next couple of days, promise x


Any regrets I hear someone at the back ask?

Only that I didn't include any pies in my planning, but thats mainly so I could make the joke that "by the end this wasn't the only pie my fingers were in". Sorry Absolutely no regrets from this kinky lass


So what have I remembered and learnt?

- My prep skills are still there but I need to remember to hold my arms in when heading for the bathroom along my little path of plastic. Related, my landing carpet is great at withstanding stains!

- Cleaning up is still a major pita, especially as I kept wanting to jump back in As expected, its looking like I no longer have a white body, dress and knickers but rather that post-WAM orangey pink shade. Oh well The washing machine continues to battle as I type this ... so thoughts and prayers please

- Starting with a bad hair day wasn't great, my hair was definitely NOT happy with me afterwards lol

- Maybelline waterproof mascara is also custard proof, their eyeliner gel not so much

- But most importantly, I still absolutely love, love, love getting messy, it was such a wonderful feeling to be covered again

I'm back


anna
x