Imagine the scene. You're a secret wammer. You've just started chatting to someone here or another site about getting messy and you get to the stage where you're ready to show each other clean photos of yourselves. They send theirs first and you find out that it's someone you already know very well from someplace other than wam websites. (a friend of a friend or a work colleague for example) What would your reaction be? Would you run and hide? Would you try and bluff your way out of it? Would you reveal your true identity too and try and laugh it off? Has this situation ever happened to you? If so, how did you handle it?
Let me know what you would do.
P.S. This hasn't happened to me yet. I'm just asking out of curiosity
It hasn't happened to me, but I think the best approach is to be upfront about it: if they've revealed their identity to you, it's only fair for you to follow through on what you already promised and return the favour. After all, you already know that you have this interest in common, so it's not like broaching the topic to someone who's never heard of WAM.
"Wow, cool! I never knew you were a warmer! Don't worry, will keep private. Still on for a meetup?" is how I'd handle it. What difference does it make that they turn out not to be a stranger? Meeting people with similar tastes is usually cool regardless.
Interesting early replies. Most of them are if it's someone that you like or are on good terms with. WE could cover situations like if that person is someone you strongly dislike, or if it turns out to be a member of your own family (unlikely but could happen) or something like that. I honestly don't know how I would react. Part of me thinks I would log off and panic but then another part of me thinks that maybe I would unveil myself too. Saying that though, something along these lines did happen to me once. Several years ago I went on a date with a guy. We hit it off well and hoped it would have grown into something more. We even parted with a kiss. But life got in the way and we lost touch. But a year or so later, when I was researching messy stuff, I found that same guy on one of the many gunge sites around that time. I was surprised to see him there and a part of me thought that if we did hit it off, he could maybe have been my first messy experience, although it would've been interesting to see how we would've brought that subject up. Other than that though, I wasn't really all that phased to see him there.
ScotsPie said: Part of me thinks I would log off and panic
I don't get this reaction. It's not like you're mom is walking in on you. You had known each other previously IRL and online. But now you get the identities put together. I could totally see a spit take and a "no fucking way!" But then pull yourself back together, and do the damned thing.
I've often wondered what it would be like to schedule a hookup on a gay dating site, only to find it was a coworker.
There is one exception to this, and it's a little different.
See, I recruit actors for my videos, and I often post to craigslist. I've worried before that a coworker might respond. It's unlikely, but there's a non-0 chance it could happen. I use my business email when talking with potential actors, and my common name doesn't come up. So, unless I cast them, and we meet, they wouldn't know it was me. And I wouldn't cast them.
I actually had the opposite situation happen to me once. I recognized a guy in real life from his online messy videos - he was a bartender at a local bar. I didn't say anything because a) he was at work, and b) I didn't know how to bring up the topic in a non-awkward way. He moved on, and so did I, but I still wonder if I could have brought up the topic somehow. Maybe we could have gotten messy together.
If you guys already hit it off, what's the difference if it's someone you already know? I see it as a potential benefit. You already likely know their reputation and enough about them to know whether or not they're bullshitting in their online persona. If you don't abhor them IRL tell them who you are, and go see if something will work between you.
In my many experiences, I have found that owning it is THE BEST way around it... I used to hide it and I would often not talk to anyone outside of this website about it but I ask myself things like 'if I hadn't opened up would I have shot Right in the Cakes?' or 'how much MORE anxiety would I have from hiding it?' and I always find that I feel better about opening up. The MIX performance I did with a live gunging in front of hundreds REALLY opened me and others in the community up to discussions. It led to me talking about it on TV... it led to me meeting many others who weren't necessarily into it but with a little nudge from the adventurous conversation opened up to trying it and usually, they end up at least having fun. Something about talking about it with your closest friends around the fire in a scenario sans judgement is quite enjoyable..
While there is a HUGE bucket of discretion that comes along with having a fetish like this in your life you can trust that opening up to the right people will usually lead to a good time. ESPECIALLY now that places like Recon are opening up the fetish world so that they don't pigeonhole the fetish into just pee and leather. Stigma is wrapped around EVERYTHING but who the fuck cares what naysayers have to say... if you encounter someone who has an issue then just tell them to fuck off and move on.
It's never happened to me (yet), but I think I would jump at the chance to reveal my kink to somebody else who shared it. Why? First of all, it's a totally harmless fetish, and it's not illegal anywhere that I know of. The main reservation I always have toward revealing that I'm into WAM is the possibility of a negative reaction, but that should not happen from someone else who's also into it. And since that person already was brave and trusting enough to send me a photo, it's only fair that I would do the same. I think it would be extremely liberating to be able to talk to somebody I know about something I've kept secret from virtually everybody I know.
Considering that you've already both revealed your similar fetish, I don't see any problem in 'the big reveal.' As others have noted, there's nothing illegal going on, everything is mutual, and cleanup can still be a bitch. My only hesitancy would be hooking up with a supervisor/boss in my workplace - office relationships can be very tricky, and even being fairly friendly can lead to some awkward 'Yeah, but I'm still your boss' situations.
And no, I've never seen anyone I know on any of the gunge sites, but I thought it could be fun as the flight attendant is leaning over with my drink to ask 'Do the initials UMD mean anything to you?'