Hello, Jessie write a letter to let you know what is happening. I think it was quite hard for her to do, but she feels it's an important thing to do.

Here it is:

Firstly, I do not want sympathy. I just ask for understanding that I need time away to recover.
After suffering a nervous breakdown recently, I have had to admit that I am suffering with severe depression (the words of the doctor). I have suffered with depression for most of my life and been medicated until a couple of years ago. After having my daughter physiological changes in my body meant I could no longer take the medication I was on for several years. This was really bad for me as it was the only medication that really worked. But at this point, I felt that my problems were manageable and I would be fine without them.
However after the relationship breakdown with Matt who built and ran the site with me for 7 years, everything changed and it could have been better but then I met Monkey. He pretty much ruined my life and spent 18 months supporting an abusive alcoholic. Leaving him was the best thing, but also turned my life totally upside down. I was homeless, didnt know where my daughter was going to go to school and was alone for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry for all of the information, I just want to put things into perspective.
I decided to start doing private sessions to generate enough money to get a new house for myself and my children. I was refused a bank loan but needed a couple grand for a deposit and new furniture. I was able to get the money together in a few months while I was staying at my mums. So to you guys that have had sessions with me, thank you so much for allowing me to get a place and continue the website.

However, when I moved in it was too late to apply for a local school and my daughter had to live with her dad in another town. It was only meant to be temporary, but it broke my heart. I threw myself into filming and sessions Monday to Friday and did it all on my own. Trying desperately to make ends meet without asking for help and pay off some debts along the way.
But as the months went by, it was clear that my daughter was not going to get a place at a school near me. So I only see her weekends. Working all week and spending weekends with my children meant no social life.
Now, her father wont let her move school so we are separated by 50 miles and I dont drive. I also found out around that time that I cant have anymore children. I didnt tell anyone what was going on or what it was doing to me as didnt even want to admit it to myself as it hurt way too much.

Running the site on my own, clients messaging me 24/7, no time off, the children, my son starting high school, making rent, bills, debts, at home all day everyday, alone. No one to support me, trying to prove that I can do it all on my own. It has all taken its toll.
I am now on new meds and looking forward to them to kick in. And my mum and a couple of friends are checking on me daily.

All of you guys are wonderful and I have a lot to be thankful for. But I often feel like I am being hounded and it has become too much for me to cope with lately. So I will be taking a break as August 15th. At this point I dont know what I will do regarding the site. I certainly wont be conducting sessions or taking on any custom requests. Or filming.
I am giving up the house and staying with my mum for a while so I can get better. I want to take this opportunity to offer private sessions on the following dates before I bring them to an end.
15th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 24th, 28th, 29th, 30th, 31st July and 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 12th, 13th, 14th and 15th August.

Amanda will keep an eye on emails for me over the weekend, and will be taking bookings for me.
Sorry to be so boring with all the information. After 9 years here and meeting so many amazing people, I just wanted you to know that I love you and appreciate you all. I just need time to recover and reassess everything.

Thank you so much for reading. I love you all,

Jessie

I will be around today, but only until 4 and then not back until Monday morning.
Amanda
www.messy-jessie.com

That's so sad to hear, depression is horrible plus all your other ongoing stuff I hope it gets better for you.

Not sure what to add to all that, apart from take as long as you need to recover Jessie and I sincerely hope everything works out for you. And thank you for your honesty in explaining all this and by implication your trust in all of us in doing so.

Ive fortunately never been depressed, but certainly know something about anxiety (my Dads death in December 2010 sparked off some pretty unpleasant side-effects which resulted in my seeing a therapist every week for two years) and so am aware that recovery from anything like this can be a long, winding and very slow process - I hope no one who reads your post is thinking, even if they mean well, that A few weeks at your Mums and youll be right as rain, wamming again before you know it! as theyd be seriously missing the point. I must admit I did sometimes wonder how you coped with everything, based on the little glimpses youve given into your circumstances over the years, so I guess now have the answer although suffice to say I really wish it was a happier one.

As you rightly say, youve no idea right now whats going to happen with the site long-term but, as Im sure I wont be the only one to say, that should be the least of your concerns at the moment so please dont give it another thought.

Take care of youself.

When so many models flake out for absolutely BS reasons it's sad to see such a nice person having such a legitimately hard time. Mental and physical health should take priority in a situation like this. Thank you Amanda for helping out and letting the community know what's going on. Please let Jessie know we miss her but of course understand that she needs to take as much time as she needs to recover.

Thanks so much for sharing all that. I think you're really brave to have done all you've done on your own for so long, but I think you're absolutely doing the right thing by stepping back. I'm sure getting better will take time, but all the same I hope everything works out.

I've had two fantastic sessions with you and enjoyed so many videos and pictures, so whether you return to WAM or not, thanks for the memories.

Again Jessie.

Get well soon and all the best.

I also suffer from depression and know it's not a easy thing to cope with.

STAY STRONG HUNNY XXX

I hope all will go well for you in the future, Jessie. Your presence here will be missed, and certainly if at some later time you are able to return, I'm sure you will be warmly welcomed.

Oh jessie I am sorry to hear this. Big respect to you for trusthing us to with this info. I am sure I speak for many people when I say take the time to foucas on yourself. We are all here for you. Take care and all the best. Xx

Take as long as you need Jessie. Sadly I know first hand how much depression sucks, hope the new medication works for ya and things start coming good real soon.

that is so much to take on, emotionally and physically for one person! us girls have tried to take on ALL of everything and it CAN drive you to that. especially with kiddos. REST. take the time you need and we will anxiously be awaiting you to come back! get better. i have seen so many people, including myself (not to that degree) battle with that....and TIME is all you can give yourself to get better. i agree with leila .thank you for being a good enough person to not just flake out and only get on here to let everyone know whats up AFTER you have been gone forever. you are a strong ass woman! remind yourself of that!

