I was desperate for the job on the farm. It wasn't heavy work, if successful, I'd be responsible for taking orders, in the office. I'd had a really good interview, and had been invited back for a second one, and asked to bring details of references. It was all looking quite positive. I parked the car and started to walk along the track to the farm offices, clutching my reference paperwork. I had a little way to go, when suddenly, a freak gust of wind blew my vital document out of my hand! I watched in horror as it sailed away, over a fence, and landed on a huge soggy looking mound of earth. The enclosure it had landed in seemed to be some kind of disused pig sty or something. There was basically a sea of mud between me and my references!

I couldn't believe it. I had to get the piece of paper back! What I really needed to safely get to it was a pair of wellingtons, but I had on smart little black ballerina pumps and matching socks. Really not ideal footwear for going into a pigsty! The ground looked so wet and muddy. I thought about taking my shoes and socks off and rolling my trousers up to get across the mud. But I just couldn't handle the thought of going barefoot in that! Maybe I should just take my shoes off, tuck my trousers in my socks and walk through like that? But then what would I do? I'd get mud all over my socks and have to put my shoes back on afterwards! No, I decided to keep my shoes on and just pick my way carefully across the mud and try to stay as clean as possible. How hard could it be? If I did get a bit muddy it wouldn't be that obvious because my shoes, socks and trousers were black and the mud was pretty dark in colour! Well, I say my socks were black, they had really bright red contrasting heels and toes, but you couldn't see those with shoes on. I carefully opened the gate of the "sty" and walked into the area. I was praying that the piece of paper didn't blow further away!

I gingerly stepped into the mud and felt my smart little ballet pumps gently sinking, but it wasn't too bad. I was sure I could get across to retrieve the document without getting too dirty. I took each step very carefully, trying to tread lightly. I also had to make a conscious effort to not step out of my shoes because the mud was quite sticky and my shoes seemed to want to stay put in it! Once, my foot came right out of my shoe and I only just managed to not put my sock down into the mud! I was doing generally OK in my quest to retrieve the paper, I had a bit of mud up the sides of my shoes and that was about it! I was definitely going to get away with this. Or so I thought. Suddenly, without warning, the mud got a bit more volatile! I carefully placed my left foot down. When I went to take a step with my right foot, the left one quickly started to sink much deeper than before! Before I could do anything about it, my entire shoe had disappeared and I was in the mud halfway to my knee! As a reflex action I tried to compensate with my right foot and the same thing happened to that, and I kind of stumbled to keep my balance, and in doing so, neatly walked out of my ballet pumps and plunged into the ever deepening mud in my socks! I realised my shoes had come off when I caught a glimpse of the bright red toes of my socks just before they were engulfed by the thick mud! At this point, I suddenly found my rejected plan of getting into the mud in my socks in the first place, a good one. Doh!

In the blink of an eye, I'd gone from being in full control of the situation to being almost knee deep in mud in my socks! My first thought was to turn around and try to get my shoes out. It was hard to pull my feet out of the mud, although I didn't have to worry about keeping my shoes on, so that was, in a way, easier, if very strange-feeling, being in just my socks. Once I'd squelched around 180 degrees to face the direction I'd come from, I thought I could see two depressions in the surface of the mud, these were hopefully where I'd last stood in my shoes, so I was hoping I'd find said shoes in them!

I winced as I bent down, and put my hands into the mud and burrowed down. To my relief I found both shoes and pulled them out with loud squelching noises. They were covered with, and full of mud. As my socks were completely covered in mud, I didn't see any point putting them back on so I threw them to safety, over by the gate, where I'd entered the mud. It was much easier to move around in just socks!

I then realised that all I had to do was go and get the piece of paper. There was no point being careful anymore, I was filthy! So I just launched back into the mud (in my socks!) with gusto and splashed and squelched my way across. I was over my knees in it by the time I got there, but the paper was on a kind of muddy heap, quite high up. I had no choice but to kind of splodge up it on all fours, otherwise I'd have sank up to my waist I think!

Once I had the paper, it was just a case of escaping from the mud. I felt strangely calm about everything because it couldn't get any worse. I was totally filthy, covered in mud. I didn't have to worry about staying clean anymore! I can't pretend I didn't slightly enjoy squelching my feet around in the oozy mess and splashing it all over myself. I mean, we're always told dirt is bad, but from where I was standing, it seemed rather fun!

When I got out of the mud I tried to empty my shoes so that I could put them back on, but the mud was so oozy and thick that I didn't have much success. In the end I just pushed my feet into them and laughed as the mud overflowed out of them with a slopping noise!

I decided to just front up to the office and tell them what had happened, this seemed better than letting them down. It was a gamble, but I really wanted the job. I must have looked a right sight as I squelched along the track, slathered in mud! My muddy socks made loud burping sounds in my mud filled shoes!

My new colleagues were very amused by the incident, and still talk about it to this day. I got the job!