Take care Jessie i no first hand with suffering depression but would never be able to come close to what your going through

hope to see you back around here one day soon

Gav

There are a huge number of different antidepressants, unfortunately finding the right one for you is a case of trial and error. Your GP should be able to refer you to someone who knows more about this then they do cos in reality GP's on the whole know very little compared to community mental health teams.

Further to that, antidepressants can are are used in combinations so that adds a whole new level to the trail and error process.

Hate to sound negative but don't get your hopes up too much about the possibility of the new meds helping you as it can take weeks for them to start having an effect and that's only going to happen if the drug is one that suits you.

I hope it all turns out well for you in the end and as things are I'm not sure sure if doing a final few weeks of sessions would be of benefit. Financially, there's plenty of help available from the (spits) job centre as wells as from citizens advice bureau, who'll also be able to help with your debts.

Hi Jessie & Amanda

So strong of you to share this with us all and hats off to you for being so open and honest

Really hope the meds help you to focus and make the right decision that will make you happy.

I know how hard things have been for you and you know you've support and backing

Take your time, get into a good place and start to enjoy life again.

You are a truly wonderful lady who I've become very attached to and will always do what i can to help and support you

Jason x

Wow, Jessie; thank you so much for sharing all of that! You've been through much more than most people would be able to handle, and since you've had clinical depression in the past, it would have to be impossible to cope with all that's gone on in the last few years.

Rest and take care of yourself. Get whatever medical attention and medications that you need to get you on the path to wellness. We will miss you, but I'm sure everyone on here wants what's best for you. So don't even think about the UMD. Somewhere down the road, if you're feeling better and life is running more smoothly, we'd certainly love to see you back. But if not, your mental and physical health comes first.

Amanda, thanks for helping Jessie out with the site and correspondence! Maybe somewhere down the road you can pop on and let us know how Jessie is doing.

Jessie, I'll be praying for you!

Norman

I really hope you get well in the future Jessie! Just do what you can

Good luck Jessie and take care. Hope everything works out for you.

I hope that you will heal soon and come back better than this...
...I don't know you but I will pray for you.

Take your time and heal yourself first, Jessie. Then you'll have a better foundation on which to make decisions regarding the future. Not just your future here but in all aspects of your life.
You are in all our thoughts and we will all accept whatever direction your new life takes.

Good luck, Jessie, and hoping things start going better for you very soon.

Based on what you've courageously shared of yourself with us over the past 9 years, you are a good person with a fantastic personality and a terrific sense of humor, who has had to put up with her overly fair share of difficult and troublesome situations as well as just plain crap circumstances, yet through it all we've seen you persevere.

You've become a mainstay around the community as one of the nicest and friendliest people to not only work with, but just plain engage and interact with.

Your reputation is beyond reproach as a producer and your abilities as a model to convey both vivacity and verve are straight up outstanding. A beautiful soul in both body and spirit.

I say all this not to flatter or cajole you in a time of personal reflection but rather to inform you so that you'll know you are appreciated and respected.

Please, take all the time you need to get back to who you are and where you want to be. We'll all be here when/if you decide to return.

Hi Jessica,

As I am currently undergoing treatment for depression too, my heart goes out to you.

Maybe it's the universe telling you to slow down and take stock of your life. You definitely need time to yourself, and I hope that life will improve for you very soon.

Thanks for explaining your situation with us, you rock!

Stay strong!!! I also truly hope everything will work out for you... sooner than you imagine.....xoxo

Jessie
Take as much time as you need.Your are very brave.I had a brief relationship.However i got told splosh was silly and not really a fetish.Slowly i was ground down and belittled by her .I'm back single now , i nearly through away my business because of her.l can understand what you have been through.I could not see the point of things .Take care.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding. I know it may have been a little too much information, but I do feel that I have an obligation to you here on the UMD. I have been a part of this communtiy for 9 years and met some wonderful people. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to build up such an amazing business that allows me to do what I love.
Without you, there would be no Messy-Jessie. So that is why I have been so open, and we are all humans after all and we all suffer and sometimes it's really good to share.
I am taking things slowly, I am doing really well today as last week I couldn't even string a sentence together. It is a daily struggle and a few people I know are going through similar struggles. In fact a scary amount of close friends are going through really hard times right now. You push people away because you're too scared to deal with everything, even though those people are the ones you should keep closest to you. It's hard to be there for them when you are in such a dark place. But hopefully we can all find the light at the end of the tunnel if we hold hands and fumble our way forward.

I am limiting myself to one hour a day on here as part of my recovery routing strategy. I think my hour is up for today. But I just want each of you to know that you are amazing and your kindness means the world to me.

Thank you again for everything,
Jessie

Best of luck with everything Jessie, I hope you are 100% in no time. You're the best model I ever worked with, and you seem like a great person as well, so it was hard reading about all the crap you've been through. I am sure you will recover in style though, I can't imagine anything getting you down for long!

Hi Jessie,
I'm so sorry to hear of your problems. I wish you the best because you are the best! Just get well and look after yourself, don't worry about UMD or anything else other than yourself and your family. We are here for you whenever!
Mike X